Chapter 13
VICTORIA
She was so distracted lately.
“No,” she said instead once the words registered. “No, thank you. I know you’re going to that Blue Lounge place, and I’m not in the mood for noise and dancing tonight.”
“Indigo Lounge,” Ashley corrected. “I can’t believe you’ve been a queer woman living in LA this long and you’ve still never been to the Lounge.”
“I have so,” Victoria protested. “That one time with you something like five years ago.”
“So you’re overdue a fresh visit, and tonight’s perfect. It’s not a dance party night, there’s a little concert. Singer-songwriter stuff, pretty lowkey.” Pulling her phone out of her pocket, Ashley tapped at it. “And she’s British. Lucy Spraggan, Jen loves her.”
That piqued Victoria’s interest. “Oh, yes. I’m familiar with her. I didn’t know she was in the States.”
“Well, she is, and performing tonight at the Lounge. So.” Ashley stuffed her phone away, eyebrow raised. “Will you come with?”
It wasn’t like she had anything better to do, and at least the music would be good and also not too harsh a brush against her frayed nerves. “Yes. All right. Why not. Do we need to buy tickets?”
“No, we just need to get there early to maybe get a good seat so we can eat and enjoy the music. You won’t remember, but the food there is so good.”
“I do remember that, actually.” She really did.
It wasn’t often that she ate cheeseburgers at all, being a heart surgeon.
So she certainly did remember when one was as transcendently good as that one had been.
And the spicy chips. Yes. Actually, this would be a very nice evening out and a good distraction from…
Victoria couldn’t help but let out a big sigh that earned her quite the odd look of concern from Ashley. Anna. Oh, Anna.
She’d regretted her harsh words the minute she was out of Anna’s office, but didn’t dare turn back.
She needed to calm down and think; and she really did want to get away from the hospital and clear her head before the procedure she had scheduled that evening.
So she had spent a couple of hours indulging in some serious retail therapy at the Beverly Center.
Her new Ferragamo sandals had not fixed her Anna problem, but they were very pretty.
It had been several days now, and her damnable pride had still not allowed her to bend and reach out to Anna.
Not yet. She’d had a couple of emergency sessions with Cameron to help her down the road to accepting and understanding that Anna really did have a professional obligation to keep the threat to her job from her.
And of course Anna would have wrestled with wanting to try to tell her anyway, she knew that.
Anna detested dishonesty, she knew that too.
It would have eaten her up inside, and of course she would have hated having to keep it from Victoria.
Harder to cope with was her burden of responsibility for that first kiss. Because she didn’t know how to! She didn’t regret that kiss at all, and Anna had certainly enjoyed it, however briefly. But she shouldn’t have done it.
“You weren’t in the most logical frame of mind at that moment,” Cameron had pointed out to her, dryly. And of course he was right, but accepting her mental incapacity over the last several months was a real stinger. It would take time to work through.
She was nervous about the evaluatory panel meeting results, which hopefully should arrive in her inbox soon.
But she couldn’t do anything about that.
What would happen, would happen—and good Lord, had that taken some serious work with Cameron to fully take in.
Still. It was what it was, as excruciating as it was for her to accept that.
She could do something about Anna, but she didn’t know what.
Yes. A night out with Ashley and Jen, listening to great music and eating exceptional food might do her some good.
At that moment, her phone buzzed in her pocket. Tugging it out, she saw she had a new email from Elaine. Evaluatory Panel: Dr. Victoria Ellis, the subject line said. Hands shaking, she opened it.
There was a lot to read, a very long report.
She swiped down to the last paragraph. The panel has concluded that Dr. Ellis is provisionally cleared to work with only limited oversight over the next six months, after which time we anticipate that she will be fully cleared following a consultation with Dr. Cameron O’Shea, PsyD.
She must have looked gobsmacked, because Ashley came to peer over her shoulder at the email. A loud whoop! escaped her mouth and she squeezed Victoria in a triumphant hug until Victoria was gasping for breath. “Cleared! You’ve been cleared!”
“Provisionally,” Victoria wheezed, struggling to extract herself from Ashley’s excited grip.
“Provisionally with a healthy dose of optimism!” Ashley let her go and danced around the scrub room. “Well! If you hadn’t already said yes to going out tonight, I’d bodily drag you out anyway. This is something to celebrate!”
Victoria laughed at her friend’s sheer delight. It felt like a warm bath, not only to be cleared by the panel but for someone to be so damn happy for her about it. Grabbing Ashley’s hands, she joined in the excited dance, not caring at all who might be watching.
But in the back of her mind, a wistful little part of her wished Anna was in here too, celebrating with them.
A celebration this was to be, so Victoria wanted to look somewhat chic, but Ashley and Jen tended to celebrate long into a night, so she also wanted to be comfortable.
Black wide leg trousers, ankle boots, and the only even slightly oversized jumper she owned, a soft charcoal-gray cowl-necked number with lightly ballooned sleeves.
She usually belted this in, but tonight she was satisfied with the look as a whole.
Picking up a hair elastic, she tied her hair back into a simple low ponytail, did a light face of makeup, and headed for the door.
Ashley had offered to pick her up, but Victoria had firmly declined the offer.
She wanted to be able to leave when she got tired, and she wanted to be able to have a couple of drinks.
As she recalled, the Indigo Lounge had an inventive cocktail menu with clever sapphic names.
A celebration would require one or two of those.
So she would take an Uber to the Lounge, and another one home.
Her trousers had excellent buttonable pockets, so she didn’t bother with a purse. Her mobile, with a card wallet on the back, and her condo keys—this was all she needed.
The Uber driver seemed to sense her wish for a quiet ride, so he didn’t talk at all as they made their way to the Lounge, which was pleasant. When she got out of the car, she stood on the sidewalk as he drove away, absorbed in tapping a generous tip and five-star rating into the app.
As she tapped the button to complete the ride, a soft little voice piped up from behind her. “Victoria?”
She shrieked and nearly threw her mobile into the air. “Jesus Christ!”
“Sorry! I’m so sorry.” Anna’s face was awash in guilt as she reached out to grab Victoria’s arms. “Shh. Shh. It’s okay. It’s only me. I’m so sorry, Victoria.”
“Jesus,” Victoria said again, the word emerging in a wheeze. Tucking her phone down into her bra, she covered her face with her hands and took several long, deep breaths, willing her racing heart to calm the fuck down.
At last, she lifted her head to look at Anna, who still looked stricken. “Anna,” Victoria said, suddenly very tired. “It’s all right. I’m fine. You just startled me a bit, is all.”
“You screamed,” Anna pointed out. “People think I am trying to murder you.”
Victoria looked around at the crowd of nervous women milling around outside of the Indigo Lounge. “It’s fine,” she told them, hoping she sounded more reassuring than she felt. “I’m easily startled. No worries.”
When the small crowd had dispersed, satisfied that she wasn’t being stabbed to death in public, Victoria returned her attention to Anna.
God, she did look beautiful. She, too, looked dressed to go out, not in her schoolteacher getup, but in jeans and a loose, off the shoulder long-sleeved pink t-shirt that made her auburn curls look extra richly red and her cheeks a becoming pink. Victoria swallowed. “It’s good to see you.”
“Is it?” Anna’s tone was bright, but the usual light in her green eyes was dimmed with wariness.
“It is.” Victoria tried to make her voice sound warm, apologetic. Maybe she should jump right into it. “Anna, I’m so sorry.”
“For…?” It wasn’t combative, merely gently inquisitive.
“For shouting at you, for blaming you, for… all of it.” Victoria stared down at her feet. “It was an awful day, but I shouldn’t have taken all of my frustrations out on you.”
“Oh, I did have my own part to play in it all,” Anna replied, reaching out to tilt Victoria’s chin back up so she could smile into her eyes. “But… I don’t know. Maybe this isn’t the place to talk about it.”
“Why are you here?” Victoria asked, curious. “Do you come here often?”
“I know one of the owners. I came here for a heart to heart with her but… then you turned up.” Anna cocked her head to the side. “Why are you here? Have you ever been here?”
“Once. Long ago. Ashley wanted to celebrate my clearance tonight, and I like the artist they’ve got booked in.” The doors to the Lounge were open, and Victoria could hear Lucy beginning to play, gentle guitar wafting out of the club and into the night around them.
To her surprise, Anna looked disappointed. “Oh.”
“Oh?” Victoria frowned.
“I was going to ask if you wanted to get out of here and come back to my place to talk, but I don’t want you to miss out on…”
“Anna.” Victoria reached out and grabbed Anna’s arm with one hand, and began fishing her mobile out with the other, frantically thumbing it open so she could message Ashley and then summon another Uber. “I have never wanted to leave anywhere so quickly in my life.”