Chapter 47 Alessa
Alessa
After Gage gets me into the bathtub, he gathers me close to his chest; I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tight.
“How did you know?” I whisper.
“Sometimes you need us, and you don’t know how to say it,” he shrugs. “I said it for you.”
I feel terrible that he couldn’t get me where I needed to be today.
It’s nothing against Gage’s abilities in bed because he sure as hell isn’t lacking in that department.
I just had this crushing tension in my chest that I knew I needed to get rid of before it escalated to a point I couldn’t bring myself back.
I feel a distinctive poke on my ass and raise my eyebrow at Gage. “Ignore him,” he says casually, referring to his cock. I move my body to straddle his waist, taking him in my hand. “You don’t have to, Pretty girl.”
I know I don’t have to, and I am deliciously sore, but I need this one-on-one time with Gage, something we haven’t had.
I place his cock at my entrance and slowly slide down his length, both of us sighing when I’m fully seated.
I lay my forehead on his and start to move slowly.
His crystal blue eyes lock with mine, and he doesn’t look away.
He’s letting me see everything running through his head; I let him see mine too.
He places his arms around my back, pulling me closer but not speeding me up, letting everything build slowly.
He kisses me, and it’s the first time he’s kissed me this sweet.
Usually, Gage and I are like fire and gasoline when we are naked together, but something about this is…
different. I feel my orgasm start building slowly from the tips of my toes, but we never change pace, happy to just spend this time locked onto each other.
I pull back from the kiss, look back into his beautiful eyes, and it hits me why this is different. It’s time.
“I love you, Gage Lawson,” I whisper, staring into his eyes.
His arms tighten around my waist. “What?” he asks in amazement. Does he not know he holds an equal part of my heart?
I grab his face with both hands, never stopping the movement of my hips. “I love you so much, Gage. You’re one of the few people who actually get me. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have the life I have with everyone. I love you.”
He crushes me to his chest. “I didn’t think I would ever hear that come from your mouth.
I’ve just been biding my time until you didn’t need me anymore.
” He squeezes tighter. I don’t get mad at him because I know how many people have walked out of Gage’s life.
I didn’t know he felt that way, so I will spend the rest of my life proving to him that I won’t ever leave him.
“I love you, Pretty girl. Something in your dark soul calls to mine, and it quiets my mind. Around you, I can just…be.”
I pull back from his chest so I can see his eyes again. “I will never leave you, Gage. You are mine, and you always have been.”
“God, I love you,” he breathes like he’s been waiting to say it for a long time.
“I love you too.”
We start moving slowly again, and my orgasm starts building again immediately, this time even sweeter.
I latch my hands on his shoulders, keeping my eyes wide open so he can see what he does to me on a soul-deep level.
He isn’t wrong about something in our souls calling to each other.
I felt that pull when his dad first brought him around.
Now at this moment, it feels deeper. I tip over the edge, and it rolls through my body like a soft wave instead of the tsunami it usually feels like.
Gage lets go right behind me, groaning out his release but letting me see his eyes the whole time.
He gathers me back to his chest, almost squeezing me too tight but not enough at the same time.
We spend the rest of the bath gently washing each other off, and it’s like we’re exploring each other’s bodies for the first time.
When the water finally starts getting cold, he rinses us off before grabbing one of my big fluffy towels.
He dries off quickly, wrapping the towel around his waist before grabbing another one for me.
He helps me from the tub and dries me off, laying kisses on my shoulders before wrapping the towel around my breasts and tucking it in.
I wrap my arms around his neck, his hands sliding onto my waist.
“I love you,” I tell him again.
He closes his eyes with a sigh. When he opens them again, it takes my breath away. “I love you too.”
He kisses me sweetly, then picks me up, swinging me around in a circle and making me laugh. He plants me down on my feet and lays kisses all over my face, saying I love you after each kiss.
Through all of my and Gage’s faults, I know at this moment that he’s mine, and I’m his.
After my bath with Gage, I know I need to find Leo and apologize. I know he was mad at me when I left the basement, but he came running as soon as Gage said I needed them. I don’t even know how to describe what it felt like to have all of them with me together for the first time.
When I first went to my room, I felt like I was fracturing apart.
Then Gage came and glued the first piece back together.
Then they held me together one by one and brought me out of my mind.
I don’t like admitting that I’m at a loss most of the time leading this family.
I feel like I’m making all the wrong decisions, no matter the outcome.
I’m starting to second-guess everything, and I hate that feeling.
After Gage kissed me stupid one more time, he left me to get dressed, and it gave me a few minutes to reflect on the conversation with Leo downstairs.
I didn’t mean to snap at him, and I feel like shit for it.
Gage told me how Leo felt out of place sometimes because I have a long history with the rest of them.
It’s not an excuse, but I wasn’t in the right place to have that conversation then; I am now.
After searching almost everywhere, I finally find him outside on the back patio where I should have looked in the first place.
I quietly close the door and sit beside him on one of the loungers.
I had three messages from Zane insisting that we meet, and I can’t risk meeting him in public, so I told him just to come here. I don’t know what he’s insistent about, but it sounds important.
Leo looks at me with a smile, but it seems strained.
“We need to talk,” I tell him, swinging my legs over to face him. “I’m sorry about downstairs.”
He shakes his head. “You shouldn’t be.” He turns his blue-green eyes on me. “Those were my insecurities talking; I know that wasn’t a good time.”
I grab his hand. “Leo, you have to talk to me about this stuff, or I don’t know. I never want you to feel out of place here, or like you don’t belong.” Nothing breaks my heart more than him thinking I don’t want him here with me as much as the others.
He takes a deep breath. “I just feel like sometimes they know you better than I do. They know how to help you in any way you need it. I don’t think I add much to this.”
I frown. “You’re one piece of my heart, Leo. Yes, some have known me for a lifetime or almost a lifetime. But I chose you first.”
“Ryder told me twice to stop being a little bitch.” He laughs. “I didn’t realize how much until in the basement. I was listening to you, but I didn’t hear you or him. You just didn’t want me to see what was going to happen.” He looks at me again. “But I can handle it, Baby.”
“I can’t,” I whisper. “There are parts of me you will see and don’t understand. I never want that look in your eye that you had today.”
“What look?”
“The one that said you were disgusted with me.” My eyes fill with tears. “You looked at me like you didn’t know me at all.”
He swings his legs over to sit up, his knees bracketing mine.
“Baby, I wasn’t disgusted with you,” he runs his fingers through his hair, “I was disgusted with myself because I wasn’t disgusted with you.
Does that make sense?” I shake my head, and he sighs, “When you turn into the Queen they all call you, it does something to me. I wasn’t raised around this stuff like you guys were.
I was raised by a meek schoolteacher in a rural country setting and shouldn’t be this accepting.
I should be questioning everything, including us.
” My eyes widen at that admission, afraid that he’s going to tell me he can’t do it anymore.
“I’m just trying to come to terms with the fact that I don’t care about any of it.
The killing, the money, the status. I just care about you, and I will do everything to stay here, but you have to give me some credit too.
Let me decide what I can and can’t handle. ”
“I can try,” I promise, knowing there are some truths that still need to be told. One I’m not sure he will be so accepting of. “That’s all I can do.”
He squeezes my hands. “I need to understand you better.”
“What do you mean?”
“The more conversations that go on in that house, the less I feel like I know.” He steels his spine. “I need to know what Frankie did to you.” My first instinct is to pull away because opening that can of worms opens many more. “Please trust me with that.”
“It’s not about trust, Leo.” I pull my hand away from his, ignoring the hurt look on his face.
I wipe my sweaty palms on my shorts. “What Frankie did to me is something a thirteen-year-old should never have to go through.” I pull my legs underneath me.
“He ordered his men to take me. They called me the Poletti cunt while they raped me. There were four of them.” I swallow back the bile, flashes of those days popping behind my eyes.
“One of them would rape me with any object he could find; it didn’t matter if it was sharp or not or which hole he was sticking it in. ”