Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Mark’s one hand cupped my nape while his other hand gripped my hip, bringing me closer. My breath caught in my chest. I was overwhelmed and unable to process a thought.
He tasted like whiskey. He deepened the kiss, darting his tongue into my mouth. I held on to his shoulders while he assaulted my senses. He backed me to the bed and I found myself being lowered onto it.
My mind was still struggling to catch up when I felt his body cover and press into mine.
For a moment I hesitated. I wanted this so badly.
He lifted up from the kiss to stare at me.
Did he comprehend what he was doing? I wondered if he was going to stop.
It was what I expected him to do, but he lowered his mouth to mine again and kissed me gently.
I framed his face as he continued to kiss me. My skin tingled.
This was Mark. I had lost count of the times I had fantasized about something like this.
This was Mark, the boy I had fallen for in my teens.
My mind was numb. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.
He was also the same guy who had told me he wouldn’t cross a line when it came to his friendship with my brother .
With a heavy heart, I let him kiss me one last time before I pushed against his chest. “I can’t.”
He rolled off me and lay breathing heavily, staring upward.
I sat up, trying to catch my breath. If I let it happen, he would regret it, and that was something I couldn’t live with. With shaking hands, I stood and smoothed my clothes.
He didn’t move. I waited, unsure of what to do next.
“Get out.” His quiet command was laced with anger.
Even though I knew I was doing the right thing, it still hurt.
“In the morning you’ll thank me for this,” I murmured, knowing his emotions were probably heightened by the alcohol.
I left his room and took a shaky breath outside after I closed the door. My heart wanted to go back into the room and let it happen, but my mind knew better.
I didn’t want to linger on what could have been, so I went to clean up the mess he’d made.
First I picked up the pieces I could and then I found a vacuum.
After I was done, there was no sign of what had happened, except the missing vase.
Then I went to tidy up the rest of his apartment, throwing away some empty beers and a couple of bottles of whiskey.
It looked like he’d been drinking for a while.
I studied the one bottle and wondered what could have happened to send the most controlled and in charge person I knew over the edge.
Nothing rattled him. It was probably the best trait he could have doing the type of job he did.
Knowing I wouldn’t get anything out of Mark, I decided to call my brother again. It was worth a try.
“Hey,” he answered. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. He’s passed out on the bed.” I dropped the bottle I had been holding in the trashcan. “It looks like he has been having a party for one for the last couple of days.”
“Maybe I should come back early.” I could hear the indecision in his voice.
“Don’t do that. I can handle him until you’re back,” I offered, knowing this trip with Sarah was something important to both of them. They had been through so much and needed some time alone together.
“I’ve never seen him like this, Matty.” I didn’t want him to worry but I hoped he would open up a little about his friend so I could try to understand what was going on. “Do you know what happened?”
He let out a heavy sigh. “No, but it’s got to be bad for him to act like this.”
Matthew didn’t know anything more than I did about what was going on, so there went that idea.
“He doesn’t have any photos of anyone in his apartment,” I voiced, unsure of what response I would get from my brother. “No pictures of his parents or anyone else.”
“He had a complicated childhood.”
Complicated. What the hell did that mean? Was that the only explanation I was going to get? I was frustrated that no one was telling me more than a few cryptic descriptions.
“Is there anything you can tell me that might make it easier to help him through this?” I ventured, knowing there was a good chance he would shut me down.
“Maybe I should come back,” he replied.
“No…it’s fine. If he gets worse, I’ll call you.”
I held my breath.
“Okay. Fine. Make sure you check on him and call me if it gets worse.”
“I will.”
“Love you.”
“Ditto.”
For a few moments I stared down at my phone, wondering what could have happened to Mark to make him the way he was. What could have been so bad that he didn’t want any reminders of his family?
My imagination could come up with a few scenarios but there was no point in speculating. I couldn’t figure out someone who wasn’t prepared to share anything about themselves. I was very grateful for the loving parents and siblings I had. I couldn’t imagine my life without them.
Once I’d finished cleaning up, I found myself in front of Mark’s bedroom door. I wanted to check on him but I was nervous. I needed to take control of this situation because Mark was too drunk to care about anything.
As quietly as I could, I opened the door slowly.
The lights were still on and he was still lying in the same position I had left him.
I walked over to him. I wasn’t an expert on this type of situation but I was pretty sure I had read somewhere it was better for them to sleep on their side than their back, so I firmly pushed him onto his side and pulled the comforter over him.
He looked peaceful and free from the sadness that had afflicted him when he was awake.
I reached out and touched his hair gently.
I wanted to take away his pain but I couldn’t. He had to work his way through it even if it did take a few bottles of whiskey.
Being around him sucked me into the feelings I harbored for him.
It wasn’t good for me if I wanted to move on, but I promised myself once he was better or Matthew was here to take over, I would mission through it.
I stayed and watched him for a little while before I switched off the light and left him.
By the time I settled into bed in the guest bedroom, I was so tired. I could barely keep my eyelids open but as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was wide awake.
All I could think about was his lips on mine and the slight scratch of his stubble against my skin. I sighed, wondering if I would ever get to a stage when I would be immune to him. But right now all it took was one look to make me feel more alive and his kiss stirred something dormant in me.
I lay there for another half hour before I got back up to creep into his room to check on him. He was lying on his stomach. He had discarded his shirt. He was breathing deeply and I left to go make something to drink.
After I made some herbal tea from the stash I had left behind, I wandered around his apartment.
I wasn’t exactly snooping, it was more just taking a look around.
I hesitated outside the door to his study.
Mark wasn’t going to wake up any time soon and I could go inside without fearing he would discover me.
I was so tempted, my hand rested on the handle.
I wanted to look so badly. Maybe there was something that would give me a deeper view into why he was the way he was. But I couldn’t do it. Snooping through his private space wasn’t something I was comfortable with, so I headed back into the living room.
After I sipped my tea, I put the mug down and lay down on the sofa. I would lie here just for a little while and then I would go back to my room.
But my eyelids grew heavy and I allowed myself to drift off to sleep.
It was the smell of coffee that roused me from my deep sleep. I yawned as I sat up and stretched my arms above my head. My muscles were aching.
“You’re finally awake.”
I wasn’t alone. Mark was seated in the chair off to the side.
I felt more self-conscious that he’d been watching.
He looked like he’d had a shower and change of clothes.
He was drinking what looked like coffee.
Then I noticed my rainbow mug with steaming coffee.
I must have forgotten it, which was nothing new. I misplaced things on a daily basis.
“Thanks.” I rubbed my neck, trying to rid myself of the tight muscles. The sofa definitely hadn’t been the best place to fall asleep. The guest bedroom would have been a better choice. I picked up my mug.
There was an uncomfortable silence, and I contemplated how I could break it.
“How’s the head?” I asked without looking directly at him, but I could still see him out of the corner of my eye. He didn’t look hungover.
The few times I had overdone it, I remembered feeling like death warmed up the next morning. He looked fine. It was unfair.
“I’ll survive.”
Was that it? I didn’t get an explanation for anything?
I took a sip and it burned my tongue. Damn coffee. It didn’t help that I was still so tired. I probably felt worse than he did and I hadn’t had a drop of alcohol.
When he didn’t say anything else, I put my coffee down and turned to him.
“What happened?” I asked earnestly, trying to understand his actions.
He swallowed while he held my gaze. When he moved to look down at his coffee, I knew he wasn’t going to reveal anything.
“Don’t you think I deserve some sort of explanation?” I held myself firm, determined to get something from him.
“I didn’t ask you to come over.”
My mouth gaped open.
“No, you didn’t. Your best friend was so concerned, he called and asked me to come over to check on you,” I reminded him, unable to stop my voice from rising.
I was tired and angry. “The next time you want to drink yourself to death, at least answer the phone. It would have saved me a trip here to spend the night worrying about you.”
I rose and began looking for my purse so I could leave, but I couldn’t remember where I’d put it .