Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Robbie’s small mouth worked hungrily against Melissa’s breast, his tiny fingers curling and uncurling against her skin in a rhythm that had become as familiar to her as her own heartbeat. She shifted on the bed, finding a more comfortable position, and let her eyes drift closed for a moment.
Six days.
Less than a week before they planned to—
She forced the thought away. Not now. Right now, there was only the weight of her son in her arms, the quiet of the dimmed cell, and the solid presence of Becsul standing near the door.
She opened her eyes and found him watching her.
It wasn’t surprising. He often watched her with Robbie, an expression of wonder softening his hard features.
But something was different this time. His black eyes had grown darker somehow, more intense.
His tail, usually relaxed when they were alone together, was coiled tight against his leg, the tip twitching with barely restrained energy.
And his posture had shifted, every line of his powerful body radiating a tension that had nothing to do with danger.
It took her a moment to understand what she was seeing.
Oh.
Heat flooded her cheeks. She should have felt uncomfortable—she was breastfeeding, for God’s sake, and they were trapped in an alien facility where she was slated to be forcibly impregnated. There was nothing remotely romantic about their circumstances.
But the way he looked at her…
Desire. Want. Hunger.
Not for just any woman. For her.
The realization made her breath catch. When had she last felt desirable?
Before the pregnancy, certainly. Back when she’d still harbored hopes that her engagement to Vijay might become something more than a business arrangement between families?
But even then, Vijay had looked at her like an asset to be acquired. A checkbox on his life plan.
Becsul looked at her like she was the sunrise after an endless night.
Robbie’s suckling slowed, his eyelids growing heavy. She stroked his cheek, encouraging him to finish, overwhelmingly aware of the alien warrior still standing by the door. She could feel the weight of his attention like a physical touch, warm and electric against her skin.
“You can sit down,” she said softly. “He’s almost asleep.”
He moved immediately, settling onto the far end of the narrow bunk with more grace than a male his size should possess. His tail unfurled from his leg and crept towards her across the thin mattress, stopping just short of touching her hip.
Such restraint, she thought, and felt her lips curve into a small smile. He’s trying so hard.
Robbie finally released her nipple with a satisfied sigh, his tiny body going boneless in her arms. She shifted him to her shoulder, patting his back gently until a small burp escaped him, then carefully rose to carry him to the crib.
Becsul’s eyes were on her the entire time.
By the time she’d settled Robbie in his crib and pulled the light blanket over his small form, her heart was beating faster than it had any right to. She stood there for a moment, looking down at her son’s sleeping face, gathering her courage.
This is insane, whispered the rational part of her brain. You’re a prisoner. He’s your captor. Nothing good can come of this.
But another part of her, the part that had been dormant since long before the Vedeckians took her, stirred awake and stretched with lazy anticipation.
When was the last time you wanted something for yourself?
She turned back to find him still seated on the bunk, his posture rigid with control.
His hands rested on his thighs, his fists clenched, and his tail had wound itself into a tight coil beside him.
Everything about him screamed restraint, discipline, the iron will of a warrior holding himself in check.
Everything except his eyes. Those bottomless black depths watched her with naked longing.
She walked back to the bed and sat down beside him, close enough that their thighs almost touched.
“You were staring,” she said.
A flush of deeper green spread across his cheeks. “I apologize. It was inappropriate—”
“I didn’t say I minded.”
He went very still.
She reached out and laid her hand on his forearm, feeling the slight nubbed texture of his skin beneath her palm. Warm. She always expected him to feel cold, like the snakes she’d handled during her biology rotations in grad school. But he ran hot, almost feverish compared to human baseline.
“You look at me like…” She trailed off, searching for words. “Like I matter.”
“You do matter.” His voice had dropped to a low rumble that she felt as much as heard. “More than I have words to express.”
“Most men look at me and see a collection of parts. Or they did, before.” She laughed softly. “Now I’m a mother. Mothers are supposed to be sexless, didn’t you know? We exist to nurture and sacrifice. Wanting things for ourselves is selfish.”
“That is foolish.”
“It’s how a lot of humans think.”
His tail uncurled and slid towards her, the tip brushing against her hip before winding around to rest at the small of her back. The touch was light, almost tentative, but it sent shivers racing up her spine.
“Among the Cire, a mother is considered the most desirable of females. She has proven her strength, her fertility, and her ability to create and sustain life.” His head tilted, those dark eyes studying her face. “When I look at you with Robbie, I see beauty. And a warrior’s heart.”
God help me, she thought. How is he real?
“That’s quite the line,” she managed.
“It’s not a line. It’s the truth.”
The certainty in his voice undid something inside her. A knot lodged somewhere behind her sternum, suddenly loosened and let go. She leaned into him, resting her head against his broad shoulder. His arm came around her immediately, pulling her closer, and his tail tightened around her waist.
They sat like that for a while, wrapped in comfortable silence. Robbie’s soft breathing filled the cell, a gentle counterpoint to the thrum of environmental systems beyond the walls. For a few precious moments, she let herself pretend they were somewhere else. Somewhere safe.
“We should sleep,” she murmured eventually.
“You should sleep,” he corrected. “I can keep watch.”
She shifted, looking up at him. “Stay with me. Here.”
His breath caught audibly. “Melissa…”
“I’m not asking you to do anything inappropriate. Just…” Her cheeks heated again. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
He studied her for a long moment, something warring behind his eyes. Then, slowly, he nodded.
They rearranged themselves awkwardly, trying to fit two adult bodies onto a mattress designed for one.
Eventually they settled with his on his back, one arm extended across the pillow, while she curled against his side with her head on his chest. His tail wound around her hip, anchoring her against him.
“Comfortable?” His voice vibrated through his chest, rumbling against her ear.
“Surprisingly, yes.” She could feel his heartbeat beneath his skin, an odd syncopated rhythm. “How many hearts do you have?”
“Just one. But I have superior cardiovascular endurance.”
She snorted. “Is that a boast?”
“Merely a statement of biological fact.”
She could hear the smile in his voice and tipped her head back to look at him. In the dim light, the darker markings on his skin had taken on a deeper shade of emerald, almost black. His eyes were still fixed on her, still hungry, but there was tenderness there too.
“Goodnight, Becsul,” she whispered.
“Goodnight, Melissa.”
She meant to close her eyes. She meant to let sleep take her, to bank the fire building in her blood and deal with it in the morning, when she could think clearly.
Instead, she lifted her head and pressed her lips to his.
The kiss started gentle. A soft brush of her mouth against his, feeling the subtle differences of his wider mouth and thinner lips. He made a low sound in his throat and his arm tightened around her back.
Then something shifted.
His free hand came up to cup the back of her head, and he kissed her with a desperation that stole her breath. His tongue traced the seam of her lips, seeking entrance, and when she opened for him he groaned like a dying male granted water.
This is what I’ve been missing, she thought hazily.
She’d been kissed before by various men, with varying degrees of skill and enthusiasm.
But nothing had prepared her for the intensity of kissing Becsul.
He kissed like each press of his mouth against hers was a gift he might never receive again.
Like she was precious and powerful and utterly irresistible.
When they finally broke apart, both breathing hard, she found herself sprawled half across his chest with one leg hooked over his thigh. His tail had wound up her calf to curl around her knee, holding her in place.
“Melissa.” Her name came out as a growl. “We should stop.”
“Probably.” She didn’t move.
“I don’t want to take advantage—”
“You’re not.” She propped herself up on one elbow, looking down at him. “Trust me, Becsul. If I wanted you to stop, you would know.”
She could see the pulse hammering in his throat, and beneath her leg, the massive evidence of his arousal pressed against the fabric of his uniform.
“I want you,” he said, and the raw honesty in his voice made her shiver. “I want you in ways I don’t have words to describe. Every moment I’m near you, my body screams to claim you. To mark you. To make you mine.”
“But?”
“But not like this. Not in a cell, with Veyalor’s deadline hanging over us. Not when you might feel obligated, or coerced, or—”
She kissed him again, cutting off the words.
“I don’t feel obligated,” she said when she pulled back.
“I feel… awake. For the first time in years, maybe.” She traced a finger along the line of his jaw, feeling the slight texture of his skin.
“Whatever happens tomorrow, or in six days, or whenever—right now, in this moment, I want to feel something good. I want to feel you.”