Chapter 27 Sloane
Sloane
Then
“Babe, I have something I need to tell you.”
Eric is sitting at the dining room table, writing out our monthly budget, and I can’t help but smile because he’s done this every month since we’ve been married.
Even now, when we’re more than financially okay, he feels like it’s necessary to have a written breakdown of our monthly expenses, and I think it’s adorable.
I cross the room and stand behind him. He smells amazing, and he’s just cut his hair and shaved, so he’s looking extra good. I wrap my arms around his neck and place a kiss right under his ear, which gets his attention immediately.
“I know you aren’t starting with me when I’m trying to get this budget right.” He shifts in his chair, parting his legs so I can slide between them and sit on his lap. I happily take his offer and make an attempt to look innocent, shaking my head slowly, and he laughs. “What do you want?”
“Well, I just found out about an unexpected, but welcome, expense, and I thought you would want to know about it sooner rather than later.”
His brow furrows. “An unexpected expense?”
I nod. “Unexpected but welcome.”
Pulling the positive pregnancy test out of my shirt pocket, I place it on the table in front of us, right next to his half-finished budget. His eyes turn into saucers as they register the two pink lines.
“Unexpected but welcome,” he says quietly. He looks at me, and I can’t quite tell what he’s thinking because his expression is serious, too serious. My heart starts pounding.
“Are you mad?”
“No!” He chuckles, and I breathe a sigh of relief. “I could never be mad at you when you’re telling me something like this.” His thick arms wrap around me, pulling me into a hug. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world, Sloane!”
Suddenly, his lips are on mine, taking my mouth in a gentle kiss with an underlying thread of passion. His muscular arms anchor me to him, so every inch of our torsos is touching. One of his hands has already found its way under my shirt and is slowly, but deliberately, heading toward my bra.
The possibility of more teases me as his tongue makes a quick, but incendiary, pass over my lower lip.
It’s an invitation. One I’m tempted to accept, because despite feeling a little nauseous, I want him.
My body is already reacting to him. The familiar throb of anticipation is starting to build in my core, and I am trying to surrender to it, but my mind is racing.
We’re having a baby. There’s a tiny life growing inside me, and eventually, after months of morning sickness and sharing my body and hours of labor, they will come into the world and depend on me and Eric for everything.
And what if we’re not good at this? What if we screw this kid up so bad they have to spend their entire life recovering from their childhood? What if I’m like my mom?
I cringe, and Eric stops immediately. “Are you okay?”
His voice is gentle, and his eyes crinkle with concern. I shake my head. “I’m freaking out, babe. What if I suck at this?”
“Oh baby, you suck at a lot of things, but this won’t be one of them.”
He starts to laugh, and I punch him in the shoulder, hard. “You’re an asshole.” I try to stand up, but he tightens his hold on me, keeping me from going anywhere.
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry!” He holds his free hand up in surrender, all traces of humor now gone. “Why are you freaking out?”
For some reason, the question makes me tear up. I shake my head. “I don’t know. I’m just scared, you know?”
“Baby, it’s perfectly natural to be afraid.”
“It doesn’t seem like you’re afraid though.” My voice is tiny, childlike. I’m jealous of his poise. Jealous of the way he can take life-altering news in stride while I’m losing my mind.
“Sloane.” His voice is serious, filled with determination. “Of course I’m afraid. I don’t know anyone who wasn’t afraid when they found out they were expecting. It’s a natural thing, but we can’t let fear overshadow the joy of this moment.”
The hand underneath my shirt snakes around to caress my belly. His touch and his words calm me significantly, but there’s still one major thing concerning me.
“I don’t want to be like my mom, Eric. I don’t want to spend my kid’s whole life making them feel like nothing they do is ever good enough for me. I want to be close to them, to make sure they always know they’re loved and cherished.”
Eric nods, understanding fully how my complicated relationship with my mom is playing into this meltdown. And at this moment, I’m so in love with this man, so thankful to have someone in my life who understands me even when I might not be making the most sense.
He kisses my forehead. “You’re not going to be anything like your mom, Sloane. There’s too much warmth and love in you for you to ever be as critical and cold as she is, especially to your own child. You’re going to be an amazing mother, baby. I don’t doubt it.”
I search his eyes for any indication he doesn’t believe what he’s saying and find nothing. My favorite thing about Eric is I can always trust him to tell me the truth, even when it hurts, and right now I know he is.
He genuinely believes I’ll be a great mother, and even though I don’t quite believe it, I know for a fact he’ll be a great dad, which means we’ll be okay.