Chapter 20
TWENTY
There was a line outside Muriel’s Coffee when Sorrel got there.
She hadn’t come because she’d suggested to Tam that he buy her a cup of coffee sometime – definitely not as a date.
The fact that she might bump into Tam Blackwood was a pleasant diversion, but also a confusing one.
She couldn’t help but admit that there was still chemistry there.
There probably always would be. But as she’d said to Dom the day before, everything was complicated.
Sorrel had woken up to a barrage of texts and missed calls from Simon that, as well as the startling new information about her biological father, made her feel sick with anxiety.
She’d had a day to start to process the news, but it was nowhere near enough.
Talking to Dom had helped, but there was so much to sort out in her mind.
I don’t want to hear from Simon. I want to hear from Bluebell, she thought, as she joined the queue. Her sister still hadn’t replied to the email Sorrel had sent, the last time she was standing in line at Muriel’s.
Part of me wants to forget that I even know anything about my real father. I’d rather not know.
That wasn’t strictly true, but it was such big news that Sorrel didn’t know how to deal with it. What was she supposed to do with this information? What would she even say to him? Just turn up and say, I’m your daughter, hi? Can I have thirty-odd years’ worth of pocket money?
Hardly.
Despite everything that was on her mind, it was a lovely day, and the walk through the castle grounds, past the burn and onto the moorland was stunning.
She would never get tired of the land here.
Its wild roughness and tussocky ground, combined with its fairy-enchanted, crystal-clear waterfalls, were a part of her soul.
It was easier to think when she was walking, especially in the quiet of the landscape.
She thought about Tam. She thought about the way she had instinctively rested her forehead on his chest when she’d run into him in the Inn’s garden the other day. Tam had always felt like home. Tam was peace and safety.
Or, he had been, once.
Did she think of Simon as home? Was he the place she went to get comfort, perspective, healing and love? Would she be able to forgive what he’d done, or would it always be there, lurking in the shadows?
‘Sorrel Balhennie. I can’t believe it,’ a voice behind her made her jump. She turned around to see a bright-faced young woman with her auburn hair in braids standing behind her, grinning. She wore dark blue corduroy dungarees over a white vest and a mustard yellow cardigan over the top.
‘Briony!’ Sorrel cried out in surprise. ‘My goodness! How are you?’
‘I’m well, I’m well.’ The young woman stepped back, looking Sorrel over from head to toe. ‘You have not changed! I heard you were back. I was going to come up to the Inn and say hello.’
Briony Mathers had grown up with Sorrel and her sisters. When they were younger, they’d played hopscotch on the Inn’s long drive, collected wildflowers for the tables in the Inn’s restaurant, swum in the burn in the summer.
‘Saved you the trip,’ Sorrel grinned, despite her serious thoughts.
‘I can’t believe you’ve been gone ten years. Not a word.’
‘I know. It’s… complicated.’ She didn’t want to launch into why it was complicated in the queue at Muriel’s. But Briony had been a good friend.
‘How come you’re back? Just visiting?’
The queue was moving forward slowly; Sorrel was aware that everyone was probably listening to their conversation. She hadn’t missed that. In London, you could be anonymous. On Skye, everyone knew your business.
‘Kind of. Helping out with the Inn.’
‘Mum. Can I have a cookie?’ A young boy ran up to Briony and wrapped his arms around her waist. ‘Muriel says I have to ask you.’
‘Okay. Just one, though. And you have to wait with me.’ Briony put her hand on the top of the boy’s head affectionately. ‘Alex, this is my old friend Sorrel. Can you say hi?’
‘Hello.’ The boy smiled shyly up at Sorrel. He looked just like Briony: the same big green eyes, auburn hair, ruddy cheeks.
‘You’re a mum!’ Sorrel exclaimed.
‘Yep. He’s my joy.’ Briony hugged Alex to her.
‘Are you married?’ Sorrel asked. There was so much she’d missed by being away. It made her sad; she pushed away the empty feeling in her heart. I shouldn’t have gone. But I couldn’t stay.
Briony lowered her voice. ‘I was. He… passed away when Alex was two. Active service.’
‘Oh, my goodness. I’m so sorry.’ Sorrel put her hand to her mouth. ‘That’s terrible!’
‘It’s okay. I miss him, but that was four years ago.’ Briony mussed Alex’s hair. ‘And this one keeps me busy. We moved back in with my parents, and they’ve been a godsend.’
‘That’s good. But what a thing to go through. I’m so sorry, Briony,’ Sorrel repeated. ‘What happened? If you don’t mind me asking?’
‘I don’t mind. He was in the Special Forces. A mission went wrong. He was shot,’ Briony said, quietly. ‘Daddy was a hero, wasn’t he, baby?’ she added, hugging her little boy to her. Alex nodded, playing with the button on his mother’s cardigan.
‘Wow. That’s rough.’ Sorrel couldn’t think of anything helpful to say; obviously, there was nothing, but she wished there was. ‘I mean… if you want to talk, anytime. I’m here. I mean, I’d love to catch up. Maybe we should go for a drink or something.’
‘That would be great. There’s a nice little wine bar in Portree. We should go there one night. I’ll get Mum and Dad to watch Alex.’ Briony nodded. ‘Oh. Hey, Tam.’
Sorrel jumped.
‘Hey, Sorrel.’ Tam Blackwood ran a hand shyly through his mass of tumbling black curls. ‘Hey, Briony. What’s up, Alex.’ He high-fived the little boy.
‘Tam!’ Alex cried out happily. Without flinching, Tam caught him and picked him up, twirling the little boy around as if he was weightless.
‘So, I’m guessing that you two caught up already. Otherwise, that was the world’s most understated reunion after ten years.’ Briony looked from one of them to the other. ‘Alex, sweetie. Let Tam have some air.’
Tam lowered Alex to the ground, performing a complicated-looking handshake with the boy.
‘Every time we do that, you add a stage,’ he chuckled. ‘How d’you expect me to keep up?’
‘Dunno.’ Alex giggled delightedly. It was obvious that he adored Tam.
‘Yes. We’ve seen each other since I got back,’ Sorrel replied.
‘So, how’s it going, ladies?’ Tam returned to stand next to Briony, and Sorrel was surprised to see her thread her arm through his and lean into him companionably.
Oh, she thought. Was this something?
She was aware of the way her stomach lurched at the thought. Of course, Tam was allowed to be seeing someone. If that was what this was. Yet, the thought of it made her awkward.
‘Fine, thanks.’ Sorrel focused on acting normal and not staring at Tam and Briony’s interlinked arms.
‘Listen, Sorrel. I’m glad I ran into you.
I’ve got to go to the mainland to get some supplies for the Inn, and I kind of need a hand choosing which finishes you want.
For the flooring and stuff. We’ve got to order it.
Would you come with me? A day there and back, but I’ll get the coffee.
What d’you say?’ Tam asked; they’d reached the front of the queue.
‘Umm. Sure. Okay. I’ve been doing some designs for the new kitchen, paint colours for the downstairs, that kind of thing. I can show you, if you want.’
‘Definitely. That sounds great.’ Tam grinned. ‘Have your parents given their sign-off?’
‘Agh. I emailed some stuff to them, but they haven’t said anything yet.
I’ll have to chase them up, but we can still look at options while we’re out.
’ Sorrel thought with some trepidation about having to speak to Angus and Catriona.
She was actually quite enjoying designing the new interiors for the Inn – it was something to immerse herself in, something she was good at – but she didn’t want to talk to her parents.
She knew she had to; she’d agreed to help with the renovations.
But she was willing to take any opportunity to avoid the conversations she knew she had to have with Catriona and Angus right now, especially now that the sisters knew everything.
Sorrel’s stomach churned. The disintegration-into-goo feeling was just getting worse.
When will this end? she thought. This was why I stayed away. It was easier to pretend. Facing things is terrible.
‘You’re sure? It would be a huge help.’ Tam pushed his hair out of his eyes. Sorrel felt her heart go pitter-pat. Stop that, she cautioned herself. Unacceptable.
‘Yeah. That’s fine. Kind of what I’m here for.’ She shrugged, with faux nonchalance. She didn’t want to show Tam that his presence put her in a tizzy, and if Tam and Briony were an item, Sorrel definitely didn’t want to get in the middle of anything.
‘Awesome. I did say I’d buy you a coffee, after all.
’ He looked slightly awkward; Sorrel wondered if he was remembering the moment where he’d sort of asked her out.
Maybe he’d meant to be friendly all along, and she’d got the wrong idea.
She knew Tam, and she knew that he was a naturally friendly guy.
It was possible that he was just being friendly with Briony, too.
They gave their coffee order, and Tam added in some delicious-looking doorstep ham salad sandwiches, as well as a couple of slices of a coffee and walnut cake on the counter. Sorrel just nodded when he pointed to it shyly, but she knew he was remembering that it was her favourite.
‘Well, we should get on. Sorrel, give me your number. I’ll call you.’ Briony held out her phone and Sorrel obediently tapped her number into it. ‘Okay. Say bye, Alex.’ She ruffled her son’s hair. Tam enveloped the boy in a hug and they repeated their complicated handshake.
‘Bye, big fella,’ Tam said, and they repeated their complicated handshake. He hugged Briony. Alex’s face was a picture of adoration as he waved goodbye.
‘Okay. Let’s get on. It’s a couple of hours to the place we’re going. I’m parked just here.’ Tam pointed to his four by four. Sorrel followed and climbed up into the cab.
A day alone in a car with her childhood sweetheart. What could go wrong?