Chapter 4
ASH
MAY PRESENT DAY
I’ve talked myself out of going back a dozen times, but I always get caught on the idea that this is the last I have of her.
“Mommy!” Maggie barrels through the living room, launching herself at me.
This is the part I’m sick over. We’re a package deal.
But Ravens Ridge isn’t a safe place for her.
Especially when my dad’s been calling. I can’t risk it.
My mom refused to keep her because she doesn’t agree with my decision to go back, and Casey says he’s going to take her for a few extra days this week, but I’m not holding my breath. So, she’s staying with Jess.
I don’t know how long it’ll take to settle everything, but it’s only two hours. I can come back and forth as much as I need. It’s not like I won’t be able to be here at the drop of a hat if she needs me.
That’s what I’ve been telling myself anyway. It’s the only reason I’m even trying to make it work. I need to do this, but I may get there and realize I can’t be away from my daughter. I may turn around and come right back. I don’t know. But I have to try.
Dropping my suitcase, I kneel in front of her and brush her curls out of her face. “Oh, I’m gonna miss you so much!”
I pull her to me, hugging her tight.
She giggles. “You’re smooshing me!”
Letting go, I smile. “You better not have too much fun without me!”
With a big bright grin, she says, “We won’t.” Her smile falls. “Do you have to go?”
“I’m sorry, bug. I do, but I promise I’ll be quick. We’ll talk every morning and every night. And if you ever need me, I’ll come right home. I’ll be back before you know it.”
She nods, but it’s not convincing.
“One more hug.” I pull her to me and kiss her furiously until she starts to giggle. That’s my favorite sound. I breathe her in.
Jess pads over, leaning a hip on the back of the couch. “You sure about this?”
I stand. “I’ll be alright.” My eyes flick down to Maggie.
Jess steps toward her, placing her hands on my daughter’s shoulders. “We’re gonna be great. I have a week’s worth of fun planned. We’re not even gonna miss you.”
Maggie’s eyes light, and I smile.
“Thank you. I’ll never be able to repay you for everything you’ve done for us.”
She waves me off. “What are sisters for?”
I wrap my arms around her before hugging and kissing Maggie one more time. With a deep breath, I pick up my bag and make my way to the door.
My hand resting on the knob, I say, “Don’t hesitate to call. Anytime. Day or Night. I’ll have my phone on all the time.”
Jess huffs a laugh. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll be fine. I promise.”
After opening the door, I step out onto the porch with my heart pulling apart at the seams.
“Pinky promise you’ll come back soon?” Maggie asks, holding up her little finger.
A tight-lipped smile on my face, I hook my finger with hers. “Pinky promise. I’ll come home tomorrow if you need me to.”
She smiles. “Not too soon. Aunt Jess has fun stuff planned, ‘member?”
I laugh. “Okay. Deal. I’ll come back after the fun stuff.”
Standing, I waltz toward the car as my sister and daughter wave at me. They keep waving until long after I’ve closed the driver’s door. I blow her a kiss before pulling away from the curb.
Ravens Ridge is a tiny town, two hours from Raleigh. It’s the place Gran was born and raised. Eventually, my mom sent Shane to live there full time because he kept getting in trouble at school.
The first hour of the drive isn’t horrible.
The sun’s shining, and I’m busy pretending I’m not going back to the town that ruined my life six years ago while Bob Dylan serenades me.
He was Gran’s favorite, and over the years he became a sense of comfort for me.
But the closer I get, the more reality eats at my subconscious.
It’s not a bad town if you can stay away from the Ravens Ridge Riders.
The local motorcycle club is the reason for the growing crime rate and booming drug scene.
But staying off their radar is easier said than done, considering my brother’s a member—oh, and my jackass ex-boyfriend’s their president.
Twenty minutes from Gran’s, I’m jolted from my anxious thoughts.
Bang.
My heart plummets as the car lurches, and I pull to the side of the road.
For a moment, I’m transported out of this car into a different time. Nausea rolls through me.
Three things I see: the sun shining in the clear sky, the green grass on the side of the road, a red truck passing me on the other side.
Three things I hear: the air conditioner blowing, my ragged breaths, my heart thumping in my ears.
Three things I feel: the steering wheel—slick from my sweating palms, the leather seat sticking to my bare legs, the dull ache in my thigh that I’m never really sure is real or phantom.
In through your nose, Ash. You’re okay.
“Damn it,” I mutter, slamming my hands on the wheel.
Climbing out of the driver’s seat, I groan at the blown back tire and lift my face to the sky as I fight the urge to cry. I should probably just go back home, right? There is no way this isn’t a bad omen. I haven’t even made it all the way to the stupid town and things are already falling apart.
“Shit!” My foot collides with the rubber.
Taking a few deep breaths, I try and fail to calm my nerves as I flop into the driver’s seat and yank the door closed. My hands tremble as tears stream down my face.
Pulling my phone from my purse, I dial the only person in this godforsaken town I can trust—Shane. Thank goodness he works at the garage in town, but unfortunately, so does Gabe, and steering clear of him is the only shot I have at surviving this trip down memory lane.
“Hello?” My shoulders relax and the tears slow at the sound of his deep voice.
“Hey, Shane,” I sniffle.
“What’s wrong?” Concern laces his voice.
“I must have hit something. I have a flat tire. I’m fine, just—” I pause for a second, trying to think of the words to describe the clashing emotions I’m currently feeling. “Nervous? I don’t know. I don’t think I can do this.”
“You’ve got nothing to worry about, I promise. Are you close? I’ll come get you.”
“I’m like twenty minutes out. Right outside the sawmill.” I wipe the tears from my face. “But Shane, you can’t tell anyone about this.”
“I know. I got you. I’m walking out the door now.”
He hangs up, and I drop my head into my hands.
After twenty long minutes, Shane finally shows up.
“You alright?” he asks through my open window.
I nod, and he gets to work changing the tire.
When he’s finished, he climbs into the passenger seat. “I put the spare on, but you fucked the rim. I have one back at the shop, but I didn’t bring it. Trade me for the day, and I’ll bring it to you later tonight.”
I meet his stare. He’s changed so much in the two years since I last saw him.
He still has shaggy dark hair that looks like he just rolled out of bed, but it works.
He’s always been tall and lean, but he’s thinner now—too thin.
He has the most beautiful deep brown eyes, but they’re hollow and rimmed with dark circles that weren’t there before.
He looks a lot like our piece-of-shit father except for his smile. That is all his own. Thank God it hasn’t changed a bit. When Shane smiles, so does everyone around him. The second it reaches his eyes, my anxiety starts to melt away.
I open my mouth but quickly shut it. He must see the panic on my face because he says, “I won’t tell him it’s yours.” He grimaces. “I do need to tell you something, though.”
“Oh shit.” I roll my eyes because I already know what he’s about to say. “You told Nik, didn’t you?” I glare.
“I’m sorry. You know what she’s like. I think she could smell it on me. I had to tell her.”
I smack his arm, and he grabs it, rubbing like it hurts.
“I didn’t tell her because then she’ll rearrange her whole schedule to help me, and she has her own shit going on, dumbass!”
He lifts a brow. “She’s actually doing that as we speak.”
I scoff. “Damn it, Shane!”
“I’m sorry, okay?”
Taking a deep breath, I rub my temples. “I thought the fewer people who know, the better.”
“People? She’s your best friend. Hell, your secrets are safer with her than they are with me.
She’d jump in front of a bus before she told him anything about you.
” He quirks an eyebrow. “Actually, I’m pretty sure she’s spent the last six years trying to figure out how to murder him and get away with it. ”
I chuckle because Nik would absolutely do that.
“I know, but I didn’t want her to be in that position.” With my eyes trained on my hands, a smile spreads across my face because as much as I don’t want to cause waves for her, she’s my best friend, and I have really missed her. “So, she’s gonna come over?”
“Are you kidding? She’s waiting for me to tell her you’re here so she can meet you there and kick your ass for not telling her.” His face falls. “She’s pretty pissed at me right now.”
“When isn’t she?” I scoff. “What did you do this time?”
When he doesn’t answer, I add, “Damn it, Shane. When are you gonna wake up? You’re gonna lose her one day, or worse… you’re gonna kill yourself.”
He’s a good man, but his addiction has only gotten worse over the years. He goes long stretches convincing everyone he’s doing well, but it’s always followed by him disappearing for a few days. I think moving out of my mom’s house was the beginning of the end for his sobriety.
“You need help—”
“It wasn’t that bad. It was one fuck up. I got it, okay? Save your lecture for someone who hasn’t heard it already.”
It’s never just one fuck up.
“I can’t lose you. You’re the only man I trust.” I fight the tears to keep them from falling.
He nods, staring out the window.
“Did Dad call you yesterday?” I ask.
He shrugs.
“Do you ever answer your phone?”
“No. And you shouldn’t either. At least not unknown numbers.”
I roll my eyes. “I can’t ignore every call. Sometimes they’re important.”
“Sure, you can. If it’s important they’ll leave a message. That’s better than accidentally answering his. What did he say?”