Chapter 13
Last night, he held me in his arms as we watched TV and snacked on takeout. As much as I tried to deny my feelings for this man, my heart was falling fast. So, I made the decision that if I’m going to let him in, there is one person he needs to meet.
After getting dressed, I drive us to the assisted living facility. Victor hasn’t asked about where we are going, and I am thankful for that. Having to explain this place and who we are meeting would start me on a path of talking myself out of this decision. Pulling into the parking lot, he sees the sign and turns his whole body to me.
“Are you sure?” He looks over with concern.
I shake my head. I really am not one hundred percent sure. But I can’t imagine pursuing anything further with Victor if he can’t understand that this is a significant part of my life. “No, but is this okay? You don’t have to come, I just thought…”
“Thank you, Collins. I’m sure this isn’t easy for you.” Victor reaches over, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
I can’t find the strength to look at him. This confidence I have will dissolve at the slightest glance. One last sigh and I force myself out of my truck. Keeping my head down, I walk to the front doors of the building. My heart throbs in my chest at the fear he might not follow. Against my better judgment, I look back to find him catching up with me. I release a refreshing breath of relief. He takes my hand in his, giving it a hard squeeze. The tension I was holding was slowly leaving my body.
From the moment we walk through the front doors, I’m introducing him to several people that he’s already seen down at the shop. Every corner we turn and nurse’s station we pass, he’s winning the staff over. His bright smile has each person fawning over him. We get to the hallway to my mom’s room when he stops me.
“All these people that you introduced me to, I’ve seen them come to the shop.”
I nod. “We give them discounts or do work for free. They do a lot here, but they don’t make a lot of money. It’s part of our way to help take care of them because they take care of her.”
His eyes soften at my admission. The way he’s looking at me is breaking down the wall I so carefully built up. I push open the door to my mom’s room. She is sitting in her favorite chair by the window that overlooks the garden.
Her once honey-blonde hair is now a beautiful shade of silver, cropped into a bob just above her shoulders. I used to love brushing each long strand after one of her long days. After her accident, it was easier to maintain shorter.
I walk in and sit across from her. Victor sits next to me and patiently waits.
“Hey Mom, this is Victor. He’s a close friend of mine. I sent a fruit basket yesterday. Did you get it?” I attempt a conversation with her, knowing that it won’t go anywhere.
Her head turns to look at us. Her vibrant light blue eyes that match mine are void of any life. Victor takes in her appearance. He carefully studies her face and movements. Although a lot has faded, you can still see some scars.
“It’s very nice to meet you. The garden is beautiful today.” He points to the window.
“It is beautiful,” I add. “Maybe you want to go out?”
Nothing, no response. She just sits back in her chair and keeps looking out the window. My continued hopes fall to the background. I pick up a magazine from her side table that I exchange every week and sit back to read. I revert to the only thing I know how to do, talk about my brothers.
Victor sits close to me and, for once, it’s nice to have someone here to visit with me. Leland barely comes. It’s too hard for him. When I asked him why, he said he feels so much pressure to take care of her, and us. Because we didn’t have more. He feels like he let her down.
Lawson refuses to come because of the silence. He can’t stand the silence. He is a creature that needs physical and vocal assurance and, in her state, that’s neither.
So, I sit and visit. It’s the first time I don’t feel so alone.
“I think Lawson and Massey are going well. They set me up on a blind double date. Mom, can you believe it?” I laugh, remembering how the night started, then how it ended. “Leland and I had a good heart to heart. He’s been an incredible brother and guardian. You’d be proud.” I switch it up and surprise Victor. “Victor can’t surf or fix cars. We are working on that, though.”
“I’m awful,” he adds. It feels good that he is playing along with me in this useless conversation. “Although I thought I held my own at the shop.”
“He lies. He didn’t.”
“I did.”
I roll my eyes with a smile. I am shocked by what he says next.
“Ma’am, I hope you know.” As he speaks, my mom is still looking out the window, but he is looking at me. “Your daughter is one amazing person. You would be so proud of the woman she has become.” I can feel a tear fall and he wipes it away. “She can hold her own in life. She is strong and confident, which is exactly what this world needs more of. You should see how she takes care of other people. It’s inspiring.”
I see movement out of the corner of my eye and we both turn to see my mom looking at us. Searching both of our faces. It’s as if I almost see a glimmer of hope that she’s there.
“Mom?” I whisper.
But she turns away back to the garden. My heart crumbles. It takes every ounce of me to keep my emotions in check. Thankfully, the nurse comes in to break up this uncomfortable situation and says it’s time for her evening routine. I stand and press a kiss to her cheek before we leave.
Victor quickly takes my hand and guides me out of the center. He snags the keys from my hands, allowing me to process this afternoon.
“Super secret spot?” he softly offers.
I can only nod as he opens my door for me to climb in. I’m trying to hold on to my tears and my breath. Visits with her take a toll on my mental health, and Victor’s kind words have toppled my resolve.
My mind wanders as he drives to Massey’s and my spot. I’m a zombie, walking through the motions, when he grabs my board from the bed of my truck, then takes my hand. Guiding us down to the small beach, where I can hear the water slap against the shore. Fresh waves that seem to never disappoint me.
As soon as our feet touch the sand, he puts everything down to text Massey. Victor kisses the top of my head and hands me my board. His hand gently pushes on my back, urging me toward the water. My gaze never wavers from the white tips of the overhead as it peeks before rolling onto the shore. And in another first for me, I look back at a man who doesn’t belong in my world, and I don’t belong in his. Yet, here he is, giving me exactly what I need. He didn’t run or push us out the door as soon as we arrived. Victor was patient and kind. He tried to make conversation with her.
I face the waves again and paddle out to catch bigger ones. I need that adrenaline rush to fill the void of the pain of continuing to mourn a person who is still so much alive.
I lose myself in the afternoon. The ocean is where my heart settles. A small splash pulls my attention. I turn to see Massey sitting next to me. Just her, and her alone.
Glancing back to the beach, Victor is sits in the shade by the tree line, just watching us. I turn back to Massey and I can’t help myself.
“I let him in.” I’m still attempting to prevent the tears from falling.
She nods with a small smile. “I know.”
“All the way,” I choke out a sob. He broke the dam that held my tears at bay for years. Demolishing the barrier I created to get through the days like today.
“So, do we kill him now?”
I whip my head around, laughing hard and wipe away the tears. “What?”
“It’s a valid question. He knows too much.” She snickers at me. “Yeah, how about this? One more ride, then let’s go see your man. He’s worried since you haven’t insulted him yet. It’s thrown him off.”
I bite my lip, knowing I shouldn’t say it. “I beat him at chess.”
“No,” she gasps.
“Yeah, I did.”
“Kudos babe.” She shakes her head at me. She nods over her shoulder, swiveling her board toward the shore.
We paddle towards the shore and catch one more wave, where he awaits me. Meeting him halfway as he walks toward us, I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him in for a kiss.
“Y’all are weird. I’m out, Lawson is waiting for me in the car. I’ll see you tomorrow, Victor.”
Victor rests his hands on my hips and waits for me to say something.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“For what?”
“You came through for me today by doing exactly what I needed. I haven’t had that before. It was nice.”
“Of course, Collins. I’d do anything for you. How about we swing by your place, pick up a few things, and head to mine? I’ll make you dinner, then naked dancing under the sheets. I have to work tomorrow and will have to get up early.”
I lean up on my toes and kiss him again. “Okay.”
How can I say no after everything he did for me today?
Victor swipes my board up, and we take the long track back to my truck. We head to my house for a few things, then to his for the night. I’m not sure what is happening between us, but I know I like it.
The fancy apartment looks nice as we step inside. Compared to my place, this open floor plan is three times larger. He immediately heads to his immaculate kitchen to make dinner. Granite countertops and stainless-steel appliances flow seamlessly among bamboo cabinets. It’s bright, and large with natural light that flows through the floor to ceiling windows.
“Make yourself at home. Bedroom is that way.” He points down the long hallway.
He doesn’t look up, rather he continues pulling food from the fridge and cabinet.
His bedroom was immaculate, but as I walked around, I couldn’t help but notice how empty everything felt despite its extravagance. It’s deprived of any personality. It’s slightly sad, and there is already enough sadness for today. I toss my bag on the chair in the corner. My fingers dig through the matted pile of clothes I combed off the floor, and I pull out a ratted old t-shirt and some boy shorts. I toss the pile on the edge of the bed for later when I notice his pajamas neatly laid on the dresser opposite the bed. Royal blue silk with white stitching. These pajamas look like they have been pressed, there isn’t a wrinkle in sight.
Needing a breath of fresh air, I walk to the balcony and lean over the banister, listening to the waves and people enjoying the water. A family plays in the surf and I can’t help but think how lucky they are. The mom and dad swinging a child through the surf and the unblemished and contagious giggles from all three. A silent wish that they never have to endure what I have.
Arms wrap around my waist and a chin rests on my shoulder.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” he whispers.
My head dips and rests against his temple, just bathing in his embrace. His thumb rubs against my side and a twinge of uneasiness settles in my stomach.
I am falling deeper, faster, and boldly in love.
I try to tell myself, “Enjoy the surf, Collins, because this can’t last.”