4. Henley
Henley
SEVEN YEARS AGO
The bonfire blazed in front of me, my gaze shifting from my Solo cup to the boy standing across from me.
The one who was filling out every inch of those dark blue Wranglers he was wearing tonight.
Bright blue eyes caught mine from over the rim of his cup, igniting my body in a flame more scalding than the one before me.
Truly, he was no longer a boy. Chatting with my brother and all our childhood friends was a very grown man.
A man whose gaze had never held mine as long as it had tonight.
Maybe tonight this man would finally realize I am also no longer that girl he used to tease.
A man who might finally notice I’d grown into a woman while he’d been away.
Who knows, maybe he’d actually follow through with what he attempted to do only a few short years ago.
A girl could dream, right?
Shaking off the ridiculous idea, I rose and made my way to the back of the house.
Ever since he almost kissed me after my high school graduation, I couldn’t seem to get this man out of my mind.
I’d obviously had one too many drinks tonight if I was still pining over Emerson Lane.
What I needed now was copious amounts of water.
Once I was properly hydrated, maybe I’d stop having delusional thoughts brewing in my mind.
I opened the ice chest, shoving around the various bottles of alcohol for water but coming up empty-handed.
Still parched, I strolled through the back door and grabbed a glass from the cabinet.
I filled up my cup under the kitchen faucet, and took a sip, admiring my friends from the window as they danced and laughed.
The view spurred a grin to warm my lips, until the ever-present prickle of anxiety surged through me. Placing my cup aside, I rubbed circles against my chest, trying to ease the tightness that’d been building all day.
This was my going-away party. I should be excited, not terrified.
All my life I’d wanted to be a professional chef, and thanks to fate, luck, chance—whatever you wanted to call it—I’d been awarded the Sinclair Scholarship, a prestigious scholarship awarded to only three students every year.
My tuition to the Culinary Institute of America in New York was completely paid for, and if I did well, there was a chance that I could be selected to work for Sadie Sinclair herself.
A professor at my community college had told me about the scholarship one day after class. At first, I avoided the notion of moving across the country just to follow my dream. It felt selfish. The scholarship only included tuition, so I would have to cover room and board on my own.
I came from a family of ranchers. Every dime, nickel, and penny was accounted for in our house, and we all knew the importance of being smart with our money.
Asking to fly across the country to attend a culinary school instead of just continuing with this program at my local community college seemed like the opposite of a “smart” decision.
Harper, my best friend, had disagreed.
After a few shots of tequila one night, she managed to convince me to fill out the online application.
She’d always been my biggest supporter and had been trying to shove me out of my shell since we met in home economics our freshman year of high school.
She was the extrovert to my introvert, the yin to my yang, and as she would say, the cinnamon to our roll.
A few weeks later, I had an acceptance letter sitting in my inbox and a whole lot of explaining to do to my parents.
They had set aside a little bit of money and wouldn’t let me turn down this opportunity, no matter how hard I fought them.
With their contribution and the money that I’d been saving while working at the diner, I had enough to cover dorm rent for my first year.
But I would definitely have to get a job once I was there to cover everything else.
This was such an amazing opportunity that I had been blessed with.
I should be celebrating with everyone else outside.
Instead, the only emotion I felt weaving through me was fear.
In two days, I was set to leave behind my small town and the only world I’ve ever known.
My family, my handful of friends, my safe space.
I’d be leaving them all behind to chase after a lifelong dream. As I stared at all the smiling faces outside the window, I was left wondering if I’d made the right decision.
The back door swung shut, causing me to jump and knock over my plastic cup of water onto the floor. Inwardly groaning, I turned to grab the paper towels off the kitchen island when my eyes locked onto the figure leaning against the doorway.
“Hey, Hen.” Emerson’s silky voice cascaded over me, making me want to melt into the puddle beside me. “For someone who normally can’t keep their eyes off of me, you’ve been avoiding me all night.”
“W-what?” The words tumbled out of my mouth. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Pushing off the wall, he took three long strides before stopping just inches in front of me.
I’d always been tall, but Emerson still towered over me.
The ache in my chest was quickly replaced by the thundering beat of my heart.
Wrapping my arms around my middle, I tried to hide the tremble that rippled through me.
“Henley,” he beckoned.
Goosebumps trickled over my arms as I felt the delicate grip of his fingertips against my chin. Gently, he lifted it to meet his heavy-lidded gaze.
“You’re truly remarkable, you know that? I don’t think there has ever been a moment where you haven’t completely mesmerized me.”
“W-what?”
“Don’t play with me, Hen.” His grip on his chin tightens just a smidge, sending my heart racing. “Haven’t you noticed the way I stare at you? How I’m incapable of not being around you every chance I get?”
“I—I always thought I was the one with a stupid little crush. And a few years ago, you pretty much made it clear we were just friends.”
He hummed quietly, rolling his gaze appreciatively over my body before landing back on mine. “That’s because I was doing everything in my power to not fall for you.”
The confession seemed to short-circuit my brain, causing me to freeze in place. Tension simmered between us as we stood in silence. I struggled to collect myself enough to speak. “Em, what are we doing?”
He smirked, slowly wetting his lips as the pad of his thumb caressed my lower lip.
“I don’t know, Hen.” His throat bobbed as he pressed down and dragged his thumb down slowly before releasing it. My toes curled inside my hunter green Converse as I watched his thin black sweater rise and fall against his rapid breaths. “What would you like us to be doing?”
Oh, I knew exactly what I’d like to be doing. But it was impossible. Too many obstacles in the way.
Like the fact that he was five years older than me.
Granted, the age gap didn’t really matter anymore.
I was twenty and he was twenty-five, but that was beside the point.
I was leaving for New York in two days, and he raced cars all over the country for his job.
We were living in two different worlds, and as much as I wanted this to happen, I knew it was impossible.
“Come on, you know we both just had a few too many drinks tonight. We aren’t in our right minds,” I breathed. “You don’t really want this . . . and neither do I.” The lie felt like ash on my tongue as I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a deep exhale.
He hummed, shaking his head slowly. He stepped forward as I stumbled back.
We continued this slow dance until my back bumped against the wall.
His palm slid up against the wall beside my head.
The other weaved through my hair, tucking it back behind my ear.
Leaning forward, his breath warmed the exposed curve as he whispered against it.
“The rosy flush all over your skin tells me otherwise.”
Suddenly, his body pressed further into mine. His knee spread apart my thighs, removing all the open space between us. I forgot how to breathe. The rapid beats of my heart thundering in my chest were the only indication I was still alive.
“You don’t want me, Em,” I whispered.
“I’ve never wanted anything more.”
Once again, the man shocked me into silence as he trailed his fingers tenderly up and down my neck. Somehow, I managed to find my voice again. “There are so many other women out there you could have. Others that are more gorgeous. More experienced . . . more—”
Before I could finish, his fingers pinched my lips closed.
“One, no one holds my attention like you. Two, I’ll teach you anything you want to learn, Henley. I’m an excellent teacher.”
Oh my god.
“Em—”
His hand circled around my neck and squeezed gently.
“You know what I think?” he purred. “I think you’re a good girl who is looking to get herself into a little bit of trouble.
I’m feeling a little rebellious tonight.
How about you?” His steady voice thrummed through my entire body.
He must have sensed my reaction as an alluring smirk tilted his lips.
I struggled to decide whether I wanted to slap or kiss it off his face.
Slowly, I nodded.
The smirk grew into a full-blown smile. The same gorgeous smile that made me fall head over heels for him in the first place. The smile I found myself dreaming about more often than I cared to admit.
“Tell me. What do you want?”
Ladies and gentlemen, this was happening.
Either that or I’d died after slipping on the puddle of water I never managed to clean up, and this was my version of heaven. If so, I never wanted to wake up.
“Henley?” Emerson’s deep voice stirred me back to reality.
Nope. Not dead.
This was a very real event that was happening, and all I was doing was standing here frozen like a statue. My cheeks heated even further as I realized I’d been silent for far longer than one should be at this moment.
“I . . . I . . .” my stubborn lips stammered.