Mindi
My head pounded as I left the community center.
It had been a day from hell. The confrontation with Noah was just the icing on an already bad day.
I glanced at my watch, noticing the time, and let out a sigh.
I’d told Sarah I’d be home over two hours ago, but I had to stay and wait because I’d been so upset.
I was just about to climb into the car when my cell phone rang. Grabbing it from my purse, I answered.
“Hello.”
“Yeah, sweetheart, I’m fine. I got a little sidetracked, so I am going to stop at the Deep Dish and bring home a pizza for dinner.”
“Oh, yay!”
“You want your usual?” I questioned.
“Yes, please, maybe with extra pepperoni and cheese.”
“You got it. That sounds fantastic. Okay, I will be there shortly. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I was just getting worried. Gabe and Connor came over and closed up the lot for me.”
“Great, okay, I will be home soon.”
“Okay, see you soon. Oh, and I put the lights on outside; it looks so pretty. Christmas is my favorite time here.”
I smiled to myself as I listened to her, and then the realization of what I had to tell her tonight hit me, making me feel sick to my stomach. Just before Noah had arrived at the community center I’d been told my application for adoption had been denied.
“Great, you can put the tree on too, and I’ll see you soon.”
“Already done!”
I hung up the phone, my eyes burning with tears as I shoved my phone into my purse.
I’d held onto the hope that my application would be good enough after having Sarah live with me for so long.
I’d provided her with a stable environment, given her the emotional support she needed, and had even recently gotten her help with Noah.
I’d known that everyone in the community I’d placed on my list as a reference had spoken highly of me; however, it hadn’t been enough.
This would be our last Christmas together, and it was going to break me to have to tell her.
“Mindi, I had an idea for next year with the tree farm,” Sarah said, slipping another piece of pizza from the box.
“Oh?” I said, that sick feeling coming back to me once again.
I’d done my best to clear my mind on the drive home, so that I could enjoy one of our last nights together.
“Yeah, I was looking at the stand tonight when I was out helping in the lot, and I thought maybe next year, we could do a permanent hot chocolate station. I mean, I know you bring that in once per season, but I thought it would add something special for people coming on out and getting their tree, especially for those who go out to cut their own.”
“Well, it’s something to think about. I’d just need to find someone who wouldn’t mind manning the part of it.”
“Well, I was thinking maybe I could do it. I mean, if that is okay with you. I’d be really careful, and I’d even ask if maybe Brooke and Tristan would allow me to come in and learn how to serve some hot drinks.”
I nodded, not sure how I was going to break the news to her that, come New Year’s Eve, she’d be leaving my house to move to an entire foster care center.
“Brooke told me it wouldn’t be a problem. She’d just put me behind the counter, and I could get hot chocolate from the dispenser when it was ordered. I could work at that and be ready for next season. Please?”
I picked a piece of pepperoni off my slice of pizza and shoved it into my mouth as she sat there, her eyes filled with excitement at the idea and hope I’d say yes.
“Maybe we could even set up a decorate your own Potts Tree Farm ornament. I was looking online, and I found someone who provides clay ornaments you can paint just like the ones we did at the community center this year. Here, let me show you,” she said, getting up off the couch and grabbing her tablet.
She sat back down beside me and turned the screen on and began showing me all the things she’d found, excitement filling her voice the more she talked about it. Then she looked over at me, her eyes wide, and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“I love living here, and even though this Christmas isn’t over yet, I am so excited for next year. I am going to take a bath before we watch the next movie. Thank you so much for loving me.”
I hugged her tight and then let her go, watching her head on down the hall.
I sat there looking around the room. I’d made so many mistakes over the course of the last couple of years.
The first one was not being forward with Sarah when she came to live with me about her future with me because somehow I’d always known it would come to this moment.
I just wished it would have been the way I’d wanted it.
I leaned back against the couch and listened to the sound of the tub running down the hall. I closed my eyes, trying to figure out how I was going to tell her. I heard the phone ring but didn’t move. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone at the moment.
I picked up my phone and opened my email, opening the letter that the general I’d met with earlier today had sent, outlining our conversation and all the upcoming information I needed about Sarah.
“Mindi, Ethan is on the phone,” Sarah sang, causing me to quickly shut my phone off.
“Oh, thanks. Go have your bath,” I said, taking the phone from her and smiling.
Once I heard the bathroom door close, I sat back down and lifted the phone to my ear.
“Hey, Ethan.”
“Mindi, what happened today?” he asked.
I let out the breath I was holding. I should have known he’d be calling me about the meeting. After all, he’d been at the center when the three men had arrived. I swallowed hard as I tried to form the words to tell him it didn’t go as planned.
“Ethan, I…” The lights on the tree in front of me blurred as tears formed in my eyes.
“What is it?”
“They denied me,” I answered, swallowing hard, blinking away the tears.
“I don’t understand. What did they say?”
I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Sarah wasn’t listening behind me and then took a deep breath.
“They said that while everyone they spoke to gave me nothing but glowing recommendations, they didn’t feel that it was a suitable environment. The fact that I am single weighed heavily on their decision.”
“Mindi, this makes little sense. You were going to speak with Noah the morning after our holiday dinner. His review and recommendation would have sealed the deal.”
I closed my eyes and wiped the tears that ran down my cheeks.
“I know it would have,” I whispered.
“What do you mean by that? Did you not speak to Noah and ask him to fill out that portion of the paperwork?”
“Ethan, it really isn’t that easy. I wanted to do this on my own.”
“My dear, you are a strong individual, independent and self-reliant, and you love to help others. You also need to know when you need to ask for help. Knowing when to ask for that help doesn’t show weakness but strength.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, sometimes being so stubborn and not asking for that help shows weakness. It’s a fine line, and I think there comes a time and a point when we all learn that. You can’t do everything on your own, kid. It’s not a weakness to ask for help.”
“I know,” I muttered.
I heard the bathroom door open down the hall and Sarah humming along to a Christmas song.
“I’ll be right there, Mindi!” she yelled from the hallway.
“Okay, sweetie,” I called.
“I know you have to go, but let me ask you, have you told her yet?” Ethan asked.
“I haven’t, but I will within the next couple of days.”
“Okay. I will let you go, and I am sorry it’s come down to this. I will see you at the center in a couple of days for Santa.”
“Me too, and I will see you then.”
I hung up the phone just as Sarah came into the room dressed in the new Christmas pajamas I’d just gotten her a couple of weeks ago. She sat down on the couch, grabbed a blanket, and smiled at me.
“Can we watch The Grinch again?”
I smiled. “Sure can. Want some popcorn?”
“Can we add some of those candy-covered chocolates?”
“Sure can. Come on, let’s go get that snack, and then we will curl up and watch the movie.” I winked.