Chapter 29
Twenty-Nine
Astrid
Double shock hit me. Was that a thing? If not, it needed to be. Because I was definitely in it.
First, to get real confirmation in front of my very eyes that the pregnancy tests had been correct. I was indeed pregnant.
And then, to have Tristan Hawthorne walk in right in the middle of it all?
My mind raced to comprehend everything, all of it too much, too sudden, incredibly overwhelming.
The silence in the room thickened the air, until the technician broke it, pulling back the wand and wiping the gel from my stomach gently.
"I'll give you a moment," she said as she stepped away. "Dr. Patel will be in shortly."
And with that, she left, closing the door softly behind her, leaving only the two of us.
Tugging my shirt back down, I sat up slowly, a bit unsteady from the intense emotions coursing through me. Tristan's hand immediately found me, helping me upright, steadying me with a firm yet gentle touch on my back.
"Are you all right, baby?" he asked.
Oh, God. The tenderness lacing his tone nearly did me in. I was already on the verge of tears, but that?
"Are you... are you crying?" he whispered.
"No," I cried, sniffling loudly.
He grabbed a nearby tissue box and set it down next to me. "Please don't cry, baby. Please."
"Quit... calling me that." I swiped at my nose, then dabbed at my eyes. "It only makes me want to cry harder."
He stared at me, like he was trying to figure me out, the crazy mess I'd become. My eyes burned, my throat ached, and my heart felt like it was trying to beat its way out of my chest.
"It's just a lot, you know? So much. So soon. And I..." My voice barely held steady as I tried to explain. I looked at him then, blinking through my tears. "Did the condom break or something?"
He looked startled. "No," he said quickly, like the idea had just hit him. "I mean... at least I don't think so. I didn't exactly examine it before tossing it."
Not sure what to say, I studied him.
He scratched the back of his neck, the corners of his mouth quirking ever so slightly. "Maybe it was that one thrust."
I blinked, not sure I could believe my eyes. "Are you seriously smiling right now?"
"I'm smiling?"
"Yes. Yes, you are." I pointed at him, at his stupidly handsome face. "You're totally smiling right now."
"I... I'm sorry." Maybe he tried to stifle it, but his smile only grew slightly wider. "I'm just... this is good news. Don't you think?"
"Good news? The fact that I'm pregnant? You think that's good news?"
"It will be. Once we, uh, figure things out."
"Figure things out? You think we can figure things out?"
"Absolutely, I do."
The nerve of this man.
"Well, here's the thing," I said, determined to give him a piece of my mind.
"I've been thinking a lot about what you said.
And even if you didn't do the actual deed, even if you didn't know about the actual posters beforehand, you were still knowledgeable about the bullying in general.
And for that, I just can't forgive you."
His face fell, making me feel like I'd crushed his dreams. But I didn't have time for that. I'd just found out for sure I was pregnant.
"You were silent about it all," I went on, steel in my voice. "You didn't stand up for me. I can't forgive someone who couldn't stand up for someone who was drowning in pain. Your popularity gave you the power to shut it down, which you could have done in an instant. But you didn't even care."
His eyes nearly popped out of his head with my last comment.
"You... you think I didn't care? Jesus," he muttered more to himself than to me, running a hand through his hair, making it stick up in the front.
"I care. And I did care. But the truth is, I didn't even see it.
I... I didn't realize what was happening.
I was in my own head too much, caught in my parents' mess, trying to survive the nightmare that was home.
Their divorce was a war that never ended, and I didn't know how to stop it.
My world was falling apart, and I didn't have the strength at that age to step into anyone else's.
I had so much anger and hurt inside me. I wasn't even aware of what was happening around me. "
The raw pleading in his eyes, his words, his sincere expression... it all combined and softened me, that lump in my throat making it nearly impossible to swallow. Or speak.
Taking my silence as a cue to go on, he opened his mouth again to speak. "I should have noticed and intervened. I should have stood up for you. You didn't deserve any of that, and my silence made me complicit in a way, even if it wasn't intentional. And for that I'm so sorry, truly sorry."
A tear escaped and I swiped it away, not able to take my eyes off him. He was either delivering an Oscar-caliber performance, or he was being gut-wrenchingly honest, and I wasn't sure which to believe.
I'd spent a full decade—a decade—believing this man was the devil, and my mind couldn't fathom that he might not be the villain from hell, the grooves in my brain so entrenched it was like trying to alter the course of an ancient river.
"I can't change the past," he said, his voice a rasp. "I can't pretend like I didn't hurt you unintentionally. I was so lost, so focused on my own chaos, but... but that's no excuse. I should have noticed. God, I should have noticed. If I could go back and fix it, I would."
He covered my hand with his, grasping me firmly, like he was imploring me with his body to believe him, to trust him.
"But I didn't laugh at you," he said, the conviction in his tone something that would rival my father in court. "And I sure as hell never thought less of you. But I should have seen what was happening to you, and I should have done something. I regret that deeply."
God help me, but I was starting to believe him, wanted to believe him. What he was saying made sense. It really did.
But was I just being a gullible fool? It wouldn't be the first time, not with my tendency to see the best in people.
What I really needed right now was my sisters, their opinions, their advice, their thoughts on whether or not Tristan was being genuine. But I couldn't exactly call them right now.
His hand squeezed mine, the warmth and strength of him something I was desperate to grab a hold of and infuse inside my body.
"I don't know how to make up for everything I did or didn't do back then, Astrid. But I'm here now, and I'm ready to show you I'll do whatever it takes to be the man you deserve. You have no idea how much I want to be a part of your life... of our child's life... if you'll let me."
Oh, dear lord. His words were killing me.
That was it. I needed to say something, needed to come to some kind of decision, on my own, without my sisters' input.
Besides, I already knew what they'd say.
.. at least, Annalise, who'd probably insist I kick him in the nuts and tell him to go to hell, although Aria seemed to be softening toward him lately, surprisingly.
"Tell me what you're thinking. Please," he added.
I didn't know what I was thinking actually, so I just blurted out my next thought. "So what exactly are you saying?" I asked. "You... you want to date me or something? Isn't it a little late for that?"
"No, it's not too late for anything, and for the record, I'd like to do a lot more than date you. But yes, we can start there. As you and me now, no masks, no secrets, no past hanging over us."
"But hello? I'm pregnant. Pregnant. I can't exactly date right now."
He had the gall to laugh. "Who says you can't date? Especially the baby daddy."
Oh, God. Tristan Hawthorne was my baby daddy? How. Just how.
Well, of course I knew the biology of how—actually, I still questioned that and needed to go home and do a massive amount of research—but how on earth had I landed here of all places?
"You know what?" He interrupted my spiral. "I think you need some time to process things. You've, uh, you've been through a lot, and you probably need space, time, to figure it all out."
That was so it. He'd nailed it.
"So," he continued, not waiting for my answer, "I'll give you that. If you want it."
"I do."
He nodded, his lips in a firm line, like there was something more he wanted to say. "But..."
And there it was. "But?"
"But I'm not going to give up on you, on us." He leaned in closer, his hand still on mine, gently increasing the pressure of his fingers. "Even with you masked, not knowing who you were, what we've shared has meant everything to me."
Oh.
"And I'm going to prove to you," he went on, "that I'm a better man, that I'm not the self-absorbed teenager I used to be. I'm going to prove it to you, baby, that I can be the man you need, be the father this baby needs, that we can have a life together that will exceed your wildest dreams."
That hit me right in the feels. Which were definitely elevated at the moment, everything out of his mouth extra poignant and meaningful, my whole world on the verge of collapse or enlightenment, I couldn't be sure.
There was a knock on the door, and the doctor entered, introducing herself, happy smiles for both of us, completely unaware that, well, we weren't actually a happy couple happily waiting for hopefully happy news.
I didn't have it in me, though, to correct her. I mean, what exactly could I say?
Oh, excuse me, Dr. Patel, this man right here is my old bully—or so I thought?
or so I still think?—and I accidentally hooked up with him at a masked ball and had the best sex of my life, and then when I was trying to get revenge on him, well, I might have fallen for him, and he just showed up here out of the blue and discovered my pregnancy.
Wait a freaking minute.
Again, there were obvious questions I had for this man, but damn it, he was so incredibly distracting, that I forgot to ask them.
Because how the hell did he know I was here? How?
Besides the staff, there were exactly two people in the entire universe who'd known about this appointment.
My sisters.
And with a sinking feeling, I realized there was a traitor amongst us, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to deduce who that might be.