34. Henley
Henley
“I’m so stuffed,” I whine. Em gently runs his fingers through my hair as I lay across his lap. “I still can’t believe you made my favorite alfredo gnocchi . . . and that it was edible.”
“Brat,” he growls. Reaching down, he tortures my sides with relentless tickles, making laughter peal out of me. “I believe what you meant to say was, ‘thank you.’”
“Thank you!” I gasp in between tickles.
Finally stopping to let me catch my breath, he returns to combing through my waves. “All our cooking these past couple of weeks helped. I may have also enlisted the help of your mother.”
That makes me rise immediately, scooting back on the blanket, and folding my knees beneath me. “Wait . . . you cooked with my mom today? For me?”
“Mm-hmm,” he hums softly.
“Umm . . . was my Dad around?” I ask, my heart beginning to pick up pace. My mother and Ryleigh are aware of what’s going on between me and Em, but I haven’t been brave enough to tell my father quite yet.
“Yep,” he says, drawing out the ‘p’ with a pop. “Ryleigh was there, too.”
Unconsciously, I start fidgeting with the ends of my hair. Wondering what kind of conversation may have occurred between them while I wasn’t there. “Did they ask you anything?”
He’s quiet as his palm massages the back of his neck.
Em’s telltale sign that he’s nervous.
“Well, I . . .” He clears his throat, shifting his gaze my way. “I can’t do this with you all the way over there.”
In a matter of seconds, I find myself being lifted to straddle his lap.
“There, that’s better,” he says. Swallowing deeply, he cups my cheeks with his hands. I feel a bead of sweat trickle down my back. “I kind of told him we were dating.”
“Oh my god. You told my Dad?”
He chuckles as my voice squeaks. “Well, it was kind of hard to hide the truth while I was in the process of helping your mom cook you dinner.”
I squeeze his chin between my fingers, turning it from side to side, pretending to examine it thoroughly. “Well, I don’t see any bruises, so I’m assuming it went well.”
“Really well.” His voice rumbles low, seeping deep into my pores. A chill shivers through me, and Emerson leans back to dig through the basket he brought. “Thought you might need this.”
He lifts my arms above my head and slides the sweatshirt all the way down. I’m swallowed by the softest fabric that has ever graced my body. Lifting the collar to my nose, I soak in his scent. I sigh contently as it warms me up from head to toe.
“There’s something I want to talk to you about, Hen.”
Suddenly the butterflies that had been floating around in my stomach begin to droop.
“Beau called me.”
“Your boss Beau?”
There’s no need to look up. I already know the answer.
He got the call.
And just like that, a pin pokes through my heart. Instantly, my ‘bully’ of a mind swoops in and begins to rapidly deflate all the hope I’ve been holding within it. It flooded my mind with the most outrageous assumptions, and I tried my best to power my way around them.
“He’s going to move on. You are ridiculous for falling for it again.”
“Did you honestly think you would be worthy enough for him?”
“He’s just being polite. This is his way of telling you goodbye.”
“Let him go. You’ll only drag him down.”
I know what my mind is telling me is false, but sometimes the words inside my head feel so heavy—so real, that I struggle not to drown beneath them. It takes everything in me to claw my way to the surface, where I know the truth lives.
Without a word, I begin wriggling out of his lap. When I lift my leg to stand, his large palm squeezes it back down.
“Where are you trying to go, Hen?”
The roughness in his tone startles me enough for me to pause.
“We’re not done talking.”
“You don’t have to explain.” I sigh deeply, lowering my gaze. I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye while I say the next words. “All we’ve shared these past few months, last night, all of this. It’s been . . . everything to me.”
“Hen—”
I shake my head. “Please, let me finish.”
Dizziness clouds my head as my world begins to shift on my axis. The only thing holding me steady are Emerson’s hands, still tightly wound around my thighs. “I’m glad it was you on that plane that day. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for everything you’ve done to help me ever since.”
Gathering the courage, I raise my head to meet his gaze. Big mistake.
His eyes smolder with what looks like a combination of frustration and desire. Deep lines crease his forehead as his chest ebbs and flows in rapid waves. I part my lips to speak when his palm slips over them.
“It sounds a lot like you’re trying to end this.”
The muscles clench inside my stomach as he leans forward. So close that I can almost feel the anger radiating off him.
“Is that what this is? Are you telling me goodbye, Henley?”
Tears fill my eyes as my head bobs up and down.
A deep grumble sounds inside his chest as he rasps out the next word. “Why?”
His hand lowers, but it doesn’t go far. Rough fingers wrap around the back of my neck, squeezing just enough to let me know I’m not going anywhere.
“Wouldn’t that make things easier? To not have things be so complicated so that you can focus on your dream?” My lips tremble. Tears fall freely down my cheeks.
“Fuck, no,” Em growls, letting go of my thigh to brush away the wetness. “I brought you out here tonight to tell you that I want you to be my girlfriend. That you are the best damn thing that has ever happened to me and that we will figure the distance part as we go.”
“Oh.”
His forehead rests against mine. “Why would you think I’d ever let you go again?”
Shame pulls me under as his words crash against my chest.
He’s right.
Out of fear, I shut him out before even giving him a chance. Because in my mind I still believe that I don’t deserve any of this. That I’m nothing of value to hold on to.
“Because I’m broken, Em.” The words slip free on a sob as the last little bit of my wall crumbles down. Every thought and fear that I’ve still been holding on to comes cascading through.
“No matter how hard I’ve been trying, I can’t make myself understand why you want me.
I’m not the same girl you grew up with. The one with optimism flowing freely with every breath that she took and could cry it out then pick herself back up and do it all over again.
I feel like I’ve failed so hard this time that I don’t even know if I can pull myself out of this one.
That optimism I once had is now just a dim flicker. ”
The air rushes out of me on a shaky breath.
“Since we’ve been home, I’ve watched you grow, change, and begin to heal yourself in so many ways. You’re going to therapy, spending more time with your Dad, and even feeling more comfortable inside your house again. Words can’t even begin to explain how proud I am of you.”
“Thank you,” he whispers, his thumbs drawing soothing circles over my skin.
“You’ve made such an effort, and it makes me ashamed because I’m still in the same place that I was when we came back into town.
I still have no idea what I’m going to do with the rest of my life.
I’ve never felt more inadequate, Em. You are everything I’ve ever wanted and more.
It destroys me to even imagine a world without you by my side, but I could never live with myself if I was the one responsible for dragging you down into my mess.
You deserve someone who will lift you up, not bring you down. ”
Through my damp lashes, I watch Emerson’s face contort in pain. Those bright blue eyes darkened with tears. “That person is you, baby. One of the biggest reasons I am doing so well is because of you. Can’t you see that, Hen?”
I shake my head as a tear rolls down his face.
“You can’t see because those damn fears of yours have you so in a chokehold. Blinding you from allowing yourself to see all the good you are doing. All the progress that you are making. Every. Single. Day.”
The inky slither of shame coils deep within my stomach.
I wish I wasn’t like this. That there wasn’t always doubt in the back of my mind. What it must feel to be free of tormenting thoughts that you know don’t make any rational sense, but nevertheless make you curl over under the weight of the anxiety that they give you.
“Baby, watching you work through what you went through and still wake up and get back out there baking with Harper inspired me. That night I caught you and my Dad at dinner and the way you made him light up put everything into perspective. I, too, was blinded by my grief, and my fear, but being around you again gave me the strength I needed to be brave again.”
His lips feather over my brow before he pulls me into his shoulder. As I fracture apart in his arms, he whispers the words my darkest pieces inside of my need to hear.
“I’ll always want you. Every part of you, Henley. My love for you is unconditional.”
“Why?” I mumble into his shoulder.
“Because you remind me every day of all the beautiful things in this life worth waking up for and fighting to hold on to. Even though you don’t believe you’re enough, I’m here to tell you that you’ll always be enough for me.
I’ll sit with you in the darkness, no matter how long it takes.
My arms will hold you tight until you remember what truly makes your light shine. ”
His hand slides from around my back and upward to cover my heart.
“This is what defines your worth, Hen. This big, beautiful heart and your loving soul are what made me fall so deeply in love with you. Your compassion, your tenderness. The tenacious way you go after the things you want, even if deep down inside you’re terrified.
“No one is ever truly broken. Sometimes we just must break to create something new. Those cracks help us expand and grow into who we are meant to be. Like a butterfly breaking free of its cocoon. It’s time to break free of your cage. Time to let yourself grow into the next version of yourself.”
I’m a complete mess. Every word he speaks flies freely through me, no longer barricaded by my walls. Igniting the light I’ve let dull for far too long.
Emerson’s lips press against mine in a soothing, reverent pace. One hand tenderly holds the back of my head while the other palms my spine. Never have I felt more safe in someone’s arms.
He leans back, resting his head against mine. “It’s time to spread those wings, Henley.”
“I love you,” I breathe.
“I love you, too.”
The slow upward curl of his lip tickles my sensitive skin. Before I know what’s going on, I feel myself being lifted into the air. “What in the—” I squeal as the air rushes out of me.
My view turns upside down as Em tosses me over his shoulder and stalks toward the tent.
“Wait,” I gasp as my chest flops against his back with each step. “We didn’t even get to have dessert yet!”
Laughter rumbles from above as I angle my body just enough to see him fling open the flaps of the tent. Em lowers me to my feet, and in one fluid motion bends his arm behind his back and rips his shirt off. Tossing it to the side, his hooded eyes lock with mine.
With each step forward, I take one step back. When I hit the edge of the inflatable mattress, I stumble. Strong hands grip me around my waist, and a mischievous grin spreads over his handsome face.
“I’m not tired yet,” I whisper.
He lifts me up and tosses me onto the inflatable mattress.
“Neither am I,” he drawls slowly.
The distinct sound of a zipper fills the small space. All my thoughts freeze in my brain as I watch his hands slowly peel his jeans and boxers over his legs and down to the floor. It’s the sexiest damn thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
The man could truly be a Greek god. Every muscle and ab toned to perfection.
His olive skin glistens in the soft lantern light as he towers before me with a predatory stare.
My eyes trail down the expanse of his chest to his hardened length.
His eyes follow mine and he hums seductively, sending a quake of electricity humming through me.
Wrapping his large palm around the base, he gives himself one long pull from hilt to tip. The sound that mumbles through me shocks the both of us. It’s low and guttural and brings a satisfied tilt to his lips. “Knew I wasn’t the only one who liked to watch.”
Desire builds like molten lava within my core, slowly heating my skin along the way.
Towering before me is a man with nothing but pure hunger in his eyes.
As he lowers his weight on top of me, every doubt and fear vanishes.
Em’s mouth brushes against the side of my neck, silencing the chaos of my mind.
Each kiss a gentle reminder that I’m safe within his arms.
That he’s here to stay.
“Hey, baby?” His heated breath whispers against my ear as nimble fingers unzip my shorts and lower them down my thighs.
“Yesss?” The ‘s’ lingers longer on my tongue as his knuckles brush against my sensitive core.
“I need you to understand I’m not going anywhere. That no matter what happens, we will figure it out together.”
Too breathless to speak as he continues to stroke me with his deft fingers, I only manage a nod.
“Good. But just in case you forget,” he starts, humming deviously. He drags his mouth slowly across the edge of my jaw until he’s hovering over my lips. “I plan to thoroughly remind you how much I love you every damn day.”
And remind he does. All night long.
Emerson consumes every part of my mind, body, and soul.