Chapter 38
Ryder
Iwatch every emotion pass over Les’ face. Fear, panic, sadness. The one that wins out in the end…anger.
“Who has him?” Les grits out.
“Russians,” Ghost answers.
“This was because he couldn’t get to my businesses.” Les rakes her hand through her hair.
“Let’s fucking go,” I declare, stepping away from the door.
“We don’t even know where to go yet,” Zane answers.
“We can hit any place we can,” I argue. “Ghost, you got him?” Ghost nods.
“I have a guy,” Alessa says, punching buttons on her phone. “I just sent you the address. I’ll let him know you’re on your way. They’ll treat you right.”
Ghost gently lifts Caden from the floor. “I’ll drop him off and meet you wherever you need.”
“Thank you,” Alessa says. “Who else was here?”
“Just these guys.” He nods his head at the four guys standing around him. “We’re fine.” Ghost strides out from the basement with Caden, leaving just us again.
“What’s the play, Pretty girl?” Gage asks.
“I don’t know. We can’t talk here.” She motions for us to follow her. We make our way back outside because we don’t know where these fucking bugs are.
“We need to find Mani,” I say once we get away from the house.
“That doesn’t matter now.” Les waves that away, pacing.
“Yes, it does,” I grit out. “He may know something.” If the Russians have Micah, it’s hard to tell what they’ll do to him. We need to find him. Now.
“Even if he does, he’s not going to talk now. They just made their move. Mani knows we figured him out. It’s a waste of fucking time,” Les argues, still pacing.
“Then we fucking torture him!” I feel Zane grab my arm and go to jerk it away until I look into his eyes.
Holden might calm me, but Zane makes me feel like I’m in control of my mind by learning to deal with this anger.
Submitting to him was the hardest yet easiest thing I’ve ever done.
After the words left my mouth, I felt like this huge boulder was lifted from my shoulders.
“She doesn’t need this right now,” Zane says softly. “Follow her lead.” I jerk a nod; he squeezes my arm before letting his hand drop. “Thank you, Love.”
I breathe deep just from hearing that name leave his mouth.
To some, it might seem crazy that I gave it all up to Zane, but in a way, it made so much fucking sense.
He doesn’t control me like I thought he would; I’m still my own man.
And what happens between us behind closed doors is between us.
And Les. I’m not going to hide anything from her, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.
Les whips out her phone, dialing a number. “Your father has Micah.”
“Fuck,” Alexey mutters. “Where do you need us?”
“I don’t know yet. Does he have somewhere he would take him?”
“A couple of places.”
“Meet us at Lookout Point.”
“On our way,” Alexey answers, then hangs up.
“Call Ghost. Tell him to meet us there,” she tells me, then looks at Leo. “Call Mateo. I want everyone on this.”
We make our way to the SUV, and when I jerk the driver’s side door open, Zane grabs my arm again. “I’ll drive,” he says in a no-nonsense way, then nods toward my hand on the door handle.
They’re shaking, scared for Les, scared for Micah. I’m losing my shit. I can’t do this again. Les wouldn’t deal with losing Micah. I can’t deal with losing him, either. We might fight and argue, but Micah is my family too.
We slide into the SUV with Zane driving and head toward Lookout Point. Les is constantly on the phone, making call after call to make sure everyone is helping us find him.
As soon as Zane pulls in, Les is already out, pacing again.
I close my eyes, mentally counting to ten.
I’m trying so hard to keep it together for Les, but the hits keep coming.
We thought we had the upper hand by destroying everything Viktor owned.
All it did was piss him off enough to come after us again.
“Give us a minute,” Zane says, looking at the other guys.
They all nod and slide out, Holden giving me a small smile before he does.
Zane turns to me as soon as all the doors shut.
“You’re losing it.” I have no idea how the hell he picked up on that so fast. He knew immediately that I’m hanging on by a thread every day.
Leaning on him no longer makes me feel like a pussy.
Zane makes sure I’m strong so that I can be strong for Les. “Talk to me.”
“I can’t do this again,” I tell him honestly. “It feels like looking for Les all over again.” Those were the hardest six weeks of my life. I had to keep it together for the guys, especially Holden. I never let myself feel how I really fucking felt. Now it feels like it is hitting me all at once.
“Ryder,” Zane says, pulling my eyes toward his.
“Les is fine. I don’t know what you went through while she was gone, but I can only fucking imagine.
Eventually, you’ll have to let the guilt go that you didn’t find her.
” I close my eyes, the guilt slamming into me full force. How the hell does he do that?
“I don’t know how,” I say miserably, embarrassed by my reaction. I’m supposed to be stronger than this.
“Look at me.” When I don’t, he puts his hand on my chin. “Look at me,” he says again, and my eyes snap open. “It isn’t your fault. It’s none of our faults. Jay is a sick fuck; with or without us, this would have happened. Let it go so we can help find Micah.”
“I don’t fucking know how to, Zane. I was supposed to protect her. I promised her I would never let anything happen to her! He kept her, tortured her, touched her.” My voice breaks on that last word. “Because I couldn’t protect her.”
Zane nods. “What do you need?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. I’m always here for you, Love.
When you figure it out, I’m here.” Zane pecks my lips and slides from the car.
I watch as he confidently walks up to join the rest of the group.
I know what he’s telling me. He wants me to seek him out when I figure it out instead of wallowing in anger like I usually do, turning me into the broody asshole I usually am.
I have no idea what I need, but I’ll do what I can to figure it out.
I count to ten again before popping my door open and stepping out. Before I get to the hood of the car, Mateo’s black Porsche comes sliding to a stop beside us. To my surprise, Evander steps out of the passenger side, meeting everyone at the hood of the car.
Les fills them in on everything that’s going on. “We’re waiting on Alexey and Dmitri. They said Viktor has a couple of places they could take him.” She looks at Evander. “Thank you for coming.”
He nods. “No way I was sitting this out. They have Micah.”
Ghost pulls in. Playboy stepping out with him. Zane jerks him into a hug. “You look good, boy.”
“Thanks,” Playboy laughs, stepping back. Once he was clean, he turned out to be a damn good kid. He busted his ass, helping us look for Les and Zane. “You’re still older than dirt.”
Zane narrows his eyes. “I can still kick your ass, Playboy.”
“I go by Noah now.” He shrugs. “Playboy is in my past. And Jeffrey was a shit name.”
Zane laughs. “Playboy was a stupid fucking name.” He pulls him in for a quick hug again. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, Z-Dawg.”
“Don’t call me that,” Zane mutters, shoving him back.
Once Alexey and Dmitri show up, they give us three different places we can look, and Les starts giving orders.
“Ghost, Alexey, and Dmitri, I want you and your crew at the Warrenton address.” Ghost nods.
“Mateo and Evander use some of Ghost and Caden’s guys for the Village Green address. We’ll take the last one.”
Ghost fires off messages to tell the guys where to meet Evander and Mateo.
Before he can walk away, Les grabs his arm.
“How’s Caden?” she asks. Even with Micah’s life hanging in the balance and us walking into the unknown, she’s still worried about other people.
It’s one of the many reasons I love that girl so damn much.
“He’s good.” Ghost smiles, running his hand through his shaggy blonde hair. “You need to know something, though. That writing on his chest? It said mine.”
I feel that anger flare up again, hotter than the last time. At the same time, Holden and Zane squeeze each arm subtly. I let it simmer because when I catch this motherfucker, he will wish he never fucking met me.
We jump into the SUV, Zane driving again while I punch the address into the GPS.
I hear the clips clicking, letting me know everyone is running a weapons check.
I hate that Holden has to be here, but he’s ready to join us.
He’s talked nonstop about busting up Viktor’s shit, and the longer we try to hold him back, the more resentful he’ll feel.
Holden is strong, stronger than me most days.
He just doesn’t realize it yet, but between Zane and me, we’ll make sure he knows.
“Kill everyone,” Les declares. “No one walks out of that fucking place alive. I don’t care who they are.”
We all acknowledge that then Zane and I exchange a look. Les has that look that tells us she’s close to losing it altogether. Once she does, it’s hard to tell what she’ll do. They’ve already hurt Leo, Gage, and Holden. Now they have her uncle.
Zane pulls over when the top of the old warehouse comes into view, then turns to look at Les, waiting for her order.
She shakes her head. “I’m not on point,” she says, surprising us all.
“I can’t make those decisions right now.
” She looks at me. “You are.” I know the shock shows all over my face when she gives me a quick smile.
“There is no one I trust more than you to get Micah out alive, Ryder. You’ve got this.
” She grabs my arm. “I know you still feel guilty. You shouldn’t.
I don’t blame you, and I never will.” She squeezes once, then lets her hand slide off. “Let’s go find Micah.”
She doesn’t know it yet, but she just gave me exactly what I needed. She gave me something I didn’t even know I needed.
Forgiveness.