Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
JESSICA
I reach for my phone, lighting up the screen to check for any new messages, but there’s nothing.
I nibble at my lip, my fingers itching to text again, to check in with Matthew.
We’re both working today, and the last I heard from him was hours ago before he went into a meeting about the kidnapping and murder, but nothing since.
So freaking needy, the little voice at the back of my head chastises.
Maybe they found something, and he’s busy and can’t text me back. Between the break-in at my place and finding the body of that girl, they’ve had their hands full.
Or maybe he’s just sick of you.
“What’s so interesting over there?”
My head snaps up, heart speeding at the sudden intrusion. Aiden is leaning against the counter, a small smile on his lips as he looks at me with an amused twinkle in his eyes.
“Dang, you scared me.” I chuckle softly, placing my phone on the desk. “I’ve just been thinking.”
His brow quirks up. “About?”
“Matthew has been working longer hours lately, so I might stop at the station and bring him some refreshments.”
Maybe I should text Becky, see if she’s still at the Reading Nook, and ask her to have something prepared so I can just stop by to pick it up.
Aiden’s low grumble snaps me out of my thoughts. “What?”
“Nothing. It’s just… you two have grown close,” he comments, watching me with interest. “I thought it was supposed to be fake.”
I glance around, checking the space for anybody passing by who could have overheard him. “Can you lower your voice, please?”
“There’s nobody around.” Aiden rolls his eyes but leans closer, his dark eyes fixing on mine. “So? What’s really up with you two?”
“I—” I tuck a runaway strand that slipped from my braid behind my ear. “I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it since…”
Since we agreed to this whole thing.
It doesn’t feel fake, though.
Did it ever really?
Being with Matthew makes me feel alive in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.
Yes, he drives me nuts from time to time, but it’s also been fun.
Spending time with him, going on these dates, his kisses…
God, that man knows how to kiss a woman.
And when he touches me, it’s like my skin is burning. He makes me feel cherished, safe, lov—
My heart skips a beat as the realization hits me.
I’m in love with him.
Actually, head-over-heels in love with him.
I’m not sure when or how it happened. Hell, maybe I’ve never really stopped loving him since I was seventeen. Maybe those feelings only grew stronger, evolved since he’s been back, and I’ve just been trying to fool myself this whole time.
Fool myself that I got over him. Fool myself that this is just fake. Fool myself that it’s going to be different this time.
Because the thing is, this is Matthew Williams we’re talking about.
The boy—the man—who has always been my weak spot. My biggest desire and my worst heartbreak.
“I’ll say one thing; you sure know how to pick them.”
I blink through the haziness of all the feelings that have me in a knot, his words registering in my mind. My brows furrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Aiden shakes his head, almost absentmindedly. “I was watching him the other night at The Hut, and the guy’s a hothead if I’ve ever seen one. He’s no better than Damien.”
I press my lips together at his words, the anger rising inside me.
“Matthew is nothing like Damien. Nothing,” I hiss immediately, my fingers curling into a fist on the table. “He’s not some hothead; he was just defending me when Damien started to talk shit. Like a good boyfriend would do.”
Aiden quirks his brow. “I thought he was a fake boyfriend.”
His words feel like a slap, my cheeks heating. I clench my jaw. “I don’t even know why I told you that.”
I push my chair back, ready to get away, but Aiden curses, his fingers wrapping around my wrist. “Shit. I’m just worried about you, Jessy.”
“There is no reason to be worried. I’m fine,” I mutter, pulling my hand out of his grip.
Aiden watches me for a moment. “I’m just trying to be here for you. I thought we were friends.”
I swallow hard. “We are.”
My phone lights up. Grateful for an out, I grab it and check the message, but it’s not the Williams sibling whose name I was hoping to find.
Becky:
Have you heard from Matthew?
Jessica:
Not since this morning. Why?
Becky:
We can’t find him.
Jessica:
They’re really busy at work these days.
Becky:
He left work already.
Our mom passed away earlier today.
He didn’t make it on time, and now we can’t find him.
“Oh my God.”
Jessica:
I’m so sorry for your loss, Becky.
I sink my teeth into my lower lip to stop it from trembling.
Mrs. Williams is—was—a kindhearted, gentle soul who was dealt a very shitty hand in life.
And although her death was to be expected, that doesn’t make losing her any less painful or tragic.
My heart aches for my friend and her pain.
Aches for Matthew, who didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.
Becky:
Thank you. It’s been… a lot. But hopefully she’s finally at peace now.
Jessica:
I’m sure she is.
Did you try checking the cottage?
Becky:
He’s not home. Did he maybe come to see you?
Jessica:
No, he hasn’t been here.
Becky:
Dammit.
Can you let me know if he contacts you? I’m worried about him.
I bite my lip as I think through the options.
Jessica:
I actually have an idea. I’ll text you if I find him.
Becky:
Thank you, Jessy.
Jessica:
Of course. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Becky:
Just find Matthew.
I stare at her words for a moment, feeling the weight of her request on my shoulders as I take a breath.
I remember how he was when he came to me that night, when he found out that his mother’s condition was worsening. Losing her must have devastated him. Knowing he missed his chance to say goodbye? I don’t even want to imagine the state I’ll find him in. If I find him.
No, I have to find him. Nothing else is an option.
“What’s wrong?” Aiden’s question reminds me I’m not alone.
“Nothing.” Locking my phone, I get up and quickly check the time before I log out of the computer. “I’m leaving on time for once.”
“Jessy…” He runs his fingers through his hair, teeth grinding. “Can we talk? Grab a drink? I don’t want you to be angry with me.”
The anger and frustration I felt toward him are gone. It’s not important. He’s not important right now. Not like Matthew is.
“I’m sorry, I’m busy.”
Not giving him a chance to answer, I slip past him and rush to the changing room. I grab my bag, not even bothering to change before I leave the medical center. There is only one place I can think of that he would go to, and that’s—
“Trouble…”
I look up, my keys clutched in my hand, and I come to a sudden stop.
Matthew is leaning against my car. The pain on his face is like a punch to my gut. He looks wrecked. His hair is a mess, as if he ran his fingers through it a hundred times today. His cheeks are pale, and his eyes are red-rimmed, as if he’s been crying.
I move instinctively, closing the distance between us, and wrap my arms around him.
“I’m so sorry, Matthew.”
His body is stiff, but he wraps his arms around me, squeezing tightly.
“She’s gone,” he whispers, his words barely audible. “Just… gone.”
“I’m so, so sorry, baby.”
There are no words that are going to make him feel better, so I don’t even try. I just hold him, my hands running up and down his back slowly.
“I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. I didn’t want to even go and visit her, not after… Fuck!”
Pulling back, I cup his cheeks. “Hey, it’s not your fault. There is nothing you could have done.”
“I could have been here. I should have been here, but I left because that’s the only thing I’m good at—fucking shit up. Disappointing the people in my life.”
“You didn’t disappoint her,” I argue. He tries to shake his head, but I don’t let him. “She loved you, Matthew. All of you. You, Becky, and Chase were the bright spots in her life. She would hate to see you hurting like this, blaming yourself for something that was completely out of your control.”
His jaw flexes, eyes going dark. I skim my fingers over his cheeks, brushing away a lone tear.
“C’mon, let’s go home.”
Letting my hand fall, I take his in mine.
He doesn’t try to protest when I open the passenger’s door and help him inside.
His bike will have to stay here tonight, because I’m not sure he could drive himself back home in one piece.
Closing the door, I walk around the hood, shooting a quick message to Becky to let her know Matthew is with me, and to give him tonight.
The drive home is quiet; the cab of the car filled with grief. I can feel Matthew pulling in on himself, but I don’t know what to do to stop it. How to help him.
Once we’re parked in front of the cottage, I get out and go to the passenger door. I extend my hand to him, and he takes it without a second thought. Together, we walk inside, the door shutting behind us with a soft thud, cloaking us in darkness.
I turn around to face him. I lift my hand, my fingers skimming over his face.
He blinks, his dark gaze zeroing in on me.
“What do you need?” I whisper softly.
His throat bobs as he swallows. “You.”
Something dark and dangerous shines in his eyes. He won’t hurt me, not physically. But emotionally? It would be so easy for him to wreck me. But even that realization doesn’t change my mind.
My heart thunders inside my chest, my instincts telling me to run away, but my body… My body can’t resist his pull.
My mouth goes dry at the intensity in his gaze, tongue darting out to wet my lips. “You have me.”
Before I can blink, he grabs my hand and turns us around, my back pressing against the door as he pins my arms above me. “You shouldn’t say that. I don’t deserve you.”
“I don’t care.”
A low rumble comes up from his chest. “Trouble…”