Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Mark’s hands skimmed my sides and I felt a flutter of anticipation. I’d been with a guy before but never one whom I felt something for, not like Mark. Despite being in relationships before, this was somehow more important than those times, which made me more nervous.
I wanted to touch him, to feel him. My hands lowered to his shirt and he pulled his lips from mine only long enough to pull his shirt over his head. His chest was bare and I let my hands drift over the sculpted muscles. Reality felt better than any of my dreams.
His mouth trailed to my jaw and then down my neck. I shivered as I allowed my head to fall back as he moved farther down to press a kiss against my collar bone.
His hands lifted my shirt and I helped him to pull it over my head. The shirt was discarded to the floor. Next, his hands found their way to my hips and his thumbs brushed against my skin.
I lifted myself up to kiss him urgently, loving the feel of his skin against mine.
He pulled me to the bed and laid me down. He undid my jeans and pulled them off. I was down to my underwear. While his eyes explored my body, his hand splayed against my stomach.
I bit my lip while I watched him. His eyes darkened when they met mine. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. There was no going back. I had wanted this for so long. Even if it only happened once, I was okay with that. This wouldn’t lead to happily ever after. It wasn’t like I was going in blind.
He unzipped his jeans and removed them before moving onto the bed.
He kissed me as his one hand worked my bra and then it slackened.
I helped him remove it. He sat back to slide my panties off.
I didn’t feel self-conscious like I had with other lovers.
It was the way he looked at me that made me feel beautiful and sexy. I affected him as much as he did me.
This was equal. No one held the upper hand.
Above me, his mouth trailed from my collar bone to my breast. His hand palmed it before his mouth closed over the nipple and he sucked gently. Warmth pooled between my legs. When he repeated the action with the other nipple, I arched, panting.
When his hand moved to my wet core, I whimpered when he touched me there. One finger slid into me and I moved against it, needing a release. When he withdrew, I felt a moment of disappointment that he had left me wanting.
“We need protection,” he murmured.
He disappeared to get something from the bathroom and returned with a foil packet. He pulled his boxers off as he tore the packet and then slid it on while I watched.
I ached for him in a way I had never for another, but I was nervous. What if all my fantasies had built him up to an unattainable goal?
“You still with me on this?” he whispered when he lay beside me on the bed on his side while he trailed his fingers lightly over my stomach. Had he seen my momentary anxiousness?
“Yes.”
He lifted himself to cover me and lowered his mouth to mine. I slid my hands into his hair while his hand parted my knees and I felt him press his body against mine. My legs hugged his waist and I held him while he deepened our kiss to caress my tongue with his. I was hot for him and I squirmed.
I felt him press into me. His eyes held mine, leaving nothing to hide.
It was him and me. My breath hitched when he moved completely into me.
For a few seconds he allowed my body to adjust to his before he withdrew.
Lost in the feel of him inside of me, I closed my eyes and gasped.
His mouth covered mine when he thrust again, smothering another gasp.
His fingers digging into my hips held me in place.
I hugged his body to mine, needing more. My nails scraped against his skin when he increased the pressure and angle of each movement. He hissed and pressed harder into me.
“I…” I began to say, knowing I was getting close. And then before I knew it my body spasmed and I shuddered as my orgasm hit.
His movements became more frantic as he sought his own release, and I held on to him when he strained and then came.
I couldn’t move. Every inch of me was sated. Mark’s weight held me down to the bed and I reveled in the sensation before he shifted off me.
I continued to lie there, my limbs feeling like liquid. My mind was full of thoughts. Should I get up and get dressed so I could leave? I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable.
Mark returned and lay beside me.
“You okay?” He smiled. My heart fluttered.
“Yeah. That was better than any of my teen fantasies.”
He chuckled. “Good to hear.”
He lay on his side with his one hand caressing my face. My eyes found his and I saw a moment of doubt before he smiled, showing off his sexy dimples.
It had been great sex but that was all it was ever going to be. I had no regrets with sleeping with him, but I’d be lying if there wasn’t a part of me saddened by the realization.
I turned to my side and kissed him one last time, memorizing the feel of his lips against mine.
When I lifted my mouth from his, I forced myself to move off the bed and start gathering my clothes without a word. I didn’t want to look at him while I got dressed. To give myself a few private moments, I went into the bathroom and smoothed my hair as best I could without a brush.
When I returned to the room, he was dressed in his jeans and sitting on the edge of the bed, looking contemplative. Perhaps he was regretting what happened.
“I won’t tell Matt,” I assured him.
He shrugged. “I don’t like keeping things from him but this one is your call.”
I nodded. It was best to keep it between us. There was no reason for anyone to find out; besides, it would make things a lot more awkward than they already were.
“I’d better go,” I murmured, not wanting to leave but knowing I had to.
He rose and picked up his shirt, pulling it over his head before walking over to me. “I’ll see you out.”
“Not necessary,” I replied lightly, not wanting to reveal how heavy I felt inside. I had known going in what the score was, but my emotions seemed to be getting the better of me and I was finding it difficult to act like this was the norm for me.
There had been nothing normal about being as close as two people could be…with him.
“Don’t do that, Tracy.”
“What?”
“At least let me walk you to your car,” he insisted. He’d never looked sexier, the bed-hair caused by my hands, his kissable lips that had been kissed by me. It was difficult not to get lost in what had just happened between us.
“Fine.”
I was thankful to find my purse in the kitchen. Mark was waiting by the door to walk me down. I couldn’t think of anything to say so we remained in an awkward silence. Was this how it was going to be from now on?
When I got to my car, I turned to face him.
“Whatever is going on with you, let someone in to help you. Matt’s really worried about you and, after last night, so am I.’’
His mouth tightened. I touched his arm.
“Take care of yourself.”
My eyes softened. When he didn’t respond, I got into my car and he closed the door.
“Drive safely.”
That’s all I got after earth-shattering sex. I swallowed my disappointment. I kept myself together until I watched his figure disappear in my rearview mirror.
I refused to allow the burn in my throat to lead to tears. He had given all he could. Not once had he lied or built up my expectations. Unfortunately, that had been my fault, and I had to figure out a way to lock them away so I would be able to move on.
My phone was ringing but I couldn’t find it. I pulled some clothes from the sofa and dug behind the seat. It continued to ring and then I found it down the side of the sofa. I really should find a place to put it so I would find it easier than hunting through most of my living room.
Feeling frazzled and unsettled, I answered the call but there was no one there. I looked down to see the call had ended already. Damn it!
I didn’t recognize the number. Maybe they would leave a message.
Most people didn’t get business calls over weekends but when you were running your own business it was a different story.
I didn’t have time to think about it because I was due at my parents’ house for Sunday lunch.
It had been a few days since I’d last seen Mark and I hadn’t heard anything from him. Not that I had expected to.
Today was going to be beyond awkward. I had been tempted to skip it but that would lead to my family hounding me for a reason why and I didn’t want to have to lie.
Besides, it was probably best to get it over and done with.
I couldn’t avoid Mark so I had to find a way to be around him and be normal.
Over time it would probably get easier, I reasoned.
As usual I was the last one to arrive. I plastered a smile on my face and wandered into my parents’ home, anxious and nervous.
Matthew and Sarah were back from their trip, and I had no idea if Mark had said anything to him about Jack. I hated the feeling I was hiding something. Maybe it was best just to tell my brother myself so I could get it over with.
Then I thought about Mark. I couldn’t think of him and what happened as a mistake. My heart still raced when I remembered. My cheeks flushed as I tried to rid myself of my inappropriate thoughts.
“Tracy.” The sound of my brother’s voice caused me to stop.
He was seated in the armchair in the living room. He was alone but I could hear voices coming from the kitchen.
“Hey, bro,” I replied, but he didn’t smile. That was the first sign that something was up.
He stood and walked over to me. “You and I, in the study.”
He knew. Damn Mark! Like a teenager about to get a lecture from her father, I followed reluctantly behind Matthew until we were alone in my father’s study.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he asked angrily.
I took a breath to ease my temper. Losing my cool would just escalate things.