31. Kestrel
Kestrel
Istare at the little cabin that has the bunker beneath it, almost amused to be in a place that feels like what I imagine a home would feel like if I ever had one. I bite my bottom lip and try really hard not to smile, but all of my alters are breathing a sigh of relief right now.
This is our home away from home.
The first place we’ve felt safe.
We are absolutely not telling these grumpy ass alphas any of that information.
King pauses beside me, his eyes intent on the side of my face. I wait for him to say something nasty, but he doesn’t.
“Do you like potatoes and sausages?”
His question is soft, and I almost think he’s talking to someone else.
“Is there gravy?” I say with a hopeful smile. I feel like I’m trying to tame a wild bird. These alphas are so flighty.
“There can be.”
I shrug and smile. “Then I love it.”
“I am sorry that I didn’t trust you.”
I follow him to the cabin and slip inside when he holds the door.
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because I thought maybe you wouldn’t let her come back, and she would be gone forever.”
I swallow hard. Ouch. That kinda hurts. “You really care about her, don’t you?”
“Merle is the most beautiful omega I’ve ever met. She’s soft and gentle, vulnerable. She’s strong, too, smart, she’s cute and funny.”
“Everything an omega should be?” I say quietly, watching his face.
“No, everything that is opposite of me. She makes me feel important and special. Even though Blaze is more skilled, and Sage is well, Sage. Rolly is like a fire burning out of control, most people don’t see me until I start fighting. Then, they fear me. But she saw me, and she wasn’t afraid.”
Who did I see first?
All of them. Each one different and strong. I saw King’s intelligence. Rolly’s vulnerability. Pix’s pain. Blaze’s cracks, and I saw the ruthless precision that Sage was hiding.
Roseland…well, he’s a whole other story, but the hope he looked at me with was disturbing.
I wander through the underground bunker, exploring it like it’s the first time.
I find the room that Merle spent all of her time in.
A prison cell that was all self-inflicted because there were never locks on the doors.
No one was stationed to stop her. It was the nightmares in her mind that kept her curled up on the floor.
It’s bigger than I realised, the luxurious blankets and pillows are piled high on the bed, and from under the pillow, I catch a glimpse of silver.
Her nest.
I creep into the room and push the pillow aside, picking up a shiny silver spoon.
“Do you think an omega like me would have a heat?” I ask to the alpha shadowing me. His scent teases my senses.
“I don’t know,” Sage says. He walks in and stands beside me.
“I don’t know who would have it or if we all would. Maybe we’re too broken. We feel it sometimes, but it never stays, it never turns into anything but a flash burn that is there and gone.”
“Something horrible happened to you, and you survived. You don’t need a heat to be an omega. Whether you have one or not is irrelevant.”
“That’s very kind of you to say, Sage. I feel like we could almost be friends.” It’s no fun teasing him when he just stares at me with such a somber expression.
“It’s not kind, it’s the truth.”
I go to toss the spoon down, but Merle makes a sound of protest. I hesitate and then place it back and return the pillow gently over her hoard.
“Why does she collect silver things?”
Memories push into my head, a shed that never sees daylight, the dirt under our bare feet. Chains on the doors that rattle in the wind or when he comes. The perpetual dark that was scary but became safety.
“We lived in a dark place. There was dirt and occasionally metal things that we would find: bottle tops, glass fragments, screws. She liked the way they shone, and she would take them all and gather them up into small piles. It was so funny, this one time when Robin-”
I stop, the blood draining from my head. The name echoes and echoes. The room spins and twists, my head aches, and then it’s all gone.
“Kestrel?”
I blink and put a hand to my head. “Sorry, that was a quick change. I, um, don’t know what happened. Uh, what were we talking about?”
Sage glances around, holds out his hand. “Shall we go eat?”
“Sure,” I say, but when I look back at the bed, I’m confused that I feel sick. I shake it off and follow the alpha away from whatever upset me enough that one of us came and stole the memory away.
I follow him out to the kitchen and pull myself up onto the counter, swinging my legs as I watch Sage confidently prowl around his kitchen.
“You smile too much, but when you forget there are people watching, you have a fierce glare.” I tell him my observations without bias, just simply stating facts.
“Perhaps I am simply annoyed that I don't have anyone to maim.”
I throw my head back, laughing. “Nah, I don’t think so.
You have deep, unhappy thoughts. What goes on in your brain, Sage Prince?
You’re the older cousin, word on the street is that you are a trained killer.
That from the time you were a child, you were kept on a leash, learning to be an attack dog. Is that true?”
His shoulders have relaxed, and his body is deceptively still.
“And where did you get that information from, Miss I’m Just Another Alter?”
I lean back, closing my eyes, making myself vulnerable. “Maybe I recognise the way you move. Maybe I can see the way you scan a room, the way your eyes linger on things that could be considered weapons. Frying pan, glass, the serving spoon.”
He has moved closer, but I can’t tell how close until he speaks right between my legs, his mouth almost pressed to mine. “The corner of the island, the sink, the bleach.”
I smile, still refusing to open my eyes.
“Who trained you how to kill, Omega?” his lip grazes mine, just a hint of pressure that sends slithers of excitement through me. “Give me a name.”
“Does the dog ever know the name of its master?”
“Is he still your master?” Sage growls.
“I don’t have a master anymore. I bit through my leg, I’m free.” My skin crawls, and I look away, a burn of shame making me unable to look at him. “But maimed now.”
His hand shackles my throat. “Look at me.”
I lift my gaze to his.
“You aren’t broken or maimed, you are transformed.” His gaze burns into mine, green eyes that I’ll remember forever. “Are you going to wear my chain, then?”
“Only if you wear mine.” I murmur back and tilt my jaw, dragging my bottom lip up so I capture his upper lip. I graze my teeth over his soft skin and flick my tongue out, stroking along his teeth, tasting him.
His fingers tighten enough to cut off my air then loosen, he pulls away, and I open my eyes, looking into his steely green gaze.
“Don’t betray us, Kestrel. I don’t forgive.”
I exhale softly. “Neither do I, Killer.”
Sage smiles and reaches out, I don’t tense, but he just brushes my hair behind my ear, searches my eyes for the answer to some question that he hasn’t spoken. I don’t know if he finds it. He turns away, leaving me wondering and off-center.
I know that whatever I was searching for was left unanswered. Can I trust him? I still have no idea. Merle says we can, but the rest of us are uncertain.
He moves through the kitchen, cooking with precise movements that waste little energy. He’s not flamboyant, though his smile pretends he is. Everything he does is calculated and precise.
Does Merle know who these alphas even are?
Does she realise the danger that we’re all in?
Does she thrive in it the way the rest of us are? Perhaps Merle is just as dark.
I chuckle to myself as I slide off the bench, ignoring the way Sage’s eyes follow me as I sashay out of the kitchen. Blaze is swinging his sword around, looking incredibly attractive, but I don’t stay. I’m on a mission.
Well, kind of a mission.
I find my target sitting in the gym, staring blankly at the wall.
“Is it that painful to have us here?”
He flicks his gaze towards me and shakes his head. “No, it’s just that not having her here is painful.”
I consider the way he says it, low, gruff, like he’s actually hurting. He doesn’t make a move towards me, so I slip in and climb up on the all-in-one trainer, laying across the top of it and staring at his face in the mirror. He watches me like the good little predator he is.
“Do you hate me, King?”
He shakes his head, and I believe him.
I turn my head and catch sight of Roseland standing in the doorway, watching us. He doesn’t come in. He just waits there, then turns and walks away.
My amusement level climbs. Everyone wants a piece of me, and there’s plenty to go around.
I swing down and go and straddle the bench so I’m facing King. He could reach out and place those massive hands around my throat and squeeze until it’s broken, he could lash out and break my bones.
He doesn’t move, he just watches me, and I can see him trying to figure out what my game is.
I have a good game for him.
I have something he wants.
“Tell me about yourself, King. Your brother is Cyn, right? You're younger?”
“Yes.”
“What was it like growing up in his shadow?”
“It was nothing. No one paid me attention. I wasn’t important.”
I frown and lean closer, peering into his face. “So, they didn’t see you. No one saw you?”
“No.”
“But someone tried to hurt you, and that’s when you started hurting them back, wasn’t it? Was it Cyn? Your parents?”
King’s jaw works. “My tutor.”
“What happened?” I ask, ignoring my instincts telling me to back off.
“He tried to take something I wasn’t willing to give. So, I killed him. My parents covered it up. They didn’t care what had happened or what my excuse was. It was just annoying to them that they needed to deal with it.”
I stare at him. “What were you afraid of as a child, Alpha?”
“I was afraid that everyone would forget my name, and I would disappear into the dark, and no one would remember that I was here. So, I started hitting. It’s hard to ignore someone when they leave trails of blood wherever they go.”
I put a hand on his. “I see you.”
Something in his eyes flickers.
“Not her. Me. I see you, King. I see your pain; I see your anger. I wouldn’t be able to forget you.”
When he inhales, his entire chest inflates. He’s off-center, falling and tripping, confused over my behavior.
“I wish we’d met first,” I whisper, surprising myself with how much I mean it.
He frowns and turns his hand over, wrapping those huge fingers around mine. Such a gentle gesture, one that touches me deeply. Too deeply. It hurts to swallow.
“Kest-”
“I’m afraid that they will not need me anymore and that I will fade away, merge with one of the other alters and be gone. They will forget my name, forget what I did to keep us alive. They will forget me,” I say the words, pushing them out fast so he can’t interrupt me.
“Kest,” King murmurs and leans forward, kissing me hard.
For a long moment, all I can do is fear I’ve gone insane and fallen into a hallucination, but the feel of his warm lips moving over mine breaks the spell.
I’m stunned, lifting my hands, unsure what to do with them, then I’m kissing him back with everything I am because I could love this alpha.
I could love him with all my broken and scared pieces.
He has no idea how perfect he is for me, and that hurts worse than any blade I’ve ever felt.
His lips soften, teasing mine, his hands hold the sides of my head, but I’m not scared. When he pulls back, I lift my hands to his and stare at him.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, genuinely meaning it. “For scaring you. Let me make it up to you.”
King frowns, those beautiful blue-green eyes shine like diamonds, and wintergreen and alcohol fills my lungs.
“How?” King asks gruffly.
I smile at him, blinking through the tears. “By leaving.”
“Kest-”
But it’s too late. I’m gone.