Chapter 37 #2
After spending their second wedding night in a rustic Saratoga Springs inn, they went home to Boston and began making plans for a honeymoon in the Bahamas and to move Caroline out of her apartment in New York.
They opened a joint checking account, legally changed her name, and got her a Massachusetts driver’s license.
In late September, they visited Tish and Steven in the hospital after their daughter, Lillian Elizabeth Spencer, was born weighing just over nine pounds.
They had four bright red check marks on their list by mid-October when they received an invitation to Chip and Elise’s Thanksgiving weekend wedding in New York City.
Elise had enclosed a note that said, “Please come. I know Chip wants you there even if he’s too stubborn to say so.
I love you both, and I miss you. Please come.
” The invitation sat on the counter untouched until the RSVP date approached and Caroline asked Ted what he wanted to do about it.
“Do you mind sending them something fabulous? I wouldn’t have any idea what to get, but you would know.”
“What do I say in the card?”
“That we wish them all the best?”
“Ted, why don’t we go?” she pleaded. “He knows she invited us. Let’s go.”
He shook his head. “I can’t.”
“Would you go alone?”
“You’re my wife, Caroline. I’m not going to a wedding without you. I don’t care whose wedding it is.”
“You’re sweet to say that, but if it meant an opportunity for you to patch things up with them, my feelings wouldn’t be hurt if you went without me.”
“I’m not going to bring all that tension to Chip’s wedding. He doesn’t need that.”
“Okay, but if you change your mind, remember it’s fine with me if you go alone.”
“I’m not going to change my mind.”
Mitzi surprised them when she called the first week in November to invite them to Sunday dinner. While Ted wouldn’t have used the word “estranged” to describe his recent relationship with his mother, it certainly wasn’t what it used to be. So they were relieved when she reached out to them.
Over dinner Mitzi asked if they were going to Chip’s wedding.
“No, we’re not,” Ted said.
“This whole thing is crazy, Ted,” Mitzi said. “How long are you going to let it go on?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Mother.”
“Do you even know about Smitty?”
Ted put down his fork. “What about him?”
“Mitzi,” Ed warned. “Don’t.”
“Why not, Ed? He needs to know his actions have consequences.” She turned back to Ted. “He married some girl he met in Sydney.”
“What?” Ted whispered as if he hadn’t heard her right the first time.
“He got married two weeks ago, and he’s moving to Sydney to run her family’s business. He’s resigned his partnership at the brokerage.”
Ted got up and left the room.
Caroline tossed her napkin onto the table and went after him.
She found him in his father’s study and couldn’t help but remember the disaster that had occurred the last time they were in that room.
Her stomach knotted with tension and a terrible sense of foreboding.
With her hand on his shoulder, she said, “Ted?”
He turned to her, and with one look at his face she knew their marriage was over. There’d be no more fighting for it, no more trying. No more of anything. He wasn’t going to be able to forgive himself. “Can we leave?” he asked. “Please.”
“Yes. Of course.”
During the long, silent ride home, Caroline tried to calm her queasy stomach and frantic nerves. She glanced over at him and found him staring at the road. If he blinked, she didn’t see it.
He opened the door to the condo and held it for her so she could go in ahead of him.
“Ted, honey, let’s talk about it. Come on.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” He took the stairs two at a time on his way to the loft.
She followed him.
In their bedroom, he pulled out a duffel bag and began to pack.
“Where are you going?”
“To the hospital tonight. Tomorrow I’m going to accept the job in New Hampshire. I’ll be moving up there.”
“By yourself?”
“Yes. I need some time, Caroline.”
She swallowed hard. “How much time?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s not your fault. He’s a grown man, Ted. He made his own decisions, and it has nothing to do with you.”
“Do you honestly believe that? You don’t know him at all, Caroline!
You were with him for six fucking weeks.
He was my best friend for twenty years! I’m telling you there’s no way he’s going to just get married.
Not after what went down between him and Cherie.
There’s also no way he leaves New York and quits a partnership he spent the better part of a decade slaving for.
So if you want to be na?ve enough to think what we did to him has nothing to do with the choices he’s making now, you’re deluding yourself! ”
“Why does it have to be the end for us?”
“Because it was one thing when our relationship was ruining friendships. That was bad enough. It’s another thing altogether when it’s ruining lives. I can’t live with that, and every time I look at you that’s all I’m going to see.”
She took a step back from him, feeling as if he had hit her. “If you do this to me, Ted, if you leave me, I’ll never be able to put the pieces back together. Never. Not this time.”
He had tears in his eyes when he said, “We asked for too much.”
“No,” she sobbed. “No. We asked for just enough.”
“Too many people got hurt, Caroline. How do we go forward knowing we hurt so many people?”
“How do we go forward alone after everything we’ve had together?”
“I can’t stay here. I just can’t be with you right now.” He picked up his bag and left the room.
She followed him down the stairs. “Now or ever?”
“I don’t know. I’ll let you know where I am.”
“Ted, please. Don’t do anything tonight. Let’s talk this out.”
He dropped his bag by the door and reached for his keys. “You once called me a good boy. Do you remember that?”
“Of course I do! You’re the best boy I’ve ever known.”
“You’re right. I am. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so good.
Sometimes I wish I’d been born with the ‘fuck it’ gene.
It certainly would’ve made my life a whole lot easier.
But since the words ‘fuck it’ aren’t in my vocabulary, I do what’s expected of me, and I follow the right path.
When my sister was strung out on drugs for ten years, I was finishing college and going to medical school.
And now my mother can barely look at me.
I took something that didn’t belong to me, and people got hurt—people who mean the world to me.
The ‘good boy’ can’t live with that. I thought I could.
I really thought I could. But tonight I discovered I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“What am I supposed to do?” she cried as he reached for his bag. “Where am I supposed to go while you’re taking ‘time’?”
“This place is all yours. You’ve got access to money. Use it for whatever you need.”
“You made promises to me, Ted. Twice you promised to stand by me and to love me for the rest of your life.”
His eyes were sad as he brushed his index finger over her cheek. “And I will, baby. I’ll always love you. Love’s never been the problem for us, has it?” He picked up his bag and was gone before she could think of what to say to stop him.