38. Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Evie
I had to admit, I liked my bridesmaid’s dress. It was slinky but not slutty, clinging to my curves without making me look like I’d been stuffed into something. The color was a deep scarlet that complimented my hair and eyes, and the matching four-inch heels were the perfect height. If we hadn’t picked all of this out weeks before, I would’ve thought Jenna and Isabel had selected it to make me feel better.
Not that I felt bad, exactly. I just wasn’t feeling the excitement and happiness I’d expected when I started down the aisle. As I’d helped Jenna finish planning her wedding, I boxed up everything I felt for her brothers and put it away. Things were still a little awkward between us, but I wasn’t about to ruin my best friend’s wedding because I had feelings for her brothers.
At least Jenna and Isabel’s decision to have only one attendant each meant that I didn’t have to worry about walking back down the aisle with or behind one of Jenna’s brothers. Isabel’s attendant was her Nona, which meant I didn’t have to come up with small talk. As I’d found out at the rehearsal, Nona was perfectly happy to do all the talking.
Even if it wasn’t always appropriate.
“Hot damn, those Bradshaws have some good genes.” Nona’s comment drew laughter from the audience as I pushed her to Isabel’s side. “If I was ten years younger, I’d climb that whole family like a bunch of trees.”
“Mother,” Isabel’s father hissed in a horrified whisper.
Nona shrugged. “I’m old and dying, dearie. If I can’t speak my mind whenever I want, then who can?”
I pressed my lips together in an effort not to laugh, even as a ripple of laughter made its way around the room. As I bent down to retrieve my bouquet from the pair on Nona’s lap, she lowered her voice to an actual whisper.
“Don’t worry, dearie, those boys haven’t been able to take their eyes off you anytime you’re in the same room.”
I flushed and risked a quick glance. She was right. They were looking at me. Then again, so was everyone else, because the brides wouldn’t be coming down the aisle until I got my ass to my side.
It wasn’t hard to push thoughts of the boys aside as first Isabel and then Jenna were each walked down the aisle, Isabel by both of her parents and Jenna by her mother, who held a picture of Elton Bradshaw in her free hand. During the rehearsal, there had been tears when Tucker gave the photo to Jenna, but today it was all smiles. I knew all of the Bradshaws wished Elton could’ve been here for this moment, but today was about celebration, not grief.
As the ceremony began, I let the words flow over me. Words of love and commitment and a future. A family. All things that I wanted, that I’d always wanted, but now I wasn’t so sure I’d ever have. Because whenever I closed my eyes and thought of what my future might look like, the three men who appeared in my mind didn’t seem to want the same thing.
I stole another look at them and was surprised to see them watching me instead of their sister. I quickly turned my attention back to the brides, but not before I caught a glimpse of something I’d never seen before on any of their faces, and now it was on all three.
Anxiety.
They were nervous about something. Not about something dangerous, or we’d have a hell of a lot more security. As it was, we had just enough to keep paparazzi clear of the place, but there were only a few who were still hanging around. If there was something else that threatened Jenna’s big day, all the Riders would be here.
No, this was nerves about something else.
Which wasn’t my business.
I pulled my attention back to where Isabel and Jenna were exchanging rings, tears burning my eyes as they shared the vows they’d written. I knew there were couples out there who lasted, who were faithful and took the “until death parts us” portion of their vows seriously, but until this moment, I hadn’t realized that I’d never truly believed in them.
But I was watching one of those couples begin their journey right now, and my heart felt almost too full.
Then something hit me, and that full heart twisted hard.
I wanted to be a part of that life. I wanted to watch Jenna and Isabel grow together. I wanted to have dinners at their house, and be there when they decided they were ready to have kids. I didn’t want to just be a holidays and vacations friend like I had been for the past five years.
Except I wasn’t sure if I could uproot my entire life just to be a participant in someone else’s love story. Not when I wanted a love story of my own. One to write side by side with theirs.
The recessional began to play and I snapped back to the present. Despite the slight existential crisis I appeared to be having, I was still able to smile at Nona as I grabbed the handles of her wheelchair.
“All right, young lady, let’s see if we can get a good spot for the pictures,” Nona said. “And by a good spot, I mean near one of those good-looking brothers of Jenna’s.”
I didn’t think that was a good idea, but since my only other option was to try to explain my reasoning to Nona, I went along with it. Still, I tried to keep my distance as the photographer set up each shot. Wedding party. Sterling family. Bradshaw family.
And then Jenna waved me forward.
“You’re part of the family,” she said with a smile. “Always.”
“Go on, dear,” Nona said, patting my hand. “And if you get the chance, find out if their butts are as firm as they look.”
“Nona!” Isabel burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, Evie.”
I laughed, grateful that Nona’s comment had helped ease some of the tension. As I stepped into the spot next to Jenna and in front of her brothers, it felt awkward, but not tense. I could handle awkward.
“Hey, Evie,” Mason said from directly behind me.
I tried not to think too hard about what had happened the last time he’d been right behind me.
“Thought you might like to know that, thanks to you, the Riders have started a new, legit business,” he continued. “Protection details. Security, that sort of thing.”
“Does that mean I’m gonna see you guys at awards shows, all fancy in tuxedos like this?” I tried to make my tone light, but I could hear that thin thread of desire in the words.
“Naw,” Tucker answered. “That’s part of the appeal. We show up in our leathers, all tatted out and packing. Turns out, there’s a market for that sort of thing.”
Shit. That was a bigger turn-on than them in their tuxes. Now I was picturing them standing with arms crossed, glowering at people.
“Award shows, huh?” Levi asked, his voice tight. “You’re heading back to Nashville soon, then?”
In the silence that followed that question, the photographer announced we were done, and I knew that everyone was waiting for my response. All eyes were on me, and all of that tension that had faded came rushing back.
I gave the only response I could.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I said quietly as I looked at each of the men in turn. “Not when I don’t know if I have a reason to stay.”
And then I walked away because I needed a minute to pull myself together.