Chapter 28
Never say never… because you never know what may happen.
But never in my life did I expect to be where I am. With whom I’m with. Happy like I am.
In the beginning, we lived one day at a time, one paycheck at a time. Life made me believe I couldn’t expect much more than less than the bare minimum. Yet, today, my life took a 180-degree turn.
Here I am, fancy Collins, sitting in a bridesmaid dress next to my best friend. Her chestnut hair shines bright in the warm sunshine that brightens the open window. A soft breeze sweeps a perfect stray curl across her face. The rest of her hair is in an updo, with locks of hair bouncing along with her movements. I finish zipping up the back of her dress, and gently fastening the buttons that align her lower back. The trumpet gown offers a modest, clean line in the front with a dramatic open back. This dress is tailored perfectly to her body, accentuating her curves. Her dress has a small train that continues the buttons down the center of the dress.
Together, we look into the mirror at our reflections. I reach for the wreath of flowers that are bound together like a crown. As I lay the Lei crown, which is filled with white orchids, baby roses, and fern leaves, expertly crafted, on her head, careful not to disrupt the expensive hairstyle, my heart swells. It’s been months of planning to get to this point.
Lawson was annoyingly involved in planning this wedding with her. They did everything together. Massey said that he was completely sober throughout the planning. He asked question after question and inserted his opinion. Most of the time, he agreed with Massey, but on the occasion, he advocated for himself. In the past, that’s something he didn’t do. Instead of speaking up, he would just internalize his discomfort and bottle up his emotions until he blew. Drinking was a way to dull the emotional turmoil.
“I am so glad I sold you out that day,” I break her wedding silence. Giggling at the memory.
She looks over her shoulder at me with her nose scrunching, and mouth gaped open with a loud laugh. “God, how could I ever forget that?”
“I mean, I’m sorry I did it like that, but not sorry,” I say as she continues to laugh. “Stop laughing. I’m being serious.”
“I know, I know! Listen, it brought us here. I can’t complain.” She giggles. “He is everything to me. So are you. You were always a sister to me and now it will be official.” Her big smile matches mine.
“Let’s go get you married.”
Snatching up our bouquets, we walk toward the double doors that lead out to the beach. Outside, we can hear the ukulele player humming a joyous ballad. We stand by the doors, and I take her pinky in mine. Swinging our hands back and forth as we wait in the queue for her to walk to her future husband.
“Big waves,” I whisper. Looking at her in her white dress. Head to toe, she is the definition of perfection.
“Big rewards,” she finishes, gazing back at me.
Day after day, year after year, she has been the constant. Unwavering. Unspoken bond that even we can’t explain. A relationship that has never felt forced or face-valued. One of understanding, acceptance, and genuine love.
Mr. Withers stands before us, offering his arm. She loops her arm in his, releasing our grasp. Stepping in front of them both, I turn and walk through the open doors and sheer curtains, down the aisle. Friends who became family fill this open space. People from all walks of our lives are here to share in this moment.
My heart swells with pride seeing Lawson and Leland standing upfront, looking handsome as ever. I admire the way they cleaned up nicely. Giving Lawson a wink, I take my place opposite of them. The ukulele player stops as the minister addresses the crowd, and asks them to stand. The rolling waves behind the venue clap with excitement each time the water breaks at its peak. I drop my head to appreciate the applause the ocean offers. A violinist plays the wedding march and the crowd of people shuffles to face the large framed doors that float open. I gaze to the front row where my man sits, smiling.
Releasing a deep breath, I look over at Lawson. Desperately wanting to see his reaction when Massey walks down the aisle. The moment she floats through the doors, any tough guy exterior he may have had buckles under the weight of his emotions. Lawson has always been the kid in our family to show his emotions. Always needing the physical and mental assurance that he is enough.
He is trying to wipe the tears of happiness away as fast as they are falling. He’s babbling to Leland how he’s the luckiest fucker on this island, in this world, and ever living. That bastard, now I am crying.
Massey glides down and stands just in front of Lawson. Mr. Withers takes both her hands in his, and kisses the top of her knuckles. “Be good to one another,” he whispers to both of them.
Lawson offers his palm, with Massey quickly sliding her delicate hand in his. Their eyes never leaving the other.
The officiant starts the service with a traditional Hawaiian prayer that offers blessing upon the couple. One for happiness, health, and babies. Lawson wiggles his eyebrows at Massey, whose face turns a perfect shade of red.
I’m surprised to find out that they both wrote their vows. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I figured with the emotional weight of just getting married, doing the traditional vows would be a welcomed alleviation.
“Lawson, I’ve known you my entire life. You were my very first crush that started when I was twelve. A boy made fun of me at school, and you didn’t hesitate to stand up for me. One swift punch to his face and he was stumbling backward. You hit him so hard in the face, then told him he’d be lucky to have a nerd like me as a friend.” Massey makes everyone laugh. “I fell in love with you that day, even though you called me a nerd. Then at our high school graduation you held up a sign that said ‘Good luck in prison Collins and Massey.’ You even came to my college graduation, where you held a sign that said ‘Good luck at the North Pole.’ When I asked why the North Pole, you explained that the North Pole is the highest point on earth. The destination for the world’s navigation. You said I was always your family’s North Pole. We’ve seen each other through the good times and a lot more of the harder times. I love everything about you and I will love you until my last breath.”
Lawson wipes more tears from his eyes and Leland slaps him on the shoulder, a showing of support.
“Wow.” Lawson coughs. “My turn I guess.”
He continues to swipe more tears falling from his eyes and does his best to clear his throat.
“Massey, I have loved you my whole life,” he chokes each word. Everyone looks stunned, including me. “You are someone I knew who was going to do great things. I never imagined that you would give me the time of day. I made it my mission to help keep a watchful eye out for you and let you hang around just so I could be close to you. The moment Collins sold you out was the best day of my life. Well, compared to today, it’s now the second-best day of my life. Every moment with you is time I treasure. You taught me love is to have patience, trust is unwavering, and life is worth the pain to get to days like today. I promise to do whatever I can to make you smile every day, and know that I will love you with every ounce of me.”
Well, I’ll be damned. This kid has a way of words.
The officiant proceeds with the service as I zone out. There is a quiet stillness that surrounds me as I watch the people I love celebrate. There is a sense of privilege to witness Lawson give Massey our mother’s ring. It wasn’t her engagement or wedding ring, she threw that in the ocean, but it was a ring that she wore all the time. Leland insisted that Lawson have it.
When it’s finally time to kiss the bride, Lawson barely lets the officiant finish before he kisses her. Swinging her body to dip her in the most perfect way. Lifting her back and steadying her on her feet, they turn and walk down the aisle. Lawson is beaming like a school kid. He stops them midway before picking her up, carrying her the rest of the way.
I follow along with Leland to leave the ceremony. He drapes his arm around my shoulder, tugging me along to the exit, where we meet up with Taylor and Victor. Victor’s green button-down shirt, matched with his beige suit, makes his eyes radiate brighter with such happiness. He opens the door of my beloved Chevelle and helps me slide onto her smooth leather seats. He rushes around and dips into the driver’s seat, offering me a wink as he buckles in.
“Time to party.” He shimmies his shoulders with the biggest, goofiest grin.
Dusk falls over the Oceanside cliff and the orange and red colors that paint the sky are created by the heavens. They’ve decorated the outdoor tent with a diverse assortment of white flowers. It’s beautiful in contrast to the guest and the colorful attire Lawson and Massey requested everyone to wear.
The DJ introduces the newlywed couple as Lawson and Massey shuffle through the opening of the tent. My brother spins her into his embrace before dipping her once again. Pulling her up to him, he wraps his arms around her and encourages her to follow his lead. Their first dance to “Dream a little Dream of Me,” by Doris Day echoes from the speakers.
Victor pulls my seat closer to him, wrapping an arm around the back of my chair. His fingers trace along my bare shoulder. He’s complimented my ocean blue strapless dress numerous times today. Before the ceremony, his fingertips traced the outline of the sweetheart neckline. Grazing over the crevice of my breast. This push-up bra is doing wonders for my confidence.
I lean further into Victor and let my body melt to his side. With a wistful sigh, I say, “This is nice.”
“Yeah, it is.” He rubs my arm. “Is this what you envision when we get married?”
I giggle at his poor attempt to extract any response to that kind of question. “When? Well, we can discuss that further if you propose.”
Victor takes his other hand, grasping my left hand in his, and runs his fingers along mine where a ring should sit, will sit? Yeah, will sit. My eyes hold his gaze, searching for words to express how I’m feeling. Contentment. Comfort. Excited. Calm… Loved. In the pit of my stomach, it feels like he is searching for the same words to speak out loud. But this silent conversation is more than I could ever say.
When the song ends, they announce the food is ready. Buffet style, and true to Hawaiian style, it’s a smoked pig and all the good sides that come with it. The crowded room erupts with laughter as we fill plates to the rim. Each person here has somewhat contributed to raising us, supporting us, and loving us as a large extended family. So many years of struggle and heartache were well worth the pain of leading to moments like today.
Winding down from eating, Lawson jumps up and grabs the DJ’s microphone to make an announcement. “Good evening, everyone! We are about to start the music and party until daylight! As you all know, my mother passed away earlier this year. Though I cannot have a mother-son dance, I’d like to invite my brother and sister to the dance floor to join me. They raised me to be the man I am today.”
He nods to the DJ who plays Rascal Flatts, “My Wish”. This fucker is an emotional mess and is spreading it to us. I approach the center of the floor, and meet my brothers in the center. We have a small group hug, and hold on to each other as the lyrics play to our emotions.
Posted up on the white walls of the tent, we notice a slide show. We turn to Massey, who subtly nods. She put this gift together for us. It’s a slideshow of us as kids with our mom before the accident. I stand between my brothers, arm in arm with them, and watch each picture come across.
Memories flash before our eyes and laughing tears fall on each of our faces. Lawson motions for Massey to come over and he grabs a hold of her. He hugs her so close, sobbing into her shoulder. This is what he needed for today. To be reminded that he is loved. From the beginning until the very end. He’s never alone, and will always be in the presence of the people who will love him.
My sweet best friend understands him.
Leland and I give them a sappy ‘thank you’ hug and I shuffle to the man who knows how to hold me up. I barely make it to the side before Victor sweeps me up in his embrace. It takes all of me to remember to breathe. Shaky breaths and shaking hands grip on to him. Damn you, Massey, for knowing that we needed this as well.
When the song ends, Massey’s dad walks over for the father-daughter dance. He whispers something into Lawson’s ear, which causes him to cry harder. Lawson gives Massey a quick kiss, then gives her hand to her dad for their dance.
Lawson saunters over to us, still trying to recover. Shit, we all are. We stand together and watch Massey and her dad sway back and forth. He’s whispering in her ear, causing her to cry buckets of tears.
“Why is everyone crying?” I sob. “It’s supposed to be a happy day!”
“He said,”—Lawson takes a few breaths — “He said he’s always known that we’d end up together. He had hoped that our paths would cross in this way. Leland and I were the only males in her life who looked out for her. You were her only friend. Fuck man, that’s deep!”
“You are a good man, Lawson.” Victor slaps him on the back.
Lawson sniffs back more tears. “I appreciate that, man. But I’m only good because of that woman.”
I hold on to Lawson and Victor’s hands while we wait until Massey and her dad finish dancing. Her dad walks her over to Lawson and gives him another handshake.
“She’s all yours, good luck!” Mr. Withers teases.
“Dad!” she squeaks with embarrassment.
“Thank you, sir, I don’t need it,” Lawson proudly states.
He takes Massey’s hand to walk back to the dance floor. He turns to the DJ, giving him a head nod, then yells out loud, “Let’s get this party started!”
As everyone cheers, the music is turned up louder. Everyone swarms the dance floor, and the party has officially started. Singing and dancing, Massey and Lawson show us what it looks like to be in love and not give a fuck about what people think. My poor brother is a horrible dancer, and my best friend is laughing and eating it up. We sing and dance in the center of the floor. Jumping up and down.
After a while of dancing, the wedding planner pulls Massey and Lawson to the side to tell them it’s time to do the garter and flower toss. They line the guys up, including Victor and Leland, and we watch awkwardly as Lawson takes the garter off. Massey is loving every second of this. He flicks it over his shoulder and all the guys jump for the tiny scrap of fabric. Victor emerges from the crowd of testosterone and throws his fist in the air to celebrate his achievement. He swings the material over his head while the other guys slap him on the shoulder.
The wedding coordinator grabs my hand to tug me to the open floor. Reaching behind me to grab Taylor. “I go, you go.”
“This isn’t right, you know.” He tries to pull away.
“Hush! Leland went for the garter and you go for the flowers. Push these girls out of the way.” I stop and turn for a second, looking at him. “That would be hilarious! Let’s make Victor put the garter on your leg.”
“Deal!” Taylor laughs.
I am so glad he’s willing to make things more awkward for Victor. Other women surround me as my best friend holds onto a bouquet. She’s shaking the bundle of flowers toward me with a wild look in her eyes.
She turns and takes a couple of pretend throws over her shoulder. Everyone shifts with her movements. A few push others around. I have my hand on Taylor’s back, ready to push him wherever the flowers go. That’s when everyone stops and moves away from me and I stand confused.
“What’s happening?” I ask.
“Collins.”
The look of my best friend when I turn back around grounds me. Standing in front of me, she’s holding the beautiful bound flowers toward me. My heart stops. There is a steady ringing in my ear as the entire tent falls silent. My jaw falls slack.
“What the hell, Massey?” I barely get the words out.
With her other hand, she grabs mine and places the bouquet in my open palm. Spinning me around I come face to face with him… There he is, down on one knee, holding a ring. And, not just any ring …
“Collins, you are headstrong, stubborn, and a cheater at chess,” he starts.
What. The. Fresh. Hell. Is. This?
“You wear the weight of the world on your shoulders and still will have the quickest comeback. Through that hard exterior, you are the kindest, most honest, and amazing woman I have ever met. I asked you to make memories with me when I got to the new house. I am asking you for more. More memories, more of your time, more of the colors that bring you to life. What do you say? Will you marry me and let’s make more memories together?”
I drop the flowers on the floor and I drop myself into his arms. Wrapping him into a tight hug, afraid to let go of this dream. I can feel his fingers tracing different parts of my back and he whispers in my ear.
“Baby?”
“Yes! Holy shit, yes!”
I grab his face, bringing his lips to mine, giving him a passionate kiss before he pulls away and slides the ring onto my left finger. It’s not a diamond, but a dark blue sapphire ring.
Tears fall heavily, and my eyes dart from the ring back to Victor. It’s all happening. It’s only then that the commotion erupts around us. My body is jolted around as everyone is cheering, offering their congratulations. Massey’s hands cover my shoulders as she squeals.
This just happened. This happened to me.
My brothers tap me on the head, and Leland takes my hands in his. He thumbs over the sapphire, moving it around.
“You did it,” I whisper loud enough for him to hear. Sniffing back a sob, admiring my big brother.
“I didn’t do anything.” He chuckles.
“You did it all, big brother. We survived, and it’s all because of you.” Tears escape and its tears of happiness. There is no trace of sadness seen or felt today. “Look around. Look where we are. You didn’t give up on us when it could’ve been so easy to do. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for taking care of us.”
“God damn it, Collins,” he laughs. Tears falling freely between us. I walk into his arms, welcoming his comfort. “I love you, little sister. Now go enjoy the rest of your evening.”
He takes a step back, allowing Victor to step up. A look passes between them, and I feel the shift in the air, like a passing of the torch. Where my brother once stood guard, he now has passed the responsibility to Victor.
Victor slips his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. I look up, and I’m met with the most handsome eyes I’ll spend the rest of my life gazing at. One swift movement, and Victor spins me around. I drop my head back with a loud laugh.
The rest of the evening, I stay in Victor’s arms, dancing away and feeling like I’m walking on clouds. Celebrating my family and the journey that we’ve had. Every single bad moment, every scary situation, and every night where I didn’t think we could survive, we did. Not only survived but thrived.
“So.” Victor sways, with me in his arms. “What do you have planned for tomorrow? Fancy a drive in your girl?”
“For you? I’d go anywhere.” I lean up on my toes, pressing a kiss to his lips.