Chapter 19
Ryder
Idon’t know what I feel more. Hurt or pissed. I thought for sure Dad would have taken this in stride, just like he did when I told him about the relationship Les wanted. I was fucking wrong.
“You took care of that boy, Ryder. It’s some kind of hero worship. It won’t last,” Dad says, and it’s taking everything in me not to snap. “You can’t be anything but straight.”
“I can’t?” I grit out. “Well, I fucking am. I love Holden, Dad. It’s not a fucking phase, and it sure as hell won’t fucking pass.”
His eyes narrow. “Watch how you’re talking to me, boy.”
“No,” I stand up. “Fuck that. I’ve always respected you. Never speak out of turn. That’s done. You can either accept it or not. Either way, I’m with Holden, and you won’t change that.”
He stands up too. “I won’t accept what I know won’t fucking last,” he growls. “That boy is too weak to know what he wants.”
Before the last word is out of his mouth, the door swings open.
Les storms in, slamming it behind her. “That’s enough,” she hisses.
Damn, I missed her like this. Her shoulders are back, her blue eyes blazing.
“Holden can hear every fucking word you’re saying.
Keep your voice down.” She walks further into the room.
“You know I respect you, Rocco, and you’re like a second dad to me, but I will not stand around and let you belittle what Ryder and Holden have together.
” She tucks her hand into mine, letting me know she has my back, just like she always does.
I look down at her and soak in the strength she’s lending to finally stand up to him.
I love and respect the hell out of him, but never once have I stood up to him until now.
“I love you, but you’re wrong about Holden.
No one weak can go through what he’s been through and still have the heart to love the way that he does.
You don’t get to talk about him like that.
” Les squeezes my hand. “We’re going to go. You know where I am.”
I lead Les out of the room, leaving Dad staring at me. She pulls me around the corner into the bathroom, shutting the door behind us, knowing I’ll need a minute to get my shit together.
I jerk her into my chest, wrapping my arms around her body. Her hands slide up my back. “You can be whatever you want to be, Ryder,” she says against my chest. “Only an idiot can’t see what’s between you and Holden.”
“I know,” I mumble into her hair. “It just hurts because Dad has always supported me.”
She pulls back to see my face. “He still does. Do I agree with what he said? No. Was he shocked and reacted badly? Yes. Did I feel like I was going to shit myself when I walked into that room and stood up to him? Hell yes.”
That shocks a laugh out of me. “You’re not scared of my dad, are you, Il mio sole?”
She gives me a look like I’m an idiot. “Uh. Yeah.”
I laugh again and pull her back to my chest. Dad was around just as much as her dad.
Les grew up like I did, feeling like they were larger than life.
Now she’s in that position and still scared of him.
I have to admit, so am I. Les always knows what to say and what to do when she can feel me reach my limit.
The limit makes me want to punch something.
“I love you,” I tell her.
“I love you too.” I soak that in, ready to face everyone else.
“Let’s go home.”
She smiles, opening the door. When we get into the living room and I see Holden’s face, I want to punch something all over again.
I assured him this would all be fine, then he had to sit and listen to my dad talk down about him.
I squeeze Les’ hand before striding right over to him.
He stands before I can get there, afraid of what I’m going to say.
No words come. The only thing I can do is seal my lips over his, letting him know I don’t give a fuck what my dad thinks.
Or anyone else. Holden is mine, and I’m his.
I pull back, laying my forehead against his. “I love you, Bello. Nothing will ever fucking change that. Do you understand?”
He nods, eyes still wide from the shock of me kissing him. “I understand.” He pecks my lips. “I love you too.”
I turn to face Leo’s mom who’s smiling softly at us. “Thank you for what you said in there.”
She walks over, taking both my hands when I turn to her. “I meant every word. Your dad will come around.” She kisses my cheek. “Take care of them,” she whispers in my ear before pulling back. I know she doesn’t just mean Les and Holden. She means Leo too.
I nod. “Yes, ma’am.”
She gives me the most mom look I’ve had since my mom died. “Stop with the ma’am. It’s Katherine or Katie.”
“Yes, ma’a…Katie,” I reply, almost calling her ma’am out of habit.
“Much better.” She smiles, patting my hand.
We start saying our goodbyes, and she hugs every single one of us like we’re her own.
No matter how tough we think we are, it softens everything in us.
None of us grew up with a mother figure, and Leo’s mom seems willing to step up to the plate, taking on a bunch of criminals with fucked up lives.
When she wraps Les in her arms, she whispers something, causing tears to spring into Les’ eyes.
Les smiles through them and nods. Katie pulls back, planting a kiss on Les’ head before letting her go.
I wait until we get into the car. “What did she say?”
Les sniffs. “She said she couldn’t be happier that Leo chose me, that I was the daughter she never had,” Les chokes up on the last word. “Then she told me she loves me.”
Leo reaches between the seats to rub her arm while I grab her thigh. “She means it, Baby. I told you she would love you.”
Les laughs. “You told me that after she heard Gage yelling about me spanking you. I didn’t believe you then.”
Gage cackles behind me. “That was fucking hilarious.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Les says, turning around in the seat. “That was mortifying. I thought I was going to puke.”
Leo chuckles. “I’ve never seen someone so pale.”
Les huffs, crossing her arms over her chest and facing the windshield. “Whatever. I wasn’t prepared to meet your mom,” she grins. “But it looks like your mom was prepared to meet Rocco.”
I bust out laughing at Leo’s shocked face. “What’s the matter, stepbro?”
Gage howls, laughing. “That sounds like an opening to a really bad fucking porn.”
“Or a good one,” Holden quips, shocking us all.
I shake my head with a smile. We might be the most dysfunctional family, but I wouldn’t change a damn thing.
I know Dad will come around, so I decide to let him make up his own mind. He’ll come to me when he’s ready. However, something else sticks out that Katie said, and I need to fix that too.
Starting now.
I barely give Les time to kick off her shoes before I drag her upstairs.
“Wow, Ryder,” she laughs. “That desperate, are you?”
“Ha. Ha,” I reply. I don’t give myself time to back out before I push right into Zane’s room. He glances up from the chair in the corner of the room where he’s reading, narrowing his eyes until he sees Les right behind me. I pull her in and shut the door.
“This is my cease-fire,” I declare. “I won’t stand in the way of whatever you want with Les.” I know Les is holding back because of me. That stops now.
He raises an eyebrow. “Since when?”
“Since I just realized what it felt like to be told that you don’t feel what you’re fucking feeling.”
“What’s this about, Ryder?” Les asks, turning me to face her.
“Dad just told me I don’t feel anything for Holden. That I was confused.” I take her face in my hands. “I’ve been doing that to you every time I’ve refused to admit how much you need him. I won’t do that anymore.” I pull her to my chest. “Give him what you want, Il mio sole. Stop holding back.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispers, confirming my earlier thoughts.
“You won’t hurt me. I want this for you.” I let her go, nudging her toward him. “Go.”
I put my hand on the doorknob. “Wait,” Zane says. When I turn around, he’s standing from the chair. “If you’re serious, we need to do this right.”
I furrow my brows. “What the hell does that mean?”
“This means we’re a team, right?” Zane asks, raising his brow again.
I nod, agreeing. “Then this needs to go down as a team,” I get what he’s saying at the same time that Les sucks in a shocked gasp.
“I just need to do something first.” He takes two steps toward her, sealing his lips over hers with a groan.
Her body responds immediately, pushing into him.
Jealousy roars its ugly head until I hear her moan into his mouth.
His eyes flash open to look at me before closing again, kissing her harder.
I know what he wants without having to say a word.
When I step up behind her, he turns her to me.
I don’t give her time to think before I devour her mouth.
I kiss her until she’s writhing between Zane and me, begging for what we’re about to give her.
I pull back. “Is that what you want, Beautiful?” Zane asks, sliding her hair off her neck and kissing down toward her shirt’s neckline. “You want all of us?”
“Yes,” she replies breathlessly.
“I have one condition,” Zane continues. “I get that pussy first.” He slides a hand down, cupping her through her jeans. “I missed this pussy.”
She moans, arching into his touch. “I’ve missed your touch.”
Instead of overthinking that I’m about to share her with Zane, I fire off a text for everyone to meet us in the movie room, which we haven’t used in forever. Then fire off another one telling Mani not a fucking soul walks into this house.
I run to my room to grab something we’ll need before we lead Les back downstairs to the movie room, which is perfect because the whole floor is just one big cushion with chairs in the back.
I grab Zane’s arm before he can go in. “We good?” I might have called a cease-fire, but I need to know he’s cool and shit isn’t about to hit the fan in here.
He nods. “We’re good.”