Chapter 48 #2
Man. The Fae in her dreams wouldn’t like being called that.
She almost smirked at the thought, but held it at bay lest Castellan press her for details.
There was something about her Fae. Something about their meadow.
It wasn’t real, yet she felt protective—whatever it was, it was hers and she had no intention of sharing it all.
“I’d hardly call it a story.”
“Humor me. We don’t exactly have the best reading material on the road.”
Smoothing her hands over her cloak, Mora pouted. “Or the best chocolate.”
“Chocolate?”
She sighed dramatically. “I’m rather fond of it.”
“Tell me everything and I will find you some.” Castellan’s face hardened as he took on the persona of a King’s Guard, his hand splayed over his heart. This was a royal oath. An unbreakable promise. “A gift for my future queen.”
Mora snorted. “This marriage might actually work.”
“Only if you indulge me,” he said with a wink.
“Dear gods.”
Castellan clicked his tongue. “I’m beginning to think you don’t want the chocolates.”
She glared. “You’re incorrigible.”
“And you’re stubborn.”
A gurgling sound settled between then, Mora’s stomach growling in protest. There had been few sweet indulgences since the day she’d been cursed—Dother rarely fed her and never gave her chocolates. Part of her was grateful—at least he hadn’t tainted that.
Apart from the drink Eris had made her in his farmhouse, the last chocolate she could remember enjoying was a cake breakfast she’d shared with her father.
A final moment of peace—happiness taking one last breath before slipping from this mortal coil.
It would be nice to have a taste. To experience that rich, decadent flavor melting on her tongue while she closed her eyes for a moment and remembered what it was like to be human. To be safe. To be loved.
“Fine,” Mora huffed.
Castellan blinked, surprise lighting his features. “Perhaps you’re not as stubborn as I thought.”
Oh, he had no idea how stubborn she could be.
Tonight, she’d bend to his whims. If he didn’t pay up, however...
Mora freed a wisp of smoke in her palm, laughing inwardly and imagining how she’d force his hand.
The cool caress of her power oddly comforting.
What would she do if she were free to use it as she desired?
No one would deny her chocolates, that was certain. No one would deny her anything.
When Castellan adjusted his belt, jostling her flask, Mora’s fantasy crumbled. What was the point of such foolish dreams?
“He protects me from Dother. So long as he’s there, I’m safe. When he’s not...” She shuddered, flashes of gold and azure churning so quickly in her memories she could hardly follow. “I’d prefer not to think of it.”
Castellan’s chin dipped, his focus wandering back to Eris, though he couldn’t catch his friend’s attention.
The pleasant thrum of the lute’s gentle song enraptured them all, leaving Mora and Castellan in a world of their own, huddled by the trees on the other side of the fire.
“You don’t need to think of such terrible things,” he finally said, swallowing as if he felt her pain.
After a breath, he leaned back, hands pressed into their frost-laden, mossy cushion.
“I have a question, though, if you don’t mind my asking. ”
“You have endless questions.” Her words held no bite, a quiet giggle on her breath.
A rare thing. As she soaked up the emotion, Mora felt a spark deep within, the tiny ember crackling in her soul as if it simply needed a little kindling to erupt into something beautiful.
She wanted so badly to cup it in her palms and keep it safe until it was large enough to burn.
Castellan pulled a bright red flask from his pocket and slowly unscrewed the cap. “Apologies for my crassness in advance.”
She blew out a breath. “That sounds dangerous.”
“Doesn’t it?” He swirled the liquid around before taking a drink, the spicy scent making Mora’s nose curl. “Have you explored your desires in these dreams?”
“I beg your pardon?” she hissed, chest tightening.
“They must be intense if they have you staring at Eris like he’s the most beautiful man among us.” A flash of mirth gleamed in his serious stare. “An insult, might I add, but I grin and bear it.”
“Does everyone notice the way I look at him?”
Castellan sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Define everyone?”
“Dear gods.” Bowing her head, Mora hid behind a curtain of long, dark brown curls.
“You’re royalty,” he teased. “You needn’t be subtle.”
Apparently, there were emotions Mora still needed to learn how to hide—the mask she thought she’d donned so well felt paper-thin.
“You have no idea how wrong you are. Being royal requires cunning.” As she muttered the next words, Mora could hear her mother saying them with her. “Subtlety is everything.”
“Well...” Castellan’s lips thinned, mock pity lacing his tone. “I’m afraid to report you’ve failed.”
“Twist the blade, why don’t you?”
“Mora?” There was that softness again, his voice too delicate.
“Yes?”
“It’s okay to want someone.”
His drink’s sharp, spicy scent curled with his breath and Mora thought of bright blue eyes watching her in the low light of a seedy tavern.
Do you always overthink, Treasure? Dother’s voice was smooth, slipping over her skin like velvet. When he brought his finger to her chin and forced her to look into his eyes, she’d been done for, overcome by wanton curiosity. Dance with me.
Three words. They weren’t a question. Dother didn’t ask for what he wanted, he took it. If that meant clinging to it in a crushing grip until nothing remained, so be it.
Mora, however, felt a thrill in her belly when he’d first spoken, desire leading her directly into his arms. Sealing her fate in a single dance.
She’d been a fool.
“I’m almost certain it isn’t,” Mora spat, fingers curling into tight fists, nails stinging her flesh, nearly cutting into her palms. Somehow, it grounded her. Lulled her heart back to a steady pace.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, nor can I understand what it must be like to heal from it. But you can heal, Mora.” Nudging her boot with his, Castellan nodded at the distance between them. He was closer than she’d realized, their knees nearly touching. “You’ve come so far already.”
Her sigh was wistful. “You have too much faith in me.”
Shaking his head, Castellan sat up straighter, though his boot didn’t move, leather caressing leather.
“I’m not saying you need to act on anything.
Hell, stare at Eris all you like. I’ve worked with the bastard, he could use the confidence boost.” His tone grew serious.
“That doesn’t mean you need to lie with him. ”
Mora worried her bottom lip; she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t considered it, but she had no idea what she wanted. What she could want. “I’m not certain I would.”
“Good,” he declared, taking another swig of his drink.
“There’s hope for you yet.” He tipped the flask toward her in offering, but Mora shook her head, unable to stomach the strong aroma—there was no way she could drink that.
He pursed his lips in a way that said, Your loss, screwed on the cap, and shoved the flask back into his cloak’s pocket.
“The reason I asked about your dream escapades is because I wonder if they’re the safest place for you to heal the parts of yourself that long for connection but are too afraid to try. ”
Was she seriously discussing sex dreams with her future husband? Dear gods, Mora wasn’t certain if she wanted to hear him out or stand up and run until the shadows between the trees swallowed her whole.
Stay for the chocolates, she thought. The guard better deliver. “And you’ve concluded this, because...?”
“It’s a dream,” Castellan declared, matter-of-factly. “It’s meaningless. And safe. Use your imagination and explore whatever it is you want to explore from the safety of your own mind.”
Heat might as well have consumed Mora’s entire body. The idea thrilled her, and she hated that interest for the Fae curled in her belly under Castellan’s watchful stare. “And if I don’t feel safe exploring at all?”
“Then don’t.”
Mora bit her lip. Could she explore intimacy safely in her dreams? Did she truly want to, or would it be better to give in to the tension between her and Eris and... try? Castellan’s advice was something to contemplate. “I’ll take your counsel into consideration, oh gallant knight.”
“See!” He flashed a charming smile. “We’re a perfect match.”
Her lips twitched on their own, the shadow of a grin attempting to rise on her face. “Indeed, we are.”