50
B ull riding is the most humbling and dangerous sport ever. It’ll test everything about a person. But no one ever said anything about love.
No one ever said anything about Wyatt Montgomery.
I wake up in the morning and shower and dress. I feed my horses and practice my PT exercises. I make coffee and scrambled eggs.
I do everything without Wyatt Montgomery.
And it’s fucking miserable.
Like there’s a gaping hole in the pit of my chest.
There’s no glimpse of his cocky smile over the breakfast table, no slam of the screen door as he barrels my way, eager for that first kiss after work. No front porch sunrises or sunsets. Missing him, his absence, steals my breath and makes me want to cry.
Ugh, one day. I can’t even survive one day without him.
I need air. I need to be in public on Main Street. No way am I crying angry, hot tears into a cold beer.
So I go to Nowhere and park myself at the bar. The thud of the jukebox is loud, but it doesn’t stop that day from playing over and over in my head.
Coward. He called me a fucking coward.
But he’s right.
I took the easy way out. I fought with him because I was afraid of what loving him—saying it aloud—would mean. Would do to us.
Now look at us. Are we done? Are we over? Or is Wyatt giving me a taste of my own medicine? I’d deserve it.
It’s for the best, isn’t it? I’m not the domestic type. He’d get bored eventually. We both would.
Now’s not the time to get sentimental. I have to get my head on straight for my ride.
It may be a small rodeo, but for me, it’s everything.
I’ve worked all summer to get here. To finally feel like myself again.
But does it matter? Does it mean anything without Wyatt behind me?
He got me here, he did this. For him to miss it… it all feels hollow.
“Eyes are puffy.”
I glance up. Sheena stands on the other side of the bar, tapping her nails on the countertop. “I’m sure that delights you.” I scowl. “Where’s Beef?”
Her right eyebrow arches. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Petty ’til the end, Sheena.” Arms on the bar, I lean in. “Listen, I’ve knownBeefa long time, he’s a good guy. So you better not fuck with him.”
“Or what?”
I eye her head of massive black curls. “You remember or what .”
She pales. Hand tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she swallows then says, “I know Beef’s a good guy, which is why I’m willing to—”
“Slum it?”
“No. Try it.” Her nostrils flare. “There’re no good guys here. You and your sister and friends got them all.”
My heart burns then chills.“More tequila. And Red Bull.”
She makes a face, eyes the three shot glasses on the bar with distaste. “That’s so bad for your heart.”
“Yeah, so is the man I like.” I gesture. “Tequila.”
She pours me a shot then places two cucumber slices on a napkin and slides them my way.
I stare at them, unsure what to make of it. She bristles. “Use ’em or don’t, Fallon. Just stop acting like an idiot.”
I take the shot then slap the cucumbers on my eyes and bury my face in my hands on the bar top. It’s sticky and smells faintly of shoe. “Ugh, god, the voice of reason being Sheena Wolfington, I must be dead.”
“Nope,” a droll voice says. “You’re drunk.”
I lift my face, tugging the cucumber slices from my puffy eyes. Dakota stands there. Behind her, Reese and Ruby. Concerned eyes from all of them.
“Let me guess,” I grumble. “Wyatt spilled everything.”
My big sister doesn’t look happy. “Everything and then some.” Dakota sits beside me with a sigh. “You’re riding? Really?”
I scowl through my misery. “I suppose you came to stop me.”
“No.” Reese smiles. “We came to support you.”
Dakota strokes my hair. “I’m terrified for you, Fallon.” Silver lines her eyes. “But I know this is your life, and for us to be in it, we have to accept it.”
My eyes fill with tears. “Then why couldn’t Wyatt?”
Ruby throws her arms around me, rocking me on the stool. “Because he loves you and he’s scared and he’s stupid.” Her voice drops. “But don’t tell him I said that.”
I nod, nod, nod before I can start crying.
“C’mere,” Ruby soothes, helping me slip off my stool.
Reese takes the drinks and orders more, while Dakota moves us to a torn booth in a corner.
“Tell us what happened,” Dakota says.
My lower lip wobbles. “I can’t. I suck.”
Beers in her hands, Reese slips in beside Ruby. “Talk to us, otherwise I will crush you in a bear hug.”
Ruby gives me her fiercest face. “We will bully you.”
I sob-laugh. “Is this allowed? Because if not, I’m calling the police.”
“Talk,” Dakota insists.
So I do. With my friends gathered around me, I tell them about what happened yesterday with Wyatt.
Why I hid it from him, how long I’ve loved him, all my doubts and fears.
When I finally come up for air, it’s late, many beers are drunk, and Nowhere is teeming with the rodeo crowd that’s drifted in for tomorrow’s Round-Up.
“How do people stand love?” I ask, feeling worn out from the emotion of it all. “It’s miserable.
“It’s magical,” Ruby says dreamily.
Dakota smiles softly. “It’s healing.”
“Sometimes,” Reese says, a look of sadness in her emerald eyes, “we can fuck up things that are meant for us.”
I wipe my eyes. “Fuck up is an understatement.” I look at my friends. Through my tears, I whisper, “I never got to tell Wyatt I love him.”
I’m met with stares of sympathy.
“It’s not too late,” Ruby says fiercely, reaching out to squeeze my hand. Reese’s eyes move to her. “It is never too late, Fallon.”
“You can still tell him,” Dakota adds. “Don’t protect your heart by pretending you don’t have one.”
She’s right. Hope blooms in my chest.
All this time, I’ve tried to duck and dodge love.
Avoiding it because I was afraid of what it meant.
That I’d have to give too much of myself or get too little in return.
And like the slow creep of the morning sun, it all snuck up on me.
I wasn’t ready for it, but it happened anyway.
In all the little things, in all the little ways.
Peanut butter pancakes on Sunday morning.
Annoying forehead temperature checks. Putting my boots on my feet when I couldn’t do it myself.
Always present and patient with me and making sure I knew I was enough in this life. In our life.
“This is what we do…a sneak attack on love,” Reese says, and Ruby gasps like she’s revealed the secrets of the universe. “Under cover of darkness, we go back to the ranch and—”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I have to show him I love him.”
I hurt him badly. He deserves a big-as-fuck romantic gesture.
Luckily, I know exactly what to do.
“Tattoos,” I announce. The man literally tattooed my name on his ass. I can repay the favor.
Wide-eyed, Ruby gasps again.
Dakota nods slowly, but I can tell she likes the idea. “Okay. Tattoos tonight.” She inhales then lets it all out. “Tomorrow, you ride.”
I’ll ride. And then I’ll go to Wyatt and tell him everything. I love him. Our dreams, our hopes for the future, those wild horses, I still want that. All of it with him.
All of it forever.
I look around the table at my friends. These women who will never let me fall. Tears fill my eyes. Last year, hell, even months ago, I believed I didn’t deserve them. But now… now…
“I’m so glad I have you,” I say thickly.
Dakota laughs. “Stuck with us.”
“’Til end times,” Reese adds, grinning.
Ruby sniffles, her features soft with happiness. “The best times.”
I throw an arm around my sister, hugging her tightly, stretching out one hand for Reese and Ruby, who both grip my fingers. “I can’t fucking wait.”