Chapter 15 Ash
ASH
Ihave yet to leave my bed since Gabe brought me home. I’ve been lectured about not taking drinks from people, but in that moment, I didn’t think about it. I feel stupid and embarrassed.
Speaking of embarrassment, I can’t even think about Gabe without my cheeks catching fire. If I ever see him again, it will be too soon. He had to damn near climb in the shower with me.
How long do you think I’d have to stay in this room for him to forget I exist?
“Are you planning to come out of here anytime today?” Gran asks from the doorway.
I shrug, rolling over onto my side to face her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, padding over to sit on the edge of the bed.
I debate what to say, feeling ashamed that I put myself in that position in the first place. “I went to the clubhouse with Nik last night.”
Her eyes widen, pinning me with a you did what look.
“I know it was stupid. I learned my lesson.”
She exhales. I’m bracing for her to reprimand me, but instead she says, “Lord knows I did my fair share of dumb shit when I was your age, so I won’t lecture you about doing the things teenagers do, but I’ve lived in this town a long time, and that club has brought nothing but tragedy to the people who get involved in it. ”
I sit up and nod, grateful she’s not mad.
“Your grandfather was a member at one time.”
My brows shoot up because I’ve never heard this before. He passed away when I was a baby, so I don’t remember him.
She smiles briefly. “He loved it, and I know firsthand how good some of those men can be.” Her smile fades.
“He stepped away when his best friend was killed in a disagreement with another club. We decided our family was more important. It scares the shit out of me that your brother has been sucked into that world.” Exhaling, she shakes her head.
“I don’t think I could handle watching you go down that path too. ”
“I’m sorry, Gran.”
“I know, sweetheart.” She tucks a curl behind my ear. “Just be smart, okay?”
I nod.
She places a hand on my cheek, the smell of Marlboro still on her fingers. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you go sit by the lake? You can just as easily mope out there as you can in here, and there’s not a damn thing a little sunshine can’t fix.”
She’s probably right. Getting outside might help. If nothing else, maybe I can get a bit of color this summer.
I head out the back door with a Diet Coke in one hand and a Jane Austen novel in the other.
It’s a beautiful day, and I take several deep breaths, enjoying the fresh air as I mosey across the backyard to the water.
Kicking off my shoes, my muscles relax when my body makes contact with the ground.
The blades of grass between my toes are weirdly soothing.
Before opening my book, I lay staring up at the magnolia tree branches swaying in the breeze.
A few chapters in, a familiar rumble filters in behind me before Gabe appears in my periphery.
Well, shit.
“Are you trying to steal my secret hiding spot?” Gabe asks, staring off at the lake.
“It’s not a secret if I know about it, is it?”
“I guess not.” He flops down next to me. “I’ve never seen anyone else back here until today.”
I throw my arm over my eyes to block the sun after putting my book down on my belly.
“Well, it’s basically in my backyard. Don’t worry; you can have it back in a couple weeks. We can share custody of it.”
He laughs, lying back in the grass beside me and rolling his head in my direction.
“You okay?”
I nod.
“Really?”
I think for a minute. Physically, I’m fine, and I guess I should be because nothing happened, but the feeling of being completely out of control has me frozen. I don’t know how to be around other people anymore. Like I’m still wandering around somewhere in the memories I don’t have from that night.
“Actually, I don’t know.”
The corner of his mouth quirks up. “You don’t have to be okay.”
I nod, holding back tears. I’m so tired of crying, especially crying in front of him. “My brother’s really lucky to have you.”
With his face to the sky, he says, “Want to see my other hiding spot?”
“How many do you have?”
“Two, but I’ll show you if you promise not to tell anyone.”
I stick out my finger. “Pinky promise.”
He laughs, hooking his with mine before standing and leaning down to drag me up with him. “Come on.”
We walk across the yard and he helps me onto the back of his motorcycle, wrapping my arms around his waist.
I thought the first time I saw him again would be weird, but it’s not. Actually, I’m more at ease with him than I have been with anyone since that night. Maybe because he’s the only one who knows the truth. I don’t know.
When we pull up at the garage, my pulse speeds up. “Is it really a secret hideout if it’s just your apartment?”
He laughs, hopping off the bike before holding out his hand to help me. “Ha ha. I’m not taking you to my apartment, smartass. Follow me.”
He leads me down the alley beside the garage to a fire escape, and we climb up the ladder, stepping up onto the roof. He sits, letting his legs hang over the edge.
“Kind of dangerous, don’t you think?”
“Not if you don’t fall.” He winks.
“So, what? You sit up here and contemplate jumping?”
“No! I come up here to think!” He laughs.
I sit next to him. “Think about what?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Everything.”
“Hmm.” The town sprawls out before me—rows of buildings, neighborhoods that look half their size from up here, and green fields that fade into the blue sky. When I turn back to him, he’s watching me.
I ask, “Do you like being in the club?”
“Yeah. For the most part. I mean, I’m not actually a member yet. Just a prospect.” He nods. “Sometimes I wish we could do things differently, but most of the time I love it. I love the guys and the garage.”
“What would you change?”
“Well,” he sighs before continuing, “the drugs are obviously an issue. It’s not a secret considering your brother walks around like a fucking coke advertisement.”
I wince at the mention of Shane.
“Shit.” He grimaces. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I shouldn’t have said that to you.”
“No. It’s fine. I get it. He’s kind of a mess these days.”
“Anyway, I don’t really have a choice. It’s my dad’s club, so one day it’ll be mine.”
“You can’t do something else if you wanted to?”
“No.” He laughs, shaking his head. “He’s been prepping me to take it over my whole life. That’s my purpose.”
I feel a little bad for him. It must suck to have your future planned out for you like that.
I turn my attention to the view. “This is kind of nice. Looking out over the town, I mean. It kind of makes it all seem so small. So much more manageable.”
“I thought you might feel that way.” He reaches for my hand and squeezes it.
I exhale. “I’m so embarrassed about last night. You must think I’m such an idiot.”
“Not at all. No one deserves what he did to you.”
I give him a small smile, shaking my head. “Well, I’ll never be able to thank you enough. I guess I owe you one.”
“You don’t owe me shit.” He nudges my arm. “Want to know a secret?”
“Isn’t this place a secret?”
“Well, yeah, but I mean a different one.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“I don’t like many people, not really. But for some reason you’ve grown on me.”