Chapter 26 - Margot
Chapter twenty-six
“It’s in here somewhere, darling. I had it preserved with anti-yellowing and…here! This must be it!”
Mom drags a giant wooden box, shaped kind of like an upright coffin, from the depths of Henry’s attic.
“Oh, you’re right, dear. What a fun evening that was. It fit like a glove, just like it did when I married your father.”
The wistfulness in her voice is soft but unmistakable, and I feel a familiar pang thinking of Daddy.
“I miss him. I hate that he isn’t here for this.” I try to choke back the sob I feel building, but it’s impossible. The wedding must be making me extra emotional because I cry at the drop of a hat lately.
“Sweetheart, come here.” Mom wraps me in a big hug and sniffles herself, the two of us making a sorry sight in the attic, dust swirling all around us.
“I miss him too, especially lately. Every time one of you has a baby or gets married, I think about the things he’s missing and all the new love we’ve added to the family.
The pain has changed over the years but never really gone away.
It hurts more to try to ignore his memory, though, so I sometimes imagine how he’d react to everything. ”
That makes me laugh, and I’m thankful for the lightened moment. “Can you imagine how he would have reacted to Jack and me?”
With one more squeeze, she lets me go and pulls the dress-sarcophagus toward the attic stairs, but doesn’t answer my question.
Once we’ve finagled it into the guest room that I’ve set up as my headquarters for the wedding weekend, she pries it open, and I tell her I’m surprised that it doesn’t smell musty at all.
“Well, that anniversary would’ve been around, what? Fifteen or so years ago? And we repacked it with the best technology at that time, so I’m glad it all worked. Oh, look at it. What a monstrosity she is.”
“You don’t love it?”
“Well, I love it now, dear. But…heavens, have I never told you the entire story of my wedding?”
“No…you always told me there were things I would understand more when I was getting married myself.”
“And I was right, but now the time has come! Let me call for some snacks, and I’ll tell you the whole story…”
“You really didn’t wear a scrap of clothing? The entire week in the cabin?”
Mom cackles, popping the last of our brie bites into her mouth.
“Not a single one. Your father and I had such a torrid romance, and when we finally made that choice to marry and fuck anyone else, he was insatiable. He was also desperate to impregnate me, although of course we didn’t realize at that time that I was already carrying your brother. ”
“Did he…he was excited to be a father from the beginning, then?”
Her sigh is loaded. “He was, but he was also scared. He did his absolute best, I’m convinced, even though both of your brothers and I have discussed his failures at length.
His love for you was the realization of everything he wanted to be as a father, and I so wish he were still here to love your babies the same way.
I think being a grandfather would have softened him. ”
Moving to where we’ve left the dress hanging in an open window to air out, she fluffs the enormous amount of material and laughs.
“I told him before your brother was born that I could manage the children if he could manage me. Even if he wasn’t the perfect father to choose for my children, I’m a selfish woman, Margot.
I had to have him. There was nobody else for me.
I’ll have to carry the guilt of Henry’s and Ledger’s childhoods forever, but I must say I wouldn’t change a thing, even knowing what I know now. ”
Turning back to me, she wipes her tears with the skirt of the gown before she realizes what she’s doing.
“Seeing Jack with you and your babies is more than I could have ever hoped for you, darling. Even knowing while you were growing up that the two of you were meant to be together, it’s still a joy to see.
It’s everything I dreamed of to see you all love and be loved so completely. ”
“You know, Mom,” I say softly, “that’s what we all want for you as well. We know you loved Daddy, and you’ll never forget him. But I don’t think he would have expected you to mourn him forever, to the point of never remarrying.”
She’s quiet, but I can tell she’s listening.
“I would love to stand with you at your next wedding, unless you wanted to elope again. All of us would. We just want you to be happy, and we think you’ve got incredible taste in men.
Whoever you choose is guaranteed to fit in well with the family.
Especially if it’s someone we all already know and trust—”
“What do you think, sweetheart? Do you think this material under the skirts is what you were imagining for your farewell minidress?”
Her smile tells me that she’s finished talking about this subject for now, and I didn’t even get the chance to say Ivan’s name out loud. Slow and steady wins the race, and there’s no reason to upset her right before the stress of my wedding.
“I think it’s plenty, and it’ll be perfect.
We’re lucky that, regardless of the style, the gown's quality can’t be denied.
We should be able to pull one of the inner skirts without affecting the overall dress, so it can be preserved for MJ, Gisele, and however many more granddaughters you have to try on one day. ”
“Don’t worry, I’ll wait until they’re old enough to tell my love story. Now, let’s grab your fabric scissors so we can get to work. I know you’re very talented, dear, but waiting this close to your wedding to decide to make a farewell outfit is cutting it quite close, don’t you think?”
“Ledger, if you touch my dress one more time, I swear—”
“Wow, flashback to you yelling at me in a little pink tutu—”
“Don’t make me cry again. My face is already splotchy, and you’re making it harder for the makeup artist! Why are you two even here right now? I’m not dressed yet.”
“Well, I wanted some family candids from the morning, sweetheart, having mimosas together and whatnot—”
“You look beautiful, Margot. I think Father would have been so proud of you and Jack.”
“Mom, if I so much as smell orange juice right now, I swear—”
“It’s not really family candids without Jack here, though, is it? Geez, I know you’ve already got two kids with him, but doesn’t the wedding feel a little icky to anybody else?”
“Good grief, Ledger, can you turn it off for one day—”
“Father always loved you in pink, Margot. He would love what you’ve done with the estate for the day—”
“Henry, for heaven’s sake, that’s going to make her cry harder! Alright, new rule. Nobody else says a word. Except…”
I swear, I love my family, but if my mother says a single thing to me that’s gone wrong today, I’ll lose it.
The stress of this wedding has made me an emotional wreck, yelling one minute and crying the next.
This morning, the shipment of still water arrived in green bottles instead of blue, and the sparkling water didn’t show up at all.
My hair looks a shade too dark, and I swear there’s a tiny pimple brewing, waiting until the reception to pop.
“I have something to give you, darling. It’s from your father, and I—”
“Daddy?”
“Yes, dear. Apparently, it was only ever meant to be given to you on your wedding day…”
She hands me a thick cream envelope, sealed with Daddy’s wax crest, and I gasp.
Princess is written on the front in his distinctive script that I haven’t seen in years, and I know there’s no way to stop the flood of tears from spilling over.
With shaking hands, I carefully break the seal, eager to see what Daddy had to say to me.