Chapter 5 #2
I always knew she’d do something like this, one of the mean girls named Abby writes. You could see it coming a mile away. She picked the wrong crew to mess with. We’ve got your back, Ryder. #JusticeforRyder
My heart aches for Neisy.
I wish I had someone to tell me what to do.
I could go to a school counselor or therapist, but I remember a unit we had on the role of counselors in seventh or eighth grade. They’d be obligated by law to report that I witnessed a crime, so that’s not an option.
There’s no one I could talk to who would keep this information confidential, and since I couldn’t bear for everyone I know to hate me more than I already hate myself, I have to stay quiet.
Even if it kills me.
Neisy
THEN
Nothing in my life, even the hell of the past year, could’ve prepared me for what happens after we report the attack to the police.
Before I have the chance to tell Kane what’s going on, my phone blows up with texts from numbers I don’t recognize, calling me everything from a whore to a liar and threatening harm to me and my family.
One of them encourages me to kill myself before someone else can do it for me.
My dad reports the threats to the police.
They bring Ryder in for questioning and release him when they realize this is a matter of his word against mine. He denies he attacked me and claims I’d been coming on to him for months, and that he’s far more concerned about his girlfriend’s declining health than he is about seeing other girls.
Facebook is on fire with how I lured him away from Louisa during her time of need, which makes me even more of a whore than I was before.
My mother’s closest cousins, who are friends with the Elliotts, text to tell her she and I are dead to them after this and how dare I make up such a lie about Ryder. Mom has been drunk for days since she got that text.
I feel oddly removed from it all, like I’m floating above the fray watching it happen to someone else.
If there’s any good news, my dad has agreed that I can never go back to Hope High School after this.
He said he’s working out a plan for me to return to my old school in Virginia for my senior year.
Although even that might not be possible as I’m sure word of my troubles here will follow me wherever I go.
And then there’s the matter of the baby I’m carrying, which will prove I didn’t lie about what Ryder did to me once I get to the nine- or ten-week mark. I don’t want to think about what will be involved in getting DNA from a baby in utero.
Kane texts me overnight. Neisy… What the hell is happening?
Can you talk?
Yes.
I call him on Skype, which allows us to talk for free.
“Hey,” he says. “Are you all right?”
I love that that’s his first question.
“I’ve been better.”
“Neise… Why didn’t you tell me?”
He looks heartbroken.
Tears flood my eyes and spill down my cheeks. “I didn’t tell anyone.”
“I’m not anyone.”
“I thought you’d be mad.”
“What? Why? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Maybe I did. Maybe I did tempt him and—”
“Neisy, no. Absolutely not. He did this to you. Are you… I mean, were you hurt?”
“For a while. But I’m better now. There’s something else I should tell you…” I feel like I’m going to hyperventilate. “I, um, I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, honey. Oh, no.”
“It’s actually a good thing. The baby’s DNA will help to prove I’m not lying about him attacking me.”
“I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. I want to come there and strangle him.”
“I can’t wait to see you, but no strangling.” I hiccup on a sob. “Do you…”
“What, sweetheart?”
“Do you still love me after hearing about this?”
“I’ll love you forever and ever amen.”
We’ve been saying that to each other for years, and hearing it now breaks me. “It was supposed to be you,” I say between sobs. “Y- you were supposed to be my first.”
“And I will be. What he did doesn’t count.”
I’m crying so hard I can’t speak.
“Shhh, it’s okay. Everything is all right.”
“It’s not.”
“It will be.”
I don’t know if that’s true. I feel like nothing will ever be all right again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Don’t be. You were traumatized.”
“I’m not sure this is the best time for you to visit. Everything is a mess.”
“That makes it the best time for me to come and support you. I’ve been so worried. I knew something wasn’t right. I thought maybe you’d met someone you like better.”
“That’ll never happen.”
“You’re all I think about, all I want, all I need. I can’t wait to see you.”
“Even now that you know I’m an emotional wreck?”
“Especially now.”
“I’m worried my dad will do something that’ll get him in trouble. He’s so angry.”
“He won’t. He’s too smart for that.”
“I don’t know… I’ve never seen him so worked up.
And he’s outraged that my mother didn’t realize something was wrong while he was away.
I heard him tell her he’s had it with her and her drinking and her obliviousness.
He told her if she doesn’t get help—soon—he’s leaving her and taking me with him. ”
“That’s been coming for a while, though, right?”
“I guess. He’s just so angry that this happened when I was home alone with her, and she didn’t notice anything was wrong. There’s been a lot of yelling.”
“I’m sorry it’s been such an awful summer. I’ll be there soon to do what I can to make it better for you.”
“I was so afraid you’d hate me for this.”
“Never. I love you more than ever. Hang tough. We’ll get through this together. I promise.”
We talk for a while longer about a vacation he took with his family to the south of France and a visit with his cousins who came from San Diego.
It’s a relief to think about something other than my own situation for a few minutes, but the second we say goodbye for now, I’m right back in hell. My boobs ache, and I’m nauseated. I’ve read that both are normal in early pregnancy, but nothing about this pregnancy is normal.
A knock at the door has me sitting up in bed. “Come in.”
My dad comes in and shuts the door. He looks like hell, as if he hasn’t slept in days. His face is haggard from the strain, and his chin covered in scruff I’ve rarely seen on him. He’s always clean shaven and squared away, so it’s upsetting to see him this way. “Were you talking to Kane?”
“Yeah, I finally told him everything.”
Dad sits on the end of my bed. “How’d he take it?”
“He’s upset, of course, but he said all the right things.”
“I’m glad you have his support. Is he still coming next week?”
“That’s the plan.”
“I’ve been thinking…about the baby.” His expression is gut wrenching.
“What about it?”
“It’s not right that you should have to carry a baby conceived this way. If you want to seek out alternatives, I’d support whatever you decided to do.”
I’ve heard both my parents say that abortion isn’t something they would’ve chosen to do, but they’d never make that decision for someone else. So I know it’s a big deal for him to present that option to me.
“Would we still be able to check the baby’s DNA if we did that?”
“Yes, I believe so. I just want you to have all the options. In the end, it’s your decision.”
“Thank you for the support.”
“I feel sick that you were alone with this for weeks, Neise. You should’ve called me. I would’ve come right home.”
“I knew that. I needed some time to process it. I keep going over it and over it, looking for the point when he might’ve thought it was okay to do what he did. He said he wanted to talk to me about Louisa, so I went with him, away from the others. It never occurred to me…”
Dad’s warm hand lands on my cold one. I’m cold all the time lately. “You didn’t do anything to encourage him. Nor did you do anything to deserve what he did. A real man doesn’t attack a woman and force her to have sex with him.”
“Daddy…” I squirm as his hand clamping down on mine starts to hurt.
He immediately releases me. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m just so upset. I want to go over there and wrap my hands around his neck and show him what happens to animals who rape women.”
“Please don’t do that or anything like it. We have to let the police handle this. Don’t risk your career and your pension over him. He’s not worth it.”
“I heard he’s up for a commission to the Naval Academy. I can sure as hell do something about that. We don’t need his kind in the navy.”
“Promise me you won’t go to his house.”
He looks down at the floor, seeming to wage some sort of private battle. “I want to kill him for hurting you.”
“I know, and that means everything to me, but please, Dad. Promise me you won’t do anything to make this worse.”
After a long pause, he says, “I won’t do anything to physically harm him, but I’ll do everything within my power to make sure he pays for what he did to you.”