10. Henley
Henley
With one hand on my sore neck and the other massaging my aching back, I’m quickly reminded how close to my thirties I really am. This twenty-seven-year-old body doesn’t bounce back as quickly as it used to.
It’s been two weeks since I’ve been back home, and I’m barely hanging on by a thread.
The couch in the living room has become my new bed, because my old room is currently occupied by my niece.
Ryleigh and Lyla moved in after they started construction on his house on our property.
Willow, Ryleigh’s ex-wife, never liked the idea of living on the ranch.
She claimed she was allergic to cattle and horses.
My theory is she was just allergic to us.
When she ran out on Ryleigh a few months after Lyla was born to live in LA, selling her house right out from under my brother, he had no choice but to move back in with my parents.
The construction still has a few months to go before it’s completed.
Ryleigh tried to get me to take his room, but I know how much he needs a good night’s rest after the hard work he puts in every day.
And I wasn’t about to steal my room back from my sweet three-year-old niece.
I contemplated asking Harper if I could live with her for a bit, but the space she lives in above the bakery would never be able to fit the both of us. It’s barely even enough to fit her.
There’s also the tiny fact that I haven’t actually told my best friend I’m back yet.
Thus why it’s been the couch life for me, along with the stiff neck and back aches that seem to come with it.
I only lasted two days wallowing in self-pity in front of the TV with a gigantic tub of mocha-fudge ice cream before I couldn’t take it anymore.
Since then, I’ve resumed my childhood chores, helped cook meals with Mom, and babysat my niece.
I’ve never been one to sit idle for too long.
Helping others brings me peace and distracts my mind from pulling me under.
Growing up, my chores always had me rising before the sun was even up. However, I always made sure to sneak away to this very spot and watch it paint the sky as it rose. I’ve always felt our land is always the most mesmerizing during sunset and sunrise.
With a heavy sigh, I climb up a few pegs on the fence and rest my arms on the wooden railing, watching the sun create a symphony of colors over the horizon.
Golden rays spread over every inch of the dewy grass, making it glitter like a green sea full of a thousand sparkling jewels.
The sounds of our animals create a soft ambience to the calming sight, drastically different from the city that never sleeps.
Being out here reminds me of how long it’s been since I’ve been able to just sit and enjoy the stillness.
“Coffee?”
My brother’s voice startles me. Before I can stop it, my boots slip off the bottom rail and I plummet into the dirt.
Ryleigh starts laughing but bends down to let me use his arm to help me back onto my feet. “Still the same klutz, I see?”
Tossing him a glare, I swipe the thermos from his hand and roll my eyes.
“Still surprises me that they allowed you to oversee a professional kitchen. Lots of sharp objects. Seems slightly dangerous.” He snorts smugly into the lid of his thermos.
“Haha,” I say with a straight face, void of any mirth.
“Too soon?”
“Yes! Too soon, you jerk,” I hiss. Shoving past him, I hastily make my way to the barn to clean the horse stalls.
“Aww, come on . . . you know you love me.” He pouts, jogging behind me to catch up.
Grabbing the rake, I throw it on top of the wheelbarrow full of hay and roll it to the first stall. “Of course I love you, but it doesn’t mean I have to like you all of the time,” I huff, leaving him smiling like an idiot behind me.
“Fair.”
Once inside the empty stall, I begin raking away all my frustrations. It’s the one place where I’m able to be alone all morning, and the only time I’ve been able to break down while still trying to process the sudden changes in my life. Well, except for today.
Ryleigh hangs on the stall door behind me.
“Hen,” he says, his tone softer this time.
Kind eyes meet my own. They are heavy with concern, and it’s almost enough to unleash the tears I’ve been holding at bay.
“You forget I still know how to read you like a book. I noticed the way you fidgeted with your hair at dinner the night you got home. Something tells me there’s more to that story than you told us. ”
“I’m okay. Really, I promise,” I whisper, adding a weak smile to sweeten the ruse.
“No, you’re not,” he hums, stepping closer and pulling me into his arms. “I know you think I’m just some grumpy cowboy. Incapable of feelings.”
Chuckling into his chest, my words come out as a mumble. “I’ve never thought you were incapable of feelings.”
“Oh, but you agree with the grumpy cowboy part?”
“I mean . . . if the boots fit?” I snicker.
He grabs me and ruffles his palm against the top of my hair, like he used to do when we were kids.
A squeal rips through me as I try to escape his clutches.
Right before I stomp on his foot, he stops and pushes my shoulders back until there is space between us and he can see my face.
“I will always be here for you, whenever you are ready to talk. No judgment. Nothing you could tell me could make me love you any less. You know that, right?”
No longer able to hold his gaze, my eyelids flutter to the ground as I nod.
At dinner the first night, my family tried to pry a little out of me but I fudged a lot of the details.
Still too embarrassed to admit how I ended up back home, I couldn’t bear the truth and expose how much of a failure I truly am.
They think the restaurant I worked in closed, and I couldn’t find another job. Thus causing problems between Carson and me, which resulted in me ending the relationship and coming back home. I was under the impression that they bought the story without question, but apparently, I was wrong.
“Thank you for helping around here since you’ve been back. It’s been nice to have an extra hand.”
“Of course.”
“It’s been nice having you around, Henley. I’ve missed you.”
“Me too.”
He pulls me in for one more hug, then begins to walk back out the stall before he freezes.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” He turns to face me, with panic written all over his features. “Harper threatened me with bodily harm if I do not force you to visit her at the bakery today.”
I wince, which only makes him laugh once more.
“It seems she’s a little livid to find out her best friend has been back in town for two weeks without her knowledge.”
The first person I wanted to run to when I got back into town was Harper, but I’m still so horribly embarrassed and ashamed.
It’s been difficult to make my way to town to see her.
Harper is someone that I’ve always looked up to.
She’s always had her life together, constantly thinking and preparing for things ten steps in advance.
As much as I know she would never judge me, I can’t bring myself to tell her I’d ruined the opportunity she helped me get in the first place.
Reaching into his back pocket, he pulls out the keys to his truck. “Go get cleaned up and take my truck into town.”
“You won’t need it today?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll be out in the back fields today, fixing some of the fences. Plus, I’m a little scared of your best friend. I have no doubt that little spitfire will follow through with her threat if you don’t show. If you love me at all, you’ll sacrifice yourself to save me.”
Bursting in laughter, I shove him out of the stall. “Alright, alright. I’ll go. Now get out of here so I can finish this before I head out!”
“Looove you!” he sings while climbing onto the saddle of his horse and trotting out of the barn.
An hour later, I finish mucking the stalls and take the longest shower of my life in the bathroom of my old room. Lyla is downstairs baking with Mom, so I’m glad I could slip in for a bit to get ready in here without using the hallway mirror like I did this morning.
For the first time in a while I put on a little bit of blush and mascara and add some defined curls into my wavy hair. Carson had an opinion on everything about me, from what I wore and the makeup I had to apply on my face, down to the nail polish that adorned my fingers.
Since I’ve been home, I’ve been able to choose things for myself again.
Slowly, I feel like I’m starting to feel comfortable in my own skin again.
There’s still a lot of healing I need to do, but this small step seems monumental.
I search for my go-to frayed denim shorts and baggy shirt when something in my closet catches my eye.
My fingers trace over the delicate fabric of my sage green high school graduation dress. It’s simple, like me, but I still remember how truly beautiful it made me feel that night.
That feeling may also be due to the certain someone who brushed away my tears under the stars. The same man who whispered into my ear that someone with a heart as tender as mine deserved someone worthy of keeping it safe. The night I thought that ‘someone’ would be Em.
Goosebumps ripple over my skin.
Though I’m angry with Em, I can’t stop thinking about the airplane ride and every moment after.
I can almost still feel his arms secured around me as he held me through my panic attack.
Can still remember the look he gave me when he dropped me off, and the hope lingering in his voice when he left.
It’s stirring up the feelings inside me once more that I’ve tried so hard to forget and let go.
Biting my lip, I take one more look at the dress. It deserves to be worn one more time, right?
Sliding into the dress, I adjust the thin straps over my shoulders, making sure they won’t slide. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I lace up my green Converse, then grab Ryleigh’s keys and my wallet.
Time to go hug the crap out of my best friend and pray she forgives me.