Chapter 7 Ryder
Ryder
Ifinally kissed Les. She was responding beautifully, and then I felt the moment she froze.
Bad timing on my part? Probably. I’ve harbored a crush on her since we were young, but I never wanted to step over that line and lose years of friendship.
I’ve sat back and watched her run through every guy for random hookups, finding my own to pass the time, listened to her talking about it in detail to Gage, watched her back, made sure she never got outed as The Black Demon, and the list goes on. Always the best friend, Ryder.
The Ryder, who’s been in love with his best friend and couldn’t tell her.
I thought Leo would be the same. She would hook up with him once and be done.
But then she saw him again, and I knew something was different.
I’ve sat back for four fucking months watching her get closer and closer to him, and then this motherfucker betrays her.
I would have put a bullet between his goddamn eyes at the beach house if it wasn't for her. Instead, this prick is locked up in this house. The only peace I have is that she hasn’t been near him.
I see the sad as fuck looks she gives him, but she won’t be alone with him.
I wanted to talk to her, but she was gone by the time I got done in the gym, taking off with Gage, leaving me with babysitting duty again. At least he stayed out of my fucking hair by staying in his room.
I hear the door open from the garage behind me from my seat at the kitchen island and can’t help looking over my shoulder.
“You’re clinically insane. You know that, right?” she asks Gage, kicking her shoes off.
“You still haven’t given me a good reason why it wouldn’t work,” he says, kicking his own off. “Think of the possibilities.”
“Yeah, the possibility of one of you killing…” she stops mid-sentence, stopping in her tracks when she rounds the corner and sees me sitting there.
Gage plows right into her. “Damn, Les, if you want me to feel your ass, all you have to do is ask,” he says, running his hands down her thick hips.
She elbows him in the stomach, making him grunt. “Go away. I’m done dealing with you today.”
I can feel my blood boil just from seeing his hands all over her. He finally looks up, gives me one of those signature Gage grins, and strolls out of the room, but not before he slaps her right on the ass.
She walks over to the fridge and yanks the door open. She grabs a bottle of water and drains half of it before finally looking me in the eye. “We need to talk,” she declares before walking out of the room toward the back of the house.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. I know that look. She’s about to tear me a new asshole. I slide off my stool and follow the way she went like the whipped fucking lap dog everyone thinks I am. I find her sitting on the back patio beside the pool, her feet swinging back and forth in the water.
I sit down beside her and slide my feet in. She doesn’t look at me when I sit down, and I hate that I might have fucked this up with her.
“Why now?” she asks finally.
“Why not now?”
She finally looks at me. “Don’t do that. Don’t give me some flippant response instead of the truth.”
I scrub a hand down my face. This is where I need to be careful about what I say. I don’t want to lie to her, but I can’t come out and tell her I fucking love her. “I thought I lost my chance when you started seeing Leo. I felt the pull, so I fucking went with it.”
“Twenty-five years, Ryder. Twenty-five fucking years, you’ve had your chance, and you choose the moment after someone I care about hurts me to take it.”
“You didn’t seem to mind it,” I remind her, which is the wrong thing to say.
“Are you kidding me?” She jabs a finger at me. “You surprised me.”
“Come on, Les. You didn’t feel anything?” I say, looking her in the eyes, trying to get a read on her emotions, but she has that infamous mask in place, her face carefully blank.
She throws her hands up. “I don’t know what I felt, okay? One minute I’m talking to my best friend, and the next, he has his tongue down my throat.”
God, I want to kiss her, kiss that confusion off her face, until she can’t think about anything but me. But I feel if I try this time, she will kick my ass.
I lean back on my hands. “It was bad timing, but I won’t apologize for doing it. I’ve wanted to kiss you for far too long to take it back now.”
“Why is everyone suddenly going crazy?” she asks, but it’s more like she’s talking to herself.
“What do you mean?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing. Just something Gage said.”
“What did he say?” I ask.
“Doesn’t matter,” she snorts.
She’s up and walking toward the door before I even register she's moved, too lost trying to figure out what she’s talking about.
I jump up, and two long strides has me grabbing her arm and spinning her toward me. She launches herself at me, and at first, I think I will have to defend myself, but then her lips are on mine.
Holy fuck.
My surprise lasts less than a second before I hook my hands under her thighs, wrapping them around my waist. I wrap my arm around her waist and use the other to find the side of the house.
The moment I feel it, I press her against it, molding our bodies together.
I use the wall to steady her so I can have my hands.
I run one up into her hair, tangling the strands around my fingers.
I pull slightly to tilt her head the way I want it so I can control the kiss.
She moans into my mouth, and I almost fucking lose it.
I run my other hand under the back of her shirt at her waist to feel her soft skin.
Finally.
I could yell it from the rooftops. Finally, Les is mine. I can feel it in this kiss, her hands roaming all over my back, her hips rocking on my cock. She. Is. Mine.
I don’t know how long we kiss before we both pull back breathless. I lay my forehead against hers, untangling my hand from her black hair. I run my knuckles down her cheek, getting lost in those blue eyes.
“You felt it,” I whisper, afraid to talk louder and break the moment.
She grips my cheeks, legs still wrapped around my waist. “Yes,” she whispers back. “But it’s not that simple.”
How is it not simple?
“We can make it work, Les. Trust me.”
“I do trust you, Ryder. With my life,” she sighs. “It has nothing to do with trust.”
I pull my head back. “What does it have to do with then?”
“There’s Leo.” She swallows. “And Gage. I feel it with them, too.”
I step back and let her feet touch the ground. “You kissed Gage?” I growl. What the fuck? Did I imagine everything I just felt between us? Why the fuck would she kiss me like that?
She reaches out to me, but I jerk back. She drops her hand with hurt in her eyes. I yank the patio door open and slam it shut behind me. Where is that motherfucker?
The motherfucker in question is at the kitchen island. He turns when he hears me storming toward him and jumps up. He smoothly slides across the island, landing on his feet on the other side, putting it between us. I go to round it.
“Wait!” he yells, but I swear the little asshole is trying not to laugh. “Why do you look like you’re going to kill me?”
“You kissed Alessa,” I hiss.
He rolls his eyes. “So did you.”
I round to one side, and he moves the other way, keeping the island between us. “This isn’t a game, Gage.”
All teasing drops from his face. “This isn’t a fucking game to me, asshole, and if you opened your eyes, you would see what’s happening.”
“All I see is you pushing in on Les now that Leo is about to be out of the picture.”
He laughs loudly. “Bro, are you blind? He’s not going anywhere.”
I narrow my eyes. “Then why the fuck would you kiss her? I know why I did.”
“Because I fucking can.” He braces his hands on the island. “Just like you can, or Leo. As long as she wants it.”
I fake going one way but move the other; he anticipates it and is still firmly across the island from me. Fucker is fast. “She doesn’t know what she wants.” Why else would she be kissing all of us?
“Yes, she does. She just has to admit it to herself.”
“Would you stop talking in riddles?” I grit out. Sometimes he’s the most complicated person to talk to, his mind always going fifty different directions.
“Would you stop being a fucking idiot?” he retorts. I bare my teeth, and he just grins. “You’ll figure it out. I’m not spelling it out for you.”
He steps out to walk away, and I take my chance. I hook my arm around his neck in a chokehold. “Watch it, big boy. I like it rough,” he wheezes out.
“What the hell are you two doing?” Dex asks, walking into the kitchen.
“He’s trying to kill me,” Gage laughs weakly.
“You want to tell him why?” I ask, then squeeze harder.
He moves so fast I don’t see him before he slams an elbow into my gut, using my pain to spin out of the chokehold. Asshole.
He takes a step backward, away from me. “I kissed Les,” Gage answers, causing Dex to raise both brows. Gage points at me. “So did he.”
Dex frowns and crosses his arms across his chest. “Let me get this straight. You kissed her too, but he is going to die for it?”
“It’s not the same thing,” I argue.
“Why?” Dex asks, genuinely confused. “I’ve kissed her before. You going to kill me?”
“That was a long time ago.” I wave that away. I remember their brief fling; it was eight years ago.
“Whoa,” Gage throws in. “When did you kiss her?”
Dex shrugs. “Years ago.”
Gage grins, and it looks purely evil. “Fantastic.” I could practically see the wheels running in his head. What the hell is he up to?
“How the hell is that fantastic?!” I yell. I can’t help it; he’s pushing every button I have.
“You’ll find out.” He gives me another toothy grin before disappearing from the kitchen.
Dex ambles over to the island before leaning against it. “What’s going on?”
I run my hand through my hair. “I don’t know.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t you think you should figure that out before you bring this onto Les?”
“Fuck.” I throw my arms in the air. “I want her, man.”
“So does Gage, apparently. How is that going to play out?” He tilts his head to the side. “Then there’s Leo.”
“Fuck him,” I say harshly. “He’ll be gone soon.”
Dex chuckles. “Looks like to me he’s right down the hallway where Les wants him.” He pushes off the island. “Because if she wanted him gone, he would be.”
I watch him walk out of the kitchen, leaving me more confused than before Les said we needed to talk.
Why did I have to choose now to come to terms with my fucking feelings? And why the fuck is she kissing Gage? He flirts with her all the time. It’s just how he is, but he’s never shown any interest in her other than that. Or did he, and was I just too blind to see it?
I can’t even pinpoint when I fell in love with her because I’m pretty sure I always have been.
I was just too young to understand the feelings; then, one day, I woke up realizing Les was the only girl for me.
I found girls to pass the time until Les was ready, but they were always just placeholders if I kept them around for more than a night.
It was like an unspoken rule between us that we never brought anyone into the main house since we all had our hideaways for when we just needed time to ourselves.
I wander through the house until I end up in my room. I lay back on my bed, put my arms behind my head, and stare at the ceiling. I have a ton of shit to do today, but I can’t find it in me to leave, knowing Leo is right down the hallway.
Les might be the boss, but we all have certain things we do to help her out, so she isn’t doing it alone.
I find my mind wandering back to both of those kisses and can’t shake the feeling that she is fighting what she’s feeling for me.
She was honest with me downstairs and told me she felt what I felt, but she also said the same about Leo and Gage.
I think about the moment Gage ran his hands over her hips, trying to imagine what it would be like if we did share, and immediately throw that idea away.
I could feel my blood boiling from just the fucking thought.
There is no fucking way I can stand by and watch her being touched by someone else or being brought to pleasure by someone else’s hands.
I have never had any complaints when I took a girl to bed, so I know I could be enough for her. I just have to convince her of that. I just need one time with her, and she would be mine. I can feel it in my very soul that I’m meant to be with Les.
Good people don’t come around often in this life, so you hold onto them for dear life when they do. That’s how we ended up with the team we have. I was convinced she would kill Leo after talking to his brothers, but all that seemed to do was harden her resolve to keep him alive.
I hated Evander and Mateo on principle for what their father did to her, but even I can admit that they didn’t know shit.
They were as shocked as Leo that Frankie had Les kidnapped at fucking thirteen years old to teach Luca a lesson.
I didn’t get a vibe from them that they were being dishonest, so it was even harder for me to get rid of Leo.
I could kill him and deal with her anger.
She would eventually get over it. Right?
Even as that idea pops up, I dismiss it.
She would make my life a living hell if I stepped out of line.
I might not always agree with her on some things, like this shit with Leo, but I truly trust Les to lead us in the right direction.
I know she doubts herself sometimes, but I wish she could see what I see.
She may be the leader of one of the most ruthless crime families, but she never lost her heart.
Her dad was the same way. He ruled with an iron fist when you got out of line; he also tried to save as many innocent people as he could.
Luca was like a second father to me. When he died, it was like losing my own.
I have a close relationship with my dad, and I can’t imagine life without him.
I didn’t want him to retire, but it gave me peace knowing he was no longer in danger all the fucking time.
Sighing, I finally roll off my bed and head toward the stairs. Lying around isn’t getting shit done.