Chapter 11
VICTORIA
Cameron O’Shea’s office in Staff Wellness was two doors down from Anna’s, but it was as clean-lined and minimalist as Anna’s was decidedly not. In fact, Victoria observed, it was rather a lot like her own living room.
He was also a man, of course, so there certainly wouldn’t be any of the yearning and entanglement that she’d gotten herself into with Anna. Well, that would be helpful.
If he would get the ball rolling and ask her questions, it would, anyway.
Victoria crossed her legs and leaned forward. “Well?”
“Well, what?” Cameron asked, lifting one ginger eyebrow.
“Did you want to get started or not?” she bit out sharply. “I don’t have all day.”
“Nor do I,” he replied, looking wholly unbothered by her acidity. “I was waiting on you to tell me you wanted to begin.”
Ridiculous. “I’m here, aren’t I? Of course I want to begin.”
He smiled faintly. “I also wanted to see some of the famous Victoria Ellis bite, to see how easy you might be to provoke.” With a flourish, he twisted his ink pen open and made a note in the small leather-bound book in his lap. “That was easier than I thought it would be.”
“You’re a horse’s ass,” Victoria spat.
“And you really are an easy mark.” He looked up at her, gaze cool but curious.
“You’re sharp and reactive. Not bad qualities in general, but you really are a very tightly strung woman.
If we could file some of the edge off of that, it might make it easier for you to begin understanding and controlling your panic attacks when they hit.
” He scribbled down more notes. “I’d like it if eventually, you found yourself catching those sharp reactions and stopping to ask yourself, ‘What’s making me feel this way?
’” When he looked back up at Victoria, the cool combative look in his eyes had given way to cautious friendliness.
“Being able to analyze a situation and your reactions to it might help you with eventually learning how to head off the anxiety and anger before it can take hold.”
“Oh.” The logic of it surprised her. “That… does make some sense.” She felt a bit disloyal to Anna for preferring this approach. “But Dr. Monroe thought it might help me to foster a more generally calm environment in my life, to practice meditation and treat myself well.”
“I don’t discount the approach, and if what she’s suggested has been helping you and you like doing it, then I hope you continue,” Cameron advised.
“But I also like a pragmatic approach. Perhaps we can blend what Anna’s helped you with into my more analytical methods and come up with something that’s uniquely suited to helping you, Dr. Victoria Ellis. ”
She found she liked the idea. “Right.” Now, she felt comfortable enough to lean back on the gold velvet sofa. “All right. Well, then, let’s sally forth, shall we?”
At the end of the hour, she was pleased to find that she didn’t feel combative and wound up.
She was a bit tired, really. Cameron had probed, and instead of backing off like Anna had when Victoria reacted poorly to a line of questioning, he asked her to examine that reaction and then consider his question again.
It wasn’t easy to face, and if she hadn’t been through a few weeks of Anna’s gentler methods first she thought she’d have stomped right out of Cameron’s office and never returned.
But Anna’s skillful, careful work had laid a good foundation for Cameron to manage, so Victoria found herself ready to come back.
“I’d like to see you three mornings a week,” he said, much to Victoria’s surprise.
“Really? So often?” she asked, her hackles immediately up. Even Anna hadn’t necessarily wanted that much of her time.
“I’m given to understand time is of the essence.
” Cameron consulted his notes. “And Anna’s done really good work with you, so that should make things easier on us both.
” He smiled. “Don’t you worry. We’ll get you in tip-top shape for anything coming your way.
But I do see that there’s an evaluation coming in just a few more weeks, so I don’t want to lose a moment of time. ”
“I… see.” She didn’t. But perhaps she was well overdue a talk with Elaine.
No one had warned her that the evaluation would be so soon.
Well, she’d pop in on Anna after this, then go see Elaine before her afternoon slate of surgeries.
“Well. Thank you for today, Dr. O’Shea. I appreciate your candor and logic. ”
“Thank you for being open to new approaches.” He guided her to the door, opened it and looked out. “Have a wonderful day.”
She waited for him to close the door behind her before glancing at Anna’s door and seeing it cracked open. Walking over, she listened for a moment to be sure no one else was in there before slipping in quickly and shutting it behind her. “Hello there.”
“ Victoria, hi.” In her green chair by the window, Anna looked up from the notes in her lap and smiled. It was a brief smile, though, replaced quickly with worry. “I only have a few moments before Kathleen brings in my next patient.”
“I don’t need long.” In three long strides, she was at the chair and pulling Anna to her feet, pen and notepad sent tumbling down to the floor. Anna was giggling as Victoria tilted her chin up for a long, lazy kiss. “I missed you.”
“It’s been two days.” But Anna was still smiling as Victoria pulled back, still holding her lovely beaming face in her hands. Good Lord, but she did enjoy looking at her.
“Two excruciating days. Can you come over tonight?” She held her breath.
But Anna just kept grinning sunshine bright. “And I’ll come prepared with a change of clothes. You can have me all night.”
“Exactly what I wanted to hear.” Victoria bent to kiss her again, deeper, more hungrily. But the creak of the brass doorknob turning startled them both, and Victoria leaped back as quickly as she could, immediately composing herself.
Anna wasn’t so easily calmed, her fair skin still flushed bright pink as Kathleen eased the door open. “Dr. Monroe, your next patient is here,” she advised quietly, glancing between them with open curiosity. “Shall I wait five minutes to send them in?”
“I only need two. Dr. Ellis was just leaving.” Kneeling, Anna picked up her notebook and pen and stepped over to put them on the table by her chair.
Victoria took the hint immediately. “Indeed. Thank you for your time today, Dr. Monroe, and for the referral to Dr. O’Shea.”
“You’re very welcome.” When Anna turned around, it seemed she had managed to get herself back under control with an admirable swiftness. “Perhaps I’ll see you around.”
“Perhaps.” With her back to Kathleen, Victoria was able to wink at Anna, getting her flustered all over again before Victoria turned and left the office, slipping past Kathleen with a nod.
As she left, she remembered she hadn’t gotten a chance to ask Anna if she’d known about the impending evaluation. Well, fine. Anna wasn’t her therapist anymore anyway. But Elaine would be on the evaluatory panel, no doubt, so she’d make a fine source of information.
It took Victoria a ridiculous number of days to pin Elaine down for a meeting. If she didn’t know better, she would almost swear that the woman was actively trying to avoid her.
But surely not. Surely?
At last, she cornered the Cardio chief at her desk in her office, slipping in and shutting the door behind her with a decisive click. And Elaine did indeed look cornered, her blue eyes wide as she whipped her head up to look at Victoria. “Dr. Ellis.”
“Elaine,” she said pointedly. “Have you been avoiding me?”
“Don’t be absurd.” The words were sharp, but Elaine still looked hunted.
Victoria huffed in disbelief. “You look like you think I’ve come to disembowel you!”
“I do not.” But the statement was overly firm, as though Elaine were trying to convince them both she believed it. “Dr. Ellis, I have a heart transplant to scrub in on. Timing is crucial.”
“I only have one singular question for you, and it’s just silly that it’s taken the better part of this week to pin you down to ask it,” Victoria said, shaking her head.
“Elaine, Dr. O’Shea says my evaluation is coming up very soon.
Within the next few weeks. I’ll have only been in therapy a couple of months, isn’t that fairly early to clear me… or otherwise?”
Elaine was fiddling with objects on her desk, picking up a paperweight and putting it down, shifting an ink pen from one side of her big desktop calendar to the other.
Her hands touched on her stapler, a medical journal, her mobile phone, moving and adjusting each one.
“I would have thought you’d have liked to get this over with sooner. ”
“Don’t deflect.” The flitting and twitching was making Victoria more suspicious by the second. “Elaine, sit down. Stop. None of this is like you, tell me what’s going on.”
With a gusty sigh, Elaine did sit down, and gestured for Victoria to sit down as well. “The problem is Marcus Kinkade.”
Victoria frowned. “I’m afraid I don’t know the man.”
“Count your blessings for now, because that’s not going to last long.” Elaine spread her hands out over the scribble-filled calendar on her desktop. “Marcus Kinkade is the Director of Surgical Services.”
Oh, now the name did sound familiar. But… “I don’t really see what he’s got to do with me?”
“Well, everything.” Elaine gazed at her frankly. “He’s a man who thinks in dollars. You cost a lot of dollars. And you haven’t been performing up to standard.”
Again, Victoria frowned. “Plenty of surgeons go through rough patches, they get sorted out.” When Elaine’s expression softened into something very like sympathy, Victoria put two and two together, sat straight up, and blinked. “Wait. No.”
“Yes, I’m afraid so.”
“Yes, what.” Victoria leaned forward. “Say it out loud. Be clear.”