Chapter 24 #2
I turn to face my wife, who’s seated on the sofa, holding a mug of coffee. Her sister, Maggie, who lives in Philadelphia, is next to her. That Maggie is here says a lot about Caroline’s state of mind.
“Could I please speak to my wife in private?”
Maggie glances at Caroline, who stares straight ahead, looking through me rather than at me. The chill in the air sends a shiver through me. “Caro?”
After a long moment, she stands and walks upstairs to our bedroom.
“Stay with Auntie Maggie, guys,” I tell the kids as I follow Caroline.
Inside the bedroom, I close the door and lean back against it. My gaze darts to the bed where we made love like passionate newlyweds only two nights ago.
She has her back to me, arms crossed, head down in a position of defeat that makes me ache for having done that to her.
“I’m sorry.”
She spins around, her eyes flashing with outrage. “You’re sorry? Well, that fixes everything. Apology not accepted.” She’s never spoken to me or anyone like that, and it takes me aback.
I take a step toward her. “I understand that you’re—”
“You understand nothing! I’ve been married to a lying rapist for eight years. I’ve slept next to a lying rapist for ten years and had three children with him only to find out I didn’t know him at all.”
“You do know me, Caro.”
She shakes her head and puts out her arm to keep me from coming any closer. “You’re a complete stranger to me.”
“I’m not. I’m the same man I’ve always been.”
“You’re a liar! And a rapist. I want you out of here. I don’t care where you go or what you do, but you’re not welcome here.”
“Caroline, please. Listen to me.”
“I never want to see you again. Take your stuff and get out so your children and I have a chance of salvaging our lives.”
“You can’t take my kids away from me.”
“Have you lost your mind? Of course I can. You’ve been charged with sex crimes! There’s not a judge out there who’d let you near those kids.”
“Please… They mean everything to me. You know that.”
“I have nothing else to say to you. Get your shit, get out and stay gone, or I’ll take you to court to keep you away from us.”
She brushes past me on her way out of the room.
The door slams shut on our marriage.
I fall to my knees and weep.
Caroline
NOW
“I need you to get us out of here,” I tell my sister after the confrontation with Ryder. My heart has shattered into a million pieces. “Please, Maggie. Get us out of here.”
She came running last night when I called to tell her my husband had been arrested in front of our children, their friends and the friends’ parents, all of whom looked at me like I’d suddenly gone rancid or something after he was led away in cuffs.
Maggie hops into action, rounding up the kids and taking them to their rooms to pack. “We’re going on a fun vacation,” she tells them with forced enthusiasm.
“I don’t want to go on a vacation,” Miles says, sounding tearful. “I want to go back to school and see my friends.”
He doesn’t know yet that he’ll never be able to go back to that school or those friends. How will I ever explain to him that his entire life as he knew it is over, starting with the loss of the man he worshipped from the day he was born?
It’s unbearable.
If you’d asked me this time yesterday if I’d be leaving Ryder and taking our children with me to get them away from him, I would’ve thought you were out of your mind.
What a difference a day makes.
When I saw the police officers walking toward us, I thought they were there for Michael’s father, who’d been accused of domestic battery last year and was prohibited from coming within a thousand feet of his wife, Lori, and their children.
I’d seen him lurking in the distance and figured the cops were there to keep him from getting any closer.
Imagine my shock when I realized they were there for my husband, not Lori’s.
As I wait for Ryder to leave so I can pack my things, I don’t know what to do with myself.
Nothing could’ve prepared me for a nightmare like this.
I’m one of those wives that other women love to hate, still in love with her husband after more than ten years together with never a bad word to say about him.
At least I was that wife. Now I don’t know what or who I am.
Devastated.
Shocked.
Infuriated.
I’m all those things as well as crushingly disappointed to learn the man I’ve loved with all my heart is a liar and a rapist. He’s many other things, too—a loving husband and father, a hard-working provider and a wonderful son, brother, uncle and friend.
But what do any of those other things matter now that the truth has been revealed?
He told me about being accused of sexually assaulting a girl he went to high school with. I asked him point blank if he’d done it. He looked me in the eyes and said no. I wonder if I ever knew him at all.
Oh, God… The fundraiser we host every year, dedicated to the memory of Ryder’s beloved high school girlfriend… I can’t very well reach out to her brother, Marty, and tell him we’re not going to be there. I’m sure he’s heard about Ryder’s arrest by now.
Heavy footsteps on the stairs alert me to him coming down.
I go into the first-floor powder room and shut the door, so I won’t have to see him again.
I fear I might beg him to stay since I have no idea what I’m going to do without him.
How will I raise three children on my own without his emotional, physical and financial support?
I’ve hardly eaten anything today, but when I recall sinking a huge chunk of our savings into a campaign that’s over now, it’s all I can do not to vomit.
This’ll ruin us both in every possible way, which is so unfair. All I’ve ever done is love him and our children with everything I have to give.
“Caro.”
His voice outside the door has me covering my mouth so he won’t hear my sobs.
“Please. I love you. I love our family. Please don’t make me go.”
“You need to leave, Ryder,” Maggie says. “Don’t make this any harder on her or your children than it already is.”
“I want to talk to my wife.”
“She asked you to go. That’s what you need to do.”
“I’m not going anywhere. This is my house.”
“Not anymore.”
Thank God for Maggie saying the things I can’t bear to.
“I want to hear that from her.”
“She’s already told you how she feels. Why would you want to make this worse for her than it has to be?”
“I want to see the kids.”
“It’s better if you don’t. Please go and let them try to put their lives back together.”
I hold my breath as I listen and weep silently. My heart is shattered. I’ve loved this man with my whole heart and soul, almost from the day we met.
A few minutes later, Maggie gives a light tap at the door. “He’s gone.”
I open the door and fall sobbing into my sister’s arms. “I don’t know if I’ll survive this.”
“You will. You have to. Your babies need you.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. I’ll be right there with you. I promise.”
“Mommy?”
I pull back from Maggie and make a fast attempt to pull myself together for my son’s sake. “Hey, honey.”
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m sad.”
“Where’s Daddy?”
“He had to go.”
“Where did he go?”
“I’m not sure, but we’re going to Aunt Maggie’s for a little bit. Did you finish packing?”
His little chin quivers. “I don’t want to go there. I want to go back to school to see my friends. I have basketball on Saturday. I can’t miss it. My team needs me.”
My heart breaks all over again. “Right now, we’re taking a vacation.”
“But I have school. I don’t want to go on a vacation.”
The front doorbell rings as I start to fear my head might explode.
“Get that,” Maggie says. “I’ve got him.”
I open the front door to find my next-door neighbor and close friend Aimee on my porch. I’m surprised to see her there holding a covered dish. Pushing the storm door open, I force a small smile. “Come in.”
“I brought dinner.”
She hands me the dish and a cloth bag. “It’s the ziti the kids love with salad, garlic bread and brownies.”
“Thank you so much.”
Tears fill her eyes. “I’m so, so sorry, Caro. We all are. We can’t imagine how you must be feeling.”
“I’m shattered.”
Maggie comes to take the food from me and smiles at Aimee, who she’s met a few times in the past.
“Do you remember my sister, Maggie?”
“Of course. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.”
Maggie leaves me to talk to my friend.
“What’re you going to do?” Aimee asks.
“I guess we’ll go to Maggie’s since we can’t very well stay here.”
“Yes, you can. Everyone feels awful for you and the kids.”
“They do?”
“Yes! My God, Caro. It’s not your fault or the kids’ fault that this happened.
You have so many good friends in this town, who want to support you through this the way you’ve supported us through everything.
You’re always the first one there with food and compassion or anything we need.
Don’t go. Stay here with us and let us help you. ”
Tears roll down my face as she embraces me. “Thank you.”
“I know it’s not possible to believe it now, but you’ll get through this. I know you will.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“You will.”
“How will I pay the bills without him?”
“You’ll start getting paid for the confectionary works of art you make for every birthday party. I’ve told you before you should start a business.”
“I can’t do that with three little kids.”
“You can, and you will. We’ll help you. You’re not alone.”
As she hugs me again, I feel slightly better to know I have the unwavering support of the friends who’ve been such a big part of my life in this town that belonged to Ryder when I first arrived. But I’ve made my own life here, and I’m thankful to know my friends plan to stick by me and the kids.
That, and the push she’s given me toward a means of support, makes all the difference in this nightmare.