Chapter 20
20
ALLEGRA
E ven safely curled up on Coen’s couch, wrapped in his soft sweatpants and T-shirt, after a long, hot shower, I can’t stop shaking. My entire body trembles violently, and I pull my feet up onto the leather and wrap my arms around my knees, trying to control it.
Coen slides his hand onto my thigh, trying to give me some strength and encouragement for what I’m about to do.
What I have to do.
It’s time to come clean about everything—finally.
And I have to do it with an audience…
Savage, Gabe, Stone, and Luca all sit around Coen’s living room, each watching me and waiting for me to start with my formal confession.
As soon as I told Coen the truth in the limo, I broke down so completely that I couldn’t get another word out, and he seemed to realize that trying to question me would have been fruitless at that point.
It felt like I sobbed the whole way here and during the shower Coen insisted I take while he was right there, holding me through the continued tears and panic.
Instead of running from my truth, this time, he seems intent on listening—and ensured the people who needed to know most would be here to hear it all, too.
Coen squeezes my leg. “I want you to tell them exactly what you told me…”
I glance over at him, and he offers me an encouraging smile that warms his eyes.
This entire time, I thought telling him the truth, finally putting it all out there, would be the end of things, but instead, it feels like the beginning of something bigger, something stronger, something truly powerful.
I release a heavy sigh, then look at the Hawke men waiting not so patiently across from us.
All they know is that Coen called and said they need to come over right away.
They’re in for a real surprise…
And not a good one.
I shift uncomfortably under the scrutiny. “Well”—I swallow through my suddenly dry throat—“Damiano Satriano is my father.”
You could hear a pin drop.
It’s so silent that I might have thought they hadn’t heard me, save for the tensing of Gabe’s jaw, the dark flash across Luca’s gaze, and the look Savage and Stone exchange.
I don’t know what I expected.
Gasps?
Recoiling?
Not this…silence.
It sends another shiver through me, and Coen brushes his lips against my temple.
“Keep going. Tell us everything.”
Everything.
Where do I even start?
At the beginning.
“He’s my biological father, but I didn’t even meet him until I was twelve…”
Coen brushes his thumb over my thigh gently, the soft material shifting under his light caress. “When your mom died?”
I nod, and all those painful memories rush back.
That police officer coming to the school to tell me there’d been a car accident…
Telling me she was gone…
Realizing I was completely alone in the world…
“I didn’t even know he existed. Mom had never really told me anything about my father, and I honestly never asked. We were a team. Best friends.” I shrug, tears pooling in my eyes. “I never felt like I was missing anything by not knowing who he was or having a relationship with him. The state was prepared to put me into foster care when this man just…showed up.”
Savage leans forward slightly, listening intently. “Where were you living at the time?”
“Near Olympia, Washington.”
He bobs his head slowly, as if he’s processing the information. “Remote?”
I nod. “I didn’t realize until much later that the places my mom was choosing were very deliberate.”
Gabe leans back in his chair, crossing an ankle over his knee. “She was hiding from him…”
It seems so obvious now, looking back on it as an adult with all the information.
Constantly moving.
Homeschooling.
Living in remote areas with tiny populations.
Keeping to ourselves as much as possible.
She was protecting me.
“I didn’t know that when I met him. He wasn’t the man you all know to me.”
Coen and the rest of the Hawkes give me skeptical looks, and I can’t really blame them.
“He appeared at the social worker’s office and squatted in front of me with so much kindness in his eyes, so much affection, that I instantly felt at ease with him. And he told me he was my father.” I release a little mirthless laugh. “I thought he must be lying. But then he pulled out a picture of him and my mom from years earlier, and he explained that they had met when she was backpacking through Europe and had been together. He said he had been searching for her for years…”
Gabe narrows his eyes on me. “Was any of that true?”
“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I mean, I saw photos of them together that prove they did meet when my mom was in Europe and were together for at least a couple of months, given the dates on the pictures. I don’t think she realized who or what he was at that point. He was already in hiding. Everyone believed his brother had killed him. He was living under a different name.” I shrug. “He was just a handsome, charming Italian man she met and fell in love with before she decided it was time to pack up and move on.”
Stone’s gaze flicks from me to Coen, then back to me. “Did she know she was pregnant when she left?”
That’s what I’ve been asking myself for years.
Why did she leave him?
“I think she must have. He always described her leaving as very abrupt and without warning. There one day and gone the next.”
I wince at my description and turn my eyes to the man seated beside me.
That’s what I did to him.
We spent a wonderful night together, and I just left.
I can’t imagine what that felt like for Coen.
He squeezes my leg again, as if he can read my thoughts and is telling me it’s okay, even when it never really will be.
Luca, who has remained silent thus far, meets my gaze as I force myself to continue.
“I think she found out who he was and hid the pregnancy from him intentionally. It’s the only thing that explains her rapid departure and the way we lived once I was born. She had to have known…”
Stone spins the head of his cane in his hand. “So, what happened when your father came for you?”
“They let him take me, so whatever evidence he provided was sufficient for the courts, though if it hadn’t been, I don’t think that would’ve stopped him. He packed me up on a private jet and flew me to a remote villa in the Alps.” I huff out a laugh, remembering the sheer awe I felt walking onto that plane and then riding in a fancy car up to a massive house filled with beautiful, extravagant things. “I realized he lived a very different lifestyle than the one Mom and I had. He told me his real name once we were there, not the one he used when he picked me up. And he told me why he was hiding—or at least, a very sanitized version. He explained why it was so important to never tell anyone who he is or where he was. It wasn’t until I was sixteen or seventeen that I realized what he was…”
Even now, when I’m furious with him and terrified of what he’ll do when he gets ahold of me, I can’t bring myself to call him what he is—a mobster. A killer. A violent man capable of horrific things.
Luca nods slowly, running a hand across his stubbled jaw. “Because you’d been away at boarding schools?”
I nod, surprised he said anything given his silence thus far. “He did it for my safety, I think, because he worried having me with him would be just a way to get to him. He didn’t hide my name either because there was no reason to. I had no connection to him. As far as anyone was concerned, he was dead, and I was just some random girl.”
Coen pulls his hand off my thigh and tugs my arms from around my legs so he can twine his fingers with mine.
I stare at our connected hands.
How tightly he clutches mine.
It’s still hard to understand how this happened when only this morning, it seemed impossible, but Coen Hawke is back to being my rock, and he’s still trying to stop my spiral even when I’m telling them things that should make them all despise me even more.
He squeezes my hand. “So, what happened when you were sixteen?”
A shudder rolls through me, goosebumps pebbling on my arms as I clench my eyes closed against the vision that flashes before them.
It’s the last thing I want to relive.
But they have to know everything if I have any hope of a future with Coen—and right now, that’s all I want.
I breathe through the nausea roiling my stomach and hold Coen’s gaze. “I saw him shoot someone point blank, and he didn’t even flinch.”
“Jesus Christ…” Coen tugs me closer to him, then easily scoops me into his arms to settle me in his lap, apparently not giving a shit that his father and uncles are sitting here with us.
I bury my face against his neck, absorbing his strength and breathing in that scent I’ve become so addicted to.
“I’m so sorry you had to see that.”
“Did he know you saw him?” Luca’s cool, calm voice draws my head back, and I meet his questioning gaze.
“Not then, but eventually, he did because I was a really shitty actress and I wasn’t very good at concealing how uncomfortable I was around him and his men.”
Coen rubs his hand up and down my back. “So, what did he do?”
“He told me everything about his brother, about the way he grew up and how awful their father was. He told me that no matter what I may have seen him do, he would never hurt me. And he never has.” I meet each and every one of their gazes to ensure they’re paying attention. “That’s something I need all of you to know.” My heart clenches tightly as I struggle to say the words when they sound so hollow to these people. “He was a good dad to me. He took care of me. He loved me. He did all the things with me that dads do with their kids. I didn’t really understand how different everything was until much later. He kept me insulated. I never saw that violent side with my own eyes again, but I knew it was there. And the older I got, the more I began to pick up bits and pieces of conversations, information left out on desks and counters…”
It was how I began to understand how vast his “business” really was.
And I got a taste of what running an empire required.
Hard lines being drawn.
Rules in place.
Consequences for stepping out of line or failing.
It became almost normal for me after so many years surrounded by it.
Gabe’s lips twitch slightly as he looks between Coen and me. “Who taught you how to play poker?”
I can’t stop my grin at his question. “My dad’s head bodyguard. He was quite the shark.”
Coen squeezes me and kisses my neck. “So are you.”
Is that a compliment?
My eyes naturally drift to Luca, who made the comment about swimming with sharks when there was already blood in the water at dinner. But instead of finding that same hard, dark glare he gave me that night, now he looks almost pleased.
Like his distrust was vindicated.
I give him a tight smile.
He nods toward me. “And how did you end up playing against Coen?”
My gut immediately tightens painfully, and I must flinch because Coen tightens his grip on me and feathers his lips over my ear.
“It’s okay. We need to know everything…”
His reassurance helps me try to figure out where to start.
“Well, after I graduated from college without really any idea what I wanted to do, I was kind of drifting. Traveling and partying with people who weren’t really my friends, just leeches who took advantage of the fact that I had a basically unlimited cash flow thanks to Dad and my skills at the tables. It was Dad’s idea that I come work for him.”
Savage clenches his jaw. “Did you want to?”
As a father to a daughter only a handful of years older than me, I can imagine how this looks.
And it isn’t good.
“I know what you all think, but he never asked me to do anything but play cards and distract other players. Occasionally chat them up to get information.”
Coen tenses slightly under me, and I know he’s wondering what I might have told Dad about anything he revealed to me.
The fact that he has to even wonder that makes acid crawl up my throat.
So does the fact that all the men in this room—including the one whose lap I sit on, wrapped in his strong arms—believe I was also sleeping with at least some of them.
I shift in Coen’s hold so I can face him fully because what I’m about to say is for him, not for the other Hawkes. Taking his face in my hands, I brush a thumb across his jaw, rough with stubble I would love to feel abrading my thighs. “I never slept with anyone connected to my father’s business dealings or requests. Ever.”
Until I met you.
There isn’t any need to tack on that confession. I can see in Coen’s warm blue eyes that he understands that this has been different from day one.
* * *
COEN
For the first time since we met, I look into Allegra’s eyes and can honestly say I know with one hundred percent certainty that there’s nothing else she’s holding back.
What happened between us had nothing to do with her father.
It had everything to do with this pull neither of us can seem to escape.
We hold each other’s gazes for what feels like an eternity, and it must be because, eventually, Savage clears his throat.
Allegra reluctantly drags her eyes from mine, and Savage inclines his head toward me.
“And how did this start?”
This.
I knew we would get to this point eventually, where she would have to explain how and why her father sent her to me, and it isn’t anything I haven’t already told them after Vegas. But that conversation was cut short, and tonight it seems like Allegra has a lot more to say.
Through the lens of knowing Satriano is her father, it makes everything that’s happened appear in a new light—nothing hidden in the shadows.
Allegra resettles against me, and I can feel the tension vibrating through her body.
She’s already done so well.
Opened up completely and held nothing back.
I twine my fingers with hers to offer the only support I can right now.
She’s silent for a moment, like she has to think about it. “He has talked about the Hawkes for a long time, since his brother’s death. And when Coen’s debt came to him, he knew he could use him as leverage.”
It’s impossible not to cringe hearing myself referred to like that.
Leverage.
That’s all I am to Satriano.
A way to strong-arm our business and further build his empire.
Allegra presses her hand over my chest, directly over my heart, as if she can sense that I so desperately need it at the moment. “He needed to be sure Coen could and would still play and couldn’t be easily taken off his game.”
At that, I slide my hand around and cup her ass. “I failed at that…”
She grins. “Yeah, you did. But you played well, and you paid it all back.”
The humor fades instantly at the reminder. “Not all of it.”
Savage nods his agreement. “I appreciate your honesty and what you did for us today, Allegra, but Coen is right. Your father is still going to come for the debt he believes must be repaid, and now, he’s also going to come for you.”
For some reason, hearing Savage say the thing we already know somehow makes it ten times worse—like speaking those words will ensure they come true. As if they wouldn’t have if we had all pretended it wasn’t going to happen.
I wrap my arms around Allegra protectively, tugging her against my chest and kissing her softly, trying to stop the uncontrollable trembling that seems to have returned with Savage’s warning.
Her light jasmine scent swallows me as I lose myself in the kiss, in the feel of her in my arms.
It’s still hard to wrap my head around the fact that she’s here with me, that the bridge I thought had been burned between us has somehow found a way to mend itself.
And it’s all because she had the strength to take a stand against her father.
Confessing all of this must be beyond difficult, revealing her painful family history to people who despise one of the most important people in her life. But she’s done it with an open heart.
By the time she finally pulls away from the kiss, Savage, Gabe, Dad, and Luca are all looking anywhere but at us and the display of affection that may have slightly crossed the line between inappropriate and full-on mouth fucking.
Allegra leans into me but turns her head to face Savage. “He will come for me, but I want to make something clear—my father would never hurt me. Not physically. No matter how angry he might be.” The truth resonates in her strong words, and I know she firmly believes what she’s saying, even if we can’t. “Now, will he lock me up in some ivory tower somewhere with a dozen guards to ensure I can’t leave and get into any other trouble, to ensure that he can control what I do with my life? That’s another story and well within the realm of what he might attempt.”
Gabe shakes his head. “We won’t let that happen.”
Dad nods his agreement. “Absolutely fucking not.”
Allegra looks at each of them, playing with the hem of my T-shirt to keep her nervous trembling at a minimum. “You can’t make me that promise.”
Savage nods. “Yes, we can. You’re helping us, which means we will protect you. But we need as much information about him and his plans as you can give us.”
Because everything has been an uphill battle where Satriano is concerned.
From the day “Damon” first appeared, the lives of the Hawkes have been like hamsters running on a wheel, trying to get one step ahead of him. And we have always failed.
Even the tiniest thing Allegra could offer might make all the difference.
I press a kiss against her temple. “Please, anything you can tell us. You never know what might be important, what might turn the tide.”
She trembles in my arms, and I tug her against my chest, giving her a minute to compose herself again. I lock eyes with Dad, Savage, Gabe, and finally Luca, holding his extra-long to get my point across.
They need to give her time.
If they push her too hard, I’ll end this right here and now.
No one pushes back.
They all understand what she’s going through, how she’s being torn in two, being asked to further betray her father—who she so clearly loves—for us.
She’s already proven that she’s a better person than her genes would suggest. Maybe that’s her mother’s influence from before Satriano got his hands on her. Or maybe that’s just Allegra.
A complicated woman who has kept me on my toes and will continue to for as long as I have her.
The word forever flashes through my head, but I quickly push it away.
This isn’t the time to think about crazy things like that.
Allegra pulls away from me, tears stain her cheeks, and I swipe them away and kiss her forehead.
She sniffles and then wipes her hand under her nose. “I know what he wants.”
Everyone in the room tenses, including me.
It was the one thing we’ve been waiting for, to determine his ultimate goal. After all this time, all the moves, all the threats, the man and his motivations are still as much of a mystery as they were the first time we ever met him.
Savage raises a brow. “I think we would all be very interested in hearing it.”
She releases a heavy sigh, filled with her frustration, her reservation, her pain. “You guys think all he cares about is money and power. And I can understand why you believe that. Those are two of his favorite things.” Her lips curl into a half-smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “But ultimately, I don’t think that’s what matters most to him.”
I rub my hand up and down her back gently. “Then what does?”
Her gaze meets mine. “This.” She spreads her hands out. “Family. Having people you can count on, who have your back.”
Everyone stares at her, including me, and when it’s clear we’re not following, she throws her hands up.
“Look at how he was raised. His father was a fucking monster, and he turned Leonardo and my father into mini versions of himself. Leonardo tried to kill his own brother to take control. If my father hadn’t been smart enough to actually fake his death, Leonardo would have tried again after his first failure. My dad never had the kind of unconditional love and support that you guys give each other. He’s never had this .”
The gears start turning in my head, and I finally start to see where she’s going with this. “Until he had you…”
“Exactly.” She nods. “He’s a different person with me. I can see…”
She trails off, and I can see the battle waging in the swirling gray of her eyes, not wanting to say what she really feels.
“It’s okay, Allegra.” I tighten my grip on her. “Just tell us.”
Her bottom lip disappears under her teeth, and she considers for a second before finally nodding. “I can see who he would have been if he hadn’t been raised like that, if he’d had a normal childhood with normal role models and morals taught to him. I can see that there’s good in him.”
Luca lets out a low, dark chuckle. “It’s very sweet that you think that, but I promise you, that man’s soul was born pitch black and lacking.”
She glares at him. “Why is it you think you know him so well?”
“Because I was him.” He sits in his chair, looking like the king, when in this room, that honor belongs to Savage. Even after all these years, even after giving up his title and his role, there’s no shaking that aura that permeates the air around Luca Abello. “My father had an empire like yours does, and he had a family, but in the end, all he cared about was the money and the power. We were easily discarded. And I had it, too—that wealth and power. It’s intoxicating. Addictive. It’s a high you can’t get anywhere else?—”
She shakes her head. “That’s not my father. That’s not him.”
Luca presses his lips into a thin line.
Allegra shifts on my lap to fully face Luca. “My father is doing this because he thinks he’s creating something for me. Because I am the most important thing to him. And if you gave him the chance, I think he would embrace the Hawkes the same way…”
Savage, Gabe, and Dad all recoil slightly while Luca smirks.
Of course, it sounds nuts to them.
This man has been a thorn in our side for years, and he isn’t going away.
All of our previous conversations with Satriano—all the threats, the promises, the vague statements—come back in a wild rush that threatens to drown me as I sort through them.
Bits and pieces take shape.
Starting to form an idea.
“He has asked us to partner with him several times…”
Dad gapes at me. “You can’t be seriously saying we consider it.”
I hold up a hand. “Just let me think.”
Because even I know how unhinged this all sounds.
But there’s a thread of something there that my mind keeps wanting to latch onto.
“He’s had countless opportunities to finish what he started when he attacked the Grind. He could have taken us all out on the day of the groundbreaking. He could have let Atlas, Astrid, and Kennedy die at the hands of Dan Roselli. I’m sure his goons could have hunted each of us down individually at any point and taken us all out?—”
Gabe snorts. “I would have liked to see him try.”
“He didn’t for a reason, just like we never went after him for a reason. Because it’s mutually assured destruction. If he touched any of us, we’d go after him. If we went after him, his people would come after the rest of us. It’s a vicious fucking cycle we’re stuck in.”
Savage considers me for a moment, tapping his fingers on the arm of his chair. “So, what? Are you suggesting we play his fucking game, that we pretend to be friends so he feels like he has a big, happy fucking family?”
The icy words slice through me. “I don’t know what I’m suggesting. All I’m saying is that what Allegra’s noted makes sense. He hasn’t acted because it isn’t what he really wants. He’s giving us the opportunity to make a different decision, to partner with him, to find a way to coexist peacefully?—”
“You can’t coexist with a man like him.” The warning from Luca draws everyone’s attention back to him. “You can all try, but I’m telling you, we’ll pay for it in the end.”