Chapter 12 Ash
ASH
MAY PRESENT DAY
Nik barrels through the front door and throws herself on the couch, half on top of me.
“Are you okay? I will kill him if you’re not.”
“I’m fine. God, get off me, you psycho,” I say, pushing her off my lap.
“I cannot believe he did that. What the hell is wrong with him?” She swipes a handful of the popcorn that’s still sitting on the table.
I wasn’t lying. I am fine. But I have been staring at the wall since he left an hour ago.
“I don’t know. I think there’s a lot wrong with that man. I still don’t know what he wanted.”
She rolls her eyes, throwing a piece of popcorn at my chest. “Is that what you were wearing?”
“What?” I laugh.
“I can tell you exactly what he wanted if so.”
“Oh my god. Shut up,” I squeal, plucking the popcorn from my cleavage before tossing it in my mouth. “I’m exhausted. I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing today.”
“You just got here. Plus, I’m off tomorrow. I’ll help you with whatever you need.”
“Thank you.” I lay back on the couch and throw my legs over her.
“So, what’s the deal with Casey anyway? I thought he was perfect.” I don’t miss the way she says his name.
She was pretty skeptical of him from the beginning. It’s weird. Nik has this sixth sense for reading people; she can see straight through their bullshit.
He started his own record label, when he was nineteen, and it took off immediately.
After deciding to skip college, I was in need of a job, and it seemed like a sign when an opening popped up at one of his offices.
He shouldn’t have even been there the day of my interview—it was scheduled with the office manager—but he was.
He walked in that day in an expensive navy-blue suit and short dark hair swept back, not a piece out of place. His caramel eyes met mine, and I was totally done for. We were married within a year.
I shrug, picking at a string on my pajamas. “He fell in love with someone else.”
“What a fucker.”
“I know. I think I attract assholes.”
“Oh, babe, you definitely attract assholes.”
Laughing, I cover my face with my hands. “I feel so stupid. How many times do I have to let a man run me over before I learn? I should’ve known he was gonna do this.” I shake my head. “I should’ve known, Gabe—”
“Look, I don’t know about Casey, but I was here for the Gabe shit, and I’m telling you right now, no one knew. I still don’t understand what happened, but it wasn’t your fault, and you can’t keep beating yourself up for it.”
“I know. I just feel like I keep letting myself be blinded by the wrong men.”
“Well, that might be true, but at least you keep getting back up. You may have the worst luck at picking men, but you are the toughest bitch I know.”
I pin her with a look. “I have a severely tear-stained pillow that would disagree with you there, but thanks.” I give her a half-hearted smile, my mind drifting to the gnawing in my chest. “I miss her.”
“Gran?”
“Yeah. Being in this house...” I shake my head. “It’s hard. I keep expecting her to waltz in and tell me everything will be fine or turn on Bob Dylan and make me dance until I stop crying.”
“Well, I won’t make you dance, but you are gonna be okay.” She squeezes my arm. “She’d be so proud of you.”
“I’m just ready to get this house dealt with and start over.”
“That’s the spirit!” She pats my leg before leaning back at the other end of the couch. “Now, what are we watching tonight because Shane’s an asshole, so I’m sleeping over.”
After two bottles of wine and a bag of popcorn, we’re giggling on the couch when the front door flies open.
Nik shoots up. “What the fuck, Shane. Go home. It’s girls’ night.” Her words come out a little slurred.
“Yeah, and you are my girl. No way you’re sleeping in my Grans’ house without me.” He walks over and wraps his arms around her.
“I’m still mad at you, fucker. Get off me,” she snaps, pushing at his limbs to get free.
He drops his hand to her waist and whispers, “Come on, baby. I want to go to bed. It’s been a shit day.”
“Yeah, well your sister’s had a shit day too, no thanks to you, so she needs me more.”
“Um, for the record, I don’t. I’m headed to bed.” I stand from the couch, balancing our glasses in one hand and the popcorn bag in the other. “I really don’t give a shit if you sleep on this couch or in his bed so long as you’re not in mine. You’re a blanket hog.” I make my way to the kitchen.
“I am not!” she snaps.
“See, she doesn’t need you, and you kind of are,” Shane pleads, wincing.
She smacks his arm before glaring at him and pointing her finger. “Fine, but you are still in deep shit.”
“I promise I’ll make it up to you,” he whispers, but the house is silent.
“Gross! If I hear even a peep of what you two are doing in there, I will throw you both out of this house.”
Nik and I have managed to get the majority of the kitchen and living room done. Now, against my better judgement, she’s convinced me to take a break from our week-long cleaning binge to have a girls’ night.
While I wait for Nik to pick me up, I dial Jess.
She picks up on the second ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, how’d it go this evening?”
“Fine. Casey picked Maggie up about an hour ago. How’s Ravens Ridge?”
“It’s fine.” I laugh. “Gabe showed up.”
“What! When?”
I kick my feet up on the coffee table and grin to myself thinking about Gran swatting them down. “When I got here Monday night.”
“How am I just now hearing about this?”
“I haven’t had a chance to tell you. You’ve had Maggie every time we’ve talked.” I’m not about to have this conversation in front of my kid. “It was horrible. He acted so strange and then stormed out.”
“Wait. You let him in the house?”
“No! He just barged in.” Because Gabe Abbott is a brute, who doesn’t understand when he’s not welcome apparently. “Anyway, Shane says he talked to him. So hopefully that’s the end of that.”
“Was he an ass?”
“He’s always an ass, but Jess…” I groan. “He looks good. Like, really good.” I think I could actually melt right off the couch thinking about it. Shouldn’t it be illegal to be that damn sexy if you’re a complete and utter jackass?
“I’m not surprised. He was a smokeshow before, but that doesn’t make up for him being a piece of shit.”
“I know. I wasn’t saying I’m gonna hook up with him or anything. I just…” I trail off for a second, trying to collect what it is exactly that I’m saying. “It was just harder to see him than I imagined.”
“Oh, before I forget, did you order something for Maggie?”
“I don’t think so, why?”
“You didn’t order a…” Plastic crinkles in the background. “Bratz doll?”
I exhale. “Goddamn it. No, it’s probably from my dad.”
Hesitantly, she says, “Why would he be sending her a doll?”
“The hell if I know. He does that from time to time when he’s not busy calling me from unknown numbers.”
“What the fuck, Ash! Why haven’t you said anything?”
“I don’t know. He’ll get the memo and piss off eventually. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.”
“Have you seen him?”
“God, no. Last I heard, he was still in Florida.”
She sighs. “Alright, but be careful.”
“I will. Just take it to Goodwill or something. She doesn’t need gifts from someone she doesn’t even know.”
After hanging up, I take to finding something to wear. I settle on a black miniskirt, a dark red satin camisole, and tall, high-heeled boots. I refresh my blonde curls and put on a basic face of makeup with a berry lip.
When Nik shows up, she’s wearing low-rise black cargo pants and a handkerchief top with her hair pulled back in a clip. This bitch looks like a million bucks even with very little makeup.
Walking in, it’s a typical bar—dark and smoky. There’s a band playing and a decent crowd. Tables frame the outside of the room, leaving space in the middle for the dance floor.
“Come on. First one’s on me,” Nik throws over her shoulder, grabbing my hand, and pulling me toward the bar.
After getting drinks, we find a small table in the corner.
“Suck it down so we can dance,” she yells over the music.
I do as she says, taking a big gulp.
“Come on. I don’t need to be drunk to dance,” I yell, dragging her to the dance floor.
One drink turns into three, and suddenly, I realize just how badly I needed a night of freedom.
“That guy keeps looking at you.” She gestures behind me to a guy leaning back on the bar with a beer in one hand. He’s cute. His dark curly hair stops right above his shoulders. He nods toward us, smiling, and I smile back before turning to Nik.
“I’m not in the market for any of that tonight,” I say, shaking my head.
“Maybe not, but a little fun never hurt anyone,” she shouts right as a hand comes down on my shoulder.
The man from the bar stands behind me, smiling. “I’m Collin. Can I buy you a drink?”
“Oh, um, I don’t know…” I grimace.
Nik nudges me.
“Uh, sure. Why not? I’m Ash.”
Leading me to the bar, he asks, “Are you new here? I haven’t seen you around town.”
“Sort of. I used to visit my grandma here in the summer. I inherited her house, so I’m back until I get that sorted out. You?”
“Not originally. I moved to town a few years ago.”
He places his hand on the small of my back.
“Are you seeing anyone?” he asks.
“No.” I shake my head. “You?”
“No.” He laughs. “It’d be pretty shitty for me to hit on you if I were, wouldn’t it?”
Shitty, indeed.
The bartender hands me another drink, and we head back out to the dance floor. The more I drink, the more I loosen up.
After a couple of shots, Collin slides into a chair, pulling me onto his lap before handing me another drink.
His hands find my waist, and it all feels easy.
Like maybe I could be a girl who casually meets a guy at a bar and loses herself for a while.
I’ve had enough feelings and emotions for a lifetime.
I only want his attention. He can keep everything else.
Nik grabs my arm. “Hey, unless you’re planning on going home with that guy, you might want to slow down, babe.”
He leans in, kissing my neck, and I break out in goosebumps.
“It’s just fun. I’m fine!”
I throw back a shot, but as I lay it back on the table, I knock over a glass and then burst into laughter. The room spins while I regain my balance.
“Okay. I have to pee. Will you be okay for a minute?”
I nod, brushing her off.
Collin grabs my face, and his lips crash into mine. There are no sparks, and my stomach doesn’t flip, doesn’t even flinch. It’s not like it was with the others; there’s no feeling behind it, but it’s nice to feel like someone wants me.
His tongue meets mine, and suddenly, it’s six years ago, and I’m not broken.
This isn’t me and some random guy in a bar; it’s me and the first boy I ever truly loved, sitting by the lake, his hands in my hair.
I get lost in it, and for the first time in what feels like forever, I’m free.
Like I’ve been plucked right out of my life and placed somewhere sweeter.
But then I open my eyes, the spell’s broken. This is a bar, and he’s not the boy I loved so much it ruined me.
He rakes his eyes over me. “Fuck, you’re really pretty.”
My stomach drops.
Pretty.
I hate that word.
Pushing it from my mind, I close my eyes and lean in for more, hoping to go back to the world that only exists in the mind of a broken, drunk girl.