Chapter Twenty-Nine
Matt didn’t want to hurt him, and he couldn’t lose him, either.
Besides Gina, he loved Kit more than anyone.
He’d lay down his life for the guy if it came down to it.
Their kinship went beyond friendship or brotherhood or blood in a way he could never explain.
But after seeing Luca with Kevin, one thing became quite clear: he didn’t love him like that—the same way that Jesse loved Taylor.
That kind of love was sacred and reserved for Gina alone.
Whatever the fuck was going on in Kit’s head, he’d put it off long enough. Awkward or not, it was well past time to confront it.
Matt didn’t bother knocking, but then no one around here ever did, so why start now? He walked right in to find him kicked back on the sofa with his headphones on. “Hey, my dude.”
His eyelids slowly opened, and those sad puppy-dog eyes appeared. “Hey.”
“We need to talk, don’t you think?”
“About what?” And he closed his eyes again.
“C’mon, Kit, we’ve been avoiding each other for weeks,” Matt said, shaking him by the shoulder. “I love you, man.”
Kit shrugged.
“Talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say?” Ripping off the headphones, he pushed himself up to sit. “Because I ain’t feeling it, brother.”
It was written all over his face. Even though Matt hadn’t meant to, he’d hurt Kit deeply. Why had he let this go on for so long?
“You even fucked Bo, but never me.”
“Do you want me to?”
“I’m sorry.” Placing his hands on Kit’s shoulders, Matt framed him with his body. “I know you didn’t mean what you said about us. I shouldn’t have responded the way I did.”
“What makes you think I didn’t?” With a toss of his surfer waves, he glared up at him.
“Because I know you, man, and dudes are not your thing.”
“They aren’t yours, either, but you’ve fucked a few,” Kit said. “More than a few.”
“Yeah, and you know why.” So I could let the beast out. “For my own selfish reasons, nothing more.”
Pushing him backward, Kit stood. “So, Bo is nothing to you?”
“Fuck, man.” His chest tightened, pain spearing the back of his throat. “You were there. He asked me for a favor, and we had a good time.”
“Is that why you fucked him twice?”
Shit.
“How do you know about that?”
A faint smirk curved at his mouth. “I overheard you talking to Bo and Ava at Emmy’s party.”
“Kiss me.”
Grabbing Kit by the belt loops of his jeans, he brought him to his chest. Their lips hovering a hairsbreadth apart, he didn’t make a move. Matt inhaled his breath once, twice, thrice. Kit would have to take what he wanted, but he couldn’t.
Knew it.
“If you wanted to fuck, that wouldn’t be so hard.” He took a step back, putting some distance between them. “This really isn’t about Bo, is it?”
Kit shrugged as if thinking of the right words to say. Being that he was a man of few, Matt knew how difficult it was for him.
“It’s always been you and me, ya know?” He sat down, his fingers raking through his hair. “And everything’s different now.”
“Because of Gina?”
He hesitated a moment, then shook his head.
“I love her, Kit, and I’m going to marry her.” Matt took a seat beside him, an arm going around his shoulders. “But that doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
“I remember what that feels like,” he said with a deep sigh, his voice flat.
Christ, it always goes back to her, doesn’t it?
“You can feel it again, and with someone who truly deserves you.” Forcing Kit to look at him, Matt held onto his chin. “Courtney never did.”
A tremor passed through his body, and he closed his eyes, lashes pressed tightly against his skin. He stayed like that for a moment, then opened them again. The pain Matt saw in their liquid depths was as fresh and raw and visceral as the day Kit stood on his porch all those years ago.
“Let her go.”
Kit snickered.
“I won’t pretend to know what betrayal like that feels like, but I know what it did to you—what it’s still doing to you.
” Matt pulled Kit against his shoulder, and with sincerity, he said, “See a therapist if that’s what it takes.
You’ve already wasted sixteen years dwelling on someone who didn’t deserve sixteen seconds in your head.
She never deserved your heart. But I guarantee you there’s somebody out there who does. ”
Kit shrugged.
And his tone softened. “Let her go.”
“I love you, Matt, and I’m happy for you and Gina. Truly, I am. But I’m gonna miss the way things were before.” He threw his head back on the sofa, and shaking it, he croaked out a laugh. “God, now I’m stuck sharing a bus with Sloan.”
“It’s a top-class ride, though.”
Kit elbowed him in the ribs. “Yeah, and at least he doesn’t snore.”
“I don’t either.”
“Yeah, bro, you do.” He picked up his headphones. “Now, go home to your girl.”
And clasping his shoulders, Matt stood. “I’ll always be here for you. You know that, right?”
I love you, Kit.
Putting his headphones back on, he nodded. “I know.”
He was done decking the halls, feasting on seven fishes at the Rossi’s house, singing fa la la la la and “Happy Birthday” at Linnea’s, and overdosing on panettone, marshmallow frosting, and hot cocoa.
Fun is fun, but two events on Christmas Eve were more than enough.
At least Gina got them out of going to Midnight Mass.
Matt wanted to get to the good part.
A Christmas tree stood in the corner by the fireplace.
After his grandmother died, he never bothered with one, didn’t see the point, but Gina insisted, and he couldn’t say no to her.
So, on Black Friday, they went to the tree lot on First Avenue, then spent the rest of the day picking out shiny baubles and lights before going back home to decorate it.
Matt had one more sparkly thing to add. He tied it to a ribbon and hung it from the lowest bough where Gina would be sure to see it.
Then, he opened a bottle of Spumante and waited.
She came down the stairs wearing red Lululemon and an oversized cardigan sweater with one of those sexy little bra tops underneath. No makeup. Dark chocolate waves in a pile on her head. And she looked fucking gorgeous.
He handed her a glass of the sparkling Italian wine, and she cuddled with him in front of the fire. “This is perfect. Salute.”
“To us.” Matt clinked his glass with hers. “Merry Christmas, bunny.”
“I hope we didn’t look rude leaving Linn’s.”
“Nah, it’s all good. We sang to Charlotte and watched her make a mess of her snowman cake before we left.” Once Dillon showed his sweet pea what to do with it, the baby had marshmallow fluff everywhere—Dillon included. “Besides, everyone’s got to get home to play Santa tonight.”
Matt tipped his chin toward the tree in the corner, the carefully wrapped packages beneath it, and the lone silver ribbon he was waiting for Gina to discover, but those eyes that changed colors failed to follow his gaze.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” And sipping her wine, she cuddled closer. “It was special for me to be there for her first birthday, you know, especially since I took care of Charlotte when she was born.”
“I’m sure you’ll be there for her second birthday, too.” And every birthday after that. “I have a feeling we’ll be spending Christmas Eve at the Byrne house after the fish fest at your mom’s for many years to come.”
“Festa dei Sette Pesci—the Feast of the Seven Fishes.” Gina giggled, correcting him. “It’s an Italian tradition. No meat is served on Christmas Eve. The seven fishes are symbolic of the seven sacraments.”
“I thought that was for Lent, but what do I know?” An altar boy he was definitely not. “You’re in love with a heathen, baby. The roof might cave in if I ever set foot inside a church.”
“Just don’t tell my mother.” She winked.
With a chuckle, he topped off her glass. “I’m pretty sure she knows.”
Gina settled back against his chest, and sipping her wine, she gazed at their first Christmas tree in all its magical splendor. Twinkling white lights. The blue and copper ornaments she chose because they matched the veining in the stone.
Then, she leaned forward, pointing to the ribbon. “What’s that?”
Took you long enough.
“Maybe you should go see.”
The five-carat Dutch marquis diamond, twinkling like a star on the end, was damn near impossible to miss. She held the ring in her palm, her hazel-green eyes shimmering.
“You’re my forever, Gina, so I’m going to ask you again.” And with a hopeful smile, he kissed away her tears. “Will you marry me?”
“I will.” She didn’t hesitate this time. “Yes.”
Thank fuck.
He untied the ribbon, and after sliding the ring on her finger, Matt kissed the woman he’d love for the rest of his life. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” And she whispered, “I want everything, Matt.”
“Tell me what you want, bunny.”
“You can’t break me.” The diamond sparkling on her finger made a pathway down his chest. “So, let the beast out.”
And he grinned.
“Run.”