31. Kellen
Thirty-One
Kellen
I’m able to schedule the workplace training with the autistic advocacy staff for Friday.
I spend the entire week looking forward to it, poring over their website and reading about differences in autistic brains compared to neurotypical brains.
Neurotypical is a new word for me. I send a company wide email inviting everyone to the training Friday and have our administrative staff reschedule all appointments so everyone is able to attend.
I arrange for a walk through with the trainer after the session, where we will look over the physical work environment and talk about changes I can make there as well.
By the end of the day, my Beltane team has listened to countless stories from employees sharing their experiences and created a monthly speaker series plus some support groups for people to vent and get support.
I order light diffusing covers for the fluorescent lights and high quality noise canceling headphones for every employee, should they choose to wear those during the work day.
I’m surprised by the number of my employees who self-identify as being autistic and who, like Jake, use the word Aspergers to describe themselves even though that technically doesn’t exist anymore.
I leave the afternoon so energized, excited to put words to one of the elements that gives Beltane an edge when it comes to meticulous inspections and innovative, outside-the-box thinking about client challenges.
I drive home eager to knock on Elizabeth’s door, to ask her to please have a conversation with me and listen to all that I’ve learned.
I know she likely already knows all of this information, but I want to let her know that I understand Jake’s autism isn’t going anywhere.
I know he’s learning techniques to navigate this world, and I know that Elizabeth is his soft landing space.
I want to tell her that I’d like to be a soft landing space for him, too. That maybe between the two of us, we can support him and she’ll feel less…I don’t even know how to finish that thought, but I don’t get the chance. I pull into my driveway and see a commotion across the street.
A man stands in the yard, shouting. It must be Todd Gaston, and I sneer at the thought of him coming here. I get out of the car and decide to stick around, just in case. Just in case of what, I don’t know, but things are getting heated over there.
“You’re coming with me and that’s final,” Todd shouts at Jake, who shakes his head and backs up closer to his porch stairs. “I have legal rights to spend this weekend with you,” Todd sneers, and Jake starts screaming back at his father.
“I don’t want to go with you. No, no, no!” He sinks to the grass and starts rocking back and forth, his hands slapping at the yard. It’s painful to see him so upset and I’m about to walk over when Elizabeth bursts outside.
“Enough, Todd. He doesn’t want to go with you.”
The asshole shakes his head, grinning cruelly. “Of course not, after you poisoned his mind against me. I’m recording this entire thing, you know. Let’s let the lawyers see how our child is frightened of his own father, thanks to whatever bullshit lies you’ve been feeding him.”
“Please do record this, Todd,” Elizabeth says, walking over to Jake to comfort him. “Make sure to send me a copy, too.” She places a hand on Jake’s shoulder and he swats her hand away. “Sweetheart, do you want to go inside?”
Jake starts to scream, a low keening sound. I walk over toward him, unable to stand by while he’s suffering like this. “I think Jake has had enough,” I say to Todd. He snaps his head toward me.
“Who the fuck is this, Elizabeth? Mind your own business,” he spits at me. I ignore him and squat so I can make eye contact with Jake. Jake is the one who matters right now.
He sees me and crawls over toward me on the lawn, surprising me by wrapping his arms around me.
I hold him and rub his back as Elizabeth looks at me with tears in her eyes.
I reach a hand for hers and squeeze, and I see this is the moment where Todd figures out what I am to her, what I have become to his family.
“You want full custody,” he screams at her. He starts flailing his arms around, still holding his cell phone like he’s recording. “You think you’re fit to care for a disabled child while you’re out fucking this guy? Whoever the hell he is.”
“That will be enough of that,” I tell him, disentangling myself from Jake’s limbs to stand up. “You need to head on out of here and regain your composure. If you ever had any.”
“Fuck you,” Todd glares at me. “You’re behind all this? You encouraging her to bleed me dry? She sat around for years, spending my money and refusing to fuck me. She’ll stop fucking you, too.” He opens his mouth to keep going, but I stand firmly in his space, an inch away from his face.
“Get out of here,” I growl at him, my voice low, enraged. “You will not speak that way in front of a child and you will not speak that way about Elizabeth.”
He laughs, a cruel sound. “You’re the manners police?
” Todd dusts off his slacks and shakes his head, walking toward his car.
“I’ll see your ass in court,” he shouts.
“You’re going to lose everything and my son will get placed in a proper treatment center for people like him. Enough of this freak show.”
He gets in the car and races down the street. Jake’s eyes are wild with fright and anger. He stomps into the house and slams the door. Elizabeth moves to follow him.
“Beth,” I say, “Please, wait. Please talk to me.”
She shakes her head. “I have to go to him,” she tells me. I see a tear roll down one cheek. “I have to calm him down and I have to call my lawyer to document this before his fucking lawyer sends some sort of injunction.”
“Let me help,” I plead with her, following her toward the house.
“We’re not a project for you, Kellen,” she shouts. “I have to go protect my son before I lose him.”
“Elizabeth, I’m not going anywhere,” I tell her. “And I won’t let you lose him. Let me help you.”
She’s crying real tears now and she ignores them as they roll down her cheeks. She makes her way toward the steps. “I can’t make room in my life for anything but Jake,” she tells me.
I think of all the ways I could be helping right now if she would just let me in. I could call the lawyer and give a statement. I could make them dinner while she works with Jake to calm him down.
But she doesn’t let me. She goes inside and I hear the deadbolt turn as her footsteps fade down the hallway. I’m left outside alone.