Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
Sorrel felt as though her lungs were on fire, but she staggered the last twenty yards to the bus stop.
She could see Tam standing there. He was looking the other way, towards the bus.
‘Wait!’ Briony shouted again. ‘Tam Blackwood! Don’t get on that bus!’
He turned around. In the dim light of evening, Sorrel could still see every feature on his face. His loved, adored face that she knew so well.
‘Sorrel?’ He squinted into the darkness. The headlights of the bus lit two long beams between them. ‘Briony?’
‘Tam. Don’t go,’ Sorrel panted as she caught up to him. He frowned, letting the other people in the queue board the bus.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked, clearly discomfited. ‘Why are you here?’
‘Briony said… that you were going to leave. For Edinburgh.’ Sorrel tried to catch her breath.
‘Yeah. I’m going to stay with a friend.’ His tone was friendly but clipped. There was a coldness between them that she hated. ‘Think about what I want to do next. Get away for a bit.’
‘Are you going because of me?’ Sorrel reached for his hand, but he pulled it away. ‘Briony said that you thought I was back with Simon. I’m not.’
‘I saw you at the castle. You looked very together. And you practically ran into his arms the day after you and I slept together.’ Tam looked down at his shoes.
‘I can’t compete with a nine-year relationship, Sorrel.
You guys have a business together. You have history.
You and I… we were kids together. That was it. ’
‘No, Tam! That wasn’t it. You’re…’ she trailed off. It was so hard to say it. ‘You’re so much more than that,’ she said, lamely. That wasn’t what she wanted to say, but it was hard.
‘Really, Sorrel? Am I?’ Tam shook his head. ‘Maybe I’ll see you in a while. When you’ve decided what you want.’ He picked up his bag and followed the last person onto the bus.
‘No!’ Sorrel cried out, following him. He turned towards her in surprise as she mounted the steps. ‘I know what I want! I want you!’
‘I don’t think you do. Are you with Simon?
Tell me honestly.’ He hefted his bag onto the luggage rack and met her eyes, combatively.
‘I don’t want to get in the middle of whatever that is.
If it’s messy, if you need to spend more time together to work things out, that’s fine. But leave me out of it.’
‘Lassie. If ye want tae get on the bus, you’ll have to pay,’ the driver said.
‘I’m not getting on. I just want to talk to my friend,’ Sorrel replied, brusquely. ‘Tam. I am not with Simon. Can you just get off the bus so we can talk about this properly?’
‘Sorrel, you’re not being fair. You had so much time to come and talk to me about what was going on. You had time to tell me if you had feelings for me. This, what you’re doing now, is toxic,’ Tam said. His tone was level, but he sounded tired. ‘You’re embarrassing me. Please, just go.’
‘Please, Tam. Please just get off the bus and talk to me. If you don’t like what I have to say, then you get on the next one. But please. I love you.’ She looked him in the eyes as she said it. ‘I love you. You are the love of my life, and I’d do anything to be with you.’
There was a silence on the bus. Sorrel was painfully aware that all ten of the people on board were now listening to her and Tam. Well, let them listen, she thought. This was too important.
‘You… love me?’ His eyes widened. Sorrel stared up into his soft, long-lashed gaze.
‘Yes. I love you. Simon and I are over. He came up to try and keep us together, but I ended it. I have to be with you. There’s no other choice.’
‘Lassie… are ye gettin’ on the bus or gettin’ off?’ the driver asked.
‘We’re getting off,’ Tam said.
When the bus had driven away, they stood on the rainy high street, looking at each other awkwardly.
‘Well. You two have got a lot to talk about,’ Briony said. ‘I’ll catch up with you soon.’
‘Bri. You don’t have to go.’ Tam held out a hand for her, but she shook her head.
‘I do. I did my good deed for the day. I got you two to talk to each other.’ She kissed Sorrel on the cheek and then Tam. ‘Talk. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Nobody is allowed to get on a bus.’ She walked off, leaving them standing next to the bus stop.
‘Shall we… get a coffee?’ Sorrel asked, shyly.
‘Think I need something stronger. Wine?’ Tam asked.
‘Briony and I were just in the wine bar. But sure.’
‘Oh. Well, I could do with taking this bag home, I guess. I have a bottle of wine there.’ He looked at her, shyly. ‘If you want to do that.’
‘Okay.’ She nodded. They started walking, retracing Sorrel and Briony’s steps.
‘Can you understand that I was really hurt that morning? At the B he let them in.
They stood in the hallway, looking at each other.
‘So,’ he said, gazing at her with such a charged expression that she was nervous about what he was going to say.
‘So.’ She stood there, gazing back at him. ‘I’m soaked. I…’ Sorrel began taking off her jacket. Tam stepped forward and took it off for her. He hung it on a peg by the door.
‘So, this is your house? It’s nice,’ she began babbling nervously. I shouldn’t have come here, she thought. Everything was too emotional, too raw. They should have said goodbye and gone their separate ways, agreed to talk the next day, perhaps.
‘Sorrel. Look at me,’ he commanded, and she stopped talking.
He placed his fingertips under her chin and tilted her head up towards him like he’d done at the B&B. A flash of electricity went through her body.
‘I have wanted to be with you for every moment since that night we went out to look at the shooting stars. Yes, you left. Yes, it was hard. Yes, I missed you.’ He kissed her gently.
‘But I am not willing to let another day go past without us being together. This stops now.’ He tapped the tip of her nose playfully, and she smiled up at him. ‘Agreed?’
‘Agreed,’ she whispered. He lowered his mouth to hers again, and they kissed again. Softly, and then more deeply.
Tam pulled her up close to him and cupped the back of her head with his strong hands.
‘I missed you. The way you smell. The way our bodies fit together. Your heart. Your laugh. Everything about you,’ he whispered. ‘I’ve always known that we were meant to be together, Sorrel Balhennie. I won’t let us be apart. Not again.’
‘You know, I still carry the stone heart that you gave me at Sligachan,’ she murmured, reaching into her pocket and drawing it out. ‘I kept it with me, all those years.’
‘You kept it?’ He stepped back, staring at the stone she held out in her hand.
‘It stayed with me. I never lost it,’ she murmured. ‘I never lost you. You were always in my heart.’
He shook his head in disbelief.
‘I can’t believe you kept that.’ His eyes met hers.
Sorrel wiped a tear from where it rolled down her cheek. ‘I kept this because it reminded me of that. Of you. It was my anchor when I lost everything.’
He hugged her tight to his chest. ‘Please, don’t ever leave me behind again. I’ll go with you wherever you want to go. But please don’t leave… please.’ He started to cry.
‘Baby. I won’t ever leave you again,’ she whispered, and this time it was Sorrel who reached for his cheek gently, and guided his face to hers for a kiss. ‘I love you. I love your heart. Your real, beating heart. Not stone.’