Chapter 6
6
“ Y our golf game has gotten better.” Rex took the glass of scotch his father offered and settled into one of the outdoor chairs in front of one of three fire pits. The evening sun lowered toward the horizon.
“I kind of wish yours had gotten worse. You’d think with how little you played, it would catch up to you.”
“I gave you nine strokes.” Rex laughed.
“And I still lost.”
“I once went an entire year without seeing a golf course and was invited to play with my CO. I shot a 70 on a course that was a par 71. My CO was quite happy I was his partner and lived up to my reputation.”
His father shifted his gaze. “I know it took you a lot to come home.” He stared into his glass while swirling the dark liquid. “I appreciate it as much as your mother does.”
“If I’m being honest, I’m glad I’m here. It’s uncomfortable and my emotions are all over the place, but I would have regretted not coming.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
He stared at his father, studying every line on his face. He noticed how he sipped his drink and Rex realized he did it precisely the same way. “I have to be honest here, son. I can’t help but wonder if you would have ever made it back without the nudge from Tilly, which makes me wonder if your mother isn’t right about the two of you.”
“I bought a plane ticket. More than once. I would have gotten the courage to come without you sending Tilly.”
“You say that, but yet you didn’t get on the plane. It took Tilly showing up and dragging your ass home.” His father lifted his hand. “Since your mom got sick, Judy and I have been the ones to take care of her—well, mostly Judy. When it came down to it, I wanted to be the one to come slap some sense into you. It would have been easy for me to leave for a few days thanks to the patience of my lovely bride. But if we’re being brutally honest, I knew that Tilly would be the one who got through to you.”
Rex laughed. “I certainly was shocked to see her, although I knew exactly what her purpose was, and I had my arsenal of reasons why I wouldn’t go ready.”
“What changed your mind?”
“I’m tired of running from the past. Of being angry at all of you. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with it. I have a million resentments. I’m not over some of them. But for the sake of Mom, I can move past them and begin to mend fences.”
“Of all my kids, you’ve always been the most sensitive and the first to put up walls. When all this happened, I told your mother to give you space, and she warned me that if we gave you too much, you’d be lost to us forever.”
“Yeah, but if you had pushed me too hard, I would have gone farther away than joining the Air Force.” He raised his glass and took a hearty sip. “There was no winning with me in this situation. I found Mom and Tilly’s dad together. It’s a vision I will never get out of my head. But what made it worse was Mom trying to explain it away. As if my eyes had deceived me. And then she begged me not to tell you.”
“It was a terrible position for her to put you in. No doubt. I wish you hadn’t found out, but you have to understand, I already knew.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better, Dad.” Rex shifted in his seat. “And when you told me that after you moved out of the house, it only served to piss me off even more.”
“What I’m about to share might ruin what little relationship we have left, but I feel at this point, there are things that might help you understand mine and your mother’s dynamic at the time a little better.”
“I’m really not sure I want to hear this.”
“Look. The one thing your mom always gave me kudos for was being a good dad. But she thought I was a shit husband. And that’s a true statement. I was so wrapped up in making my millions that I neglected her and our marriage. I would go on business trips, leaving her home to deal with the children. When I would come home, my focus was on playing golf and hanging with you kids. We didn’t do date nights. She was lonely.”
“That’s no excuse to have an affair.”
“You’re right, it’s not. But she wasn’t the only one.” His father arched a brow.
“Excuse me?” Rex aggressively set his glass down on the counter. “You stepped out on Mom? With whom?” He waved his hand. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
“It wasn’t with anyone you kids would have known. And sadly, there was more than one woman. I’m not proud. Actually, I’m mortified and ashamed of my actions. I came from nothing and here I was, a self-made man, playing with the big boys. I’d go on these trips, and women—well, they’d be available.”
“Jesus, Dad. You’re right. I don’t want to hear this.” Rex ran a hand over his face. “Did Mom know?”
“Not at first. But something in me switched. Guilt ate me alive. I had the perfect life and I was pissing it away. I thought if I changed, I could make things right. I started traveling less. Playing less golf. But it was too late. The damage in my marriage was already done. All your mother and I did was argue. We’d fight over money. Over you kids. Hell, we fought over how I parked my damn sports car in the garage. Honestly, I blamed myself for her affair.”
Rex lifted his drink and took a big gulp. “Not your fault, but damn, you and Mom knew how to put on a good show. Everyone thought you two had the perfect everything.”
“That’s money talking,” his dad said. “We decided to wait to separate until all of you were out of college. We thought it would be less traumatizing. But it was getting harder and harder to play the game. The reality is, we should have divorced when you were in middle school. That’s on us, not you.”
Rex wasn’t sure what to do with all this information. He allowed his mind to pull up memories from his childhood and if he was being honest, he could see his parents’ misery. The coldness that lived in his house. It was never directed at him. Both his folks showered him with love. Genuine, honest love.
But they didn’t do that with each other.
“Can I ask you something?” Rex said.
“Of course.”
“Are you happy now?”
“Not completely, no. You cutting us all off has taken a toll on that.” His father held up a hand. “I don’t blame you for that, and I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you, but the pain of knowing your son is a phone call away, and he won’t answer, well, that has hurt. A lot.”
“But you lived your life. Got remarried.”
“And look at you,” his father said with a wave of his hand. “You’ve become a mighty fine man, but are you happy?”
He sipped his drink, letting the burn of the alcohol glide across his throat. “I’m not unhappy.”
His father let out a short laugh. “That’s a nonanswer.”
“It’s the same one you gave.”
“Not exactly,” his father said. “I love my wife. We have a good life together. We enjoy golfing. Boating. Fishing. She’s been so good to your mom. Your siblings. My grandkids. But every day I wake up and think about the son who was hurt in the worst way and it kills me that no matter what I’ve tried to make it right, you’ve stayed away. If I had told you about the kind of man I was when you were little, would that have changed things?”
“It might have made things worse. I might have resented you as much as I resented her,” Rex admitted. “I’d honestly like to leave the past in the rearview. I’m here now. I can’t promise you that I won’t get angry or that things won’t bubble to the surface, but I’m committed to making things right. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I’ve come to understand that it’s not worth holding on to this grudge any longer.”
His father reached out and squeezed his forearm. “I know you think your mother’s nuts for wanting you and Tilly to date for the time you are here. She feels responsible for your breakup. Always has. And you know, Tilly’s father felt the same way.”
Rex breathed slowly. “That’s one of the things that will keep coming to the surface. I can’t help it. Whenever I look back, I’m still angry. Not because of you or Mom, but because Tilly didn’t seem to care what my mother and her father were doing to our families.”
“Of course she cared, but because she stuck around, she saw how jovial her father had become, and over time, we all developed an odd friendship. But it didn’t happen overnight. If you had been here, you would have seen how everyone struggled. I always say how I wish we had ended our marriage when you kids were young, but I can’t change the past. And there are good things that came out of it.”
“I have no idea how you can say that.” Rex raised his glass in a sarcastic cheers.
“That’s where you refuse to see the bigger picture. Had we divorced back then, you and Tilly might have never happened, and she was the best damn thing that ever happened to you. I agree with your mother. You need to give you and Tilly a second chance.”
“Jesus, I can’t believe you just said that. It’s one thing to take her out to put a smile on Mom’s face, but you really expect me to do anything but pretend?”
“True love—the kind that never dies—doesn’t happen all the time,” his father said. “I care deeply for your mother. She gave me three beautiful children and our life together had some good times. But we didn’t have that kind of love. She found it with Tilly’s father and I found it with Judy.”
Rex groaned.
“I know that’s a tough pill to swallow. But let’s get serious. Your mom and I were pressured to get married. She was pregnant and I was told that’s what I was supposed to do. I don’t regret it. Any of it. I can’t because I wouldn’t have you or your brother or sister. You and Tilly might have been young, but I know real love when I see it and it’s still there if you let it fill that closed off heart of yours.”
Rex set his glass on the table and stood. “No offense, Dad, but you don’t know me. I’m not the same man who walked away.”
“Maybe not. But I know Tilly.”
Rex shook his head. “Perhaps, but I don’t really know any of you anymore, so I’d appreciate it if you’d back off the Tilly thing. I’ll take Tilly out for Mom, but I won’t pretend I still have feelings for her.”
Actually, he’d have to pretend not to have any feelings for her, at least to himself.
Tilly smoothed down the front of her miniskirt, doing a one-hundred-eighty-degree turn in front of the mirror. Louisa had been kind enough to let her keep some of her things in the bedroom she’d called home between college and her travels with the Peace Corps before getting her own apartment in Bethesda. Since Louisa had gotten sick, Tilly had made a point of coming home every weekend and tried to make it home for dinner at least once a week.
Gathering her hair and holding it behind her head, she contemplated putting it up.
Rex preferred it down.
She reached for a ponytail holder and a clip. Twisting her hair, she pulled it back, leaving a few strands out to fan her face. Satisfied that Rex would hate her outfit and her hair, she left the comfort of her bedroom and made her way downstairs. Dinner would certainly prove to be interesting to say the very least. She knew Louisa would play matchmaker, but what she didn’t count on was Rex’s willingness to play along.
Keyword: Play.
“Don’t you look stunning,” Louisa said, sitting at the head of the table in the dining room, her IV drip perched next to her. Louisa did her best to look as pretty as possible by wearing a little makeup, styling what hair she had left, and wearing designer shawls to cover her comfortable pajamas that didn’t give her bed sores. Most nights she actually ate in her room with Judy, a staff nurse, or one of her friends who came to visit. But when the family showed up, she did her best to make it to the dinner table.
“She’s always the prettiest girl in the room,” Judy said, sitting to the left of Louisa, Gerry in the seat to the right.
The table sat ten comfortably, and her father had always sat at the opposite end, but no one ever sat there now and the waitstaff never set a place setting.
God, she missed her dad. He’d been her rock, even when she hated him for what he’d done. There’d been so many tears. So many fights. So many threats of never speaking to him again. But when she saw how happy her dad and Louisa were together, she couldn’t bring herself to cut them off like Rex had.
She wanted her family. Needed them. Numerous therapy sessions later, she’d learned to forgive.
Tilly wasn’t quite sure where to sit. Most dinners included other family members that scattered around the table, giving her plenty of options. She usually sat next to Judy, but what if Rex wanted to be across from his father?
“This is all wrong,” Louisa said, waving her arms frantically. “Judy, dear. You should be sitting next to your adoring husband so the two lovebirds can play footsie under the table.”
Swallowing the sarcastic remark, Tilly took her seat, leaving a space between her and Rex’s mother, while Judy scurried across the room to be by Gerry. If someone had told Tilly twelve years ago that she’d be forced to date Rex, she would have laughed hysterically at the absurdity of it. She’d loved him back then, so she thought they’d be together forever.
Now she just wanted to get this over with, even though her heart was still filled with the same love that had never died.
She figured maybe three or four dates and they’d be able to say they’d given it the good old college try but that the spark no longer lingered.
Shit, she didn’t want to do that to Louisa. She knew what this meant to Rex’s mom. The dating would have to last as long as she did.
“Where is the prodigal son?” Tilly asked.
Louisa gasped.
“I didn’t mean it that way.” But she really had. Her frustration level was at the breaking point. One more cutest couple comment, and she’d blow up like the Fourth of July.
“Are you sure about that?” Rex’s voice startled her, making her jump.
She looked over her shoulder. He leaned against the doorjamb sporting a pink button-down shirt, black slacks, and a pair of dark boat shoes. He’d always been the best dressed person in any room. Not to mention the hottest. Girls drooled over him, constantly trying to get him to notice them, but during all the years they dated, he never once turned his head.
He was a good boyfriend that way.
Actually, in every way.
“There he is.” His mother patted the chair next to her. “Judy poured a nice bottle of red. I can’t have any, but if I recall correctly, you had your father’s taste for wine.”
“I still do.” Rex sauntered across the room, eyeing her with a devilish twinkle in his eye like the night he’d taken her to a fancy restaurant and then made love to her on the beach, listening the waves crash against the sand.
She hated that look. It always meant he was up to no good.
“I also still hate your hair like this.” He snagged the clip holding her hair up before tugging at her ponytail.
“Ouch.” She balked, but he’d always been good at taking her hair out of an updo without pulling the strands out. “I can’t believe you just did that. It took an hour for me to get the right look, and how dare you be so bullish as to take it down.”
He tossed her accessories on the hutch on the other side of the room. “You knew I would, which is why you wore your hair that way.”
Louisa scowled. “Children. Stop your bickering.”
“I wore it that way because I don’t like eating my hair,” she said, trying to diffuse the situation. The last thing she wanted to do was upset his mother, though that was his doing, not hers.
He looped his arm over her chair, leaning in, his hot breath warming her skin. “You just wanted my fingers in it again,” he whispered, but not soft enough because his mother’s frown turned to a smile wider than the state of Texas.
He took his seat, keeping that stupid grin on his face.
When Louisa left the table, Tilly was going to lay into Rex. It was one thing to date for the benefit of his mother, but it was entirely another thing to turn it into a display at the dinner table.
“Stop it,” she said behind gritted teeth, kicking him under the table.
He took that as it was okay to pat her thigh.
She glared at him with a smile. “What’s for dinner tonight?” she asked, turning her attention to his mother.
“I had the cook make Rex’s favorite.” Louisa rang the bell on the table. A little old-fashioned, but the staff didn’t seem to mind. Besides, Louisa treated everyone with kindness and respect. She not only paid well and gave everyone generous bonuses and lots of time off, but she made them part of the family.
“Oh, I love blackened salmon,” his father said, raising his glass. “I’d like to make a toast.”
This should be rich.
She held her wine up, waiting to down it in one gulp.
“To family.” He lifted his arm higher.
“That’s it?” Louisa asked.
“I think that says it all,” Gerry said.
“I’ll drink to that.” She didn’t bother to clink with anyone. The tart red liquid burned as it flowed from her throat to her stomach. She wasn’t even sure if she actually swallowed, much less tasted anything. “I’m ready for another.”
Everyone at the table stared at her with a perfectly arched brow.
Thankfully, Rex filled her glass, though not as high as she would have liked, but really, she needed to slow down and get a grip. It was all just fake dating. She and Rex were over. They had one night to say their official goodbye. It wasn’t anything other than great sex. He’d made that perfectly clear.
The courses came and went, and the conversation seemed to stay off whether or not she and Rex were made for each other. She enjoyed listening to Rex’s tales from his service in the military, his new job, and the fires he fought, though he did say, I can’t talk about that, a lot.
By the time the after-dinner coffee was served, but before dessert, it was obvious to everyone that Louisa was exhausted, even though she kept trying to say she was fine.
“Let’s get you up to bed,” Gerry said. He was so good with his Louisa and it warmed Tilly’s heart how this family could come together in the end for Louisa.
Tilly had her fair share of resentment toward Louisa in the early days. They had their own disagreements, but Louisa had been kind and patient. Loving even.
“You should be saying that to your current wife, not your ex-wife,” Louisa said, teasing.
He smiled. “As soon as we get you upstairs, I plan on taking her home and?—”
“Dad,” Rex said with a scrunched nose. “This is just too weird for me.”
Gerry laughed. “Welcome back to the nuthouse, son.”
“I’ll help.” Judy rose, guiding Louisa out of the chair.
“Good night, son.” Louisa hugged Rex.
A warmth spread over Tilly’s heart seeing Rex embrace his mother again. She really needed to relax and just get with his mother’s program for the week. After that, Rex would be gone. Sure, he’d be back and the dance would start all over again, but she’d have a reprieve. Time and space to go back to her life and forget about Rex, until the pretending had to commence again.
“I’ve had the staff make the bed in the room next to Tilly’s. I think you’ll be comfortable there.”
Tilly coughed, burning her lips on the hot coffee she’d just brought to her lips. “That’s a shared bathroom.”
“I know. I didn’t want the cleaning people to have to deal with another one. This is just easier.” Louisa patted her shoulder. “Stop fighting it, dear. Trust me. By the end of the week, you’re going to realize how madly in love you two still are.”
She opened her mouth, but snapped it shut. Nothing good would come from saying exactly what she was thinking. Leaning across the table, she took the second bottle of wine that had been opened and poured herself a hearty glass. Once Louisa was out of the room, she turned to look at Rex. “Cheers.” She chugged half of it. “I should have left when you shut the cabin door on me.”
“I would have still come.” He joined her in more vino. “I needed to do this as much for me as for her.”
“Okay, but we wouldn’t have had sex last night, which opened up this crazy can of worms.”
“My mother doesn’t know we had sex. She’s just?—”
“I do now,” Louisa said, pushing her IV pole through the dining room. “I forgot my cheaters. Can’t see a damn thing without them.”
Tilly dropped her head to the table and groaned. A wave of nausea flowed from her toes to her brain.
“You might as well share a room. I have no issue with that out of wed?—”
“Louisa,” Gerry said sternly. “Leave them alone.”
“Good idea,” Rex said. “I think we’ve all embarrassed Tilly enough for one night.”
Tilly kept her head down, breathing deeply so she didn’t hyperventilate. This was worse than getting caught with her hand in Rex’s pants when they’d been in high school.
“Everyone’s gone.” Rex brushed her hair to the side, tracing his finger across her neck. “For the record, I thought you’d want to keep the tattoo to yourself, which is why I took your hair down. But you pushed my buttons, so I pushed back.”
“They’ve all seen it. Made their comments. Trust me. I’ve been dealing with this longer than you have.”
“So, I just made it all worse.”
She bolted upright. “It wasn’t just the letting my hair down thing, but you made a sexual innuendo?—”
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just that it does really make my mother happy, and I’ve come to realize I’ve caused her so much pain. I’m trying to make it up to her.”
“I’m glad. Really I am, and I’m willing to play along. Just we don’t have to take it that far, much less announce what happened last night.”
“That was a mistake,” he said. “Come on. Let’s take this outside and sit by the pool.” He snagged the bottle of red. “We can discuss a plan that will satisfy my mother’s need for us to be together, but with the boundaries you want.”
“We’re going to have to fake date until she dies, and this goes under the inappropriate category, but I think you coming home might have extended her life indefinitely.”
He laced his fingers through hers.
She told herself it was just practice. The only problem with that was how much she liked practicing.
“We only have to date when I’m home, and while I can take time off from the Aegis Network indefinitely, the fire station poses a different set of problems. I will have to change some shifts around, but we have one person out with injuries and others who are on vacation. I will have to go back and forth.”
She glanced up at him. “You’d do that for your mother?”
“I was wrong to cut her out.”
She plopped herself on a lounge chair, making sure her drink didn’t spill, which was amazing considering how tipsy she was. Rex was turning out to be the same man she’d fallen in love with. Not the jerk that took off.
Go figure.
“Why, Rex Jordan, I think you might have grown up,” she said.
“Don’t tell anyone. I’d like to keep it a secret.” He sat on the foot of the chair, swirling his glass. “We’re going to have to been seen in public, at the club. Are you ready for that?”
“I’ve already gotten two texts congratulating me on our recent reunion.”
He shook his head. “I played golf with Eddy and his dad, both asking when the wedding will be.”
“What have we gotten ourselves into?”