Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
Mark’s words were still playing on my mind while I sorted through Marshall’s photos.
Some I secretly smiled at. Some I stared at and wondered how I would feel if I had a child.
It filled my heart with something foreign, which disturbed me.
I shifted the laptop on the coffee table, unable to complete the task of picking out photos.
Mark had disappeared into his study when we had arrived back to his apartment after collecting some stuff I had forgotten to pack the last time and my laptop.
I had secretly eaten the apple he had handed me in the morning, refusing to show that he had been right.
It was bad enough he walked around with a confidence I wished I possessed.
Feeling out of place even in the most familiar surroundings was the story of my life.
It was probably why my mother had to encourage me more than she had to with Matthew and Sophie. I think in some ways I was more needy.
I clasped my hands together nervously, not liking where my mind was leading me. Everyone was different. It was okay I wasn’t together like everyone else. My uniqueness came from all my traits, including the ones I wished I didn’t possess .
Once I had soothed the whole idea of my mom and what children meant to me, I thought about Mark and how we had kissed.
Why was it so wrong? I wanted to know his reasons for not wanting to take it further, but I was scared of what the answer would be.
I stood and began to pace the room as I wondered if knowing would help ease the rejection.
What if he had a really good reason for stopping?
But there was only one way to find out and that would be to ask him.
I didn’t possess the confidence to handle that, so I decided to put it aside and thought it was best to keep avoiding him.
As if sensing he was foremost in my thoughts, he entered the room.
“You done?” he asked, wandering over to the sofa to sit down.
I shrugged. “Almost.”
“Can I see the photos?” he asked, inclining his head to the laptop.
I nodded.
He took the laptop and placed it on his lap. I stood and watched the expression on his face from the other side of the room as he looked through the photos. His serious features softened, and when he closed the laptop he had a smile.
“They are really good.”
“Thanks.” I felt awkward.
He returned my laptop to the table before he stood and walked over to me. “I don’t like how we left things.”
He was broaching a subject that made me feel even more awkward.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I gave him a dismissive shrug. There was no way I wanted to talk about that. I had shoved that into the deepest, darkest place in my memory, never to be thought about again.
“Tracy,” he warned, in that tone that got my back up .
“It happened and I’m over it.” I didn’t care that he could probably tell I was lying. Telling him I had spent most of the night thinking about it again and again wasn’t an option.
“Do I have to remind you that I can tell when you’re not being truthful?” He cocked his head to the side with a knowing smile.
“What do you want from me?” I felt my tight temper snap and everything I had been struggling with came rushing to the surface unchecked.
“Talk to me,” he suggested, his tone encouraging.
“Okay. Fine. You want to talk. Fine. Let’s talk,” I yelled. My tiredness fueled my anger.
“How about you tell me why you stopped?” My voice trembled, revealing the emotion behind the question.
He studied me for a while but didn’t say a word. I wondered if he was going to answer me at all.
“There’s an unwritten rule that you don’t fool around with your friend’s sisters.” There was a seriousness in his voice that implied the importance.
I frowned. So this was about overstepping with Matthew, or was it a convenient out for him? I understood his reasons even if I didn’t agree with them. I admired and hated the loyalty he had for my brother.
“You’re not the type of girl guys fool around with.”
What did that mean?
“What type of girl am I?” I asked nervously, not sure I wanted to know the answer.
“You’re the girl they take home to meet their parents.”
I wasn’t sure if it was a compliment or an insult.
“I’m not that type of guy,” he admitted seriously.
“What type of guy are you?” I ventured. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking slightly uncomfortable with my direct question .
“Not the type you should be messing with.” The dark look in his eyes sent a flutter of awareness thought me.
It wasn’t a shock but his admission still hit me square in the chest, worsening the ache. Over the years, he had never been with a girl long enough for any of us to meet them. At school, I had rarely seen him with the same girl more than twice.
In some deep daydreaming part of me, I had wanted to believe with the right girl he would change. Maybe it just wasn’t me.
“Isn’t that decision up to me, who I want to mess with?” I asked, swallowing nervously.
He shook his head. “I love Matthew like a brother. This would step over a line, there would be no going back.” He pressed his lips together. “It won’t last and what happens afterward when we have to see each other? Someone might be hurt and things could get awkward.”
I wanted to deny that would happen but there was no way I could do that. In that scenario, I knew I was the one he was referring to.
Taking a risk only made sense if there was a chance of something worth it.
If from the onset there was no hope, then was there any point in taking the plunge into the unknown?
The logical answer was no but there was nothing logical about how I felt about him or how my body responded to his touch.
The chemical reaction between us scrambled all the good intentions and reasoning.
“And what would you tell Matthew if he discovered I was staying here?” I raised an eyebrow. They were so close, I bet there wasn’t a lot they didn’t share with each other.
“I’d have to come clean about Jack,” he admitted. “The only reason I’m not telling Matt about this is so I can use it as leverage over you.”
My shoulders slumped and I felt all hope that this thing between us might actually develop into something disappear.
I couldn’t mistake his motives for anything but what they were: his need to protect me.
It was who he was, protecting the people who he deemed needed it.
And despite all my best attempts to clarify, he believed I needed protecting.
“So how long are you going to play protective bodyguard?” I asked, needing to soothe over my hurt. “A week or two, or maybe a month?”
“As long as it takes,” he replied, rolling his shoulders.
“There is really no need for any of this,” I tried reasoning with him. “Jack is harmless. He’ll move on and you’ll see there was never really a threat.”
“I’d rather take too many precautions than not enough.” He shrugged.
I thoughtfully chewed my lip as I considered my options.
The only way out of this situation with Mark was to tell Matthew about Jack, and that was something I was still hesitant to do, so for the time being I would do as Mark wanted but I didn’t know for how long I could do it.
It was becoming more and more difficult to be around him with this thing hanging in the air between us.
“What happens when you have to work?” I prodded. He couldn’t spend twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week babysitting me. Eventually he would tire of it and let me go back home. I just had to hope that happened sooner rather than later. “Surely, to keep this up, you need to work.”
He shrugged dismissively. “I work when I want to.”
I let my gaze drift around the apartment. “How do you afford this?” My curiosity had gotten the best of me. Everything screamed expensive.
When he didn’t answer, I turned back to him.
“There are some things I’m not comfortable talking about and that’s one of them.”
Why wouldn’t he talk about it? It piqued my curiosity. I bet Matthew knew .
Another thing I had noticed was that there wasn’t one photo in the whole apartment. No mom, no dad. I didn’t even know if he had any siblings.
The more time I spent around him the less I realized I knew about him, which was crazy.
He had spent so much time around me and my family, I should know him as well as I knew them.
How had I known him for so many years and yet I couldn’t answer any of the questions about his family? It was beyond strange.
“Any other subjects that are off limits?”
“Try asking and I’ll let you know.” He smirked and I felt a little breathless. Did he know the effect he had on me?
“Why are there no photos?”
I lived my life surrounded by pictures in my work and in my home life. I couldn’t imagine having no photos in my home. It wasn’t normal.
“Off limits.” His tone was tight and final. His eyes were unreadable, so I thought about my next question.
I began to walk around the living room, taking a closer look at the paintings and the expensive decor. It looked like the whole room had been perfectly put together with the color and texture.
“Do you have siblings?” I asked, moving to the next burning question.
“No.”
I stopped. I couldn’t imagine a life without Matthew and Sophie. I loved that we had shared the same childhood and upbringing. No one knew you as well as the people you grew up with. They had shared the same life experiences that shaped your life.
“Do you have parents?” I walked closer to him to study him as he chose whether or not to answer.
He had the best poker face. It was almost impossible to read anything from his features. For once, I wished I could read his thoughts so I would know what he was hiding.
“Everyone has parents.”
“But you never talk about them. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention anything about them. Why is that?”
“I don’t like talking about them.” His answer was firm and stiff. There was definitely more to it but I doubted he was going to elaborate.