Chapter 4
4
R ex slipped from the bed, careful not to wake the sleeping beauty.
Quietly, he closed the bedroom door and made his way to the yacht's back deck. The morning sky gave way to the promise of the sun.
He glanced over his shoulder as if he could see Tilly tucked away in his bed.
The second he fought his first fire, he knew that’s what he’d been born to do.
Just like loving Tilly.
He couldn’t deny his feelings any more than he could ignore the guilt he tried to bury in some dark corner of his heart.
Deep down, he knew he’d return home to say goodbye to his mother. He had to, not just for her, but for him as well. The last few weeks the guilt had been eating him alive. It all came down to when it happened. His father had mentioned she had a month. But who could put a timetable on death and cancer.
No one.
Rex knew he had to do it sooner rather than later.
“Look, Daddy, it’s Uncle Rex!” Elle Jordan waved from the edge of the dock.
“Shhh, quiet. People are still sleeping,” Kent said.
“Hey, squirt. What are you two doing here so early?” Rex asked.
“Uncle Arthur said we could take his boat out and go fishing.” Elle squared her shoulders and smiled proudly. “Oh, pretty shoes.” Elle pointed to the pair of pink heels that Tilly had kicked off. “Do you have a girlfriend now? Does she have a friend she can introduce to my dad? He needs a girlfriend bad.”
Rex covered his mouth, biting back his laughter.
“Elle, why don’t you go start prepping the boat? I’ll be right along.” Kent jumped aboard while Elle skipped down the dock, swinging her arms back and forth.
“Out of the mouths of babes,” Rex said.
“Yeah, but now I’m going to be fielding a million questions about what happened to the lady with the pink shoes.” Kent shook his head. “Not to mention Elle just tried to fix me up with the school nurse.”
“Oh my God. That’s classic,” Rex said. While it always proved difficult for Rex to be around small kids, he always enjoyed Elle and her spitfire personality. He respected Kent for his ability to raise a child alone since Elle’s mother had died shortly after Elle had been born. Kent could have made other choices, but instead, he manned up and was the best father.
“So, care to tell me more about your visitor who opted to spend the night?” Kent asked. “I mean the whole stepsister thing needs some explaining.”
“Technically, she is. But she was my girlfriend before my mom married her dad.”
“That’s just weird, so please don’t ever tell Elle that. I would have no idea how to explain that one, and Elle has been asking so many questions lately about boys and girls and shit I’m not ready to discuss.”
“That little girl is going to grow up on you.” Rex slapped his buddy on the shoulder. “But not to worry. She won’t cross Tilly’s path. I’m flying home with her today to see my mom. She doesn’t have much time left.” Rex’s throat was thick with emotion. The realization he would be coming face-to-face with his family under such intense circumstances sent his mind in a million directions.
“Wait. Tilly as in the one who created the tattoo on your shoulder? The girlfriend that?—”
“Yep. That one.” Rex didn’t need to hear his buddy rattle off what little he’d shared about his life one night when he’d had too much to drink.
“And she spent the night?” Kent pointed to the cabin. “In there. With you?”
Rex wasn’t the type to kiss and tell, but when he kept his mouth closed, he figured that spoke volumes.
Kent took a seat on the back bench. “You okay?”
Rex nodded, leaning against the console. “But I’ll be honest, going home is freaking me right the fuck out. I’ve seen my father maybe five times in the last ten years. My brother about the same. My sister only twice, and my mom, well, not at all.”
“I can’t imagine going longer than a month without seeing my mom.” Kent waved his hand toward Arthur’s boat, where Elle was taking out all the fishing gear. “But all Elle has are a few pictures. She had only hours with her mother and obviously doesn’t remember a thing. Only what I tell her and since I barely knew her mother, that’s not much.” Kent wiped his hand over his face. “I wish I had more stories to give her about her mom. And this phase she’s going through about fixing me up with every woman she meets isn’t really about me. It’s about her wanting a mother.”
“She’s turning out just fine and you’re an excellent father. I wouldn’t worry about it.”
Kent let out a long breath. “That’s not the point. You’ve seen how she is with Maren and even my nanny Jackie. She’s starved for female affection. I could be the best dad in all the land, but nothing can ever replace one’s mother.” Kent arched a brow. “Even in a boy’s life.”
“You are the best dad, and my situation is very different. My mother had a choice, and she chose to break up the family for her own selfish reasons.”
“So, you chose to continue the madness and punish her. That, my friend, is damned selfish.”
“Oh, what do you know,” Rex said, waving his hand. “And it doesn’t matter. I’m going to fulfill my mother’s dying wish and go see her.”
“Have you thought about what you’ll say and how open you’ll be to hearing your mom?”
“Not really.” Was it too early to start drinking? Rex cracked his knuckles. To him, this wasn’t about anything other than a quick visit. He’d see his family. He’d go through the motions. And then he’d leave.
Check.
Done.
“Do you know what you want from the visit?” Kent asked.
“Absolutely nothing.” God, Rex loved Kent like a brother. He really did. But the man could be one big fucking pain in the ass when it came to feelings . “Except to fulfill an obligation.”
“You’re making a big mistake. This is an opportunity,” Kent said. “How long have we known each other?”
“Since right after Elle was born.” Rex waved to the precious little girl.
She smiled and waved right back.
“I know you don’t like to talk about this shit, and other than a few drunken nights, you’ve kept it to yourself. But it’s eating you alive, man.” Kent leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Make peace with her. If you don’t, you’re going to regret it.”
“She wants me to forgive, forget, and erase the past,” Rex said. “My mother has this perception of what happened and can only see it from her eyes. She has always refused to see it from mine. How can she expect me to forgive her when she can’t see what her choices did to me and everyone else?”
“Don’t go getting all pissed off.” Kent held up his hand. “But maybe you only see this through your truth and not anyone else’s. I’m not saying what happened wasn’t shitty. And of course, your mother could have made more appropriate choices before having an affair. But her marriage isn’t any business of her children.”
Rex cocked his head. “Does that mean any woman you date doesn’t directly affect Elle?”
“Of course it does. She’s not an adult. There’s a big difference,” Kent said. “We all know I don’t date much because Elle’s needs are more important to me than my sex life.” He waggled his finger. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t have one. Or don’t want a girlfriend. And if I ever found the right woman, it would be a dance. Elle would probably like her right away and then hate her guts until she loved her. It’s how these things work. My point is you were put in a shitty situation. You were hurt and angry. But that was a long time ago. It’s time to make it right before you no longer can.”
Rex nodded.
“Daddy!” Elle called. “The boat’s all ready.”
“Time for me to go,” Kent said. “If you need another one of my amazing pep talks, you know how to reach me.”
“Enjoy your day.” Rex watched as Elle greeted her dad with big wide-open arms and a kiss.
Their relationship was pretty incredible, even if Kent was worse than a paranoid mother and his dating life was actually nonexistent.
Tilly smoothed down the front of her dress and sucked in a deep breath. She should have thought about what the morning after would have been like, especially when she woke up alone in his bed.
“Are you ready?” he called from the deck, his suitcase in hand. “The traffic on ninety-five is going to be a bitch.”
She took his hand, climbing the steps in the same dress she’d shown up in. All she could hope for was that none of his friends would bear witness to her walk of shame. She chomped down on her lower lip. Since when did she care what anyone but her family thought?
“Mind if I drive your rental?” he asked.
“That depends.” She slipped her feet into her pumps and followed him down the dock. The sun shone bright in the morning sky as a few pelicans made their perch for the day on the tall dock posts. “Do you still drive like an old lady?” she asked, trying to ease the tension.
“I never drove slow, but you tended to drive like a racecar driver. Not to mention, you were the queen of tailgating.”
She snagged the keys to the mid-size sedan from her purse, tossing them to him. “I hate Florida drivers, so you can drive.”
Slipping in the back seat, she zipped open her overnight bag.
“What are you doing?”
“Changing my clothes,” she said, pulling out her jeans and designer blouse, along with her fancy sneakers. “Keep your eyes up front.”
He laughed, glancing in the rearview mirror as he pushed the shifter into reverse. “I saw you naked last night.”
“I’m serious.” She reached around her back, pulling down her zipper. Holding up her shirt, she slipped her arms out of her dress. As soon as he focused on the road in front of them, she shimmied out of her dress, pulling her top over her head and hiking up her jeans. She found her makeup case and climbed over the seat as he pulled out onto the highway. “Did I tell you we’ve got your father’s jet?”
“You neglected to tell me that little piece of information,” he said, handing her his phone. “Would you mind canceling my flight?”
“Why bother? You’re going to lose your money anyway.”
“Not on this airline.”
She snapped her head in his direction. “Since when do you fly a discounted airline?”
“Since I don’t live off my father’s money.”
She laughed. “Because you can afford an Absolute luxury yacht on your salary. Not to mention I saw a Harley Davidson Ultra Limited in the parking lot and Porsche, which were both your dream vehicles.”
He shook his head. “All right. I’ve used some of my trust, but I don’t live off it. I pay my own bills.”
“I’m just teasing you. I might have roughed it for a few years, but that didn’t stop Mommy and Daddy from sending me care packages with goodies, including a fancy coffee machine that I couldn’t use and donated to the local hospital.”
“You’ve always been a bit of a do-gooder.”
“I still am, but I will admit to being spoiled, and I do enjoy flying first class.”
“When you’re used to being transported in the cargo hold of a C-130, a no-frills airline is first class.”
“I wasn’t surprised at all when I heard you’d become a fireman. You always said you wanted to become an arson investigator.”
“I also said I wanted to join the military after I got my degree.”
“But you dropped out of school.” She flipped down the visor, exposing a small mirror so she could put on a little makeup.
“I got my degree. Six years ago, but I finished it.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” Puckering her lips, she applied the lip gloss, trying to ignore the pull he had over her mind and other parts.
“I’ve been meaning to ask. Why the Peace Corps? You never talked about that in college.”
She leaned back in her seat. She could be honest, or she could lie. Her mother would tell her to fudge a little, especially if she cared about the man and wanted him in her life. Her father would tell her to be brutally honest. If he couldn’t take it, he wasn’t the man for her. What was odd, however, was that it had been her father who had an affair for years, so his advice didn’t float.
Well, it did, just not coming from him.
“I’d planned on going back in high school, but then you and I happened, and I figured you’d be joining the Air Force after college, and having both of us living in faraway places wouldn’t make for a solid foundation for a life together.”
“What?” He snapped his head in her direction as he exited the highway toward the airport. “You would have given that up just because of my plans?”
“Not your plans. Our plans.”
“But you never told me about this dream.”
“I wanted you more than I wanted the Peace Corps,” she admitted.
“But not enough to come after me when I left.”
Talk about brutal, though it wasn’t the truth. “We could go back and forth all day on who didn’t chase after whom. I thought you’d come back to school, and when I walked into the apartment we rented for our senior year, I assumed you’d be there. But you never showed up, and that said a lot.”
“I suppose it does, but maybe my leaving just opened the door for you to return to what you really wanted.”
“Are you trying to pick a fight with me?” All morning he’d waffled between being nice but standoffish or acting like he’d been annoyed by everything about her being on his boat.
The car rolled to a stop at the rental return.
“No. I’m just trying to understand because so many of your actions contradict each other.” He stepped from the vehicle, giving the attendant the keys before grabbing his suitcase from the back seat.
So did his, but she wasn’t about to continue this ridiculous conversation any further. They walked into the airport in a chilly silence that made her skin prickle. She glanced his way a few times, but he looked straight ahead. He did that when he was either pondering something or annoyed.
She figured right now he was both.
“We go through the main security, then we get a bus over to the small airplane hangar. The crew is on the jet and ready to go.”
“I haven’t flown on a plush private jet since my dad took the golf team to the Bahamas.”
“Do you still get to play?” she asked, stepping into the airport security line through pre-check, grateful the conversation shifted quickly and easily.
“I play when I can. How about you?” He dumped his bag on the conveyor belt and stepped through the metal detector. He didn’t look back as she followed suit.
She gathered her things and headed toward the bus terminal. “Not since the last time with you.”
“Well, maybe we should play a round at the club while I’m home. I’ve always enjoyed the way you cock your hip right before you swing.”
She stepped through the door he held open and climbed onto the bus. Her stomach pitched and rolled. And here he thought her actions were conflicting. He sent her one mixed message after the other, and it felt more like watching a tennis match than having a conversation.
“That right there is why I don’t play.”
“It’s even better when you bend over to pick up your ball.”
“All right. That’s enough.” She let out a long sigh. “You go from being pissy about what I did or didn’t do years ago to flirting with me. We had our fun last night to bring us closure. Either close it, or… or… just fucking close it, okay?”
“Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?” he said, holding the bar in the center of the bus over his seat next to her. “Oh, wait. You don’t know how you really feel.”
“Well, neither do you.”
The rest of the ride was spent in silence, as was boarding his father’s jet. She’d chosen to fly with a skeleton crew, just the pilot and copilot. This made Rex insanely happy as he poured himself a scotch on the rocks before takeoff. In all the years she’d known him, she’d never seen him drink before noon, at the earliest, and that was only when they had a football party or major family gathering.
She opted for coffee.
He leaned back in the seat across from her, swirling his drink, the ice cubes clinking against the glass. The plane leveled out, and the captain came over the loudspeaker, letting them know the estimated arrival time and the current weather in Maryland.
“I’m sorry,” Rex said, still staring at his drink. “I’m nervous about being around family, and I’m taking it out on you.”
“Thank you, but it’s more than that. You’ve been upset with me ever since I stepped from your bedroom this morning.” She fluffed her hair as if that would give her a shot of confidence. “I don’t regret what happened, but I’d understand if you did.”
“That’s not it at all.” He set the glass down and looked directly at her. “I’m glad we had last night. We couldn’t get past our stubbornness back then, but we each did things to remind ourselves of what we didn’t fight for, and I find myself wondering why and wanting more. Only, your life is in Maryland, and mine’s in Florida, and neither one of us is going to change that.”
“What do you mean?” She clutched the leaf pendant dangling from her neck, fingering the silver piece of jewelry. She wasn’t so sure she wanted the answer, but she needed it.
“We held on to each other in different ways, but we went about the lives we both wanted to live. We didn’t really think twice about it. We felt guilty about choosing our goals, so we tortured ourselves with constant reminders. You did it with tattoos and I did with possessions. We must choose one, and we both know what that will be, even if we wanted a redo.”
She stared at him for a long moment, digesting his words. She wanted to argue that they were immature and young. That they didn’t have the skill set to deal with what happened in their lives, but deep down, she knew he had a valid point. Only, he failed to comprehend that she would have never become a Peace Corps Volunteer had he not left her. Sure, she would have found some way to do service work, though it would have been local. Or wherever he was stationed. And there could have been opportunities in the military for her passion to help others.
But what would be the point in telling him that he didn’t want her in his life when it was painfully obvious? His whole concept of a potential redo was ridiculous. That rambling didn’t make sense. Sure, the sex was great. They still fit together like an old pair of gloves. But it wasn’t something they could slide back into.
Too much time and too much hurt.
“I get it and agree.” She nodded.
“I’m sorry if this is hurting you,” he said.
Now she just wanted to throttle him. “I’m not hurt. Why would you even think that?”
“I don’t know.” He raised his free hand, letting it fall into his lap. “I’m telling you that what happened last night won’t happen again because our lives are too different, even though I do still care for you.”
“Wow. That was really hard for you to say, wasn’t it?” She twisted her hair between her fingers.
“It’s coming out all wrong,” he said.
“You can say that again,” she mumbled. “Look. I don’t want anything from you. And for the record, I will always care about you. That’s obvious. But both of us are different people with our own lives. I believe this was good for us. Call it closure. Call it moving forward. I don’t care. But I’m not looking for anything other than maybe not being angry with each other anymore.”
He reached out and squeezed her hand. “I think I can manage that.”
“Good.”
“Are we getting a car service, or is someone picking us up?”
“Your father and his wife.”
“I’ve never met her,” he said, dropping his head back. “The few times I’ve seen my dad, I’ve always asked if it could just be us. I know that’s selfish, but it felt weird to accept her, when I’m an unaccepting asshole about everything else.”
Tilly laughed. “She’s a nice lady and makes your father happy.”
“How does she feel about my dad taking care of his ex-wife?” Every word was laced with a bit of kick as if they’d been drenched in Tabasco sauce.
“She’s actually taking care of the day-to-day things, spending her days with your mom, cooking and cleaning.”
“That’s just weird.”
“So is the fact that you had sex last night with your stepsister.” She smiled, cocking her head.
“I can’t believe you said that. Out loud.”
“It’s a fact. My dad did marry your mom,” she said. “And even though their affair hurt a lot of people, in the end, they were very much in love.”
“I don’t know what you expect me to do with that statement.”
“It wasn’t easy for me either.” She held his gaze. “There were lots of tears, lots of yelling, doors slamming, and fighting. You name it, we all did it. But at the end of the day, we chose to be a family, and we all have missed you.”