5. Emerson
Emerson
Losing the incredible woman beside me was entirely my own damn fault.
I let her slip through my fingers because I was too terrified to take a chance.
The wake it left behind has been a lingering pain, almost as big as my Mama’s absence.
Two of the most important people in my life are no longer a part of it, and my heart still doesn’t know how to handle it.
My gaze glides over her slumbering body, and I watch as her thick lashes flutter against her cheeks as she dreams. A few hours into the flight, her body had slumped over to mine.
I know I should have nudged her back to her side, but I’m selfish.
Instead, I gently wrapped my arm around her and pulled her in closer.
Sunlight peeks in from the window, making the honey and ruby highlights peek through her brown hair. Freckles speckle over the bridge of her nose and dust the tops of her cheeks. Her olive skin is almost glowing in the light.
Brushing away the hair from her face, I gently lift her headphones and tuck the strands behind her ear. She looks so peaceful against my shoulder, unlike earlier, when her glare toward me flamed with hurt.
From day one, Henley had the ability to bring a sense of calm to my turbulent mind.
Always knew how to bring a smile to my face when I needed it most. Her light brought me through many dark days growing up.
Seeing her face today stirred up all the feelings I’ve tried to keep buried inside me for so long.
Just being in her presence right now has given me a little piece of serenity I desperately needed.
My thumb hovers over the bump on her forehead, and her brows furrow under my touch. Thankfully, the redness is less angry than it was a few hours ago. The black eye, however, is a deeper shade of plum. Enough to have me make a mental note to ask for another icepack when she wakes up.
Henley mumbles something unintelligible as her eyes tightly squeeze together.
“How could you?” she murmurs, her once calm face contorting in pain. Beneath my palm, her body begins to tremble.
There’s nothing I hate more than seeing her in pain. I strum my fingertips gently up and down her arm. After a few moments, her breathing evens out and the trembling ceases completely.
Swiping open my phone, I scroll to my message app. My thumb automatically swipes over her contact with the nickname I have her messages saved under. The ones I haven’t been able to delete, even after all these years.
TROUBLE: Did you just leave?
TROUBLE: ???
TROUBLE: Can I see you tomorrow before I leave?
TROUBLE: We need to talk, Em.
TROUBLE: Please? I don’t want to leave like this.
TROUBLE: Well, I guess I have my answer.
TROUBLE: Do yourself a favor and lose my number. Enjoy your life, Emerson.
Closing my eyes, I can almost hear the hurt in her voice.
Almost feel her heart breaking within each text.
The way I left things between us when I ran away that night was cruel.
The finality in her last text makes my stomach twist. With a swipe, I exit out of the messages quickly before I can inflict further pain on myself.
That night will be forever ingrained in my memory. Sometimes I imagine what our life could have been like if I just could have taken the leap. If I hadn’t broken her heart instead.
Once or twice each month, I find myself scrolling her messages. As tormenting as they may be, I can’t bring myself to delete them. To erase any part of her, good or bad.
She’s the woman I compare every other woman against.
The only one who stole my heart all those years ago.
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I feel Henley rustling below, doing the same.
A curse escapes her lips as her hands glide against the bruises marring her forehead.
Catching the attention of the flight attendant, I hold up the ice pack in my hand, gesturing for another.
She nods, reaching for the first aid kit.
The weight leaning against my body lifts, and when I look beside me, I’m met with a pair of confused hazel eyes.
“Umm, how long have I been out?” Her eyes widen after she speaks, her hands immediately flying up to smooth out her hair.
“For a few hours.”
“How long was I laying—” She clears her throat, embarrassment reddening her cheeks as her head nods toward my shoulder.
“I’m not sure.” I shrug, trying to appear indifferent to the fact she’s been laying on me for the entire flight. Even though it meant the world to me to have her body lying against mine. “I think I even fell asleep for a while there as well.”
“Oh,” she hums softly. “Sorry for invading your space.”
An ache blossoms in my chest as her eyes drop away from mine. Retreating into herself, sliding her body closer to her side of the plane. Away from me.
“You don’t have to apologize for anything, Trouble.”
“Please, don’t call me that,” she whispers. Her eyes focus on the clouds drifting by.
Guilt coils inside my stomach as pressure begins to build once more inside my chest. Regret for the way I left things between us not only once, but twice. Remorse for the pain I inflicted upon her heart, and the hurt that still lingers there.
Thankfully, my spiraling thoughts are interrupted by the flight attendant. She hands me a fresh ice pack and a ginger ale. Hesitantly, I nudge Hen’s shoulder. Her gaze flutters between the ice pack and ginger ale and she takes them both without another word.
I can’t tell what’s worse. The silence between us over the past years, or the current void of communication mixed with tension that is hovering over us like a thick fog. It’s suffocating.
Another hour passes before the pilot announces that we are thirty minutes out from landing. Henley lets out a sigh of relief. In my head, I curse my decision to text her brother before we left New York. Something tells me she isn’t going to be thrilled to discover my change of plans.
The plane starts to descend, and before we know it, the airport comes closer into view.
Our bodies jolt forward as the plane touches down on the runway.
As we taxi towards the airport, Henley begins to tuck her headphones into her bag as the attendant comes to collect her glass and ice pack.
Once the seatbelt sign turns off, movement begins inside the plane cabin.
One by one, the passengers in front of us collect their belongings and exit. When it’s our turn, I step into the aisle and begin to retrieve her carry-on. The breath catches in my throat when her palm presses firmly against my chest.
“I’ve got it.”
Not wanting to push her any further, I submit to her request, raising my hands and backing out of her path.
She struggles to pull it from the overhead compartment, and my hands bolt up instinctively.
Her palm slaps mine away, the glare she gives me searing my skin.
With a grunt, she finally frees the suitcase, clutching it tightly against her torso.
Looking straight through me to the doctor behind me, she smiles sweetly. “Thank you for your help earlier.”
“Of course, dear. Make sure to keep icing those bruises over the next couple of days, okay?”
Henley nods, her smile falling when her eyes refocus on mine. “See you around, Emerson.”
Long brunette waves twirl around her as she turns swiftly, storming down the aisle without looking back. Pulling my own suitcase out of the overhead storage, I leisurely make my way down the aisle. Henley is about to “see me around” a lot sooner than she thinks.
For now, I’ll give her the illusion that she has a little space.