53. Aurora
AURORA
I had plenty of time to regret my hasty actions as I did my best to reassure my frightened golden dragon that I was not, in fact, dying. Since the cat was out of the bag with Ryse, I figured there was no longer any reason to hide my true identity from her.
“but of course, you’re a girl,” she said, when I was finally able to get her to settle down and explained that I was actually female and only masquerading as male at the Academy.
“i would never let a boy ride me! i waited for you for so long in my shell, because i would never bond with a boy, either.”
“So, you knew all along?” I asked, dumbfounded.
“of course. but i still don’t understand why you are bleeding, my Auri.”
I did my best to explain the human female’s monthly cycle, which made L’eesha indignant on my behalf.
“every month? you have to bleed and feel like you are dying every month?” She demanded. “but why?”
“I don’t know—it’s just the way the God and Goddess created human women, I guess,” I said.
“then the God and Goddess need biting!” was L’eesha’s verdict. “if i ever see them, i will make them sorry for making you hurt and bleed, my Auri.”
I wanted to laugh but I was still in too much pain. And now my pain was emotional as well as physical.
I was sure that Ryse must have gone straight to the Head Master to report on my deception. The look in his eyes and the way he’d said, “I knew it!” made me think he’d been suspecting me for some time.
Possibly the dragon blood in his heritage had made him less susceptible to the glamour of my Dragon Glass pendant. I remembered now how my father had said it would only fool humans—not dragons.
Maybe that was why he’d become so distant and stand-offish lately, I thought miserably. Because he was suspecting me of being a liar and a cheat—someone who got into the Academy under false pretenses. Someone who had been making a fool of him for months.
He must hate me now, I thought, being careful to hide my thoughts from L’eesha, who had finally settled down.
I also hid my certainty that I would be kicked out of the Academy, and they would separate the two of us.
I didn’t know how they would manage that—L’eesha would definitely put up a fuss—but I was sure the Head Master wouldn’t tolerate a female dragon rider.
My thoughts were interrupted as the door opened, and Ryse came back into the room.
My hand flew instinctively to the hollow of my throat…and I realized I hadn’t put the Dragon Glass pendant back on. Well, it was too late for deception now, anyway. Everyone who saw me would know I was a girl.
I watched anxiously to see who would come in after him. Would it be the Head Master? The Healer? Maybe just some burly men to drag me out of bed and throw me out of the Academy at once.
But it seemed that Ryse was alone, because he closed the door behind him and came to put a tray he was carrying on the table at the side of the bed.
“Here,” he said, handing me a mug with bitter-smelling steam rising from it.
“What’s this?” I stared at him in confusion.
“Willow-bark tea,” he said shortly. “I sweetened it with honey to help mask the bitterness. Told the kitchen ladies I needed it for a headache,” he added.
“You brought me tea?” I asked, still trying to understand.
“To help with your pain,” he said patiently. “Doesn’t it help?” he asked, frowning. “It’s what my sister always asks for when she’s having her monthly.”
“You…you have a sister?” I got out at last, still staring at him.
He frowned.
“Of course. Have I never told you about her before? She’s married off to some stupid Duke, but we still write to each other from time to time.” He nodded at the tea. “Drink that, will you? Not just for you—for me. So L’eesha will stop giving me and M’alex your pain.”
“Oh, is she still doing that?” I exclaimed, my face flushing with embarrassment. “L’eesha—stop giving people my pain!” I exclaimed aloud and sent at the same time.
“i will if Ryse is helping you,” she sent back. There was silence for a moment, then she said, “all right—M’alex says he is.”
At once, Ryse straightened up and breathed a sigh of relief.
“I can’t believe you go through that every month,” he said, shaking his head. “Such pain would bring the bravest warrior to his knees!”
“Actually, I don’t go through it every month. That is, I haven’t for the past half year,” I said. “It just, er, started again this morning.”
“Ah…” He nodded thoughtfully. “That makes sense. I was wondering how you hid it before.”
The willow bark tea was beginning to help by then—it works fast—and I was able to breathe a little easier myself. Ryse hadn’t told on me—at least, not yet. Maybe I had at least a little reprieve before I was kicked out of the Academy.
“You, er, don’t seem very surprised to find out I’m a woman,” I said cautiously, as I took another sip of the bitter-sweet tea.
He frowned.
“Well, I’ve been suspecting for a while. From the very first I knew that something wasn’t quite right. Sometimes you looked like an ordinary male cadet to me…but other times you were so pretty…” He cleared his throat. “Beautiful, actually.”
I felt my cheeks getting hot again with a blush.
“I wondered why you were staring at me so much. But is that all that, er, gave me away?”
“No, not really. Though it did surprise me that I was suddenly attracted to what I thought was another male,” he said, his brows drawing low. “Do you know how much you messed with my head, Auri? If that really is your name.”
“It is,” I said quickly. “Or actually, my real name is Aurora and my brother’s name was Auren. Auri could be short for either one—don’t you think?”
He nodded thoughtfully.
“So you took your brother’s place. Where is he, then?”
“He…he’s dead.” The words stuck in my throat as my brother’s face swam before my eyes. I still missed him so much! And he hadn’t been gone that long.
“Dead?” Ryse asked, looking surprised.
“He died of a fever not long after our father and his dragon…ended themselves,” I said. “I nursed him the best I could, but we had no money for a doctor.”
I felt tears stinging my eyes and tried to hold them back. This was the first time I’d talked to anyone about Auren’s death, and I was surprised at how much it hurt.
“I’m sorry.” Ryse shook his head. “I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t—no one did, and no one cared!
” I exclaimed, suddenly angry. “Your family are like royalty—you probably live in a huge mansion with plenty of servants. How could you know what it’s like to live on the side of a mountain with no one to help—no one to care?
No food to eat, either. You can blame me for coming to the Academy in Auren’s place if you want to, but it was either take my brother’s place here or starve to death at home! ”
I was crying now—the tears pouring down my face in torrents. It seemed that my cycle had saved up six months of emotion to dump on me all at once, too, because I couldn’t seem to stop.
Ryse looked properly stricken now.
“Auri,” he said helplessly. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m suh…suh…sorry, too!” I got out, still sobbing. “I’ve muh-muh-made a mess of everything!”
“No, you haven’t!”
He came to sit beside me. Taking the half-empty mug of tea from my shaking hand, he put it back on the tray and gathered me into his arms.
“Yes, I have,” I said, swiping at my eyes.
“I lied to everyone—you included. I know you must be mad at me, and I don’t blame you.
I guess I could have married one of the noblemen my father had lined up for me instead of coming to the Academy, but I didn’t want to do that either.
” I looked up at him with wet eyes. “I didn’t want to be some old man’s bed slave and have to obey his every whim because he owned me once we got married. ”
“I don’t blame you.” Ryse stroked my hair out of my eyes. “Auri, it doesn’t matter why you came to the Academy in the first place—you’ve earned the right to be here.”
“Earned the right?” I looked up at him in confusion.
“You’re at the top of all your classes—you made the highest score on the entrance exam in over seventy years. Even higher than mine, right?” He smiled down at me.
“My father hired a tutor for my brother, and he taught us both,” I admitted.
“You also Impressed and bonded with the first Golden Queen in over a century,” he went on. “You know, in the books I’ve been reading, they talk a lot about the Queens. They only hatch from the pure gold eggs and they only bond with female riders.”
I looked up at him in surprise.
“Is…is that how you knew I wasn’t a man?”
He nodded.
“I wasn’t positive at first that my translation was correct. But once I was sure, well…it was pretty obvious. Especially once I knew that L’eesha never would have bonded with a male rider.”
I thought of how he’d been staring at me lately with that thoughtful look in his eyes.
“Why…why didn’t you confront me?” I asked, sitting up and swiping at my eyes again.
“Because,” he said simply. “I was waiting for you to tell me on your own.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling horribly guilty. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you—that you had to find out like this.”
“You mean by L’eesha giving me your monthly cramps?” he said dryly. “I admit, it wasn’t the ideal way to find out, but at least now I know what you’re going through.”
“I’m really sorry about that—I never told her to,” I said quickly.
“Of course not. I know it was her idea. By the way, M’alex says to tell you that you are a warrior—he has never felt such pain,” he added. “We’re both a little in awe of you now.”
“The pain is only that bad on the first day,” I told him. “After that, it’s mostly the, uh, bleeding I have to deal with.” I grimaced, thinking of the sheets and mattress I had most likely completely ruined by now. I was sticky and wet between my thighs and also utterly miserable.
“If the willow bark tea doesn’t help, I can get you a heated water bottle,” Ryse offered. “As for the blood, I’m sure we can wash the sheets out in the sink.”
“It’s not just the sheets,” I said in a low voice. “I need…something to wear while I’m bleeding. Something that won’t show.”
Ryse frowned thoughtfully.
“We’ll work something out,” he said at last. “For now, I just want you to feel better.”
“So…you’re not mad at me? For lying to you for so long?” I asked hesitantly.
His frown deepened.
“Oh, I’m angry with you all right. But I care about you more than I’m mad at you, if that makes sense.” One corner of his mouth quirked up. “Also, I’m pretty fucking relieved that I’m not in love with another man.”
My heart fluttered. Had he really just said he was in love with me?
“So…you’re not going to tell the Head Master and get me kicked out of the Academy?” I dared to ask.
“Get you kicked out? And lose you?” he exclaimed incredulously. “Are you out of your mind?”
“I thought I was earlier, when I showed you the truth,” I admitted. “But maybe I should have done it earlier.”
“I was hoping you would,” he said quietly. “It’s all right though—I’m glad to know for sure. Come on—let’s get you cleaned up.”
“No, please—I can do it myself,” I begged, horribly embarrassed at the bloody mess I’d made.
But Ryse refused to let me do anything but sit in the warm bath he’d drawn in his small, private tub. It was one of the perks of being a Wing Leader, though we normally didn’t use it since going to bathing hour at the Cooking-pot every night was mandatory.
As I sat in the warm water, which soothed my cramps, he washed the sheets and bedding in cold water in the sink and spread them out to dry. The mattress had suffered too, but not as badly as I’d feared. Ryse cleaned it as well as he could and then flipped it over.
“No one will ever know,” he told me when I expressed concern that someone might see. “It’s completely hidden, little one.”
I liked that he was calling me “little one” again and I was grateful for his help, though still embarrassed. When I told him so, he only shrugged.
“Why be embarrassed? It’s a normal bodily function.”
“Not around here,” I pointed out.
Ryse frowned.
“Maybe that needs to change. Why have we gone so many years without female riders when it’s clear that Golden Queens like L’eesha only bond with women?”
I shook my head.
“I don’t know.”
“Why did we stop valuing the golden eggs and finding female candidates to Impress them?” He went on. “Somewhere in the last one hundred years or so, the Academy forgot a very important part of its past.”
“How?” I asked as he helped me dry off and get into bed. He had gotten several more towels from the Commissary by saying that his had gotten lost and he laid them on the bed for me in case I bled more—which I was sure I would.
Ryse shook his head as he tucked me in with a hot water bottle to press to my aching abdomen.
“I don’t know—maybe a lot of records were lost in the fire I told you about. I’ve been trying to translate the really old book written in the Root Tongue, but it’s slow going.”
“Mmm,” I said, which was more of a yawn than an answer. Now that I was no longer in so much pain and I knew Ryse would keep my secret, I felt incredibly relaxed. So much so, that I was feeling sleepy.
“Why don’t you rest,” he said. “I’ll go get you some soup from the Mess Hall.”
“Would you go and visit L’eesha first?” I begged softly. “I feel terrible that I can’t get to her but I’m not sure how to go anywhere while I’m, you know, bleeding so much.”
Ryse got a determined look on his face.
“Don’t worry, little one—we’ll figure that out. And of course I’ll go visit her.”
“Thank you.” My eyelids were closing as I relaxed into the pillows.
Who could have believed that finally telling my secret would work out so well?
I was still surprised that Ryse wasn’t mad at me.
More than anything else, he seemed more relieved to be certain that what he’d been suspecting about me was true.
“You’re welcome, little one.”
Leaning over me, he smoothed back my hair and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.
I smiled dreamily up at him.
“That feels nice.”
“For me, too. You don’t know how much I’ve been longing to do that,” he murmured, stroking my cheek. “Just to kiss you and cuddle you and protect you.”
“You’ve been doing that all along,” I pointed out. “Well, except the cuddling. And we’ve only kissed twice.”
His golden eyes went half-lidded.
“I want to kiss you a lot more than twice, little one.”
I felt my cheeks get hot with a pleasurable blush.
“I want to kiss you, too,” I admitted.
He stroked my cheek gently.
“Later—when you’re feeling better.”
Then he kissed my forehead again and went to check on my dragon.