Chapter Six #4
He was going to stop focusing on the bad parts and start focusing on the good ones, including Ridge. He wanted them to have a chance. He wasn’t sure yet what a relationship with Ridge would look like, but they would figure it out together as time went on.
Which meant that he needed to be honest. He knew he’d hurt Ridge, and that was something he’d never wanted.
He still hadn’t properly explained why he’d refused to bond, but now was the time, before things went any further.
He was pretty sure that Ridge would go along with anything he asked, not just because they were mates, and he didn’t want to take advantage of that.
He wasn’t the only one in this relationship.
Ridge was a participant, and he deserved better than what Kael had been giving him.
“I’m sorry for saying no when you asked me to bond,” he said.
“But I don’t regret it. I wasn’t ready to bond.
I’m still not. I have too much to figure out, both about my place here and about myself.
I’m not the person I was when I lived in Starhaven, and honestly, I’m not quite sure who I am right now.
Everything’s been changing too quickly, and I feel a little lost.”
Thankfully, Ridge didn’t look hurt. He smiled, which gave Kael hope they might just work things out.
“I get that,” Ridge said. “I shouldn’t have asked you to bond with me.
It was too soon, and I knew it. I just got caught up in the moment, and if there’s one thing that shifters always want, it’s to bond with their mate.
I already knew you were probably going to say no.
The words were out before I could stop them, and while I don’t regret asking, I don’t want you to feel guilty.
We can wait as long as you need. I might not have been in your specific situation before, but I know what it’s like to start over in a place where you know only a handful of people.
You have to find yourself again when your whole life has completely changed, and I just hope that I’ll be allowed to be part of that life. ”
“I want you to be.” And from the sound of it, Ridge wanted the same. Kael couldn’t hold back the smile that spread across his face. After avoiding this for so long, he couldn’t believe how happy he was.
He grew hesitant when he saw Ridge’s smile soften and then fade. He could tell he wouldn’t like whatever was coming next, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it. He’d thought they had everything figured out.
“You know what kind of job I have,” Ridge said.
Kael frowned. “You work for the council. That’s why you were sent as my bodyguard.” Which Kael hadn’t needed, but he was still glad they’d had the time together. They probably wouldn’t have talked if they hadn’t.
“I do, but I’m not a bodyguard. In fact, I’m the opposite.”
“I know. Tex told us.”
Ridge shook his head. “I’m not like Tex, either. He works for Gregory. Eventually, he’ll become a handler, which means he’ll handle people like me. People who’re sent by the council to kill others.”
Kael wasn’t sure what was happening. “I already know what you do. Why has it suddenly become a problem?”
“Because you came from a very sheltered life in Starhaven. I don’t want you to be afraid of me or disgusted by what I am.”
“How could I be? And what are you?” Kael leaned closer, not wanting people nearby to hear.
“If you’re talking about the killing—about what you do for the council—you don’t have to worry.
Nymon and I talked about it. He wanted to after he found out that Tex had been trained to do what you do.
We both understand that there are people, especially paranormal beings, who are untouchable when it comes to normal justice.
I just have to look at what happened with the demons from Starhaven.
What they did wasn’t right, and someone should’ve stopped them much sooner.
Not as many people would’ve been hurt if someone had.
It’s one of the reasons I agreed to do what Gregory asked and went to talk to those demons.
If towns can be more open, a lot of that wouldn’t have happened. Those people would still be alive.”
“So you don’t care?”
“Not enough to not want you. It’s not something I could ever do myself, but I suspect that goes for most people. You’re not a serial killer.”
“I get paid to kill people.”
Kael wrinkled his nose. “You sound like you’re trying to talk me out of this, which I find a little strange considering you were the one who asked me to bond with you.
I understand what your job is. Do I like it?
No, but only because I wish no one was ever put in that kind of situation and that no one deserved to be killed.
These people know what they’re doing, though.
They know that they’re hurting others and going against every law that exists.
They don’t care. Why should I care about them? ”
“You’re incredible,” Ridge said, reaching for him.
Kael wasn’t sure about that, but he was sure of one thing.
It was time to let go of his fears and focus on the future he wouldn’t have had if he’d stayed in Starhaven. Ridge was part of that future.
And Kael couldn’t wait to see what that future would look like.