Chapter 16 #3
I fix my gaze on the far wall, so I won’t have to see his revulsion when I confess my sin to him.
“When I was almost seventeen, I witnessed a crime. For many reasons that made sense to me at the time, I didn’t report what I saw.
Keeping that secret for fourteen years has all but wrecked me, and this week, I finally reported it to Houston. That’s why I’m here.”
“Are they pursuing the case?”
“Houston thinks it’ll be presented to a grand jury in the next couple of weeks.”
“How do you feel since you came clean?”
“I feel free of a horrible burden but still ashamed that it took so long to do the right thing. For what it’s worth, I always knew it was wrong not to say anything.”
“It’s worth a lot. You were really young, Blaise. We all did things back in the day we’re not proud of.”
“This was a big one.”
“What was the crime?”
“I saw a guy I grew up with rape a girl who was relatively new to our school and who’d had a hard time there.
She was beautiful, so of course she was treated as a threat by the other girls.
It was a party I wasn’t supposed to be at here in LE, where I wasn’t allowed to go with the car.
He’s my brother’s best friend. His brother had been dating my best friend for years by then.
Those are my excuses, but at the end of the day, I stayed quiet while the victim was savaged online after she reported the crime a few weeks later, and I was afraid that would happen to me, too. The whole thing was horrible.”
“Were you the only one who saw it?”
I shake my head. “But I’m the only one coming forward. She’s married to the guy’s brother now. There’s no way she’d back me up. She was the one who told me how everyone would hate me if I confirmed it’d happened.”
“What a terrible spot to be in. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
I finally look at him. “It didn’t happen to me. It happened to her.”
“And to you because you witnessed a violent crime long before you had the maturity to handle it the way you should have.”
“How do you account for the last fourteen years when I was old enough to know better?”
“Is your brother still friends with him?”
Fenway nudges me, so I scratch behind her ears. “He is, and he recently gave up a great job to go to work for him.”
“Which is why you kept your mouth shut. Your friend is married to his brother. Your brother is tight with him. The ties still run deep, even if you removed yourself from the scene.”
“They do run deep. She’s not my friend anymore. I haven’t spoken to her since that summer, until she texted me today out of the blue to say she heard I was back in town, and I’d better not be running my mouth about things that don’t matter anymore.”
“Wait. She said that? In those exact words?”
“She did.”
“That sounds like a threat to me.”
“It did to me, too.”
“What’re you doing about that?”
“What can I do without revealing who else was there that night? I don’t feel it’s my place to force her to testify against her own brother-in-law.”
“Do you think you’ll be in danger when it gets out that you’re willing to testify against him?”
“Possibly. Houston told me I should tell you about this so you’re aware. He plans to increase patrols around here as needed. If it’s too much, I can relocate to—”
“Stop. You’re not going anywhere.”
“You don’t hate me after hearing what I did? Or I guess I should say what I failed to do?”
“Not at all. But why’d you decide to tell Houston now?”
“Because the man who did it is running for Congress. After I heard that, I couldn’t take it anymore.”
His face goes flat with shock. “Is it Ryder Elliott?”
I hesitate to confirm it, which answers his question.
“God, Blaise. Seriously?”
“Yeah. Do you know him?”
“Not personally. But I know of him.”
“You can’t say anything about this, Jack.”
“I never would, but you’re right that he’s well connected.”
“Always has been. He was the it guy in high school.”
“Why would he do something like that?”
“I’ve thought a lot about that. There’s never an excuse for sexual assault, but if there’s a reason he snapped it probably was tied up in his longtime girlfriend about to enter hospice care after a terrible battle with cancer.
Who knows what that kind of stress does to someone, not that I’d ever in a million years try to justify what he did.
It’s just hard to make the leap that someone you grew up with is truly evil, you know? ”
“I get it, and I agree there’s no justification for what he did. I didn’t know he lost his girlfriend way back when.”
“It was very sad. Louisa was a wonderful person, and she fought so hard. Ryder was right by her side the whole way. He also raised a lot of money to help her family with medical bills. It was difficult for me to reconcile that Ryder with what I saw him do that night.”
“I’m sure it was.”
“Thank you for listening.”
“Thank you for sharing it with me. I know it can’t be easy to talk about.”
“It’s not. I’ve never talked about it with anyone before I told Houston, and now I’ve told the story to Houston twice as well as to you and my mom.”
“That’s a huge load to carry around for such a long time.”
“It’s been horrible. I was happy to hear this week that Denise, the woman he raped, is happily married with four kids. It’s good to know she found happiness.”
“You deserve that, too, you know.”
“Do I?”
“You do. I get why you feel awful about this, but you’re a good person.”
“How do you know that? I just told you I’m not a good person.”
“A bad person wouldn’t have cared so much for all this time.
A bad person wouldn’t have eventually done the right thing, even knowing it could cost her a lot.
You’re not a bad person, Blaise. You’re a good person who made a bad mistake at a time in her life when she didn’t have the wherewithal or maturity to do the right thing. ”
“I’ve regretted that every day since.”
“Which is another thing a bad person wouldn’t have done.”
“A lot of people will hate me for this, including my own brother.”
“Probably. How do you feel about that?”
“I think it’ll be easier to live with that than it was to live with the secret.”
“I’m sure it will be.”
“Listen, this is a lot. If you want some time to think about whether you want to be friends—”
He shocks the shit out of me when he kisses the next words right off my lips. “I want to be friends, and I hope it was okay to tell you that way.”
I smile because how can I not? “It was okay.”
“Just okay? I can do much better than just okay.”
With my hand on his chest, I stop him from proving that right now. “Slow your roll, cowboy.”
“Fine, be that way, but just know I’m capable of way better than just okay.”
“Got it.” I’d really like to find out what he means by that, but not tonight. This is more than enough for right now.
“How about that pizza I promised you?”
I’m so relieved to have shared my story with him and not been tossed out on my ass. At least now I know for sure he’s interested in me as more than a friend, which is good news. Because I’m interested, too. “Let’s get to it.”