Marissa
I waited thirty minutes after my first call to try Jesse again. When it went to voicemail, I left a message, letting him know that the kids were waiting for him on a giant inflatable and if he didn’t hurry up, we might be left with no choice but to push him into the lake.
After another thirty minutes passed, I started to worry.
I called Shelby, asking if she’d heard from Jesse.
She gave me a tepid response at first, telling me that she’d spoken to him an hour earlier when he was leaving my house and that she was sure he was fine.
I pressed further, until she folded and told me that Jesse had run into Rocky on his way out.
That absolute bastard. I have no idea what he said to Jesse, but whatever it was, it was bad enough that now Jesse is avoiding my calls.
I’d told Rocky that we didn’t need him to fly in and help us pack for our return to LA.
Especially since, as I reminded him, we managed perfectly fine on our own when we arrived at the beginning of the summer.
He showed up anyway, because that’s what Rocky does: He makes unilateral decisions and bulldozes anyone whose input doesn’t align with his.
The thought of it makes my stomach hurt in more ways than one; as much as I want to believe I can make it work with him on set, I know that he’s going to make this movie as it aligns with his vision, source material and all other creative input be damned.
Bringing him on board risks putting the heart of this story in jeopardy.
And speaking of hearts, it seems he has once again fucked with mine.
Jesse leaves my texts on read for the rest of the afternoon, and once we’re home and showered, I order a pizza and tell Rocky he and the kids are welcome to watch a movie.
I also remind him that since he’s suddenly so committed to being a family man, he’ll have no problem watching them for as long as I need tonight.
Then I hop into my car and head into town.
It doesn’t take me too long to find Jesse sitting at the bar in Monkeyshines, staring morosely into a pint of beer. I slide onto the empty barstool beside him and peek inside the rim.
“Looking for your lost phone in there?” I ask. “I assume that’s the reason you haven’t been returning my calls.”
Jesse whips his head in my direction, eyes going wide as they meet mine. I watch as an entire weather pattern flashes through them: surprise, pleasure, hope, and then something that looks like grief.
“Hey,” he says. “Sorry I missed you. Hope you guys had a good time at the beach.”
Frustration creeps through me, replacing the empathy I came in with.
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say to me?”
Jesse’s pupils go wide. His lips part like he’s getting ready to say something. Instead, he tears his gaze away and takes a long sip of his beer.
There’s no way I’m letting him off the hook. Not before we talk about this. I swivel his barstool, forcing him to face me.
“Jesse, what is going on? Is this about Rocky? Did he say something to you?”
Jesse blows out a sigh. He drags a rough hand through his curls but doesn’t respond.
I reach forward and place my hand over his, savoring the juxtaposition between his large hand and my small one. His fingers wrap gently around mine and he holds them there for a second before dragging them away. My hand falls limply back into my lap, and my stomach turns.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Jesse says quietly. “It’s just time to be realistic. Summer is over.”
Unease swims through my veins. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you and I both knew this had an expiration date. You’re leaving. And it’s fine. This was always how it was going to end.”
“How was it going to end?” I repeat, somehow failing to comprehend what he’s trying to tell me. “Are you … breaking up with me?”
Jesse swivels back to face the bar, refusing to meet my eye.
“It’s the best thing for everyone,” he says quietly. “You’re going back to your world and I’m staying here. Things are as they should be. Your career is about to take off again, and I am not going to be the one to bring you down.”
Indignant anger bubbles in my chest. I don’t remember the last time I’ve let anyone in the way I have with Jesse, and now he’s making the unilateral decision to shut me out?
Maybe Marissa of three months ago would have allowed herself to be steamrolled like this.
But End-of-Summer Marissa is a different person. And I’m not going to stand for it.
“God, I’m such an idiot,” I say. “I thought you were different. I thought you wanted me to succeed, that you were going to stand by me and lift me up instead of tossing me to the side the minute it got inconvenient for you. But I was wrong. You’re just like the rest of them.”
Jesse visibly flinches but the ember of rage inside me is only growing hotter.
What felt like helpless sorrow a minute ago has now shifted into full-blown anger.
At first, I think it’s directed at Jesse but then just as quickly, it ricochets back to me.
I am done putting myself on the back burner so I can do what’s best for everyone else.
For the past decade, I have put myself last, made myself small so I could lift everyone else up.
And now, I am over it. Jesse’s right: I am not about to give up my career for a man again.
I stand up, reaching under the bar to grab my purse.
“You know what?” I say as I sling it over my shoulder. “I want to thank you.”
Jesse turns back to me, his expression questioning. He doesn’t say a word, but I press on nonetheless.
“I came here this summer to escape something, and instead, I fell in love with you.”
Jesse’s eyes go wide, and I realize it’s the first time I’ve ever said the words out loud.
But it’s true. I love Jesse. I’m not even sure when it happened.
Maybe it’s when I saw how much he loves his niece.
His dog. His lovable oaf of a brother and his sister-in-law.
Or maybe it was that first night together, roasting marshmallows under the stars.
Maybe I knew it during our first kiss, and every kiss that came after.
Either way, I am hopelessly, helplessly, irrevocably in love with him, and the mere thought of it turns me inside out.
It makes me want to collapse into his arms, throw mine around his neck, and never let go.
But it’s clear that he doesn’t feel the same way about me.
So, instead, I take a deep breath, steadying myself.
“But you weren’t the only love I found this summer.
I fell in love with myself again. Remembered the person I used to be.
Remembered that I am strong and brave and that I am enough.
I have always been enough. And the last thing I need is to allow another man to dim my light.
So, I want to thank you for reminding me of that before I lost myself again.
Before I made the worst mistake of my life. ”
And with that, I brush past him, heading for the exit.
“Marissa.” Behind me, his voice is low and strangled and the sound of it makes my heart twist. But I know that if I look back now, I’ll never make it out of here. And despite the resistance that screams inside me, I desperately need to walk away.
I disappear through the wooden bar doors, never once looking back.