Chapter 9
Chapter
Nine
“ Y ou ready to meet the puppies?” Ram asked Kade as he pulled into Owen’s property, and made his way up the driveway. When he had called Kade after his surgery he’d told him he wanted to go see the puppies. He hadn’t said anything about going to Cathartic Release but he didn’t push, Kade would tell him when he was ready. He was just happy he got to spend more time with his boy.
“Yeah,” Kade said softly. He was but his mind was on all the things they had found out about his case, and on top of all that was his feelings of inadequacy. Ram had all the boys at the club to play with, why was he messing around with him? Was it a joke? Did Ram think he was that desperate? No, Ram wasn’t like that, he could say that with one-hundred percent certainty.
Ram looked over. His boy seemed distracted, almost surly as he sat stiffly in the passenger seat, staring out through the windshield. “What’s wrong, Kade?”
Kade just shook his head. “I’m fine.” He didn’t even know how to put what he was feeling into words, and he didn’t want Ram to think he was too much trouble. Kade feared that Ram was only being nice to him, like he was some kind of charity.
“Yeah, I can totally see that, because you’re not about to rip my door handle off because you’re holding on so tight.” Ram kept his tone light as he teased Kade. He’d learned early on in his dealing with Veterans to never come across like he was trying to accuse them of something, even a simple question in the wrong tone could set a Vet off and it could lose precious trust and time when trying to help them.
Kade sighed. “I’m sorry Ram, it was just a rough day.” It had been, his anxiety was riding him hard and he was so scared he’d end up disappointing Ram.
Ram put the truck in park. “I’m gonna touch you okay?”
Kade just blinked, surprise all over his face but leaned into Ram’s hand when it was placed on his shoulder.
“What is bothering you, Kade?” Ram asked firmly.
Kade sighed. “I know you think I have little tendencies but I don’t think I could ever regress like you think.” Even if he could, he didn’t know if he wanted to. His childhood had been hell, he didn’t want to relive it. He didn’t ever want to be that vulnerable again, even with Ram.
“And that’s okay, Kade. I’m sorry if I made you think I was pushing for that,” Ram said as he raked his fingers through Kade’s hair.
“No, no you haven’t. I just don’t want you to be disappointed.” Kade wrung his hands.
Ram chuckled. “I could never be disappointed with you Kade, you only seem to regress when you’re really tired and that’s okay. If you feel safe enough with me to relax enough for that then that means I’m doing my job.” He squeezed the back of Kade’s neck. “I know it will take some time for you to adjust to this, but I want to see the real you Kade, I don’t want you to put on a show for me. If I do something that pisses you off, tell me ‘Hey Daddy that pisses me off’. We won’t be perfect starting out but I want to see you thrive under my care.”
Kade grunted, he understood but couldn’t speak as his throat closed up and tears pricked his eyes.
“I know you won’t regress into a toddler or baby. You’re closer to the age of Jack and it seems to only happen when you’re tired, if that’s too much for you I’ll make that a hard limit for now.” Ram assured him, he’d never want to make Kade uncomfortable in the relationship.
Kade’s brows furrowed. “No, that’s not necessary, I just wanted to put that out there.”
Ram snorted. “You’re gonna fight me the whole way to the finish line aren’t you?”
Kade cringed and scratched his ear. “Probably.”
Ram laughed. “I can’t wait.” He kissed Kade on the temple as he moved to get out. “The ground is gravel so make sure you’re steady, I’m coming over to your side.” He rushed over to Kade as he eased out of the truck. He didn’t grab Kade knowing the man would want to find his own footing and held out his arm. “I’m at your twelve o’clock if you want to take my arm.”
Kade nodded, gripping the back of Ram’s elbow as Valk came to rest against his leg.
“I parked somewhat in the work area because I need to leave the driveway open which is why there’s gravel,” Ram told him as he easily led Kade onto the flatter grass as they headed around the cute little ranch style home and into the back with the kennels. “Hey Owen,” Ram called out, but keeping his voice lower so as to not hurt Kade. He grinned when Owen waved enthusiastically at them.
“Hey Ram, how’s it going?” Owen said easily as he joined them, hugging Ram before pulling back to wait for an introduction.
“It’s going good. This is Kade, my partner. Kade this is Owen, he’s the one who bred Valk. He’s also Dusty's partner.” Ram grinned when Valk rumbled happily when Kade released him and immediately threw himself against Owen’s legs.
“Hello Kade, it’s nice to meet you,” Owen said. He didn’t hold out his hand, waiting for the man to make the first move.
“You as well.” Kade held out his hand and appreciated Owen’s firm handshake. He was often surprised by people who thought that just because he was blind that they had to shake his hand softly. It was annoying.
Owen grinned at Ram. “I’ve got a litter of Corso’s, Dobie’s and Bulls, if you want to see them. I got three from each litter that passed the Volhard testing and will be trained for service work.”
Ram nodded happily. “You need me to take any of them?” He rubbed his hands together with glee, it had been well over six months since he’d had a puppy to love on.
Owen grinned. “I may have one or two that you could help with, follow me.” He chatted easily with both Ram and Kade, knowing that this kind of thing was hard for the blind man. He’d heard all about Kade from Ram when they had talked earlier and he was so happy that Valk seemed to be helping the man navigate his life after he lost his sight. There was nothing like a dog’s love to help get you out of the bed in the morning. He could see the shock on Kade’s face when they walked into the kennel and were greeted with silence. “I have quite a few people with sensory issues who come here looking for a dog, I have them myself, so the first thing I teach my babies is to be quiet in their kennels.”
Kade nodded. “That’s awesome.” He was so fucking thankful, he could feel his shoulders relaxing. He’d braced himself for the noise when they walked in, already preparing to grab Ram’s arm. Not having his sight was one thing but when there was too much noise he couldn’t even figure out which way was up.
Owen led them to the back part of the kennel and through another door to the puppy section.
Ram’s heart melted as they came to a giant run that housed all nine puppies. “Aw.” He couldn’t help but melt at those squishy little faces. He was such a fucking sucker for a cute little face, Kade being Exhibit A.
Owen opened the hatch at the back of the run by a rope and all the puppies filed out into the little yard connected before he shut it again. “Follow me, I’ll take you outside to meet them.” He led them outside and once Kade, Ram and Valk had settled on the ground Owen gave the puppies the release word and they charged after his guests.
Ram laughed happily as his lap was instantly filled with little squirming beans and looked over at Kade to see a breathtaking smile on the man’s face as he held one of the puppies up as it gnawed on his beard. This is exactly what Ram wanted, Kade to relax and enjoy his time here. He knew bringing Kade here would help the man relax after a hard day, puppies were like the best thing in the world. It wasn’t like anyone could resist a puppy though. He let Kade play as he turned to talk to Owen who was smiling softly at his man. Owen loved to see one of the Vets he helped thrive and to see it with Kade knowing Ram cared for him made it better. “Which one do you need me to take?”
Owen chuckled. “The Dobie that is currently trying to eat your man’s face is one and one of the Bulls if you can handle both.” Owen grabbed the Bullmastiff he was talking about, a beautiful little girl that had a gorgeous red coat with a black mask. Owen had immediately fallen in love with her calm and loving personality, that and her wrinkly forehead. He handed her over to Ram. She would be a perfect candidate to be someone’s lifeline. “This is Eman, she’s a very calm and sweet girl and the one eating your man is Seti. He’s feisty and wild but has a strong drive to do something.”
Ram laughed. “So basically both ends of the spectrum.” He was going to have his hands full that was for sure, and he couldn’t fucking wait. He knew Sanem and Bram would be excited to have more puppies around as well.
Owen grinned. “I know you can handle it, Ram.” He couldn’t wait to see what the man would do with these babies, he always sent his most docile and wildest to Ram because the man had an uncanny ability to channel each side of that spectrum into a perfect outlet to train each pup.
Kade snorted. “He’s got a big enough head, don’t make it worse.” He heard Owen making a choking noise before he laughed and he grinned, he’d been saving that one.
Ram’s mouth fell open as Owen busted out laughing. “That was mean.” He poked Kade in the chest. The little shit was grinning at him like a cat who stole a canary. He was going to pay for that tonight.
Kade snorted. “I think you’ll survive.” He tilted his chin up to keep the wild pup in his arms from biting his lips.
Ram grinned, happy as hell Kade was comfortable enough to tease him. He knew of many Dom’s and even Daddies who would punish their boy for that remark and that was something he’d never understood. He wanted his boy comfortable enough to do anything with him. “I’ll get you back for that, baby,” he warned.
Owen sat back and watched the banter play out. He was so happy for Ram, he was a good man and deserved to have someone that loved him just as much as he loved them. He’d always seen Ram go above and beyond for his boys and he was really happy to see the man happy. Too many times he had seen others try to take advantage of him, like those twins who had set their eyes on him at the club just to use him. From what he could see of Kade, the man was perfectly suited to Ram.
“Need me to do the basics with them?” Ram asked as he held Eman close as she fell asleep, her warm puppy breath coating his neck. God he loved her already, Bullmastiffs were his favorite breed to work with. Most weren’t good for Service work, it took a unicorn within the breed to be a good candidate.
“Yeah for now they’re pretty much potty-trained but I need to get them used to self-soothing and learning manners around a house setting. Seti will be the one who needs the structure the most, Eman, is so sweet and docile she’ll just wait until you tell her to do something. Once they have all their shots I’ll be doing more training outside until they’re ready for public access work.” Owen chuckled as Kade held Seti out away from his body as he squirmed and tried to nip Kade’s face.
Ram snickered. “Okay, I’ll take them, I’m sure Bram or the others will help out if I need it.” He had a pretty good system down, and Sanem would keep her soft hearted husband in line when he would try to let the puppies get away with things they shouldn’t be doing. Ram grinned at the thought, his brother always was a sucker.
“Good deal, let me go get their paperwork and their stuff I’ll be right back.” Owen smacked Ram’s thigh as he stood and walked back to his house to get the stuff.
“You doing okay, baby?” Ram asked as he ran his hand through Kade’s hair and kissed his temple. He could see Kade was more relaxed than he had been when Ram had picked him up, but he also knew his boy was a pro at masking what was bothering him.
Kade nodded, leaning into Ram’s shoulder. “I’m good.” He grinned as he let the little heathen in his arms go to wreak havoc elsewhere. He made grabby hands at Ram until he set the little angel baby in Kade’s arms, she was still fast asleep and seemed to burrow even deeper into Kade’s neck.
“Good. I’m gonna be taking these little babies home to work with,” Ram told him even though he knew Kade had heard them talking. He wanted to get Kade involved so that he could see the entire process that went into making these babies be able to help save someone’s life. He also knew it would be good for Kade, it would challenge him, take him out of his comfort zone and force him to be more active, because Valk was just a big baby and preferred to lounge around versus exercise.
Kade chuckled. “Just like with Valk?” He was really proud of Ram for all he was doing to help more people like him. When he’d come back from the war his government had basically turned their backs on him, they were sorry he’d lost men but that was war. The men and women who came back were never the same, they’d given up so much in the name of Uncle Sam and to be written off as a casualty of war hurt worse than the abuse he’d suffered at the hands of terrorists.
Ram nodded. “Yes. Valk was a heathen in his puppy days, make no mistake that boy was a wild one.” He wasn’t lying, Seti reminded him a lot of Valk at that age. Thank God Valk had settled down and seemed to just enjoy being around the people he loved instead of being wild.
Kade laughed. “I guess it’s a good thing he settled down then.” He couldn’t imagine his big couch potato ever being wild, but he’d have loved to see it.
Ram nodded. “He definitely trained me well.” He looked fondly over at the big baby as he laid close to Kade and snuggled with Eman as she rested in the crook of Kade’s arm, while Seti gnawed on his ears trying to get him to play.
“What do you do with them?” Kade asked, as he shifted to get comfortable.
“I basically teach them manners and boundaries. They learn discipline with me. We cement potty training, leash walking, door boundaries and most of the specific tasks and tricks they need to know for when they’re placed with their new owners. Once they are about six months of age me and Owen will start to take them to pet friendly places and work on the training with distractions and once they are about eight months they will become a Service Dog-in-Training and will start to accompany us to other places. Places like restaurants, movie theaters, stores, doctors visits and just any random trip.”
“How long does it take to train them?” Kade asked, yawning.
Ram smiled softly at his boy. “About two years but it can take longer if needed. Once they get their CGC, CGCU, CGCA, and the PAT, we look to pair them with a Veteran that would be most suited to them. After that we have training with both the dog and Veteran for about six months until they are ready to be a team, that’s when they become a fully tasked trained service dog and they lose the in-training patch.”
“I didn’t realize how much actually went into all of this,” Kade muttered. He had a new respect for Ram, Owen and Valk. Most people wouldn’t even realize how much went into it.
Ram snorted. “Most people don’t, they just want to take their dogs everywhere they go. So they slap a vest on the dog and call it a service dog then that dog goes around and relieves itself in stores, eats food from the table in restaurants, or attacks other dogs or children. Service dogs have such a bad rap right now because people think it’s a new trend to have a service dog. When in reality it’s very stressful and hard to have to rely on an animal to help save your life.”
Kade nodded. It was because not only did he have to worry about making sure he got from point A to point B without killing himself, now he was in charge of a whole different being he had to try and not accidentally kill.
Kade took a deep breath. “What time do you have to be at the club tonight?” He hated to pop his own bubble but he needed to know so he could prepare himself. He really didn’t want Ram to go but he couldn’t damn well say ‘ Daddy I don’t want you to go, I want you to stay here with me tonight.’
“About six, I’ve still got some time, and want to spend it with you before I leave. That okay?” Ram asked, just to make sure Kade didn’t have any other plans. Just because he wanted the man all to himself didn’t mean that could always happen. He’d have to deal with Kade being away from him at times even though he hated the fucking thought. They would have to come up with a plan. He had no problem with always going to Kade’s place as the man would be more comfortable but he wanted Kade to be a part of his world as well. He was so fucking proud of his little house. He’d had it custom made. His quaint little stone cottage was his safe haven. Bram and the boys always knew to call ahead when they wanted to visit him, they never just showed up, and he rarely ever let them inside. His brother was used to his quirks and understood that Ram needed his own space, that he would run off too when things became too much. Growing up Amish it had mostly just been him and his brother, they were together doing chores from sun up to sun down. They shared a room and even after they left they’d always stayed near each other.
Kade nodded. “Yeah.” He still wasn’t sure if he could go with Ram tonight but he did want to spend some time with the man.
“Good then let’s get ready to go.” Ram told Owen the same thing when the man returned. “I’ll go ahead and take their stuff, I should be back around seven thirty-ish.” He loaded up a couple of crates and all their toys and treats along with food and folders for each that specified what tricks or tasks each would need to know.
Owen grinned. “Sounds good to me. I’ll keep them out to hang out with some of the others to hopefully wear them out.” He reached down and gave Valk a hug when he ambled over to get some love. “It was good to see you again buddy, you’ve definitely become a good baby.” He held Valk’s massive jowls in his hands and squished his face as he kissed his cold wet nose. “Be a good boy.” He waved them off.
Once Ram got Kade into the truck he turned to him. “Do you want to get something to eat on the way or do you want to order in?” He didn’t care either way but he didn’t want to just decide for Kade.
“We can pick it up, it’ll be easier.” Kade assured him. Quicker too he thought, the sooner they got back to his place the sooner he’d be able to relax.
“Oay, sounds good. What would you like to do for the next hour or so?” Ram asked as he pulled back out onto the highway. “And what do you wanna eat?”
“Can we pick up some Italian?” Kade asked, settling back into the passenger seat. He had a craving for some Chicken Alfredo with steamed broccoli.
“Absolutely, what do you want to watch when we get back to your apartment?” Ram asked as he took the exit to go to his favorite little mom-and-pop Italian restaurant. He had a feeling Kade wanted some down time and his boy seemed to flock to the TV when he needed to decompress.
“SpongeBob,” Kade deadpanned.
Ram snorted. “Spongebob?”
Kade nodded. “Yeah, I’m behind on a couple episodes.” He usually tried to keep up but with all the shit going on he’d fallen behind.
Ram laughed. “I don’t know why that surprises me, but I was not expecting you to say that.” SpongeBob was pretty much the last thing he’d expected Kade to enjoy.
Kade shrugged. “One of the guys I served with had like three seasons of SpongeBob saved to his tablet and that was all the TV we really got to see, so sometimes I like to watch it to remember simpler times. Is it weird?” he asked curiously, he really wouldn’t care if Ram thought so, it was one of the ways he felt closer to Keegan these days and he wouldn’t give it up for anything.
“No, baby it’s not, if it brings you joy then that’s all that matters to me.” Ram reached over and clasped Kade’s hand that was fisted in his lap. “I’d love to watch it with you if you’d like?” While he may have been a little shocked at Kade’s choice he would never make the man feel any type of way for doing the things in life that brought him joy.
“Yeah if it won’t be too boring for you,” Kade said softly. He’d love sometime to cuddle with Ram. Which in itself was weird. While he always wanted affection he never sought it out, any affection he got from Devin was like pulling teeth. His brothers tried to help but they usually ended up making things awkward. He wanted to touch Ram, he wanted Ram to touch him. He wanted to curl up in Ram’s lap and stake his claim like a cat would to its human.
Ram snorted. “No, it won’t, a few of my nephews used to watch that show religiously.” He patted Kade’s hand as he pulled into the parking lot of the little Italian shop. “You want your regular?”
“Yes please.” Kade stayed in the car while Ram ran in. He hated it, granted he didn’t want to go in either but he hated to be away from Ram and that thought alone made him break out in a cold sweat. The only reason he had made it out alive during his time in captivity was because he didn’t have a weakness they could exploit, but Ram, he was literally the key to Kade. He would do anything for the man, even kill for him, or the greatest sacrifice of all, he would die for him. He really should be freaking out more that he was totally in love with the older man but he wasn’t and he couldn’t explain it. He knew deep down Ram would never hurt him, but he also knew that some of the men who had hurt him were still out there. It didn’t take Ram long to return to the truck with their food, but Kade was damn near beside himself with worry. What if something happened? He couldn’t protect Ram and that realization hurt worse than all his months of torture combined. If anything ever happened to Ram he wouldn’t survive it.
“Okay, baby got the food. I made sure to get you some extra ranch.” Ram smiled at his own words, Kade was a ranch slut there was no other way to describe it, until he looked over at the man. “What’s wrong?” he demanded, immediately setting the food aside and reaching for Kade. The man was pale and with his darker bronze skin that was a little worrying.
Kade had to clear his throat and take a few deep breaths before he could reply. “Nothing, I just got lost in thought,” he mumbled, twisting the fabric of Ram’s shirt in his fists as he rested his head on Ram’s shoulder. He was so fucking screwed and he had no idea what he could do about it. He couldn’t just lock Ram up because he was scared he’d lose his shit if someone tried to hurt him in any way, but he couldn’t lose Ram either.
“That was not nothing Kade, the look on your face told me exactly what it was. I won’t ask now. We’ll go to your place and eat before I have to leave but best believe me we will be talking about it.” Ram could tell Kade needed a minute to gather his wits and left him to do it. On the drive to Kade’s apartment Ram kept a hand on Kade’s thigh just to remind the man that he was there if he needed him. The second he parked he quickly ushered Kade inside while he set the food on the counter and pushed Kade to sit on the couch. “Go ahead and start your show and I’ll dish out the food.”
Kade nodded. “Thank you.” He immediately grabbed the remote from its place on the coffee table in front of him and turned on the TV. He had Alexa set up and was able to get SpongeBob playing within a minute. He tried to let the soothing, familiar sounds relax him as he listened to Ram moving around in the kitchen. Reminding him that Ram was right here and he was safe.
Ram set Kade’s plate in front of him. “Here you go, baby.” He sat back and enjoyed the time with his man as they ate in silence, only being broken up by a crying sponge and his wild friends. He waited until Kade was done with his food before he picked the conversation back up. “Now do you want to explain to me what that was in the car?” He kept his voice soft but made sure to put a tad bit of his Daddy voice in it to make sure Kade understood he wasn’t playing around. He didn’t want to wait any longer to find out, he was afraid if he left Kade to stew with his thoughts he’d never be able to break through.
Kade sighed, raking his hands down his face before rubbing at his eyes furiously. They were burning and he knew he shouldn’t be rubbing them but that was the only thing that really helped.
“Stop baby.” Ram grabbed his hands and pulled Kade onto his lap. He hated watching Kade do that, his eyes always turned really red and the scarred skin under his eyes looked like it was about to tear apart.
Kade sighed roughly, resting his forehead on Ram’s strong shoulder. He was thankful Ram didn’t push and gave him the time he needed to get his thoughts in order. “It’s scary to think how things are changing,” he mumbled.
Ram’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean, baby?”
Kade sighed again, he really didn’t know how to express what he wanted to say. “Even though I was with Devin for years I never really cared if something were to happen to him. When I was in captivity the only reason I didn’t break was because I had nothing to lose. I just keep thinking, were that to happen again and they used you as leverage I’d break in a heartbeat.”
Ram’s heart broke for Kade, but he had to agree, had he been in that position and they were using Kade against him he’d give them whatever they wanted. “I know, baby and I feel the same way, but that’s not something you need to worry about right now. There’s no danger and both of us are healthy and happy… well mostly at least.”
Kade scoffed. He enjoyed the moments that passed with Ram holding him tight. “Can I go with you to the club tonight? I don’t think I’ll be able to handle being away from you right now.”
The question was asked so low Ram almost didn’t hear it but he grinned, he loved a possessive boy. “Yes baby you can, and if you get overwhelmed just let me know and I can take you back to one of the private rooms.”
Kade nodded and settled back into Ram’s warmth, they still had about an hour or so before they had to leave.