25. Aurora
AURORA
I had been hoping all through my Botanical Healing class that they would have finished fixing the Flight Simulator by the time I got there for my afternoon class.
However, when I ascended to the wooden platform along with the rest of my class, I saw that Woody was still hanging with one wooden wing drifting awkwardly downward.
The net was only half mended too, with one corner still flapping loose.
“Sorry, Cadets,” Professor Leesbruck said when everyone exclaimed over the damage. “No flight practice today—Woody had a broken wing.”
As he spoke, he stared directly at me, and I felt like I was blushing so hard and so hot that my hair might catch on fire any moment.
“What are we supposed to do? Sit around doing homework?” One of the boys asked, making it sound like a punishment.
“No, I don’t want anyone lingering on the platform when the net is in disrepair,” Professor Leesbruck said, frowning.
“Instead, I have obtained special permission from Master Yarsmouth for you to visit the Hatching Ground. However…” He held up one finger to silence the excited babble his words provoked.
“The eggs are not fully hard yet and not ready for Impression. So you are not to touch them in any way. Understood?”
“Yes, Sir,” we all chorused.
“All right.” He nodded. “Go on—hurry up. And be sure you leave in time to get back to your next class after this one. There are a lot of stairs between here and the Hatching Ground.”
We all promised to be on time and then everyone practically ran for the stairs. Everyone but me, that is, because Professor Leesbruck called me back, just as I was leaving.
“Yes, Sir?” I said, my stomach fisting with dread. What was he going to say to me? Would he kick me out of his class completely?
“I know what happened this morning, Cadet Lysandra,” he said, frowning down at me. “I know you were using the simulator without proper supervision or permission.”
“Yes, Sir, I was,” I admitted, because what else could I say? “I just…wanted to get a little more practice,” I told him. “I’m doing really well in my other classes and, er, not very good in this one.”
“Lysandra, I know it’s hard being the smallest,” he said, frowning.
“And I know that Woody is really too big for you to ride properly. But I have to tell you, I think it’s entirely possible that you won’t Impress a dragon at all.
Or if you do, it’ll be no more than a Brown.
So you’ve no need to worry about your, er, petite build. ”
“What?” My chin shot up in defiance. “But I come from a Great House! You only have to look at me to see my bloodlines!”
He only nodded.
“Yes, well—every bloodline, no matter how Noble, occasionally produces a runt. A stunted specimen who can’t compete with the other, larger offspring.”
I shook my head, feeling hurt and angry in ways I could barely express.
“Why are you telling me this, Sir?” I asked. “I didn’t break the simulator—all I did was ride it without permission. And I certainly didn’t cut the net.”
“Yes, after seeing how poorly you climb the rope, I don’t believe you could sabotage the net, even if you wanted to,” he said dryly. “You lack the natural athleticism that most of my students have.”
“I’m trying to work on my rope skills,” I said quickly. “I think if I just practice more—”
“No, no—practice won’t cure what’s wrong with you,” he cut me off sharply. Then he blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair.
“Look, I’m not telling you these things to hurt you or punish you, Lysandra—I’ve heard that you’re top of your classes academically,” he said.
“I just want you to manage your expectations so you’re not disappointed.
Nobel Bloodlines or not, dragons know things about the candidates who try to Impress them.
And I’m telling you right now, I doubt any dragon is going to choose you.
So you don’t have to worry about my class because you won’t be using any of the skills I teach here. ”
Even though I’d been worried about this exact thing, I still felt my heart fall to my feet. All my dreams of flying—the dreams I’d had since Auren had died—were they nothing but smoke? Just my overactive imagination wishing for something I could never have?
“I’m sorry to hear that, Sir,” I managed to say, though my throat was tight with unshed tears. Worrying that I might not get a dragon because I was secretly a woman was one thing—hearing a trusted professor tell me I just wasn’t good enough was something else entirely.
“Yes, well—I just don’t want you to get too upset if none of the eggs ‘speak’ to you,” he said, frowning. “Go on now—you might as well join the rest of your class at the Hatching Ground.”
The he turned away to get back to work on the limply dangling Woody.
I stood there for a moment, my heart squeezed into a fist of pain and my eyes stinging with tears.
Not good enough, whispered a little voice in my head. Not big enough—not athletic enough to ride a dragon. And none of them will pick you anyway because you’re a runt—a genetic throw-back. Unworthy of any recognition.
I tried to push the thoughts away, but they wouldn’t go. Somehow Professor Leesbruck had managed to make me feel twice as bad as I had earlier—and that was after I’d nearly been killed! Was I just a useless lump here? Not meant for dragon flight at all?
I didn’t know but I had to blot my tears on the sleeve of my uniform jacket as I left the cavern where the Flight Simulator was located. I knew crying was “girly”, but I couldn’t’ stop myself. I was miserable
I only hoped that no one would ask me why my eyes were so red when I got to the Hatching Ground.