Chapter 29
Carli
The Royal Scotsman train pulled slowly out of Edinburgh’s Waverley Station, accompanied by the sound of the bagpipes played by a lone piper on the platform. Carli had been promised a man in a kilt and there he was. About sixty years old and nothing on Niall Butler, but a man in a kilt, nonetheless.
The train was the ultimate in opulence. She perched on a velvet couch in the observation car and gazed up in awe at the craggy rock face in Edinburgh’s Princes Street Gardens, atop of which stood the ancient and otherworldly castle.
Soon, they were travelling across the iconic red cantilever framework of the Forth Road Bridge, the Firth of Forth glittering blue below.
On they steamed through Fife and Perthshire, passing historic villages, timeless lochs and snow-capped mountains.
Despite the views to die for, Carli couldn’t help but cast her mind back to Kinshore, but funnily enough it was Sean who came to mind. Last night, she and Niall had stayed at Sean’s together and he had returned that evening, exhausted.
Carli had never seen him so quiet as he retrieved a beer from the fridge and took it over to the couch where he sat down and switched on the TV.
Niall had grabbed a can of Irn-Bru from the fridge and sat on the couch next to his brother watching ‘Come Dine with Me’ while she busied herself making a salad to go with dinner.
‘You alright?’ Niall asked.
‘Is this guy serious that he thinks he can win the grand by making pasta and pesto?’ said Sean, as if the TV show was the only matter on his mind. ‘And an Italy football shirt for Italian dress code? Even I could do better than that.’
Carli listened, chopped tomatoes and avocado and smiled as the brothers chatted like old friends, which is what they were, but there was a heaviness about Sean that had to be related to their father’s health.
‘Did you see Dad again?’ Niall asked when the ad break came on.
‘Aye.’
‘How is he?’
Sean swigged from his beer and shook his head.
Niall leaned back on the couch, his own weight like a wrecking ball.
It was heartbreaking to watch, the unspoken between the two of them that their beloved father was dying, so close to being gone, and there was nothing either of them could do about it.
Nothing except be brothers and be there for each other.
Except that Niall would soon be flying back to Australia, thousands of miles away from the family.
‘Beautiful, huh?’
Carli was pulled out of her memory to a woman with rosy cheeks and giant, round glasses smiling at her. She was part of a group of around six women, around Carli’s age, chatting animatedly in a group.
‘It’s perfect,’ Carli agreed, noting that the view was now purple heather, and the skies had turned bruised and moody. ‘Makes you feel calm, like you belong.’
‘It does that to you, too? Us too.’ The woman gestured to her group of travel companions.
The women, as it turned out, were a group of friends from Nebraska who started out as a book group and were now firm friends, and this trip to Scotland was to celebrate the thirtieth birthday of several of the group. Carli told them about her background and her current trip, and her and Niall.
‘We went through a phase of reading Scottish romance books,’ said the woman with the glasses who had introduced herself as Olivia. ‘Those of us who are single were hoping to meet a hot Scotsman on this trip. Don’t suppose since you’ve got one, if you have any idea where they’re all hanging out?’
Carli laughed. ‘I may do. Niall has a couple of brothers who are still single. You’d have to head to the Kintyre peninsula to find them, but there are far worse places to hang out.’
‘I’m there,’ said Olivia. ‘So jealous of your life already.’
Olivia was being friendly and didn’t know Carli well enough to appreciate the grit versus the glamour of her life, but it raised the question what it would be like if she had to explain to a stranger why she and Niall would be living in Australia not Scotland.
Her illness, her desire for a clear routine, her dog.
Her, her, her.
Fuck.
No wonder she was glad she hadn’t told them. Just a little distance and it was clear now. The decision had been all about her. Yes, Niall had made it, but had she fought it with an alternative of her living here?
No, she had not. It was Australia with her or him in Scotland on his own.
Her heart broke for what she’d done to him.
How could she have let that happen?
After dinner and evening entertainment, Carli headed to her cabin.
The double bed in the compact wood panelled space was made up with fresh, soft cotton sheets and a goose down duvet, topped with a lambswool tartan blanket and matching cushions.
There was a lacquered dresser and bedside cabinet with a small vintage-style lamp lighting up the space, and painted Scottish scenery hanging on the walls.
Carli was tired but noise was filtering through from the main carriage, so she FaceTimed Luci and Glen.
‘Hey, guys, how’s things?’
‘We’re good, Carls.’ Luci’s rosy face filled the screen, the side of Glen’s furry ear visible by her side. ‘You in Queen Victoria’s bedroom or something?’
‘Possibly somewhere she slept in the past. I’m on the posh train. It’s awesome. I wish you could be here.’
‘Ah!’ Luci’s face lit up. ‘Why would I swap cramps and swollen feet for a trip to Scotland? Plus, this way I get to hang out with Glen.’ She snuggled into the dog’s neck, looking happier than ever. ‘We’re bonding. Glen has asked if he can move in permanently.’
‘You better not be feeding him extra chicken. That’s not an even playing field.’
‘Hey, he’s grieving his mamma. He needs to be treated like a good boy. Speaking of which, how’s Niall?’
Carli laughed. ‘He’s good, yeah. Just spending time with his family while I’m here. But listen, how are you?’
‘I’m awesome. We had a little scare with the bubba the other day, but it’s all fine now…’
‘What?’ Carli grabbed the cotton of the bedcovers. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I’m fine. I didn’t want to worry you when you’re so far away that there wouldn’t be anything you could do anyway. And then it was all over, so I figured I’d wait to tell you.’
‘Oh my…’ Carli’s mind buzzed. She and Luci shared so much, yet she hadn’t told her about something as huge as a problem with her pregnancy. What did that mean? Did her sister not need her anymore?
‘You’d have told me if I’d been at home, right?’ she asked.
‘Of course, but I’m sure you’ve your own stuff happening over there.’
Carli eyed her sister through the screen, trying to scrutinise what she was saying.
‘I do, but you’re still my sister.’
‘Always.’
What did this mean. It bothered Carli but she couldn’t pinpoint it. And it was hard to think about while Luci was chattering away about this and that. It was like her sister was shutting her out a little, maybe intentionally.
‘Has Adam been looking after you?’ Carli asked.
‘Yep, don’t worry about me, baby sis, I’m in good hands. But tell me about the hands you’ve been in. Good?’
And that was it. A stupid question about Niall’s hands, which was actually about sex, but brought everything into the light.
Luci had Adam. She was having a baby with Adam.
Carli would always be her sister, but Luci had her own life and whether she had deliberately held back the detail about her pregnancy scare because she wanted Carli to enjoy her time with Niall or because she thought only Adam needed to worry, it didn’t matter.
Luci was telling Carli that she had to have her life too and she had put Niall up there in the rankings when she made decisions. Like he had done for her.
A tear stung and rolled down to Carli’s chin.
‘Fuck. Sorry.’ Luci reached out to the screen. ‘Don’t cry, Carls, ’cause I can’t give you a hug. Not that I’d be able to give you much of one if you were here seeing as I’m the size of a barge right now.’
‘Sorry, sorry.’ Carli swiped her palm across her face, half laughing, half still crying. ‘It’s… I’ve realised something.’
‘What? That you love him.’
‘No, that was never in question, although I understand a bit more about how that should look. Like, maybe me staying here to support him while his dad is sick.’ Carli was almost terrified of Luci’s reaction to this, but it was nothing like she’d feared.
‘That would be a massive step, but it makes a lot of sense.’
‘You reckon?’
‘Yep. I do. Tell me, did you do the dating euthanasia thing?’
‘Yeah, kind of, although he didn’t take his medicine.’
‘Well,’ Luci swiped her palms together, ‘the man is my brother-in-law already. You don’t want to lose him, he doesn’t want to lose you, he’s got shit going on and you want to be with him. It’s a Scotland wedding then.’
It was hard not to smile, but Carli still needed confirmation that she wouldn’t be upending everything that kept her stable. ‘Is it? I worry that I’ve got things on an even keel with the Fibro, work is good, and…’
‘And?’
‘Um…the oxygen chamber, and it’s cold here.’
‘Um, the oxygen chamber and the cold.’ Luci quirked an eyebrow.
‘Carli, this is a guy who you’ve never got over and by the sounds of it he feels the same.
You let him “get over you” in a fricking romance library.
Let’s just say, I can see he’s good for you.
So, maybe you should step out of your comfort zone and take that risk.
Being with Niall might help your health.
And you can make a new routine wherever you are with him.
Plus, they sell electric blankets and hot water bottles there, right? ’
Carli gaped at her sister. ‘They do. But what about you? My big sister. I’d miss you heaps.’
‘I’d miss you, too, but I want you to be happy, and you’re so bloody glowy. So if Scotland – or a certain Scottish man – gives you that glow, I will face not seeing my little sister so often.’
It was a lot to take in. Luci got that, but was also aware that Carli needed a little kick for her own happiness.
And Carli was glad she’d been given it. Once the cabin noise died down and the train stilled, she laid her head on her cool, cotton pillow and thought about tomorrow.
A plan, as rich as the smell of the fresh morning coffee that filtered down from the train’s galley kitchen, was brewing in her mind.
The next stop was Oban where there would be a trip to the local distillery and lunch.
But Carli had other ideas.
There were two things she needed to do. Neither were as much fun as drinking whisky or eating delicious Scottish food, but both were far more important.