22. Henley
Henley
Garlic and rosemary fill my senses as I sear the thick-cut ribeye steaks in the pan of the outdoor stove.
Lifting the pan at an angle, I baste the meat in the buttery concoction.
Their sear is nice and golden brown, so I transport them to the BBQ I’ve prepped to the right temperature.
Closing the lid, I wipe my hands on a towel and gaze over the spread I’ve created.
I’ve made a few different varieties of appetizers, cold and hot. Things that could be easily prepped to serve when guests arrive at the ranch, or as mini snacks in between events the guests book for the day.
Cowboy caviar, Korean-spiced mango wings, and an heirloom tomato-mozzarella salad are just a few I have out on display.
I also made several different sandwiches and a couple of pasta salads for them to get an idea of what lunches could be like.
I made sure each of them could be transported easily in case guests wanted to go for a ride and have a picnic lunch.
The steaks are my only dinner plate. By the time we work our way through the appetizers and sandwich tastings, I figure one dinner will be enough.
Preston brought out Autumn’s floral plates for tonight.
So I plate the truffle mashed potatoes and prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, waiting for the right moment to take the steaks off the grill.
My heart begins to race as I light the lanterns I’d found in the barn. Nerves have my hand shaking so badly that I keep having to click the lighter multiple times to get it to light.
“Here, let me help.”
A deep voice rumbles from behind me and a warm hand covers my own. The clean, citrus scent of him fills my lungs. There’s also a hint of something a little spicier, unlike his usual cool of mint. Cinnamon.
Emerson guides my hand over the candle, sliding his finger down to help me click the lighter.
The flame flickers to life, as well as my dangerous desire for this man.
I slip the lighter into my apron, as he gently spins me around by my waist. I drink him in, but it’s not enough to quench the thirst.
This is the first time I’ve seen him so cleaned up and polished.
Well, in real life, that is. I may be guilty of snooping a few times on the internet, though I stopped in the recent years when most were photos of him walking out of clubs and bars with different women on his arms. But all that fades away when he clears a rogue hair from my face.
Electricity zips all the way to my core as his skin brushes against my temple.
The smooth, black button-down shirt fits him like a glove.
Sinfully dark Wranglers that always render me speechless cover his lower half.
And as he steps back, I can see he’s wearing cowboy boots.
The fact that this man can pull off ‘cowboy’ just as well as he does everything else has my thighs clenching.
While I try to gather my thoughts, Em begins to casually roll up his sleeves, displaying his corded muscles.
The air vacates my body in one whoosh. Em’s bottom lip sinks between his teeth as he becomes aware of my not-so-discreet perusal.
“Need an extra set of hands? I’m here to help with whatever you need. ”
Good God.
Do I need an extra set of hands? Is it this man’s life mission to destroy me completely? Maybe I should just let him help me with whatever I need? There are several ways I could put those hands to use.
My lip’s part to speak, but my mouth is as dry as the Sahara. That’s when I hear the sizzle and the distinct sound of a flame catching hold. “Shit!”
Rushing around Emerson, I run back to the BBQ and fling the lid wide. I’m met with a flash of flames so hot I feel like it may have scorched my brows. Shutting off the gas, I desperately search for the tongs. Once I find them, I scramble to take the giant steaks off the grill as quickly as I can.
The lid slams closed and I feel like I might vomit.
Three severely charred steaks taunt me from the plate.
Reminding me that no matter how much I try to cover myself up, nothing can hide just how much of a failure I am.
Emotion clogs my throat, the air thinning in my lungs.
I turn to see Emerson’s pinched brows and can no longer take the embarrassment.
“I just—” I gasp. “I j-just forgot something in the fridge in the barn. I’ll be back.” Without another word, I bolt before Em sees me fall apart once more.
I quickly scour the vast barn in search of a place where no one can see my break.
I’d left the pantry door wide open, and my eyes caught it immediately.
I force my tense muscles to carry me all the way there.
Once the sound of the door clicks shut, my body slides down the wall and slams onto the floor.
Tears flow out of me like a faucet. My apron’s already damp as I hold it against my face, desperate to clog the endless stream. No matter how deeply I dig in my heels to try and shut them off, I’m denied.
Anger heats my blood. Rocking back and forth, I curl further into myself.
Why am I like this? There’s no way any of this should make me upset. I thought I was over this. Thought I was finally beginning to feel alright. Now I’ve just completely embarrassed myself by running away instead of facing it like the grown woman I’m supposed to be.
You’re so pathetic.
My fists tighten against the fabric of my sundress as I try to battle the horrid bully inside my head. I’d give anything to just silence it forever.
“Henley?” Emerson’s strained voice echoes into the pantry. My entire body stills.
Opening the door just a smidge, I spot him searching the rooms on the opposite side.
Careful not to make a sound, I slip through the door and head to the back exit.
Trying to control my breaths is difficult, but I know in just a few more moments I’ll be able to let go once more. Only a few more feet, and I’ll be free.
Gripping around the frame of the door, I pause to take a much-needed breath. The inside of my chest feels like a crushed can, making filling my lungs difficult. Something clamps around my wrist, and my body slides back against the wall.
I don’t have to look up to know what presence towers over me. Em’s protective aura cages around me. “What happened back there?”
His fingers release my wrist, both hands coming up to cup my cheeks. Forcing my eyes shut, I can feel him raise my head to meet his gaze. Silence lingers between us as I struggle to find the words to explain myself.
“Talk to me,” he whispers. His thumbs gently caress my skin, trying to coax me out the shell I shoved myself in. “Please?”
The crack in his voice has tears streaming through my clenched eyelids. Damn. I try to wiggle free, but his strong arms hold me tight. When I realize I’m not going anywhere, I resort to pleading. “I-I don’t want you to see me like this. Not again . . . Just let me go.”
“Afraid I can’t do that, Trouble.”
One moment my feet are on the ground, the next they are wrapped around Emerson’s waist as he holds me against him.
Burying my head into his shoulder, I cling onto him like a koala.
He carries me away from the door for a few moments, until I feel my backside hit the cool wood of one of the worktables.
Emerson hovers over me and my face burns with humiliation.
“What happened?” he whispers.
“I burned the steaks.”
“They’re just steaks, Hen.” His tone is earnest. No trace of humor to be found. Facing his bright blue eyes, I hold onto them for strength.
Distaste for myself grows, just like my frustration. I’m so overwhelmed that the anger inside me intensifies to the point where I lose control. “Don’t you think I know that?” I sneer.
Emerson winces, his gaze falling to the ground between us. Instantly, I regret my outburst.
This is why I escape when I feel my panic setting in.
If I’m alone, there’s no one I can hurt.
Carson never understood that, continuing to push and push until we got into some of our biggest arguments. The last person I want to hurt is Em. He’s already dealing with so much himself. Breathing deeply, I do my best to shove down the anger.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lash out. I’m just angry with myself.
They were more than steaks. They were my way of bringing Autumn’s last wish to life.
My apology for not being there for her in the end, like she had always been there for me.
I wanted everything to be perfect, so that I could bring you and your Dad some c-comfort,” I stutter, feeling my bottom lip begin to wobble.
“It was also proof that I didn’t need a fancy restaurant—that I was capable of being a great chef in my own right. A reminder that I was worthy of the title I’ve worked so hard for. Hope that for once in my life I could get something right.”
Shame swallows me whole, evidence streaming down my cheeks. I’ve never been this vulnerable with anyone outside of my family. Not even Harper or Melody have seen the full extent of my anxiety.
In just a short time, Em has witnessed me stripped bare on more than one occasion. I’ve allowed him to see the darkest parts of me. I shiver, too afraid to contemplate what that means.
Emerson grabs a metal stool from underneath the table. The metal groans against the floor as he drags it right in front of me and sits. Shifting my thighs wide, he scoots in as far as he can, invading my space until we’re practically breathing each other’s air.
“Listen, you aren’t responsible for our happiness or solving our problems. That is a burden that you never have to share the weight of carrying. So you’re going to take that weight off your shoulders right now.”
I begin to shake my head, but he grips my chin, holding it steady.
“Can’t you see that your personality alone brings lightness to our days?
Just the other night, I walked up to the house to take out the trash.
Dad’s laughter belted through the open windows and I peered in to see you two eating dinner together.
” He exhaled a deep breath, his brows pinching together.
“You gave him such a happy moment , one that I’ve haven’t been able to give him since the first few days I’ve been here. ”
Sliding my hand around his, I part my lips to speak, but he shakes his head. “This is about you, right now. You can psychoanalyze me later.”
That makes a breathy chuckle flow freely from my lips, easing some of the tension.
“In regard to Mama, I already told you that she would never want you to feel bad about not being here in the end. You never need to apologize. She loved you so damn much, Henley. Knowing this still torments you would break her heart. Instead of dwelling on her absence, she’d want you to fill your moments with happiness. ”
I squeeze his palm harder. “She would want the same for you. Being surrounded by so many things that remind you of her can be difficult, I know. But instead of letting grief twist them into pain, you’ve got to grab hold of those memories and remind yourself just how much happiness and light are within them.
Autumn would want to know you and your Dad are okay.
I imagine she’d rather watch you have family dinners together like before instead of building a wall so big that not even you can break free of it. ”
His eyes widen, and for a moment the pressure in my chest begins to compress once more.
“You’re right,” he sighs. “I’ve been building my wall for so long, I can’t even control it when it happens anymore.”
He wipes a palm over his face before he resumes speaking.
“Listen, you have nothing to prove to anyone, including yourself. You may not be able to see your worth, but we all do. We have for years. No burnt slab of beef is ever going to make me think any less of you. You just need to open your eyes and believe it.”
Shivers ripple through me as he reaches up and tucks my hair behind my ear. “You are an incredible woman, Henley Rae Cole.”
“Did you just full name me, Emerson Alexander Lane?” I smile, my voice still raspy.
“Figured it’s the only way I could make you stop and listen.” He smirks. “It’s always worked for me.” With a shrug, he pushes himself off the stool, sliding it back under the table.
As he turns to leave, I grab his bicep, halting him in his path. I need to get this off my chest before we all sit down to dinner tonight. His curious gaze leaps from my hand to my face as he turns back around to face me.
“He loves you so much, Em.” I breathe, watching his shoulders gently fall. “The entire night that we talked, you were the topic of conversation. Proud is an understatement for the way Preston feels about you, Em.”
I swallow deeply, preparing myself for my next words. “Your Dad misses you. He knows you’re still struggling, and I think he’s been trying to give you space, but he’s hurting too, Em.”
His gaze falls to his shoes, nodding silently in agreement.
“Maybe it would be a good idea for you both to have a little chat sometime soon. I think it would be good for the both of you.”
Emerson’s eyes roll up slowly, meeting mine. “Thank you, Hen.” He extends his hand and brushes his knuckles across my cheeks. “Ready to head back?” He helps me slide off the table. “Seeing all that food has my stomach growling already, now I’m starving.”
Following a few steps behind, I can practically feel each tightened muscle unlock, one by one. Awareness ripples through me.
Em has always been the quiet to my storm. The stillness to my chaos.
I’m beginning to feel like we’re two sides of the same coin. Entangled. Interwoven. Connected by this invisible force. Perhaps we are inseparable parts of a whole.