Chapter 12 #2
The rest of the meal continued in easy conversation, several folks mentioning what they were thankful for.
Mercifully, Victor and Belle didn’t make everyone go around the table and answer that question, because what he was truly thankful for was that September hurricane, but there was no way he could say that out loud.
The dressing competition ended in a tie, which was hilarious to everyone except Jordan and Victor, who were trying to figure out how to break it. Competitive fuckers.
In the end, no one would change their vote, so they were forced to settle for the tie, even though Victor grumbled about them being no better than a bunch of fucking pansy-ass soccer players, content with a draw. Pip’s curse jar had been overflowing at that point.
After clearing the table and divvying the leftovers, a few of the couples said their goodbyes, while some of the single guys, as well as McKenna and Tank, stuck around to play Farkle with Victor and Belle, who were obsessed with the dice game. Pip sat on Belle’s lap, declaring they were a team.
Dean bailed, claiming he was content to watch, then he slipped out of the living room in search of his prey.
He found Vivian alone in the kitchen, wiping a counter that had already been scrubbed.
“Hey,” he said, leaning on the doorframe.
She turned around slowly, not bothering to force a smile. “Hey.”
“Could we talk?” he asked.
She hesitated just long enough he feared she’d reject him outright. Instead, she tossed the dishcloth into the sink. “Okay.”
“I owe you an apology and an explanation.”
Vivian crossed her arms, though he wasn’t sure if the action was one of aggression or self-preservation.
Dean stepped into the room, crossing until he was standing next to her, refusing to let the island create a barrier between them.
“I broke things off because I’d convinced myself I wasn’t what you needed.”
Vivian’s expression tightened. “So you said at the pub.”
“I thought I was being noble, protecting you from me and my workaholic, hockey-obsessed nature.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“I wasn’t being noble at all. I was being a coward. The truth is, I was scared. About you and Pip and McKenna. About everything. I kept thinking about all the ways I’d already screwed up, and I thought the only way to make sure I didn’t hurt you was to walk away.”
“You did hurt me,” she whispered.
Dean closed his eyes briefly, the pain in hers cutting through him like a thousand knives. Then, he forced his open, made himself face what he’d done. “I know. And I’m sorry, Viv. Sorrier than I can say.”
She considered that for a moment, then nodded. “Okay.”
He couldn’t help but notice she didn’t say she accepted his apology.
“If that’s all you wanted to say,” she started, clearly hoping to escape the kitchen.
“It’s not,” he hastily interjected. “I talked to McKenna about us, and she said something that I needed to hear.”
“What did she say?” Vivian asked, lowering her arms, so that she could shove her hands in the front pockets of her jeans.
“I can’t keep letting past decisions define me. I fucked up with her and that’s something I’m trying to fix now. Walking away from you wasn’t me being selfless; it was me making another mistake. A huge one.”
“McKenna’s smart,” Vivian observed.
“She is,” he agreed.
“Must take after her mother.” Vivian cracked a small, quick smile, but it was just a flash and then gone again.
“She definitely takes after Ellie. I’m the witless wonder,” he said, self-deprecatingly. “The guy who thinks it’s okay to give an iPhone to a seven-year-old.”
Vivian sighed. “You decided what was best for me without even talking to me. Without asking me what I wanted. That fucking you-deserve-better line was bullshit.”
Dean raked his fingers through his hair. “Honestly, Viv, that’s the only thing I said at the pub that I don’t regret. Because the truth is, you do deserve better than me.”
“If this is you, comparing yourself to Phil—”
“I’m not,” he assured her. “We’re different men, and I’m not trying to replace him. Not at all. I just know—from both you and Vic—that he was perfect for you, and I…”
Vivian snorted softly. “You know, time has a way of turning deceased loved ones into martyrs because all we ever talk about are the things we loved, the things we miss. Phil wasn’t perfect.
He always left huge globs of toothpaste in the sink.
It was disgusting. And I swear, I’m not sure he even knew there was a trash can in the kitchen because he was forever leaving used napkins, empty food wrappers, and greasy aluminum foil on the counter instead of just pitching it.
I don’t need perfection, Dean. I just need a partner, someone to share my days and nights with, someone to talk to about all the crazy shit that goes through my mind and stresses me out.
You didn’t talk to me. Instead, you went straight to the knee-jerk response of cutting and running. ”
“You’re right. I did. I’ve spent forty-four years being my only counsel, making all decisions on my own.
Communication in a relationship is one of those things I have very little experience with.
But I’d like the chance to learn…with you.
Because, Viv, I intend to spend the rest of my life trying to be a man worthy of you. ”
Vivian drew in a sharp breath of air but didn’t respond.
“I’m asking for a second chance, Viv. To do this right. And we can take it as slowly as you need, and we don’t have to tell anyone. Well, I mean, Victor, Belle, McKenna, and Tank already know, but—”
“I only wanted to keep it a secret because I needed to be sure for Pip.”
“I understand that.” He truly did. “I adore that little girl. I don’t want to hurt or confuse her.”
“I’m part of a matched set,” Vivian said. “If you’re going to be with me—really with me—Pip will be part of the equation. If you truly believe you can’t be a father—”
“I can,” he said. “I’d love nothing more than to…” He swallowed heavily, choking up as he admitted something he hadn’t even let himself think. “I’d love to be a father to that little girl. She’s incredible.”
Vivian blinked several times, and he noticed her eyes welling with tears.
“I know I fucked up, and I realize it will take some time before you trust me again, but—”
“I trust you, Dean,” Vivian said. “I always have.”
“Could we start over?”
She shook her head, and Dean’s heart stopped in his chest. He’d screwed up royally, and now he was going to have to pay the price for the rest of his lonely, miserable life.
“I don’t want to start at the beginning. Hell, we didn’t start at the beginning the first time,” she pointed out. “I’m pretty sure most normal couples start with the dating, then advance to sex.”
For the first time since he’d arrived here today, Vivian gave him a smile—a genuine, happy smile.
“I guess you’re right about that. I’m sorry, sunshine. For hurting you. For being too stupid and scared to talk to you about all the shit flying around in my head, for letting my past mistakes blind me to what was standing right in front of me.”