Twenty-Eight #3
She looked over in surprise. “I don’t do that. All I do is take what I see.”
He shook his head. “You create the environment for people to connect over those chosen memories. That’s what takes hold.”
She’d never thought of it that way, but she liked it. “How would you want to be remembered?”
“Me?” He sounded astonished, as if this had never occurred to him. “I don’t know. Most of us fade in memory after a generation.”
“That’s grim.”
“True though.”
She reached over and poked him. “Fine. For that generation and the people who love you, how would you want them to remember you?”
He sighed as if realizing he wasn’t getting away without an answer. “That I was loyal? Organized. Had sensational hair.”
The last was so unexpected she laughed before running her hand through his hair and giving it a quick tug. “You do have tremendous hair.”
“What about you? You must think of it.”
“I do.” She shrugged. “I used to think the best way to be remembered was as someone who made other people’s life easier.”
“Not now?”
“I’m not sure,” she said slowly. “That’s still a positive thing, but I’m starting to wonder if there’s more.”
“Perhaps as a woman who cared for herself as well as others?”
“Maybe.” She frowned and said what she’d been feeling since the talk with Dalia. Or perhaps earlier. “I backed myself into a corner with Alexis and the bachelorette thing.”
“You can tell her no,” he said gently.
“I don’t know how.” Valerie looked out at the shadowy lake.
The lights from the boathouse reflected onto the water, like the fireflies had submerged to dance below the surface with the fish.
The bass beat of a party drifted from down the lake.
“I’m a pushover. A sucker. It’s not like that took any particular soul-searching, by the way.
Every therapist I’ve had homed in on it in minutes. ”
“Hey.” He tugged her over so she sat curled on his lap.
She draped an arm around his neck and let his warmth comfort her, closing her eyes to breathe in the smell of Nico, clean laundry, and soap.
Those kinds of touches didn’t come naturally to him, but she could tell he was trying, and that effort made her feel more moved.
“It’s true,” she mumbled.
“Okay.”
His easy acquiescence made her laugh. “Aren’t you supposed to tell me that I’m not, and it’s fine, and make me feel better?”
“It’s more than being a people pleaser,” he said. “You worry about others being comfortable and happy more than you do about yourself.”
“I want to be able to say no.” She reconsidered. “Sometimes.”
“You said no to Brayden this morning.”
“It’s easier when it’s on behalf of someone else, like for Helena’s family. They don’t need to be subjected to prot-min lectures when they’re grieving.”
“No one deserves that at any time. And regardless, a no was said.”
“I didn’t say no,” she objected. “I talked him out of it.”
“You got the result you wanted. Does it matter how you got there?”
“My old therapist told me no is a complete sentence.”
“That’s one of those statements that sounds good but isn’t applicable to most of life because we need to maintain relationships with people who like explanations.” He ran a hand over her hair. “That being said, it’s good to be able to say no when you need to. For yourself.”
“I’m going to start practicing now.” She leaned back. “Ask me a question.”
“Do you want to go for a swim?”
She tried to say no and not a word more. “No, the water looks kind of cold.”
Nico hummed. “C’mon, the water looks nice.”
“I don’t have a bathing suit.” God, she didn’t even get the no in that time.
“We’ll only go in for a second.”
“I don’t really want to.” Why couldn’t she do it? She knew he didn’t mean it. He wouldn’t be upset with her.
“Are you afraid? Let’s go.”
“No.”
There it was. Finally. Nico laughed and pulled her in tight. “I knew you’d get there.”
She took a long breath. “That was hard.”
“It will get better with practice,” he said.
“Try another one.” She tilted her face up to see him.
“I have a real question. You can say yes or no.”
“Sure.”
“Can I kiss you?”
She caught her breath. “I can’t practice if the answer is unequivocally yes.”
Valerie had never been kissed the way Nico kissed her.
He took his time, never rushing, so she could melt into his touch.
He kissed her like there was nothing in the world he’d rather be doing and Valerie’s mind, usually zapping from thought to thought, was able to relax into every sensation, from the faint rub of his stubble to the rough pressure of his hands on her skin.
Kissing Nico felt like time both stopped and was endless.
“Want to go in?” he whispered against her mouth.
“Absolutely.”
He lifted her to her feet. “We might have to find another way to practice your no.”
“I mean, I can do that now.”
“Only if you want to.” He stepped back and held his hands behind his back. “Do you?”
“Hell, no.” She threw up her arms in triumph. “Hey! I did it!”
They laughed all the way back to her bunkie, and soon they were practicing far more yeses than noes.