28. Chapter 28
Chapter 28
River
A soft breeze whips my loose curls around my face as I nestle into the pillow on the back porch sofa.
Gray went to take a nap a few hours ago. The fatigue and headaches still get to him. I’m sure the alcohol didn’t help either, but I didn’t say anything.
Not when he seemed so scared. I couldn’t tell him what was actually bothering me.
Later.
Maybe.
It didn’t even occur to me that my messages might not have gone through as I wandered through the hallways and stairwell, sending them. There are so many dead zones throughout the hospital, but it’s one of those things you forget about when it becomes normal everyday life.
I’d done my first two knee scopes no issue. Then the third surgery, a woman with a multitude of chronic medical ailments, proved to be our undoing. We’d only just administered the anesthesia and she damn near coded on the table. Turns out she was, in fact, not aware of all of her allergies.
Anaphylaxis isn’t something I’ve had to witness much over the years, but fuck, I almost peed my pants. She reacted so quickly that we barely had time to counteract her body’s rapid response.
Horror stories of the OR.
In an effort not to call the day a total loss, I’d trekked up to the office. I figured I would just catch up on charting and some paperwork when Gran called.
It’s not unusual for her to call during the day. She has no concept of real time anymore. Why would she? She’s retired, lives alone, and does what she pleases. Her friends are retired too, so when they come to visit, they have nothing but time.
Only the tone in her voice let me know this wasn’t one of her normal chit-chat sessions.
“It’s my birthday next week.”
“I’m aware,” I’d replied.
“Well , might as well rip the band - aid off. Your parents and brothers are coming to celebrate. It’s the big 8-0 after all. I think Kane’s bringing his girlfriend, too. Or maybe they’re married now. Who knows?” Gran rambled.
There was nothing to say. I haven’t seen any of them in years. Only Jaxon came to my graduation from medical school, and the rest all sent me a joint card, which was in fact signed for them by Jaxon.
I have nothing against my family. We just exist in different worlds. It’s not that we don’t get along; it’s just that we don’t mesh. Though I do hold a bit of animosity toward them for abandoning Gran here all alone. They barely visit. Phone calls don’t do shit when she’s living by herself.
Gray and I make sure she’s taken care of now, but for a long time, it was just me and the Crawleys.
Still, that look of anguish on Gray’s face when he’d slammed the breaks in front of the hospital was enough for me not to bring up the nausea building in my gut, knowing they will be here in a matter of days. We’d expected to be her only family for her birthday celebration, and I was fine with that.
Gray isn’t obligated to come to this party, which is sure to be a fucking mess now, but I could use him there. An anchor to ground me against the violent waves their presence will surely bring with them.
Bronc groans at my feet. He’d chosen to come out here with me while Bull stayed with Gray upstairs. I scratch behind his ears, and he stands, moving to drop right in front of my stomach. There’s barely enough room for the both of us, but he squeezes in, a paw draped over my abdomen, before he settles back into a peaceful doggie sleep.
It’s as if his warm body is enough for me to drift off to sleep, too, only to wake to the haze of purple from the setting sun hovering over us.
Dammit. The animals.
Bolting upright, Bronc barks in protest. His pillow now moving against his wishes.
“Calm down, baby. Go back to sleep if you want,” Gray chuckles from the chair across from me.
“But we have chores.”
“They’re done already. Looks like you needed that nap as much as I did,” he smiles wide. “Want to talk about it?”
My eyes narrow on his, and I know Gran called him. She’d know I would be in my head about my family coming.
“You first.” I cross my arms, sitting up. A diversion from my own tortured news.
“I saw Tate at the ranch. We shared some words. Then I ran into Tom Donovan.”
“Who?” I question. I’m not sure who this Tom is, but he says the name as if everyone should.
“He’s one of the most sought-after bull distributors. Breeds some of the biggest and baddest bastards.” Gray grins as if he’s won the lottery. “He got me thinking.”
“About?”
“Maybe going back out on the pro circuit once I’m cleared to ride again.”
My heart seizes in my chest. If Gray wants to ride, he will, and I will support it, but the thought of him being out on the road somewhere and getting hurt and I’m not there hits differently.
I wonder if time will make this fear go away. We haven’t been together long, and as far as I know, in Gray’s whole career, this is only the second really bad injury he’s had. Odds are there won’t be another one, I try to reason with myself. A lie if I’ve ever heard one.
It’s not that simple. That’s not how this sport works. The probabilities aren’t the same with something like bull riding. Accidents happen. An endless list of trajectories possible with each passing second. The truth is right there in Gray’s last ride.
It had been a perfect display of his skill and the bull’s athleticism. The score flashing on the board, a solid ninety-seven as he was slammed into the gate. I don’t know if he lost focus during his dismount or if it was down to nothing more than chance timing. It doesn’t matter.
“If that’s what you want.” It’s a fight to sound calm, as if I’m not bothered by the idea. I’m not the type who is going to expect Gray to act a certain way or choose how to live his life because I asked him to. Neither one of us is one of those people, nor would we accept a partner who was.
“How do you feel about it?” Gray questions, moving to come sit beside me before pulling me into his lap.
“It’s your life. You get to decide.”
Firm fingers grip my chin, turning my face toward his. Those whiskey eyes say so much without him speaking a word. “That’s not how this works anymore, River. It’s you and me now, so I’ll ask you again.” His lips press to mine, then to my jaw, before our eyes once again lock. “How do you feel about it?”
“Gray, don’t ask me that.” My fingers toy with the buttons of his shirt. “Don’t—”
“River, I know you’re not deaf or dumb. I said it’s me and you, so be honest with me and answer my question.”
With a sigh, I drop my forehead to his chest as he shifts me to straddle his hips, the length of his erection growing solid between us. Just the distraction I need at the moment.
“I’m terrified of something happening to you on the road, but I want you to be happy too, and I know how good you are. If the opportunity is still there, you’d be a fool not to take it.”
Firm lips crash into mine, his large palms sneaking beneath my shirt, pressed against the bare skin of my back.
Bronc growls low at my feet.
“I’m about to make your momma scream my name. If you don’t like it, go away.” A laugh bursts free as Bronc and Bull both hop up from their respective spots and dart around the front of the house.
“Now, baby, where were we?”
“I believe you owe me another ride, cowboy.”