Chapter Sixteen
Holi was the celebration of spring and love and happiness. Nimita had not celebrated, officially, in years. She had always been aware of the date and told herself that living the life she had wanted was celebration enough.
She had lied to herself.
This was a Holi celebration.
A large tent on the back lawn of the mandhir.
Bollywood music floating from speakers under the tent.
The dhoom-dhoom-taka-ta of the live dhol player calling all to dance and make merry.
The sun was bright, and the day was warm, and laughter resounded.
People of all ages, children, teens and adults alike, all dressed in white, tossed various colored powders in the air or smeared the powder on each other with squeals of delight.
Blue. Pink. Green. Some even had super soakers filled with colored water and were spraying people in various colors.
Delicious aromas hung in the air, promising spicy street food. Pav bhaji, pani puri, chaat and freshly fried samosa, all of it tempted the taste buds.
Her heart was lighter than it had been in years. Her father was here, though Reena had been skeptical of bringing him—what if he falls? Her sister and Hiral were here, too, of course, with Naya in tow.
The sun’s warmth was filling Nimita up. Not to mention, she could admit to herself that she wasn’t falling for Roshan, she had fallen. Hard. She was in love with him. The admission warmed and terrified her all at the same time.
She glanced across the tent as if sensing Roshan’s arrival.
He was clad in white shorts and a white T-shirt, like everyone else.
He ran his fingers through his hair as he cast his gaze over the crowd.
He was looking for her. His brow furrowed as he took in over a hundred faces, and her stomach jumped, and her heart flittered (yes, that was actually what it did) as she watched him look for her.
When he caught her eye, he broke out into that smile he reserved only for her.
Her heart rate evened out, and she forced herself to stay put as he made his way to her.
This was Holi as Nimita had not experienced in a long time.
“Hey,” he said softly as he came to stand next to her, resting a hand on her shoulder, the greeting whispered in her ear.
“Hey,” she answered, her heart rate back to flittering. “The mandhir does a great Holi.”
He nodded. “Gets bigger every year.” He looked at her. “Feels different this year.”
She nodded. “Celebrating love.”
“We can celebrate love all on our own at my place,” he whispered in her ear.
She shook her head and took a small step away. “Dr. Dave. What would your patients say?”
Before he could respond, a little boy ran up and soaked him through with blue water from a super squirter.
This assault was followed closely by a young boy throwing red powder from the safety of his father’s arms and cackling with joy.
Roshan roared with laughter, tossing purple powder in the air above the toddler.
Nimita reached over and dusted the small boy with orange powder, which only made him giggle louder. His father chatted with Roshan for a few seconds, and then moved on.
“Malini looks so happy. Healthy,” Roshan said to her as they watched Malini and her friends chase each other with water balloons, colored water exploding whenever a balloon found its target. The day was hot, and those water balloons would feel great.
Malini threw a water balloon and hit a handsome young man in the chest. He looked familiar.
Was that the lifeguard from the beach? The one who had lectured her?
Red water soaked his white shirt. His grin said that there was nothing he would want more than Malini throwing water balloons at him.
He threw a balloon at her, hitting her in the thigh.
Purple water colored her white linen pants purple.
Her exaggerated look of indignation was a thing of beauty.
“She told me her blood counts were normal in her last test,” Nimita said without losing her focus on her friend.
“Yes,” Roshan told her.
“That’s great.” Nimita beamed, turning to look at him. “Why don’t you look happy?”
“She still has another year before she’s past the threshold where she’s most likely to relapse. But she’s celebrating now like it’s a foregone conclusion that she’ll stay in remission.”
“She should celebrate now. She’ll be okay.”
“She was nearly at four years the last time she relapsed.”
Nimita held his hand. “She’s healthy and happy, Roshan. She wants to stay positive.”
Roshan’s brow was furrowed. “Not to mention, she moved out without telling me.”
Nimita snorted. “Well, that’s between you two to work out.
I’m not getting in the middle of it, but maybe ask yourself why she thought it necessary to sneak around.
” She took his hand and leaned into him.
She caught Reena’s glare from across the tent.
Nimita put a couple inches of space between them.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Reena giving me the stink eye for PDA at a mandhir event.”
He rolled his eyes. “We’re grown adults.”
She shook her head. “It’s just Reena.” Fact was, Nimita was fighting the urge to be contrary and full-on make-out with Roshan in public to irritate her sister. But she was still trying to win Reena over, so every little bit mattered.
Nimita couldn’t take her eyes off Malini and the lifeguard. They were adorable. Roshan followed her gaze.
He sighed deeply. “She needs to be careful. With people.”
“She can flirt if she wants,” Nimita said.
“That guy? The lifeguard? Has had a crush on her for a while,” Roshan stated.
“Yeah, so?” Nimita was confused.
“She could break hearts.”
“She’s twenty-six years old. She’s supposed to break hearts.”
“You don’t get it. She has to be aware of how her health affects others.”
“You think she doesn’t know that?”
“I think she needs to focus on her work, her health. Not ways to escape.”
“Or she can be a normal young woman and enjoy flirting with a handsome man,” Nimita said.
Her heart seized at his use of the word escape.
The music was loud, and colored powder was flying.
She walked out of the tent to find a quieter place, getting soaked by colored water on the way.
Her white T-shirt was no longer white and it was sticking to her. As were her shorts.
Roshan followed, getting soaked as well. His white shirt was soaking wet and clinging to him in the most pleasant way. “What are you talking about?”
“You can’t foist your expectations on her. Be happy for her in her new apartment,” Nimita said.
“I’m not foisting anything. I’m just saying she should wait until the five-year mark when she’s actually healthy—”
“That is an expectation. You expect her to wait. Why should she have to wait? For anything? Let her live her life.” She paused. “Didn’t we have enough people carry expectations for us? Asking us to live up to them?”
He shook his head. “It’s just practical.”
“You sound like my mom.”
“What does that mean?”
God, he really did sound like her mother.
“My mom always wanted me to wait to live my life. It was always get married, then you can have fun. And also graduate with a degree, then you can have fun. Get a good job. Then have fun. It was all about waiting for that perfect time to do anything outside of her expectations of me.” Nimita’s heart sank.
“What she didn’t realize was that in hitting all those milestones, I was missing out on life.
It was suffocating,” she pleaded, her gaze locked on those intense eyes she was starting to get used to. “Don’t let Mali miss out on life.”
“Waiting to be cancer free isn’t the same as waiting to get a job or get married. It’s not suffocating,” Roshan countered. “It just isn’t. If Malini relapses, she goes into treatment. What do you think that will do to a relationship?”
“She’s not in a relationship, she’s flirting—”
“And if she needs chemo, she can’t live on her own. She’ll have to move back in with me.”
“Whoa, Roshan, slow down. She is fine right now. Her results are good. And she doesn’t need you hovering.”
“I’m not hovering,” he insisted. “I’m looking out for her. Keeping her from getting hurt.” He nodded at the lifeguard. “For when he loses interest because she’s sick.”
“You don’t know that.”
“That doesn’t mean it won’t happen.”
Nimita pressed her mouth into a line and shook her head at him. “Roshan. She doesn’t need you like that.”
He paled. “Of course she needs me. She needs someone to look out for her.”
“No. She doesn’t. She’s great.” Nimita’s voice was firm. “If you love her, you need to let her go.”
“Let her go?” Roshan’s eyes went bright. “What does that even mean? She’s my family. I can’t just stand by when I could help her—”
“Help her? You’re talking about keeping her from living a full life,” Nimita insisted. “If you let her go—”
“You don’t understand.” His eyes were dark, his voice gruff. “You don’t let someone go if you love them.” He said the words as if they were beneath him.
Nimita’s walls went up.
“She refuses to acknowledge what’s best for her…
what could happen if she just goes and has fun.
Things have gone wrong before, and my parents couldn’t handle it.
She couldn’t handle it.” He swallowed hard.
“I need stay close to her. Why do you think I live in San Diego? She wanted to go to school here. I relocated my practice here, bought us a town house. It’s my responsibility. ”
“It doesn’t have to be—”
“What should I do instead, hop on an airplane and leave the second things get hard?” His eyes widened even as he spoke the words. But he didn’t take them back.
Nimita felt like she’d been slapped. “That’s what you think I did, isn’t it? That I just left. That I walked out on my family without a thought.”
“Didn’t you?”
Hurt and anger filled all the spaces in her body.
Of course that was what he thought, that was what she had done.
“You were the one who stuck around, sacrificed your own happiness for your family, while I was the one who selfishly left.” She paused for breath.
“I was the selfish one who wanted to live her own life, on her own terms. I am the one who abandoned her family.” She should have seen this coming.
“I should have known that someone like you, someone who sacrificed everything for his family could never understand me.”
Around them, the dhol beat faster as people started dancing. Purple and yellow and orange powder was thrown in the air. Somehow, the sun still shone, music still played, and people still celebrated.
“I shouldn’t have… That’s not what I meant.” But his voice was weak and without determination.
“Except that it is.” She started to turn away but stopped and looked back at him.
“You stay and continue to sacrifice your own life for your family. Sooner or later, you were going to notice that I ran from mine.” She paused and shook her head.
“I let you drive me to the airport.” She walked back into the mandhir to get away from the crowd. Away from him.
Spring was a time of renewal and love.
Sometimes love was just not enough.